CHAPTER 11
Leah POV:
I watched him run into the woods as I stood there holding his clothes, fresh tears rolling down my face. I could smell her stink on his shirt. I had loved seeing Jake in this shirt, and now I just wanted to rip it to shreds. I hated her more than ever now. I wished I had the guts to snap her neck when I had the chance. But I couldn't do that to poor Charlie. I wiped the tears from my face and slowly made my way to Mom's car. I opened the door and threw Jake's clothes inside then slammed it shut. I walked back into the party and went straight to Seth. "I need to go home. Can you take me?"
He looked at me worriedly. "Are you sick? Is it the baby?"
I couldn't bring myself to tell him what really happened, so I said, "Sort of. I'm really, really tired." That wasn't a lie. I was suddenly exhausted.
He nodded and stood up. "I'm taking Leah home," he told the rest of the pack at the table.
"Where's Jake? Did you find him?" Embry asked.
"Yea, I found him. He, um, needed to go for a run," I told them, trying hard to hold back the tears that were threatening.
I saw the alarm in Embry's eyes. "Should we go after him?" They all looked quickly around to see if Bella was still here. I had seen her leave with Esme while Jake and I were still outside. "He talked to her, didn't he? Is he OK?"
"Yes, he did. And I think he'll be OK. Give him some time alone. But not too much," I added. Embry smiled and nodded.
I waved goodbye to them and walked over toward Mom and Charlie. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I am really tired. I need to go home."
She stood up and hugged me. "It's OK, honey. I understand. I remember those days."
I reached over and hugged Charlie. I was repulsed by the vampire stink on his jacket. "Hope you feel better, kiddo."
"Thanks. I will. Welcome to the family," I said with a smile.
He squeezed my shoulder and I walked toward the door. Seth and I made it to the car and I fell into the seat and closed the door. All of a sudden, I had no energy at all.
Seth started the car and turned out of the parking lot. "Leah? What happened? I can tell you've been crying. Did you and Jake have a fight?"
I looked over at him and said, "Yes. And . . . I almost killed Bella."
He swerved the car as he whipped his head to look at me. "Seth!" I shouted. "Watch it!"
He had the car under control again and he said, "Sorry. Are you shitting me?"
"No. I had her head in my hands and I could have snapped it clean off. And believe me, I really wanted to. But, I couldn't do that to Charlie. And I was really afraid of hurting my baby."
"God, Leah! Why would you do that? I know you don't like her, but . . . "
"Oh, I hate her, Seth. She had her lips and hands all over Jake tonight telling him that she made the wrong choice, and she wanted him back. That won't happen. Ever." I surprised myself at how angry I sounded.
"What? But, she loves Edward . . . and Reneesme. I don't get it."
"Yea, whatever. I guess that's not enough for her. She's always wanted both of them."
We drove the rest of the way in silence. He pulled up to the house and said, "Do you want me to stay here with you? I don't have to go back."
"No, that's OK. I'm just going to go straight to bed. I'm exhausted. Thanks for bringing me home."
"You're welcome. See you in the morning."
"Yep," I replied as I got out of the car. I left Jake's clothes in the back. I didn't want that smell anywhere around me. I slammed the door and walked up to the house. We had forgotten to leave a light on, so it was dark inside. I opened the door and walked in then closed it as Seth honked and drove away. My whole body was instantly on alert as I caught the stench. I flipped on the light and said, "What the hell are you doing in my mother's house?"
Bella was sitting in the chair, her legs crossed just like she was waiting for tea. "You mean my step-mother's house?"
The fury and rage tore through me as I strained to control it. Think of the baby, think of the baby . . .
"Leah, stop! I only came to talk. I promise. Please, don't hurt your baby." I focused on her face and saw that she truly meant me no harm. "If I had wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead."
I was panting, holding on to the stairway banister. I put my hand over the baby and took a few deep breaths. "Are you OK?" Bella asked. I nodded and stood up. Bella was sitting on the edge of the chair, so I walked around her and sat on the couch.
"What do we have to talk about?" I asked, not even trying to hide my anger.
"Jacob."
"You need to stay away from him. You've hurt him more than any man deserves," I told her angrily.
"I know."
"Do you? Do you really have any idea what he's been through? He gave you everything he had. He walked away from the pack for you! He became Alpha of his own pack, something he NEVER wanted to do! He stayed by you, in that house full of bloodsuckers, day after day, dying a little inside every day, FOR YOU! He watched you die, and it has haunted him every night since. I know, because I've been the one to wake him from the nightmares. He wanted to die, Bella. I picked him up and dragged him back into the land of the living. His heart was shredded, and I don't know if it will ever be in one piece again. But I pray every day that it will, because I love him, and I hope someday, he will be able to give it to me. And believe me, I will cherish it and never hurt him like you did."
"That was quite a little speech," she said. I hated that she showed no emotion. She truly was frozen.
"Whatever. What the hell do you want? I'm tired and I need to get some rest," I said impatiently.
"I told Jake tonight that I made the wrong choice. I think I knew on my honeymoon, but I wanted it so badly, that I . . ." her voice faded and she looked off like she was remembering something. "And then I found out I was pregnant and it was really too late. They all wanted me to abort my baby. Even Edward. Well, all of them but Rose." She gave me a twisted smile. "But I realized she was just using me to get something that she wanted so badly. Even now, she spends more time with the baby than I do." She looked down and gave her head a little shake. "Anyway, when Jacob came back, I was thrilled. Just to have him there with me. I could still feel how much he loved me. I wish . . . " she stopped and closed her eyes for a moment then she opened them to look at me. "It does no good to wish. I've found that wishes don't come true."
She stood up and walked around a little. Looking at things and touching them. "You were right about me, Leah. When you said earlier that 'I always want most what I can't have.' I kissed him tonight because I wanted to feel human again. You know, right before the fight with the newborns, I asked Jacob to kiss me. And he did. He never held anything back. And in that kiss he gave me everything he had and he forced me to feel what I felt for him. And I did, and that was the only real kiss I ever had. It was . . . beautiful and exciting and passionate. Something, I never had with Edward. He always held back. I know he didn't want to, but he had to because of . . . well, let's just say, I came home from my honeymoon with a lot of bruises. And now, well, now he just mopes around hating himself for getting me pregnant and . . . well, that's a whole different story." She walked back to the chair and perched on the end of it. "I do still love Jake, very much. But I know now, there is no hope. That chance is gone forever. That kiss tonight told me everything I needed to know. "
She turned and looked at me. "I want you to know, that I'm sorry for what I did tonight. Telling Jake about your conversation with Sam. Again, I hurt him without thinking. Seems to be a pattern with me." She smiled. "Look, Leah. I was eaten up by my jealousy of you. You now have everything I want. You have Jacob, and his baby. And now, you'll be a real human daughter to my dad. Something I miss every single day. I hate you for that. Just as much as you hate me. But we have to put an end to this right now. Because it isn't good for Jake, or your baby, or our parents, or either one of us. I'm finding that living with hate is, well, futile. It doesn't solve anything. It only makes life worse."
Who is this freak sitting here with me? She admits she hates me, but she wants some kind of truce? She was waiting for me to say something, but what? I found myself feeling a little sorry for her, but only a little. She wasn't a victim. Well, maybe she was – of her own selfishness. She brought all this on herself. There was only one thing I really wanted to know. "Are you staying here in Forks, or are you leaving again?"
She smiled. "We are staying for awhile. It depends on Reneesme. Carlisle is treating her and . . . making her stronger, we hope. Then, we'll leave and go to Europe. I'm hoping it will be easier for me there. Too many memories here." She stood up and said, "I need to go. I need to get back to her."
I stood up and looked at her. "I'll take good care of him. I always have."
"Good. He deserves someone that will love him and always put him first. And, I really hope that this is his baby. He deserves that, too. How did that happen, by the way? I thought you hated Sam."
"No, I never hated Sam. I hated what he did to me- you know, imprinting on Emily and leaving me. We were home on Thanksgiving and I happened to run into Sam out in the woods, and we basically had it out. Sam and I had a very passionate relationship, and, well, it just happened. It was wrong and stupid and I regretted it as soon as it was over. And now, I hope that I don't have to live with that for the rest of my life. I don't want this baby to be a mistake. I never thought I could have babies, you know? Anyway, I just feel that this is Jake's baby. Maybe because I want it so much." Why did I just tell her all of that? It was really none of her business.
She smiled. "Yes, I know that feeling, wanting something so badly. You are very lucky to have had such passion in your life, Leah. Something else for me to be envious of." She looked like she wanted to cry, but she couldn't. Suddenly she said, "Goodbye, Leah. Please . . . just make him happy."
"I will try, every day for the rest of my life." Then she walked to the door and opened it and was gone.
I sat down on the couch and wondered for a moment if that really happened or if I was asleep and dreaming. I leaned back and thought about our weird conversation. I guess it took guts for her to come here and say the things she did, even though I still wasn't sure why she did. I knew I still hated her. I probably always would. But, we were family now, and I guess she was right about the truce. We couldn't hurt our parents like that. I would have to resign myself to the fact that she was my step-sister and find some way to live with it. I was amazed to hear her say she was jealous of me! I could never imagine anyone being jealous of me. I had to admit that it gave me a little thrill to know that she was suffering from her decision. But she had a long time to suffer, and I guess I wouldn't really wish that on anyone. Even Bella.
The door opened and Seth came in. He smelled Bella immediately and he stopped and looked at me warily.
"It's OK. It was Bella and she's gone," I told him.
"What? Bella? Why was she here? You didn't kill her, did you?" he asked as he hurried over to me.
I laughed. "No, little brother, I didn't kill her. But I did have the strangest talk with her. She was waiting in here when you dropped me off. I was just wondering if I had dreamed it. But since the stink is still here, I guess it was real."
"What did she want?"
I spent a few minutes telling Seth everything Bella told me. He listened closely and I knew he felt bad for Edward. He and Edward had hit it off right away. After I finished, he looked at me and said, "I haven't been over for awhile. The last time I was there Nessie was doing better. Carlisle was looking into giving her human growth hormones. I guess I need to get over there again soon."
I wasn't surprised that he still went there. He would be a good doctor someday. He had that same caring attitude that Carlisle had. "Does Sam know you visit them?"
He glanced at me and said, "Um, I think he might, but he hasn't told me I can't. I don't think he trusts them though, and he probably doesn't like me going over there alone. But you've been there, Leah. You know they're not going to hurt me."
I suppose he was right. "Whatever, Seth. You know them better than I ever want to. But, I don't really like you going alone either. Sorry. Mom told me briefly today about their visit over there. Do you think Charlie is really that gullible to believe their story? About the baby?"
Seth contemplated for a moment then said, "It's not that he's gullible. He just loves her and misses her so much that he'll go along with whatever she says just to be with her."
"Hmmm, I guess."
He smiled at me. "I'm glad you talked to her and that you don't hate her anymore."
"Well, I didn't say that," I told him with a smile. "But, as long as she leaves Jake alone, I don't have a problem with her. What are you doing home anyway? I thought you were going back to the party?"
He shrugged. "Once you and Jake left, everyone else went home. So, I'm going to bed. Mom and Charlie are staying at his house tonight, and they want to see us tomorrow for brunch at ten. Then they leave for their cruise."
"OK. I'm going up, too." We both stood and headed up the stairs. He got to his room and he turned and said, "Good night, Leah. Wake me up at around 9:15, OK?"
"Yea. Good night, Seth." I closed my door and leaned against it then looked over at my double bed. I knew it would seem very large and empty without Jake. I picked my phone up off of the dresser and dialed his number. It went straight to voice mail. Then it dawned on me. Of course it did, because his phone is still in his pants pocket in the back of my mom's car. Idiot. Probably just as well. What could I say that he would want to hear right now?
I took a second to look at the picture of us on my phone that I took that day we went hiking. Please let him find it in his heart to forgive me. I know I fought the bond, but now, I hoped it was enough to hold us together.
I got myself out of the God-awful red dress that had imprisoned me all night and flung it into the corner, hoping to never wear it again. I undressed and pulled on a nightshirt and crawled into bed. I had always slept in the middle of this bed growing up. But I realized now I was lying on the left side only, just like at home in our bed. As I looked over at the empty right side of the bed, I ran my hand down the mattress and then pulled the extra pillow to me and held on as I let the tears flow.
Jake POV:
I was lying under a tree, still in wolf form. I had run for miles and finally just plopped down to think. It was still very strange for me to be in wolf form and have no voices in my head. No one else's thoughts or feelings, just my own. I remember how much I used to hate being a part of everyone's business. Feeling the pain between Sam and Leah, and seeing way too much of Sam and Emily. Quil's thoughts about little Claire, and how protective he felt about her. Embry and all the girls he was always chasing. Seth's loyalty to me, and how he was always wanting to help. Jared and Kim . . . another set of imprints. Enough said there. And then there was Paul. I had really tried to stay away from him in wolf form because I was terrified of seeing what really went on between him and my sister. I knew what it was like being around him before he imprinted on Rach. And I remember his not too pure thoughts about Leah.
And then there was Leah. Why? Damnit, why did she have to have sex with Sam? I guess it shouldn't really surprise me considering what she told me about their relationship. And knowing what she's like in bed. And, we weren't really dating then . . . are we now? We were just friends who had decided to have sex. It wasn't that she had sex with Sam that was really bothering me. I think I could actually forgive that, even as much as I hated it. But keeping from me the fact that he could be the father of her baby . . . that was fucking killing me.
When I first realized that Leah was pregnant, I was terrified! How could I be a dad at 19? But now, I found myself thinking of that baby a lot, and wanting to protect it, and be there for it, and . . . love it. Because it was a part of me and a part of Leah. I was going to have to face the fact that I really did have feelings for her. That I had for awhile but I had been too scared to admit it. Even as I pissed as I was right now, I missed her terribly. All of a sudden I felt a longing, a pulling inside . . . almost primal when I thought about Leah and the baby. Was that the bond that Dad talked about? Why did this night have to go so wrong?
Which brought me to Bella. I still wasn't sure all of that really happened. Her coming to me and telling me she made the wrong choice? How many times had I told her that and she never listened to me! Bella was always stubborn, always needed to have her own way. Well, she had it now, and she would just have to live with it – forever. I tried very hard to feel sorry for her, and in a way, I did. But then, my anger would always bring me back. Those kisses . . . they really helped to open my eyes. My Bella was gone forever. She was never coming back. Never. This Bella was someone else entirely, and not anyone that I wanted to be with.
I knew who I wanted to be with. I wanted to be with Leah. And I would have to find a way for us to be together. If only she hadn't lied to me.
My body automatically shifted into a crouch as I sensed another wolf approaching. I knew before I saw him who it was. I snarled as the black wolf entered the clearing and stared at me. I stood and faced him and tried to stay calm. It was still very strange to me not to hear him in my head. Sam and I had always gotten along, and now . . . I hated this feeling of wanting to dominate him. I felt a growl escape from me as we circled around each other for a moment then stopped and stared. I knew we had to talk. It was time to resolve this.
Since we couldn't talk like this, I phased into my human body and pulled my shorts on. "Sam, it's time to talk," I said to him.
He nodded his huge head and then phased before me. He pulled on his shorts and looked at me. "You wanna go first?" he asked.
Standing there looking at the smug look on his face, brought back that scene of him and Leah in the woods on Christmas night. And now that I knew he nailed her on Thanksgiving, I gave into the anger and said, "You son of a bitch!" as my arm swung out and my fist hit his face. I took him by surprise and knocked him on his ass. "Why did you have to have sex with her, huh? What, you have some sick fantasy of having both of them or something? I know what happened between you and Leah. I know that you might be the father of Leah's baby," I shouted angrily.
He looked up at me. "She tell you that?" he asked calmly. Too calmly.
"No. Actually, Bella did. She overheard your conversation tonight with Leah," I told him. "Damnit, Sam! How the hell could you do that to Emily?"
He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I fucked up, I know I did. I knew it as soon as it was over."
"Yea, you did. Does she know?" He just shook his head. Fucking coward. "Look, man, what's done is done. Leah's going to have a paternity test and then we'll know which one of us is the father. But I want you to know, I want it to be me."
He stood up and looked me in the eye and said, "As much as it pains me to say this, I want it to be you, too."
He caught me off guard with that. "Really? Why?"
"Because I'm married, Jake! I have a wife that I love. Do you think I really want to go to her and tell that I'm having a baby with Leah? That we lost control for one stupid moment in the woods, and now we have a kid? Hell, no, I don't! But, if this is my kid, I will take responsibility. I will help Leah raise it, and I will love it. I don't want you to think that I won't." He took a few steps away and looked out into the dark. "I loved her, Jake. And sometimes, it's hard to push those feelings away. That's what happened that day. We both got caught up in those old feelings, and we acted on them. But, we knew right away, after, it was wrong." My hands curled into fists and I was having a hard time not burying one of them into his face again. He turned back to me and said, "What we had is over, and that's it. I feel guilty every day for what I did to Emily. I haven't told her, and I hope I never have to. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that. She's the one innocent in all this crazy imprinting bullshit."
I nodded. He was right about that. She didn't deserve that. Then he looked at me. "Do you love her, Jake? Do you love Leah?" he asked me.
I looked up at him. I wanted to shoot off a crack about it not being any of his business. But I found myself saying, "I think I might. I know that sounds stupid, but, Bella really fucked me up, you know? I've spent all this time chasing her . . . like chasing a dream. I don't know if I know how to love anymore."
"You said you talked to her tonight? Bella, I mean."
"Yea, I did. She's . . . not Bella anymore." I filled him on what happened between us, leaving out the part where Leah almost killed her. "I guess it was a good thing. I mean, it made me finally realize that Bella, my Bella, is gone forever." I took a moment to absorb that as I looked out into the dark. Then I turned back to Sam and said, "At least all of the shit that caused this break in the pack is over. With the baby being sick and all . . . "
"I'm sorry for my part in that. But I was doing what I felt I had to do to protect our people. Now that you are Alpha, you should understand that," Sam said. I did, but it didn't mean I had to like it or agree with it. "What are we going to do about this Alpha thing?" he asked. "Would you and Leah come back to the pack? To your family? I mean, it's your 'destiny' or whatever to be Alpha, we've always known that. I already feel the pull to you, dude. It's kind of freaking me out."
"Really?"
"Yea, I felt it as soon as I walked into that hall tonight. I know you didn't want it, but you're starting to accept it, aren't you?" he asked.
Was I? I guess I was . . . I had been thinking about it quite a bit. "Maybe, but I can't right now. I still live in Seattle, and now, with the baby . . . everything is such a mess."
"Look, things can stay the same for now. Take some time, but I have a feeling it won't be long. I want you to know that there won't be a fight over it. I've always known that you are the true Alpha. It's your gig, dude. But, I'll be your Beta and take care of things here, if you want. As long as Leah doesn't try to kick my ass over that." He smiled at that, and I had to laugh. She might. I never knew what Leah was going to do.
"I don't know, I guess," I said. I turned and took a few steps away and put my hands on my hips. "So it's really going to be that easy?" I turned back to him. "You just step aside?"
"It can be, if you want," he answered. No, I didn't want that. I didn't want the fucking job! And I still wanted to kick Sam's ass for being with Leah. But I had no choice really. Again.
I walked over to him and said, "OK."
"Hey, it's over." He stuck out his hand and said, "Welcome back, bro." I smiled and took it and he pulled me in for a 'bro' hug.
I stepped back and looked at him. "About Leah . . . stay away from her. If you find out this baby is yours, then you two can work that out. But either way, Leah is mine. Got it?"
He nodded silently. Then he said quietly, "Yea, I got it."
"Good. I'm beat. I'm going to head home and try to get some sleep. It's been one hell of a night," I told him.
"Yea, it has. Thanks for the shiner. I'm not sure how I'll explain this to Em."
"Well, it won't be there long, but you deserved it."
"Yea, I know I did." He touched his eye. It was already pretty swollen, but tomorrow it would be gone. "See you tomorrow? I think we should have a pack meeting, don't you?" he asked.
I smiled and agreed. We said goodbye then he stripped down and phased to run home. I stood there looking out into the dark woods for awhile just trying to chill. My hand actually hurt from hitting Sam. I smiled at that. But it sure felt good to hit him. I finally stripped my boxers off and tied them to my ankle. I took a few steps and phased and instead of running, I decided to just trot for awhile. As I was heading for my house, I realized, my car was at Leah's house. And the keys were inside the house, in Leah's bedroom, along with my bag of clothes. I figured by now everyone at home would be asleep and I didn't have my key. I could still get in my window like the old days, I guess, but . . .
Why not sleep in the woods tonight? It was a nice clear night, and I really wasn't in the mood to be around anyone right now. I still had more thinking to do. I trotted over to a nice mossy place under a tree and plopped down. It had been a long time since I slept in my wolf body. I settled in and put my head down on my paws and closed my eyes.
"Jake? You out here? Jake!"
I opened my eyes and looked around. The sun was up, and I squinted a little against the brightness. Where the hell am I? Not home, not Dad's . . . oh yea wolf nap in the woods. Morning already?
"Jake? Where are you?" Embry was out looking for me. Wonder why?
I stretched and yawned. "Yea? What do you want?"
"You left last night after the wedding and no one has seen you. Next thing I know, I'm feeling a shift in the almighty Alpha chain. So instead of me joining your pack, you joined mine. Figures."
"Yea, sorry about that."
"Did I miss the big fight?"
"No. Sam told me he always knew it was my fucking destiny. He said he wouldn't fight me over it. Kind of wish he would have."
"Why?"
"Long story. I'm hungry. Sam said something about us having a pack meeting today. Think I'll head over there and see if Emily will take pity on me and feed me."
"I'll meet you there."
I took off for Sam and Emily's at a run. I knew I wanted to talk to Leah today, but I needed to get something to eat and clean up first. Although, I wasn't sure how I would do that since all of my stuff was at her house.
"Why did you sleep in the woods anyway, and why aren't you with Leah? You two have a fight or something? Was it because of Bella?"
So much for missing the voices in my head. "I'll fill you in later, OK?"
"Yea, sure."
I stopped outside Sam's and phased back. I pulled on my boxers then thought of walking into the house in front of Emily in my underwear. Well, it was better than nothing, I guess. Embry had caught up to me and phased back. He had already pulled on his shorts and he laughed when he saw me. "Nice underwear, dude!"
"It was the best I could do last night. I was all dressed up and I didn't have anything else."
"So, you went wolf when you left the party?"
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone until I told him everything. So, I tried to give him the condensed version of what happened. With Bella. Not with Leah. I knew she would kill me if anyone else found out that she slept with Sam.
"Dude. I can't believe she told you that. NOW she realizes she should have picked you? Shit."
"Yea. So, anyway, after that I ran into Sam and we settled our differences, and now I am the fucking Alpha of the pack. What a great night I had."
He laughed at that. "Come on, it won't be so bad. I think you'll get the hang of it."
"Whatever. Come on," I said as I walked toward the house.
We walked inside the open door and Emily called to us, "Hey guys. Smelled the cookies, didn't you?" Embry wasn't shy. He had a handful in like two seconds.
Emily walked over and stopped in front of me. "It's good to see you here again, Jacob." Then she hugged me. In my underwear! I tried to apologize for that and she laughed. "I've seen you boys half naked for so long, nothing phases me. No offense."
I laughed. "None taken."
"I'll be back," she said to us. I helped myself to a couple of cookies then she came back in and handed me a pair of Sam's shorts. I smiled my thanks and slipped them on.
She walked back into the kitchen and said, "Thanks for giving my husband a swollen eye, by the way. Want some coffee?"
"You punched Sam in the eye?" Embry asked excitedly. I just looked at him. "Uh, yea. Did I leave that part out?"
I looked over at Em and answered her, "Yes, please. Black. Sam told you about the punch in the eye?"
She poured me a cup and set it in front of me with a few cookies. "Not the details. He just said he deserved it. So, did he?"
"Yes." I wasn't giving her the details either. She stared at me to see if I would give anything away. When I didn't, she said, "OK. I'll leave it between you two." She smiled and went back to her baking. Embry elbowed me and I shrugged him off.
Sam came into the house and smacked me on the back. "Hey, I called a pack meeting. Everyone should be on their way." The swelling around his eye had already gone down, but it had turned a nice shade of purple.
Shit. I was hoping to talk to Leah first. I nodded and took a sip of coffee then popped another cookie in my mouth. Sam grabbed a couple of cookies and sat down at the table across from me. We talked a little about my life in Seattle while we waited for everyone to show up. Quill was the first to come in and he went straight to Embry. They looked at me and suddenly hit their knees and started bowing to me. "Hail our fearless leader," they said together as they bowed. Then they both dissolved into laughter.
"Get the fuck up," I growled at them and they got up and both touched me on the shoulder as they walked by in their acknowledgment that they accepted me as their leader. They sat down and grabbed at the cookies and I couldn't help but grin at them. I had missed them so much.
Jared and Paul came jogging in and joined the party. Paul took one look at Sam and said, "Whoa, dude! You piss Em off or what?"
Sam just glared at him and told him to "Shut the fuck up." Paul just laughed and elbowed Jared. Then they looked at me. I was worried about them. They were the closest to Sam. But Jared smiled and high-fived me then joined Embry and Quil in the fight for the cookies. Paul just stared at me. Finally he nodded and touched my shoulder as he went by to stand by the counter.
The only ones missing were Seth and Leah. I knew that Leah couldn't phase, so they would probably drive over. They showed up about ten minutes later. I stood as they came in and Seth made a bee line for me and grabbed me in a bro hug. "I'm so glad you're back. I missed you, bro."
I couldn't help but smile. "Yea, now I get to boss you around again. Could be fun." I shoved him and he joined in with the other clowns. I heard Embry snicker and call him a "fucking suck-up." Seth shoved him hard and said, "Jealous?" They shoved each other and I had to give my first order as I looked at them and said, "Knock it off." They quit and went back to fighting over cookies.
Leah walked in slowly and looked at me. I smiled at her and she finally gave me a smile. I walked over to her and said, "Hi."
"Hi. I brought your stuff. It's outside in your car. I drove us over in it," she explained softly. She held out my keys and I took them.
"Thanks.
"That's a nice shiner Sam is wearing," she pointed out.
I smiled. "Uh, yea. We talked last night about a couple of things."
"I take it one of them was me?"
I grinned. "Yes. Hence the shiner." She smiled and shook her head at that. Then she looked up at me and said softly, "Jake, I'm so sorry. If I could take it back, I would."
"I know, Leah. Let it go, OK?"
She nodded then asked, "You did it, didn't you? Seth could feel it on the way over. We're all one pack again and you're Alpha. And Sam just let you?"
I nodded. "Yea, I was kind of surprised. He told me he wouldn't fight me. That he always knew it was my destiny, or whatever. But, Leah, we have so much to talk about," I started.
Before I could say anything else, Sam called out, "Alright, listen up!" That was his way of calling the pack meeting to order. Leah and I made our way over to join everyone else. I pulled a chair out for Leah and she sat down, while I stood behind her. "I called you here today to let you all know that Jake and I talked last night and by now you all know why. Jake accepted Alpha and some of you left to follow him. It wasn't right to have two packs. It was never meant to be that way. I've always known that it was Jake's destiny to be our Alpha, and so, as of now, I am submitting to him and recognizing him as my Alpha." He looked at me and reached out and squeezed my shoulder. "He is allowing me to be his Beta for now to keep things running here until he can come back and take over." I was glad I couldn't see Leah's face right now. I was afraid she would be pretty pissed. Especially since I didn't get a chance to tell her first. He looked down at Leah and said, "Leah, I know you were Jake's Beta and I mean no disrespect to you. But we all know that in your condition, it would be hard for you to serve in that capacity right now. You need to take care of yourself and your baby." I could see how much he cared for her in his eyes as he talked. He better be more careful. If I could see it, so could everyone else. Especially Em.
I was holding my breath. I had no idea what she might say. "Well, yea. But it would have been nice to have a chance to make that decision. But I don't get to do that much around here – make my own decisions. Look, since I can't phase into my wolf body, I guess I can't really be an active member of the pack, so there's really no reason for me to be here." She pushed back her chair and stood to leave.
"Hey, that doesn't matter, Leah. This is your family. This is where you belong." We all turned our heads and looked at Paul. What the hell? Paul?
"Yea, you are a part of the elite of this tribe," added Jared.
"You have one of the strongest bloodlines," Quil pointed out.
"We want you here with us, Leah," Embry said with a smile.
"Come on, sis. I'm not your only brother here today," said Seth.
Sam looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, Leah. I didn't mean to hurt you." I knew that he meant that for more than just what he said today. "But, they're right. You belong here."
Finally it came to me. I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder as I said, "Leah, this is our family. "
She shook her head at all of us and said, "A few months ago, you all would have cheered if I said I didn't want to come back!" Everyone laughed at that. "I was such a bitch to all of you. And, I'm truly sorry for that." She looked around the table at all of our faces. "I don't know what else to say. I guess I'll come back, if nothing but to raise the IQ of the pack." I laughed at that. At least she kept her sense of humor. We all cheered and a huge smile spread across her face.
"OK, pipe down!" Sam called out. "Now that we have that settled, let's set out the patrol schedule." A group groan resonated throughout the room. I just smiled. It's good to be home again.
Leah POV:
I would never have believed that they would want me back. I was such a bitch to all of them, and yet, they all made me feel like . . . family. It was amazing! But I was really shocked at Jake. He made this decision without a word to me. I was standing on the front porch of Sam's house looking out to the woods. The sun was shining and we were having one of those strange warm winter days. The temperature was supposed to reach 65 today. Not bad for February. I heard footsteps behind me then I heard, "How ya doin?"
I stayed where I was and said, "I'm not sure."
Jake walked over to stand beside me. "Leah, I wanted to tell you first. I'm sorry that this all happened so fast. I was hoping he would give me some to talk to you before he just blurted it out."
I finally looked at him. "So, you're coming back here, to live and to be Alpha."
He ran his hand through his hair in his signature frustration move. "No . . . I don't know. Look, Leah, we have a lot to talk about. I planned on sitting down with you when we got home tonight and going over all of this with you. We have a little wolf baby to think about now. I'm just trying to do what's right for him." She shot me a look. "Or her," I added.
I turned back to look out at the road. "So they all just accepted you, huh? Even Paul?"
"Yea, weird, huh?"
I had to smile at that. "Yea. But what's weirder is that they accepted me back! They all hated me. I can't believe they just welcomed me back to the pack like that."
He laughed. "Yea, I didn't think they would be happy to have me either, but they surprised me."
"Yea, right. You're everybody's favorite!" I told him as I rolled my eyes.
He just shook his head. "I don't know about that. I think Seth is the favorite."
"Yea, maybe you're right," I said with a smile. He laughed. God, I loved that laugh. I loved everything about him. I decided that maybe I should tell him about Bella's little visit last night. "Jake? When Seth took me home last night, Bella was waiting there for me."
"What? Are you alright? You didn't kill her did you?" he asked anxiously.
I had to laugh. "That's the first thing Seth asked when he came in the door and noticed the stink! Geez, all of a sudden I'm an assassin?"
He smiled then said, "Well, I did have to pull you off of her last night, Leah. It was pretty scary for a few seconds."
"I know. I'm sorry about that."
"What did she want?" he asked curiously.
"She said she just wanted to talk." As I told him everything Bella said to me, I watched his face run through several emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion. Then I ended by telling him about our truce. "I ended up feeling a little sorry for her. Knowing how jealous she is of me . . . kind of blew me away. And I guess, now that I'm pregnant, I can kind of understand . . . about the baby. Jake, I would do anything to protect this baby."
He looked at me and said, "Me, too." That gave me some hope that everything would be OK with us.
"Anyway, they will be here for awhile, for the baby, and then she said she would like to go to Europe. She said there are too many memories here."
"Yea, I get that," Jake said softly. Then he changed the subject by asking, "So, did your mom and Charlie leave yet?"
"Yes. We all ate brunch together this morning then they left for Seattle. They'll be gone until next Sunday." He nodded. I stepped to the edge of the porch then said, "Um, Jake?" He looked at me. "I called Carol this morning and told her I wouldn't be back for awhile. I've decided I'm going to stay here with Seth while Mom and Charlie are gone. So, I won't be going back with you tonight."
He squinted his eyes and looked at me. "Why, Leah? What made you decide that?"
"Maybe you don't remember last night? You just found out about me and . . . Sam? Although you two were pretty tight today, so I guess that shiner he's wearing means you forgave him. I guess I'm just hoping that with some time, you'll forgive me, too. Isn't that what you said last night? You needed some space?"
He put his head down so I couldn't see his face. Was he mad? Disappointed? Would he miss me? He finally looked up and said, "Leah, I know I said that, but I don't want space. We need to talk." I could see something, I wasn't sure what, in his eyes. "But if this is what you want . . . "
"It's not what I want, Jake," I said quickly. "You know what I want."
He gave me a look filled with frustration and asked, "What? What do you want, Leah?"
"You, Jake. I want you. All of you!" I cried out.
Neither of us moved. We looked into each other's eyes and I could see him fighting a battle inside. Then suddenly, he crossed the porch and swept me into his arms as his mouth covered mine. I felt a floodgate of emotion rush through me in that one kiss. It was glorious! My body was humming as I clung to him and savored every second as his lips moved with mine. Was he finally ready to let go and just love me? And then, his lips left mine and he set me away from him. "Leah, I . . . I want to be with you. I really do. But . . . "
My heart fell. He was so close to it, but he couldn't quite let go. "It's OK, Jake. A little time might do us both good." He nodded. "I'll see ya," I said softly then I stepped off the porch and started the walk home.
"Leah!" He called. "Let me drive you home."
I turned and walked backward as I said, "Nope. It's a beautiful day, and I'm supposed to get some exercise for the baby. The fresh air will do me good." Then I turned and kept walking. I didn't want him to see my tears.
The first thing I did when I got home was call Carlisle and arrange to do the test first thing in the morning. We needed to know who the father of my baby was right now. Then I called Jake and Sam and told them both to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at eight. Jake said he would call Dan and tell him that he would need the morning off.
Then I baked cookies for Seth, which he appreciated, and made meat loaf for dinner, which he also appreciated. When we finished eating, Seth headed out on patrol and I cleaned the kitchen. After everything was cleaned and put away, I sat down in the living room and turned on the TV. Great. Sponge Bob. I smiled as I remembered arguing with Jake about how stupid this show was and how he always said it was "classic comedy." I put down the remote and left it on that channel. I missed him so much I was willing to watch Sponge Bob. God, I'm pathetic.
Just then, there was a knock on the door. I got up to answer it and there stood Jake! "Hey," I said, trying to sound calm, even though my heart had suddenly started beating out of my chest.
He looked at me and said, "I can't seem to find . . . are you watching Sponge Bob?" Busted.
Of course I nonchalantly said, "Oh, Seth left it on when he went out." He just laughed and said, "Yea, right. I told you it would grow on you," he commented as he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Sure, come on in. I closed the front door and walked over to ask, "Can't find what?" He looked at me strangely for a moment. "You started to say 'I can't seem to find' . . . find what?"
"Oh! My cell phone. It wasn't in the car or in my bag. Do you know where it is?"
I hit my forehead and said, "Yea. I left your good clothes on the backseat of Mom's car. I'll bet it's still in your pocket. I'll go get them." I turned and made my way out the door to the garage and opened the car door. I took out Jake's clothes, which still smelled like Bella, and brought them and his shoes into the house.
"I'm doing laundry tomorrow, so I'll throw these in with my stuff," I said as I threw the clothes on the floor just inside the laundry room." Then I walked into the living room and handed him his phone.
He smiled as he took it and said, "Thanks." He opened it to see if he had any messages. "Hmmm, missed call . . . from you. You tried to call me last night?"
"Yea, then I remembered you wouldn't have your phone. No pockets on a wolf body," I joked badly.
He smiled and asked, "What did you want?"
To tell you how much I love you. How much I missed you, and how I would hate sleeping without you. "Nothing important," I said.
He shrugged and stuck his phone into his jeans pocket. I just stood there staring at him. Finally he stood up and said, "Um, I guess I better go."
"Go where?" I asked.
"I don't know," he shrugged. He looked so sad. I knew he was pissed that I was sending him home without me. But I couldn't stand to see him sad about it.
"You don't have to go. You could stay here, with me, if you want," I suggested slowly. A slow smile spread over his face as I held out my hand and he took it.
"I thought you said we needed time apart," he said softly.
"Well, that can start tomorrow," I told him. I was still thinking about that kiss he gave me on Sam's porch. How it was filled with so much emotion. I knew we had things to work out, but right now, none of that mattered. I put my hands on his face and pulled it down to mine. "Kiss me, Jake," I whispered as I gazed into his eyes. Our lips touched, and as his moved over mine, I felt like my heart would burst! I loved him so much it hurt . . . my heart ached, but in such a different way than when Sam broke it. It ached to hear Jake say the words . . . I needed to know that he loved me.
I broke away and looked into his eyes. They were dark with desire. I knew he wanted me. . . he always wanted me. But, I was looking for something else. "Jake?" I said softly.
"Yes, Leah?" he asked breathlessly.
I looked into his eyes and I could see . . . longing, desire . . . maybe I was being stupid. I knew he cared about me. He had told me over and over. Why couldn't this be enough? I found myself stepping away. What are you doing? my body screamed. My brain was taking over, and that's not always a good thing.
"I'm sorry. I do still need some time."
I could see his anger and confusion as he yelled, "What?"
"I know, I can't believe I'm saying this myself. But, I just think . . ."
He ran his hand through his hair and cut me off with, "What the hell is wrong with you? First you tell me we need time apart. Then you tell me that you want me, all of me, and yet, you still need time. So I come over here to get my phone, then you ask me to kiss you, and now we need time apart! Damnit, Leah, I can't fucking keep up here!"
"I know it doesn't make any sense. I do want you, but . . ." I sunk down onto the couch and put my head into my hands. "Just go, Jake. I can't do this anymore."
"Do what? I am so damn confused right now. I have no idea what's going on here." He sat down beside me and said, "Leah, just talk to me. Tell me what has you so upset."
Shit. Why did he have to be so sweet? I wanted to scream at him, "Just tell me you love me!" but I didn't want to force him to say it. I wanted him to come to the conclusion himself, and then tell me. I looked up at him and smiled. "I don't know. Maybe it's the hormones making me crazy. My brain is like scrambled eggs right now."
He smiled at that. That sweet, sweet Jake smile that I loved so much. "Well, now that makes sense."
I rolled my eyes at him as he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side. "I know, crazy pregnant woman," I said.
"Look, I know that yesterday was . . . well, it was fucked up." I smiled at that. It was. "And now, things are weird between us and I hate it. I want so badly to go back to Seattle and just pretend that yesterday never happened."
"Yea, I know. But it did happen, and now we have to grow up and deal with it. I've had weeks to try and deal with the fact that I fucked up and slept with Sam and now he might be the father of this baby. You just found out yesterday. And I'll never be able to apologize enough for that." He closed his eyes and I could just feel the hurt I caused him with that. "And then Bella comes back here telling you that she chose wrong and now she wants you? So what do you do? You go and take over the whole pack as the Alpha." I shook my head and added, "Jake, a lot of shit happened that we can't ignore."
"I know. I wish we could." He got quiet as he sat back on the couch and laid his head against the cushion. "But you know, at least one good thing came out of yesterday . . . I know that what I had with Bella . . . that's done. Over. She's just . . . someone I don't want to be with."
My heart soared! Yes! Finally! It's about fucking time! "God, it is so good to hear you say that," I told him. He looked over at me and smiled. "Yea, it's good to say it. I'll always miss Bella . . . I can't help that. But, it's like I miss my mom. I loved her, but she's gone and she's never coming back."
I felt tears come to my eyes. I reached out and took his hand. He wound his fingers into mine and we just sat there quietly, lost in our own thoughts. He thumb was gently moving back and forth on mine and it was comforting . . . and sexy at the same time. I felt my resolve starting to weaken. He could turn me on so easily! But I needed to stay strong here. We did need some time on our own to think through all that happened.
Finally, Jake looked at me and said, "I'm going to go. You were right. We need some time to think through everything, and then . . . "
"And then?" I asked softly. He smiled. He leaned over and put a very gentle kiss on my lips. "And then, we will put it all behind us and move on. I hope."
"I want that, too. I really do." I smiled back at him and he said, "Don't do that. Don't smile at me like that or I won't have the strength to get up and leave."
I covered my mouth with my hand and he laughed. "Yea, like that helps. I can still see your smile in your eyes, and you know that's what always gets me." So I put my other hand over my eyes and he laughed again. "OK, OK, I'm going." He stood up and I stood up beside him. "I'm supposed to go out on patrol in a couple of hours anyway." He walked toward the door and I followed him.
He turned to me and asked, "Do you want me to pick you up in the morning to go to the hospital?"
"Sure. We have to be there by eight."
"OK. I'll be here." I nodded and we just stood there. Finally he put his hands on my upper arms and said, "I'll miss you."
I almost melted into the carpet right there. I couldn't get any words out as my throat tightened to try and hold back my tears. I just nodded and he pulled me into his arms. He held me close for a moment then he put a light kiss on my forehead and said, "I'll see you in the morning." Then he opened the door and walked out.
I stood there watching him go feeling like an absolute idiot. Why was I letting this bother me so much? I knew he cared about me, and now that he told me he was finally putting Bella in the past where she belonged, maybe he would realize how he really felt about me. He waved as he drove away and I waved back. Then I closed the door and as I let the tears finally fall, I wondered how I became such a weepy woman. I hoped it was just the hormones.
Seth came home from his patrol and we watched some TV together. I asked him if he had his homework done and he rolled his eyes at me. "What? You know you have to do well in this biology class to go onto to college to be a doctor. After this is chemistry and anatomy and . . ."
"Yea, yea, I get it. Geez, I'll get my homework." I smiled as he got up off of the couch and got his bookbag. We sat down and I helped him study for a quiz they were supposed to have tomorrow. Then we worked on Algebra II. Finally he closed his books and said, "That's it. I'm beat. Time for bed."
"Me, too." We turned off the lights and went up to bed. I closed my door and decided to open my window a little. It was stuffy in my room. I stood there by the window and looked out into the woods. Jake was out there somewhere on patrol. I found myself wishing I could be out there with him. Then I put my hand over the baby and felt a rush of love for this little one. "Oh how I miss your daddy," I whispered. In my mind, Jake was the father. It couldn't be any other way, and I wouldn't believe anything else until it was proven other wise.
I pulled myself away from the window and got undressed. I threw on a nightshirt and crawled into bed. I automatically shifted to my side of the bed and put my hand out to touch the other pillow. I fell asleep thinking of names for our baby.
I woke up in the middle of the night and Jake was snoring in my ear. "Mmm, Jake," I said as I tapped the heavy arm that was wound around me. "Baby you're snoring," I mumbled. Then I realized what I just said and opened my eyes. I rolled over to see Jake laying there on his side of the bed, dead to the world. I quickly looked around. I was still in my old room at Mom's house. What's he doing here? How did he get in? Then I smiled and snuggled down next to him. I didn't really care how he got in or why. I was just happy he was here.