January 11th 2017

Chapter 11
His Life With School

His father dropped him off early. For the next few Friday mornings, he still had to sit with the guidance counselor before classes started. He hated it, but he had no choice, and really if it was this or getting kicked out of school, which he saw as consequence to his stepping out of line, then he'd just have to go and sit, listening to old Mrs. Whitley as she talked at him, never leaving him a moment to put a word in or realizing she was essentially repeating herself every single week.

This was what he had become to these people, wasn't it? He was a problem, trouble. And at some point, Lucas had understood this, as he'd also understood that it wasn't what he was or wanted to be. So why couldn't they see that?

The one place where this seemed to change was when he'd be in baseball mode, or basketball… His coach would stand by him, and might have played a part in his still being in school here. It could have been reassuring if he didn't know deep down the man wouldn't have moved a muscle for him if he wasn't an asset to the team. But he was, and so as far as the coach was concerned, he was right where he belonged. It made the games lose some of their fun.

More and more it felt as though he didn't know his place here anymore. He did well enough in class, not the top of his grade but still well up there. He remembered a couple years back how they would praise him. They would send letters to his parents congratulating him on his accomplishments and suggesting more ways for him to go and excel. When they would return from parent-teacher nights, his mother and father would be all smiles. His mother would declare they'd have his favorite meal the next night, while his father would press his hands to his shoulders, telling him how proud he was.

He still got those same grades today, for subjects more advanced of course. He still gave that same amount of focus and dedication. But everything else had changed and now it seemed as though no one noticed or cared that he was doing well, even despite his long suspension. Now the letters that came were about things that he had done, things he was to be reprimanded for. He wasn't denying that he had done these things, most of them. There were some incidents he had been blamed for and assumed guilty of solely on reputation, even though he'd been innocent. And other events, those he couldn't be entirely excused from, but… well, he'd had reasons. They'd been good reasons, or he'd thought they were good, but now… he just didn't know anymore.

Was he really just what they said he was? How often had he been told that he was just a kid, that he needed to be told how to behave? Maybe he did. But… All he'd ever done was to look out for people, wasn't it? Why couldn't they see that?

When his session with the counselor had ended, he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He went and waited for his friends. He didn't know what he would have done without them, truly. Walking through the halls with these four people who had never once lost faith in him or tried to write him off, it had and still meant the world to him. When he found himself doubting who he was, he only had to look to Zay, to Asher and Dylan, to Nadine. They would remind him without having to say a single word about it.

Sitting in class, he would do as he'd always done. He may have been one thing to some of these people, but he was something else to his friends, something important. He was himself.

At lunch time, in the chaos of noise in the cafeteria, he briefly heard Zay tell them how he'd been called on to play guide to a new student coming in on Monday morning, sounding all proud about it and earning himself some of Nadine and Asher teasing him, sending the table in chuckles. But Lucas tuned them out after a while, his mind wandering to something he had been considering.

Maybe he should quit the team. The coach may have been his crutch to staying in this school, but the games just didn't bring him anything anymore. And it wasn't as though his prospects would be in peril without it. He could hear his parents in his head though, telling him that it wouldn't come off any better if he went and quit, so he might as well stick with it.

He needed a change. Something had to come, anything, to make him stop feeling this way. He never wanted to have to start over, but the way things were going now, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. He had the weekend ahead of him now. Maybe he could find his answer there.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners