A/N: This is officially the longest chapter. I loved writing this one, but there was so much stuff to put in, so I hope it didn't feel rushed. Thank you so so so much for the reviews. You guys are seriously the greatest. I can't believe I'm at 90 reviews already. Wow! Anyways, I hope you Enjoy the chapter! Just three left.
Ps. morgiecorgie and Torina were the only ones to catch Miley's slip up. It was intentional, but you'll have to see if it comes into play or not.
Disclaimer: pwned, not owned.
These Words
Chapter Eleven: Her Revelation
The world was dark and there was nothing. I couldn't remember how I'd ended up in this nothingness if my life depended on it. All I knew was that I could see black, and every emotion I had ever felt had disappeared. I couldn't even feel my own body, I just was. It was almost as if I had closed my eyes and my entire world had fallen away from me, leaving me stuck inside my own mind. I couldn't walk, or speak, or feel anything at all. This world was one of absolute emptiness, and as I contemplated this, I felt my body fall back into place. I could feel my arms, my legs, my heart beating in my chest, but still I could see nothing.
"Lilly?" I could hear a voice. I didn't know what it was saying, or if it was even talking to me. It just seemed to echo off the walls into the darkness. I wanted to look around, to search for the voice, but I couldn't move and I couldn't see anything.
"Lills?" The voice called again. I listened closer, recognizing the word as my own name. I tried to whip my head around in all directions, but my body was in a state of paralysis.
"Come on, Lilly," The voice was sighing, "I know you can hear me. You just have to concentrate harder..." It trailed off. I listened closely, thinking, pressing my invisible eyebrows together in confusion. I thought harder, running the voice through my mind over and over again, diving into the deepest memories. When it hit me, it hit me hard. The voice in the darkness was one I knew well, and one I had been wanting to hear. I opened my mouth to scream out, to run to him, but I couldn't.
"Open your eyes," He told me, and I could feel a tug on my hand. His hand laced through mine and I concentrated on squeezing back. When I managed to, I felt myself smile. I thought about my eyes, focusing in on them, willing them to open. I noticed that I could feel my chest rising and falling, my lungs breathing in the air. Slowly my entire body came back into motion and I could feel every moment, every breath, every beat, every blood cell rushing through my veins, but still my eyes would not open. And then I saw light.
The room was now covered in light, almost making me want to close my eyes again. I squinted, searching the area. However bright the light was, I couldn't ignore the warmth and comfort that came with it. It was as if it filled my entire body, taking away all the sadness and making me whole again. It was beautiful and I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay here forever, feeling this wonderful feeling.
"Lil.." His voice trailed off again. I had been so distracted for a moment by the euphoria that I had almost let him slip my mind. My eyes darted around me, looking for any trace of him. Finally my eyes landed on his figure and my breath caught in my throat. My heart was pounding, and I was saying millions of silent prayers for this to be real. I never once thought that it was impossible for me to be completely engulfed in a white light, I just believed.
"Ben.." The words slipped through my lips and echoed. When he heard his name, he nodded and smiled, stepping closer to me. His movement triggered me to run, and when I reached him, I had to throw my arms around his neck in a hug, jumping on him. His laughter floated to my ear and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging back. We must've stayed that way for minutes before he finally loosened his grip and set me down on the ground again.
"Ben," I smiled, just looking him over, "I-Wow! Just-" I didn't have words to express how happy I was to see him. I never wanted to let go of him, and I wanted him to stay with me in this place forever. He held me at arms length, looking me over, the smile never fading off his face. If anything, it only grew bigger by the second.
"I know," He told me, smiling and pulling me into a hug, "Believe me, I know." The two of us rocked back and forth, my arms gripping his waist tightly. I could feel my eyes welling up and my tears were spilling out. God, I had missed him so much. It meant absolutely everything for me to be in his arms right now. He was my big brother, and I couldn't live without him. And as soon as that thought passed through my mind, everything rushed back. The images were flashing in front of my eyes like a movie. The doctors, the hospital, the bruises, the tears, the drugs. Everything came back to me in those seconds and I froze.
"Ben?" I asked, pulling back, "Ben... Am- Am I dead?" My ears were still tearing, and I was dreading the answer. No matter how much I had tried to convince myself that this was what I wanted, now that I was here I wanted to live again. I wanted to have a second chance. I wanted to tell Miley that I didn't hate her and that I thought she was an amazing friend. I wanted to apologize to Max for shutting him out when I should have been there for him. I wanted to tell my mother and father that I loved them even if I was angry with their decision. I wanted to keep going. I wanted to live.
I looked up to Ben, searching his eyes. I could see nothing in them as I waited. These few minutes before his answer were the worst. All I could think about was how much I had regretted, and everything I never got to say. I thought about the things I had never done, and the things I wanted to do again. I thought about the way I had been acting and I wanted to go back, take it all back. I didn't want to die like this.
"Please tell me I'm not..." I asked, a tear sliding down my cheek.
"You're not." Ben smiled. The relief flooded through me and I knew he could see it. "You're going to be fine Lilly, I promise."
"But," I paused, thinking, "What about you? I- I don't want to go back without you."
"You have to." He told me, and my face contorted. I shook my head, unable to speak for a few moments. He was nodding, contradicting me, but it only made me shake my head harder and faster.
"No. I don't want to," I cried, "I need you."
"You don't need me Lilly," He smiled, "You're strong, you can do it without me."
"I don't wanna." I answered back. My head was still shaking lightly and I was afraid I was going to break down. I lunged forward, hugging him again. I never wanted to let go.
"Come on, Lilly," He pulled me back, holding me at arms length again. His smile never left his face. It was comforting to know he was happy now. To know that he was safe; to know that he was okay.
"But I'm alone." I protested, the tears leaking from my eyes.
"No you're not," He leaned forward, inching his lips to my ear to whisper, "I'm always going to be with you. You just have to think about me, and I'll be there. I'm going to watch out for you and I'm going to protect you no matter what, because your my little sister and I love you." When he drew back his hand was over his heart, and his eyes were watering, "You just have to look in here."
"Okay..." I croaked out in a whisper. I reached up to wipe my tears from my underneath my eyes but his own thumbs beat me to it. "Whenever I need you?" I asked, and he nodded, "Do you promise?"
"Yeah Lilly," He whispered, "I do."
And then I hugged him tighter than I had ever hugged him in my life. I conveyed every single feeling and thought into that hug. I wanted this moment to stay with me forever. I didn't care that everyone would tell me I had dreamed it, because I knew it was real. It was too powerful to be a dream. There was intense emotions radiating in the air, and I felt like a little girl. I felt so vulnerable and yet so loved at the same time. I felt like I was loosing everything, but I still had him with me.
"Hey Lilly?" Ben's voice snapped me from my thoughts. I looked up and my eyes met his. I nodded to him to continue, but my arms never let him go.
"Lilly... Will you paint for me?" He asked. My eyes welled up and I let a sob escape my throat. I stared into his eyes for several minutes, watching his emotions. I could see the desperation and I knew it was something he really wanted me to do. I felt myself nod my head against his shirt, agreeing to his wish. I couldn't deny him the world if he asked. He meant everything to me, and knowing now what life without him was like, I was willing to do absolutely anything for him. For several moments we just stood there together, cherishing whatever time we had left. I knew I couldn't stay forever, but I wanted to make this time worth it.
"It's time, Lils," He told me reluctantly, "You have to go back now."
"Just a little longer?" I asked, looking up to him. He squeezed me into a hug one last time, shaking his head. My heart dropped, but I accepted it.
"Lilly," He smiled, "Will- Will you tell Mom that I love her, and tell dad that I'm sorry we were never closer?" I nodded, unable to speak, "And will you please tell Max he was a better friend than I could have ever wished for, and that I'm going to miss him so much." Again, I nodded, "And Lilly, one more thing..."
"Anything," I promised, waiting for his request.
"I want you to be happy. Please don't cry anymore, I'm okay now."
"Okay..." My voiced cracked, and I sniffled. I felt his thumb wipe away one last tear.
"Bye Lilly," He whispered, smiling. And then there was nothing again. Complete nothingness. The darkness enveloped me and I distinctly remember wanting to go back to the light. I thought about what Ben had told me to do, open my eyes, and I concentrated. I tried to push my eyes open, using every strength in my entire body towards this one movement. Despite the fact that the task was a simple one, it was draining me, making me weaker. When my eyes finally slid open, everything was different. The light that I had been expecting wasn't there. The room I was now in was blurry, and I waited for my eyes to come into focus. The walls were a creamy ivory colour, and the sun was pouring in through an open window.
"Hello?" I squeaked out. I looked down at my body and saw myself laying in a hospital bed. There was a blanket drawn up to my stomach even though it was summer, and I was dressed in a hospital gown. I wanted to get out of bed, but I found that my body was too weak. I had used up all my strength just to wake up.
Suddenly, my eyes shot up to the doorway across the room. I saw the doorknob turning, and then the door opened. I watched Miley walk through the door. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she had a muffin in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other. She sighed, taking a sip of her coffee and started walking towards the chair beside my bed, not once looking up. My eyes trailed over her and I managed to smile. I had said some nasty things to her at the concert, but she was still here, she was still sticking by me.
"Hi Miley," I said quietly. Her eyes darted up to mine and she looked scared for a moment, frozen in place. When she saw my smile, she mirrored it as she hastily dropped her muffin and coffee on a table. She ran over to me, tangling me into a hug.
"Lilly!" She cried, "You're awake!" Tears were coming from her eyes, but I knew she wasn't sad. All I could do was smile and appreciate that I had such an amazing friend.
"Yeah..." I mumbled, "Don't cry, Miley." I told her, as she released me from the hug.
"I'm just- I was so so worried." She confessed, wiping the tears away, but still smiling.
"I know, and... I'm sorry.." I told her, looking down. I was ashamed of the way I had treated her when she had been so wonderful to me. My emotions had clouded over everything and I had overreacted. At the time, I hadn't known what to think, but now I could see that I had been in the wrong.
"For?" Miley asked, confused, seating herself down in the seat next to me.
"I'm sorry for what I said," I looked up, "... you know, at the concert. I didn't mean it."
"Don't even worry about it," She reassured me, grabbing my hand, "I know. It's okay."
"Miley?" I asked, and she nodded, "I'm sorry that I never told you how much you mean to me. You're the definition of a best friend."
"Oh, Lilly... No.. I'm-" She tried to tell me, but I cut her off.
"No. I mean it, you are." She looked like she wanted to fight back and say she wasn't that great, but she just smiled and thanked me whole heartedly. The two of us just sat there together in the silence, my hand never leaving hers. I couldn't even begin to express how much I appreciated those moments. I felt truly cared for and loved for the first time in a while. I felt like I wasn't alone, like I didn't have to do this by myself anymore. I didn't feel like the whole world was my enemy, I felt like they were there for me instead.
"I'm going to get the nurse and tell them you're awake," Miley told me, standing and releasing my hand, "They're going to want to do some tests."
"No!" I immediately shouted, "Please don't." She turned back to me, confused, her eyebrows crinkled together.
"Why?" She asked me, sitting back into the chair.
"I need to do something, please." I pleaded, "I know they're going to want to keep me here for the night and... I need to do this. Will you help me?" My eyes were wide and full of hope. I needed her to help me, because there was so much I wanted to do. There was so much I had to do for him.
"I-Um... Okay Lilly," She sighed, "Wait here, okay? I'll get your clothes." I nodded and watched her leave the room. After just a few minutes she came back with a bag. She pulled out a white tank top, a pair of black shorts and a black hoodie. It wasn't anything fancy, but it would be comfortable, and that was the most important thing. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk around in jeans and something fashionable, but it didn't matter anyways. I didn't need to look good because this wasn't about me.
After I dressed myself and discarded the hospital gown, Miley sat me on the edge of the bed. She pulled my socks on and then my shoes, insisting she helped because she didn't want me to strain myself. She put my arm over her shoulder and slid me off the bed. When my feet met the floor my legs felt wobbly at first, but I adjusted after a minute of two. Even though I felt like I could walk fine, Miley still held on to support me. She lead me down the hallway, looking over her shoulder ever few seconds to watch for doctors. Finally we neared the exit and I pulled my hood over my head, hiding myself. No one noticed us as we quietly slipped out of the building and into the cool summer air.
"Where to?" Miley asked, turning to me.
"Can we go see Max?" I asked, and she nodded. She lead me over to the parking lot, looking around for a few seconds before spotting Jackson's car. I guess she had borrowed it to drive over to the hospital, since she had only recently gotten her license and hadn't bought her own car. When we got to the car, she lead me to the passenger side and opened the door for me. She let me climb in myself because I refused her help. I wanted to do this on my own. I was strong.
After she had clamored into the driver's seat and started the car, we were quietly traveling down the road. I was watching the street fly past me through the window, seeing things I had never seen before. The world was so beautiful, and I had been so selfish to only see the terrible things. I hadn't seen everything amazing that was going on around me. Then, finally, the scenery changed and I watched as we pulled into a familiar drive way. It was Max's.
"Do you want me to come?" Miley asked.
"No thank you," I shook my head, "But... will you wait for me? I'm not going to be long." She agreed and watched as I jumped out of the car. My legs turned wobbly again for a second or two, but after that I was fine. I made my way up the walkway towards the door, nervous. I was afraid that Max would shut the door in my face like I had done to him so many times. Reluctantly, I knocked, standing at his doorstep awkwardly and waiting. Finally, after a few moments, the door opened. Max was standing there looking tired and beaten. His face held sadness and his eyes were dead.
"Lilly?" He asked, his eyes widening, "Lilly... hey."
"Hi Max..." I mumbled, my eyes darting down to the mat below his door, "How are you?"
"Not good," He told me honestly, "How are you?"
"Better," I looked up, "I- I want to tell you something." I waited, my eyes connecting with his and he told me to go on.
"I'm sorry." I apologized, "I'm sorry for everything I said. I was selfish, and I shut you out, and I'm sorry because I do care about you. You're like a brother to me, and I don't want to loose that because-"
"It's okay, Lilly," His lips turned upwards only slightly, "I understand." I smiled back at him, so grateful that he was willing to accept me back into his life. We remained silent for a few minutes, we didn't have to speak to know exactly what the other wanted to say. Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to tell him what Ben had wanted me too. I broke the silence.
"I saw him."
"What?" Max asked instantly. It was more of a reflex than because he was confused.
"I saw Ben." Max furrowed his eyebrows, confusion etched in his features. He looked into my eyes, trying to see what I meant by that.
"I've been unconscious in the hospital since Friday," I admitted. I didn't need to go into all the details, but this was an important part of the story, "I saw him this morning, before I woke up."
"Oh.." The words flowed out and he seemed just a little bit skeptical.
"He wanted me to tell you something,"
"He did?" Max asked, hope evident in his eyes. He was lingering on my every word, just waiting for what I had to say next.
"Yeah..." I breathed, "He- He said you were the best friend he could have ever wished for," My voice cracked as I pushed out the sentence, "And he says he misses you so much." Before I knew it Max had reached out and pulled me into a hug. His arms were wound tightly around me, and I reached mine up to hug him back.
"Thank you." He told me. His words were forced, almost as if he didn't even have the ability to speak. I pulled away from him after a few seconds and saw that he was crying. I smiled at him, and he smiled right back at me. The both of us knew then that we would make it through because now we both had each other to count on.
"I should go..." I told him, stepping back. He mumbled an 'Okay' watching as I made my way back down the walkways towards Miley before closing his door. I lifted myself back into the vehicle, buckling my seatbelt and shutting the door. Taking a deep breath, I asked Miley to take me to my house, and she obliged. It didn't take too long to get there. Within minutes we were parked in my drive way, both my parent's cars gone. For a moment, I wondered were they were, but the thought drifted away from me.
Me and Miley found ourselves in my room sometime later. She had asked me what I was here for, but I refused to tell her. She was seated on my bed quietly, watching my every move as I sat at my desk. I had a crisp clean sheet of white paper set out on my desk and a black pen balanced in my hand. My words were flowing out onto the page, writing my goodbyes. I didn't need these words anymore, because I had everything I could ever ask for in the people around me. I wasn't alone, and I had so much more to turn to than the words I would send to a fan mail. And if I really did need the Jonas', I could always turn to them as Lola. I didn't need to be L to them anymore, I didn't need their understanding. When I finally finished the letter, instead of the usual initial, I wrote Lilly in my cursive writing. These letters had helped me get through, and I figured that I owed them at least my name.
"Miley?" She looked up, "You know where-" I was cut off by the ringing of a telephone. I was almost scared to answer it because of the information I'd received the last time I had been in such a situation. I picked up the cordless phone, looking at the caller display, and saw that it was an unknown number. Taking a deep breath, I pressed the 'talk' button.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hi! This is the Black Iris Studio, we're looking for Ben." When they said his name, my words caught in my throat. I waited a moment, steadying myself and trying not to cry before responding.
"He's-He's not here," I mumbled, "Can I take a message?"
"Sure," The guy on the other line said nonchalantly, "We were reviewing the portfolio he submitted, and we wanted to include some of his pieces in our gallery. I'm sorry to call on short notice, but, would he be able to get some of them here tonight for the viewing tomorrow?"
"I- Um." I was stunned. The Black Iris was a large art studio downtown that Ben had sent his portfolio into ages ago. He had sent his work into at least a dozen art studios in Malibu, and more than half of them had accepted him, but he had held out. He had been waiting for a response from this one studio. This is the one place he had wanted his work to be displayed and he finally got his wish. If only he had been able to be here.
"Yeah," I smiled, biting my lip, "I- I can bring them down for him. How many?" I asked. I figured they would want maybe four or five for a small section in the show. 'Amateur' artists without a lot of connections usually didn't get much wall space.
"We were thinking, maybe fifteen." I sucked in my breath, a smile crossing my face, "Really?" I squeaked, my eyes watering. The man on the other line assured me he was serious, and added that he thought Ben's style was very 'unique' and 'passionate'.
"I'll get his paintings and I'll be right over," I told the man before hanging up the phone and rushing off into Ben's room. Miley trailed behind me, confused. I opened his door, scanning the walls and breathing in the scent. It still smelled just like him.
After I explained to Miley what the call had been about she had smiled and told me she would help me sort through some of the paintings. The very first one I picked up was the painting of Zuma beach that was three fourths finished. It didn't matter that it wasn't entirely complete, it was still absolutely captivating. Every painting in his room was amazing, complete or not. I searched his whole room, looking for any painting I could find. I found a lot that were half done, or just started that I wouldn't be able to submit, but I managed to grab thirteen other fully finished paintings.
"Do we have enough?" Miley asked, glancing over to the pictures lining the walls, "There's fourteen? Will he mind if we don't have fifteen exactly?"
"We have fifteen," I told her, cutting her off. She looked confused as I darted past her into my room. I stopped in the doorway as my eyes grazed over the portrait. It would be hard to let go, but I wanted to do this. I wanted everyone to see how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. I walked closer, grabbing the painting of myself and Ben from where it was leaned up against my dresser. I sat down on my bed, looking intensely at it before I prepared to give it away.
"Are you sure?" Miley asked, walking into my room and sitting next to me. Her hand rubbed my back slowly, but my eyes never left his. I needed to do this.
"Yeah..." I answered quietly, tearing my eyes away, "Yeah, I am." She smiled at me, and I tried my best to do the same. We stood, and I held the picture in my hands, carrying it down the stairs and letting it rest at the front door before me and Miley went back up to retrieve the rest of the pictures. This was like a new beginning. Ben was finally getting the recognition he deserved, and I was so proud of him. I let go of his paintings, but I knew they would be safe in the studio, almost like I let go of these emotions now that I knew Ben was okay, that he wasn't hurting anymore. I was finally okay.
When we arrived at the studio, me and Miley walked inside. The guy was at a desk in the front room and looked up when we entered.
"Hey," He greeted. He was about to say something more, but I beat him to it.
"Hi. I- I have Ben's paintings." The man immediately smiled, offering to send someone outside to grab them. Miley offered to go with them, not trusting anyone with Jackson's car, but I stayed inside.
"I've gotta say," The man broke the silence, "Ben's paintings are amazing for someone pretty unknown." I nodded, not saying much, "So, are you his girlfriend, or?"
"No, no, no," I shook my head, "I'm his sister- His little sister."
"Oh! Okay, sorry," He laughed at his mistake, "Do you paint also?" I was about to answer 'no' but then I remembered Ben's words to me. I smiled to myself, looking to the ceiling for just a moment before answering.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do," And that was the end of the conversation because the paintings began to pour in. I stood there, watching as the man directed where he wanted the paintings to go. Ben had a huge wall near the very front of the studio where most of the prestigious artist's paintings usually hung. When the final painting came inside, the one of me and Ben, the man froze.
"This one," He said, grabbing it from his employee, "I want this one to be the most prominent piece." He paused, looking over to me, "Is this you?" I nodded. He let his eyes trail over ever aspect of the painting, and I sucked in a breath of air when he stopped over the tear mark.
"Why is he crying?" He asked, looking up from the picture to me.
"Oh, I-" I choked, "That um, that's my fault." I answered tearing up, "That was my favourite picture. I- I was looking at it on Friday, right- right after Ben passed away." It was easy to see the sympathy form on the man's face, and I knew what he was about to do even before he did it. I had seen the look so many times before, but It didn't effect me as much anymore.
"Oh, I- I'm so sorry," He apologized.
"It's okay," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears, "This is what he wanted. This was his dream." Then the silence flooded into the studio and no one said a word.
"Miss?" I snapped my head up, meeting the man's eyes, "Your brother. He was an amazing artist, and I'm honored to have his work displayed here."
"Thank you." Was all I could muster out. I closed my eyes, pushing back the tears. Ben didn't want me to cry anymore, and I wanted to be happy, for him.
"Come on Lilly," Miley nudged me and I remembered where we were headed before this detour. I sighed and told the man that I would come back later, but that I had important things I needed to do. He nodded, understanding, and then me and Miles gathered back into the car. She started it and I got comfortable, preparing for the drive. It was by no means, a long drive there, but it wasn't in Malibu, so it wasn't going to be some quick in and out like I had wanted. Miley really was the greatest friend ever for doing all this for me.
The sun was starting to set when we finally reached our destination. It was a large white house with a long driveway. The numbers next to the door read '763' and the mailbox had a very distinct name spelt on it. I stepped out of the car and onto the curb. Miley stopped a few houses away, thinking it would look odd if we just pulled right into their drive way. I grabbed a plain white envelope and held it tightly in my hand, taking a deep breath. Miley nodded to me encouragingly, and then I shut the car door and began towards the house. I walked slowly up the driveway and up to the front door. I was worried about what they would say, if they said anything at all, but finally, I pushed back my thoughts and rung the door bell. It didn't take more than a few minutes before someone answered.
"Hi there..." It was Kevin. I was glad that neither Joe or Nick had answered because I was afraid they might have recognized me. He watched me awkwardly, probably for any signs that I was going to jump and scream like a fan girl at the chance of meeting them. Instead I stayed silent, presenting the letter. He looked at it, confused for a moment. When he looked up at me, I smiled reassuringly, almost as if I was saying 'it's okay, you can take it.'
"Thank you," I whispered horsely, smiling as he took the letter from my hands, "So, so much." And then I walked away. No goodbyes or explanations. I just left Kevin Jonas at his doorstep, confused and holding onto my letter. There wasn't a reason to say anything else. I didn't even know if they were reading my letters, but it had still helped me so much that I felt the need to personally thank them.
When I reached the car and jumped in, Miley patted my arm lightly. She didn't have a clue what I had just done, nor why I had done it, but she still supported me. Before I knew it, the car was in drive and we were headed back home to Malibu. The silence in the car was too much for me, so I reached forward, turning on Jackson's radio and tuning in to the nearest station.
"Joe Jonas! Your on air with 102.8!" Was the first thing that came from the radio. I closed my eyes at his name, taking in a deep breath. I listened as Joe tried to tell the announcer that It wasn't a good time, but the man insisted and Joe finally agreed.
"So it's been everywhere in the news. Just who is this Elle that Kevin mentioned?" The announcer asked. I had remembered hearing something about this from somewhere, but it was all very vague to me. As I listened to Joe say that Elle was was a pretty cool girl, I noticed my heart sink just a little bit. I had become so close with him as Lola and subconsciously, I was a little bit jealous. It was true, I liked him. He had been so amazing to me throughout everything with Ben and I couldn't help but notice how wonderful he was.
"So why did Kevin spill the beans and not yourself? What made you reluctant to tell the press?" The announcer asked. It seemed like he was definitely pushing Joe's buttons, and I could already hear that Joe was getting aggravated. However, I didn't expect in the slightest what came next.
"Shut up!" Joe had yelled, "Her name isn't even Elle. She's not some legally blond, spend four hours in a hot tub, kind of girl! Her name is L. The letter, L, as in Lemon, or Lime, or Lilly." When I heard my name mentioned, my heart beat picked up and my eyes widened just a bit.
"And she's absolutely amazing. She writes the most beautiful letters, and she's passionate and deep and I care so much about her even if she doesn't know that I know who she is. And yeah, you heard me right, she doesn't know that I know her, and no I'm not a stalker. She writes letters to the stupid fan mail, okay? And she doesn't have an address or a name, just L. And all I know is that she's the most incredible person, and-" By now my breathing had stopped and my hands were shaking. I hadn't ever thought that they were really reading my letters. It had always just been a way for me to release my emotions and to find comfort in thinking that there was a possibility that someone understood me. Never once did I think that Joe Jonas would be falling for my words.
"And that I love her." My entire body halted at that phrase. My eyes closed shut and the air around me was sucked into my lungs. But the idea that he loved me wasn't what shocked me most. What scared me was that I realized that I might just love him too.
A/N: This took forever, but I'm soo happy with it. I hope you liked it. Also, three chapters left. Any minor details you'd like me to include? Would you want a Loe Kiss at the end? Also, I can't decide. Should the last two chapters take place at Ben's Funeral, or the art gallery's viewing that feature's Ben's painting of himself and Lilly? I'm leaning towards the latter, but tell me what you think!
Review please! It would be so awesome if I reached 100 before chapter twelve.