Chapter 11: If I Give You My Heart, Can You Save My Soul?

My heart would be racing if I had one, but the gates to the Kuchiki Manor pass by and it is easy now to move beyond them without regret. I yield an empty smile as I meet the housekeeper. All wait within for Princess Mari's celebration. In my absence, the garden has been turned into an ocean of colors and sounds, alive with swaying bodies and dancing feet. Tables are piled with food, and merriment abounds. Since the days of my childhood, there has never been such a display. The children run to meet me, and Chisaki races into my arms. I lift her up and kiss her like it's any other day, but the emotion never passes beneath my skin. I feel nothing. Takeshi knows something is wrong and his smile fades, but I touch his shoulder as I pass and I feel the shiver that moves through him at my touch. I don't feel it when he runs from me.

Passing into the hallway, Yoruichi catches Takeshi by the arm and he whispers frantically into her ear. A hand touches my arm and I turn into Hotaru's embrace. I give her a smile. Through the music and the sway of bodies, I cannot hear her words. I release her and she stares after me, her expression one of surprise. Yoruichi is turning in my direction, her eyes rising to meet mine. She catches them for a moment and I see a hint of fear. She takes Takeshi's hand and turns for Chisaki. They disappear into the crowd but Princess Mari will have someone watching them. Indeed, I see shadowed forms follow them, but the emotion that would have made me run for them is gone. I watch as they return, as Yoruichi's eye falls on me again and she holds the children close to her.

Princess Mari appears out of the crowd, moving through the sway of bodies with her smile wide. Her eyes catch mine and she looks around. Approaching me, she takes my arm.

"Where is Renji Abarai?" she asks, "Did he not come for you when you were taken by Sosuke Aizen?"

"I never saw Renji," I lie without thought, without conscience, "I only came back when I heard you were here."

"Then you know what I want…" she says, watching me.

She knows something is not quite right, but she doesn't know what…and what is wrong matters little because my soul is about to fall. It will not matter after.

"I know why you have come."

"And you know what will happen to them if you do not…"

"I know what is expected of me," I tell her.

I reach to the gold medallion and focus. It lights from within and comes out of dormancy. I take it from around my neck and place it on her. Her smile feels cold as she touches it and follows as I turn away.

There are so many all around. One has to wonder why they don't see…but as we step toward the entrance to the archive, the Royal Guard draws near and makes the way clear for us.

I see Hotaru and Rikichi staring with frightened eyes, Yoruichi and the children sitting on a bench by the koi pond with a guard at their side, Takeo regarding me with tragically wounded eyes, and so many others…collateral damage waiting to happen if I dare to deviate.

I pass a mirror and I know why they stare at me with fear in their eyes. Even now, my eyes are empty of all affection, reduced to frozen, dead orbs of stone. My lips smile without light and there is lifelessness around me. I am the one they feared…the one who came to be after Hisana died, the cold and heartless man who wandered this place…in search of his heart. It is lost to me now.

We reach the entrance to the archive and we leave all others behind. She remains a step behind me as I pass the ancient protections and open the way for her. The door closes behind us and we are left in silence and half-light. The archive opens to receive me, and she follows until we are in its very core. I feel the talisman waiting, its sentient pulse in the vault within this room. Princess Mari tells me not to move. I stand frozen as the wall slides away and a small room is revealed. The words from Hajime's diary return to me. I know this for the room where he lost his soul to the Omoi Oujou Talisman…where mine will fall in moments. The fear does not reach me.

"Come, Byakuya," she says, "It is time."

I step forward calmly and lie in the outline of my ancestor, looking up as she moves around me, setting the restraints, one by one. A question passes my lips and she stops for a moment in surprise…but then she surprises me by answering.

"Why?" she repeats softly, her voice poignant and her eyes sad, "Of course you don't know. You look like Hajime, so much like him…but you are not him. I imagine you deserve an explanation of some kind."

She sits down next to me and leans close.

"We were happy, Lord Byakuya. Back before Hajime, we were a happy family and all was well. My mother, father, brother and I were the perfect family. Then my father wanted to create new worlds and fill them with people. Hajime was one he made to assist with their governance. But he soon became the favored of the king…too much favored, and too much loved. He would have ruined everything. I cannot say more. Only know that Hajime was treacherous and that he stole my happiness. He tried to take a place that was not his. Because of this, his soul fell…now your soul will fall, too. I will use you, who looks so much like his beloved Hajime…to destroy him, so that he cannot destroy me."

She disappears for a moment, and when she returns, I feel that unreleased power of the talisman in her hands. If I had a heart, it would shake with fear. If I had a heart, it would cry out in terror…but there is nothing…nothing where my heart used to be.

"Release its power," she says quietly, "or all above us will die."

I will not let them die. But it is not my heart that protects them now…it is a directive…an order. I no longer know whose. The words form on my lips and I let them fall like sakura on the wind, heedless and unconcerned…lost.

"Setsuzoku, Ryoku, Ankoku…"

Princess Mari smiles as white light flares, lighting up our faces and the talisman rises into the air above me and turns.

"Do not resist…" Sosuke's voice says in my mind, "Relinquish all control…and welcome the talisman. Think of nothing but the talisman."

It falls toward my chest slowly and ever so slowly begins to sink beneath my skin. As it breaks the skin, I hear the voice issue softly in my mind.

"Byakuya Kuchiki…"

I catch my breath in surprise and pain flares sharply. It knows my name?

"Where is your heart?" it asks me.

I do not answer. Fire dances on my skin and the talisman burns as it slides inside where my heart used to be.

"Where is your heart?" it asks again.

"I have no heart," I say this time, "I am heartless."

Waves of crimson pain strike blow after blow on me and my voice rises in hardened screams. There is cold air swirling around me and my body trembles in frosted emptiness, alone but for the talisman.

"Do you miss your heart, Byakuya Kuchiki?" the talisman asks.

And a sea of memory parades through my mind. My father crosses his sword with mine…my mother's palm cools a forehead heated with fever…Yoruichi laughs and tears the hair tie from my hair…my captain falls…Hisana's lips touch mine…her lips turn cold and dry as sand…the icy kenseiken is heavy on my head…Rukia looks up and her eye catches mine for the first time…I walk past Renji and our reiatsu meets…my sword cuts Ichigo Kurosaki…Renji falls at my feet…Senbonzakura shatters in my nerveless hand…Renji's voice floats through the darkness of Aizen's treachery…his hands take hold of mine…Senseless and lost, I pull his face to mine and taste his lips for the first time…I am pulled from dark water…love claims me once again…Ichimaru Gin reveals his eyes…Aizen invites my surrender…I walk among the ookami seirei…Renji holds tightly to my limp body and won't let go…"You aren't leaving me…I'm not letting you go!"

I feel something.

"No!" I scream against the feeling.

A heart feels pain…a heart feels…and I want to be numb…I ache for the peace of numbness.

"Will you let me be your heart?" the talisman asks softly, "Will you feel for me?"

"Tell it you will," urges Sosuke's voice, "Tell it now, Byakuya!"

"I…kami, I…"

"Will you feel for me?" it asks again.

"I don't want to feel…I don't…"

Pain blossoms all around. Sosuke's voice rises sharply.

"Do not resist! Tell the talisman you will!" he orders.

Renji's face flashes in my mind and brings with it a violent shock of feeling. The talisman flares.

"You do feel something…Byakuya Kuchiki, you have a heart…where is it? Why do you deny it?"

I gasp with pain, but my mouth closes against any utterance. Senbonzakura enters my thoughts and I force it away.

"You are resisting!" Sosuke's voice cries desperately, "You are breaking the hypnosis…Byakuya…you are…going to die! Don't die, Byakuya. Don't die!"

His voice changes and becomes Takeshi's.

"Don't die…please don't die!"

The talisman pulses.

"Feel for me…feel for me…feel…"

My body and mind are assaulted from all around as the talisman binds itself to my soul, winding its way around me, gripping me tightly. My body writhes and twists in torment and my screams sound like the cries of a dragon I feel rising in the coldness of the desert.

"I have you now," the talisman whispers in my mind, "We are one now. Let me help you…let me take the pain away…let me make you numb again…Just give yourself over to me…Give me control…"

Aizen's voice returns, but it is only a memory.

"Surrender to me and no one will touch you, except for me…If your answers please me, I will stop the pain…"

"Will you surrender?" the talisman whispers.

"No…"

"Why do you resist me?" it asks softly, "Why won't you yield? You know if you won't yield I'll have to kill you. Give me control, Byakuya. Give yourself over. Embrace me. Feel for me…"

Sosuke's voice breaks through one more time, a tiny sound nearly lost in a blaze of howls.

"Let go…let go…let go…let go…"

Something gives way inside and the talisman warms me.

"We are one in body, mind, and purpose now," it whispers, "Come, he waits. Let us not keep the king waiting."

My new heart flares warmly within as the torment of my past fades away. My lips curl into a smile. My eyes open and come to rest on her. She smiles back and releases the restraints.

"Come now," she says quietly, "It is time to return to my father's house."

She turns away and I rise to follow, my eyes on her slender back. She is unwise to turn her back to me. For my vengeance will not now be sated with just the king. No…I was beaten down and locked away by all of them. Royal blood will flow in crimson streams around me now…and my sword will not stop until the last of it is drawn. As she opens the door and we break free of the archive, I slide my sword free. Still she walks ahead of me, unconcerned. Captain Mori turns and hundreds of guests suddenly see. But there is no time to react. I bury my sword in her white flesh and she falls back into my waiting arms. Her mouth opens in surprise and my eyes meet hers. She gasps in realization and my eyes are the last thing she sees. I let her fall.

Screams rise up all around and alarms sound madly. The captain's face pales as he realizes too late what has been unleashed. They were foolish to think they could control me. They were foolish to think they could use me. His sword rises and mine slashes, claiming a second life in a spray of crimson rain. The screams are everywhere and the alarms are shrill. I watch the captain slump down next to her and I flash step away. Pale forms careen wildly out of my way and none challenge me as I burst out of the Kuchiki home and head for the dimension door. I did not need Princess Mari to cross. The pass I was given is still upon my wrist. No one can stop me. No one.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yoruichi pushed the children into their playroom and set a guard upon the door. Rikichi and Hotaru ran to join her.

"What was that?" Yoruichi gasped, "What was that thing that killed the princess and her captain?"

Tears streamed down Hotaru's face and Rikichi's was ashen.

"Answer me!" demaded Yoruichi.

"Didn't you see?" said Hotaru in a choked voice.

"No…I was getting the children away."

"Lady Yoruichi…" Rikichi said brokenly, "It was him…It was my captain…or something that used to be him. I don't know what he is now!"

Yoruichi put her hands together and focused, forming a ball of golden energy. She stared into it as the screams around them began to die.

"He heads for the dimension door. He is going to the palace…Kami, what do we do?" Yoruichi whispered, "We have no way into the spirit king's dimension."

"We can take you," said a young voice, "I want to go. We have to go and save him!"

"Takeshi…" whispered Yoruichi, "Takeshi…no…"

Chisaki appeared at her brother's side and their swords rang as they were drawn and crossed.

"Urufuhane!"

"No!" Yoruichi hissed again.

They watched in awe as the winged wolf formed and his wise eyes regarded Yoruichi.

"I will watch over them and they will come to no harm, for truly they are needed, as are you. Trust me, I will shield them. Come…If we do not go, he will be lost."

Yoruichi stared in desperation at the twins as they scrambled onto the back of the waiting wolf. First she, then Rikichi and Hotaru moved to join them. Howling, the winged wolf rose into the air and swept away. Behind them on the Kuchiki grounds, insanity still raged.

On the battleground outside Inuzuri, Renji felt raging torrents of distressed reiatsu flashing all around. Beside him, Zabimaru and Senbonzakura stood silently, their eyes on the horizon. The cold desert was melting around them as the last of the enchantment faded. They knew then that the time had come.

Take the golden coin into your hand, said Zabimaru.

Renji froze as Senbonzakura placed a blindfold over his eyes.

Whatever happens, the masked warrior warned him, do not remove this. You cannot lay eyes upon your enemy or all is lost. Use what you have learned. And Renji, no matter what happens, do not hesitate.

Now focus your energy on the coin. It will take you to the palace. When you arrive, Renji, the battle will begin.

Renji tightened his hand around the golden coin until he felt it dig into his skin.

"This is for Byakuya," he whispered, "I will kill this enemy to free him. I will not look upon him and I will not hesitate!"

He felt a dizzying sensation take hold of him and a flash of vertigo…then he was standing somewhere else. He sensed a room around him. Behind him he sensed double doors, and beyond…a person of great power. In front of him, he sensed a second door opening, and the approach of a terrifyingly strong reiatsu. He knew he wouldn't have any trouble sensing its movements. The feel of it was horribly strong. He drew Zabimaru and released his Shikai.

"You will need more than that weak sword to defeat me…" growled a low, demonic voice.

Renji heard a rush of pounding feet outside the doors and frantic voices. Then his opponent growled softly again and he felt fiery walls rise around them.

"Now we shall not be disturbed. I do not know who you are, but you have royal blood in your lineage. Come…come and meet the fate that all of this royal trash deserves!"