Chapter eleven

"Confrontation"

The next day Tom went by the wardroom to get to his quarters when he saw Sasha sitting at the table deeply in her thoughts. He leaned onto the door frame and watched her. He thought about the things Ashley said to him. "Can it be that she is still in love with me too?"

Sasha didn't notice him cause she was too deep in her own world wondering about her mixed feelings towards a certain blue eyed captain. She loved the little banter Tom and Mike had in the pilothouse yesterday. It was like old times. Seeing Tom with this grin on his face and the fun he had, warmed her heart immediately. But then her thoughts went to the day he left the ship and said his goodbyes to her with this amazing kiss. She was so heartbroken at that time. Self-doubt creeping into her and she asked herself not for the first time why she wasn't able to stop him from leaving her and the crew. Why he hadn't talked to her about his feelings and actions. Why he had turned to another woman than rather turning to her. It hurt her a lot. Seeing him with Cali. Imagining the things they had done together.

"Penny for your thoughts," he greeted her.

Startled Sasha looked up. "Hey, there. What's up?"

"You tell me. Everything okay?" Tom asked concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is alright."

"If you need someone to talk to, we can talk." Tom said and hoping to get a reaction that she still cared about him.

Sasha wasn't prepared for a conversation with him. Not after her thoughts she just had. She got annoyed because he was the last person she wanted to talk to because he was the subject she wanted to talk about. "If I want to talk about something with someone, it will certainly not be you."

"Woah, Sasha. Calm down." Tom raised his hands. "I just thought that you need someone to talk. Nothing more. Jesus."

"Like I said, it isn't you I want to talk with."

"Fine. I don't know what I have done to you to deserve your reaction but I don't have the strength to argue with you." Tom sighed

Sasha was now really pissed "You don't know what you have done?"

"No. I don't. Everything seemed fine between us. But since we got my kids back and went to the village, you are acting weird. So tell me what I have done to get you in that state of mind." Tom getting annoyed too.

"Well Tom, perhaps it has something to do with you leaving me and getting a new girlfriend. Have you ever planned to tell me about her?" She stated with a hurt voice. "So Tom enlighten me about her."

"Sasha," he sighed. "I think we shouldn't have this conversation in here. Let's go to your room or mine."

"No, if you want a conversation with me then it has to be here or leave."

Tom wasn't prepared about this topic and her childish behavior. What had he thought? Getting a confirmation that she still loved him? How could he be so stupid? Believing a twelve year old kid. He was so angry about himself that he handled the conversation in the only way he shouldn't do it.

"You know what Sasha, I'll leave. I don't need to be treated like shit even if I hurt you. And you are lucky. I'm leaving tomorrow with my kids so you don't need to see me around for the next weeks. You have the ship on your own again and nothing will remind you of me being around. I thought that we could talk like adults and become friends again or something more. But I see, you have no interest in that. Good bye Miss Cooper." Tom turned around and stormed out of the wardroom leaving a desperate Sasha behind.

"Well, this went well, Sasha. What is wrong with you? Why can't you get over the fact that he moved on with that girl like you did with Fletcher?" Sasha asked herself.

Little did they know that Ashley and Azima overheard them. Both looked into the wardroom and saw an unhappy Sasha with tears in her eyes. Azima and Ashley changed a look. Azima said "Okay, you go to your Dad and I talk to that stubborn woman. Perhaps I can get some sense into her head."

Ashley knocked on the door and entered immediately. Her father was lying in bed with his face to the ceiling. Tears were shining in his eyes. He turned his head and saw Ashley standing in the doorway.

"Hey, sweetheart, everything alright?" he asked. While he was standing up and coming to her, he wiped his eyes.

"Yes. You okay, Dad?"

"Sure." He replied not wanting to worry her.

"Dad, I heard you and Sasha back down the way. She shouldn't talk to you like that. You don't deserve that." Ashley said.

"I do. I wasn't nice to her when I left the ship and I think she has to come to terms with her feelings. So I give her the time to sort out her things and hope that she is willing to give me another chance." Tom replied and to lead their conversation away he added. "Have you enjoyed playing cards with Miller yesterday? "

"Yes, he is really good. Perhaps I'll go down there later. He is so bored." Ashley said, then more carefully "Dad? Do you think that Danny is getting better? He was so full of negative thoughts. I haven't seen him like this before."

"I don't know but I hope he will recover fully. It was the first time for him to get wounded that bad. The free days in bed with nothing to do leads your thoughts sometimes in a direction you don't want to go: Thinking about the close call. Thinking about wife and children. It all leads to the question if the mission is worthy to get shot or if family and children are more important than a career."

"Did you had such thoughts, too?"

"Yes, I had. But I hadn't a wife or kids at the time I was that bad injured. It was only your grandparents and my siblings. And you know I really could relinquish your Uncle Ben. But your Aunt Theresa was there for me and she kicked my ass to come to terms and to go on with my life."

"If she was that clucking hen like she was with us, then it was torture for you." Ashley chuckled.

"Exactly. It was torture. And to get away from it, I mobilized everything what strength was in me to go to rehab and be out of her way." Tom smiled at the memory of his beloved sister. Despite that she could sometimes be a pain in the ass she was his favorite sibling and they stuck together thru thin and thick. He wished he had her at his side the last 20 months.

"So you're okay Dad?"

"Yes, all is well. Thank you Ash."

Azima entered the wardroom and closed the door. This conversation didn't need any audience. Sasha looked up at her "What?" she asked annoyed.

"Nothing." Azima said in a nonchalant voice and walked over to the coffee machine. Leaving Sasha not out of her sight she poured herself a mug of coffee and sitting down next to Sasha.

"What?" Sasha asked again.

"Well, why are you so bitchy against the Captain?" Azima asked her.

"I'm not bitchy." Sasha responded.

"Yes, you are. He only wanted to know what's on your mind. And you? You chopped off his head instead. What's wrong with you? Everyone can see that he is in love with you." Azima stated, looking into a puzzled face. Sasha couldn't believe what Kandie just said.

"He isn't. I know him. Nobody would see his feelings especially not on the ship. He is always guarded." Sasha returned.

"Maybe this was before I met him. Now everyone can see his feelings for you. Is it still the girlfriend who is bothering you or what?"

Sasha sighed and let out a loud breath. "I don't know what is going on with me. It's so complicated."

Azima touched her arm and squeezed it a little bit to comfort her "Then talk about it. Perhaps this will bring you in the right direction."

Sasha looked at her and let out a deep sigh "I … I don't know where to start." She said truthfully.

"You are thinking to much." Azima said. "I have an idea. Answer my questions without thinking. Just say what comes on your mind. Okay?" Sasha nodded. "Which kind of animals do you like most?"

"Cats."

"Do you like your job?"

"Yes, very much."

"What do you dislike of Tom?"

"That he's always thinking in black or white."

"What do you like of Tom the most?"

"His smile. His strength. Hell, all of him." They both smiled at this statement.

"Are you okay to see Tom with another woman at his side?"

"NO. I don't like the thought."

"You're jealous." It wasn't meant as a question more than a statement but Sasha replied "Yes I am."

"What is holding you back, then?"

"His kids, my fear of loosing him again."

"Why are you scared?"

"Loosing him again would break me forever. I wouldn't be able to put myself together again. It hurt so much letting him go when I broke up with him all those years ago." Sasha whispered.

"Are you still in love with him?"

"Yes I am." Sasha's eyes widen as she took in the amount of her revelation.

"What is holding you back? Go get to him and make a move. He will leave the ship tomorrow morning and you won't see him again for at least three weeks. You can figure it out if you want a relationship with him by then. But give him a sign that you're still interested."

"No, I can't do this. I'll figure it out what to do when we are on the way back home."

"What happens when he thinks that you don't want him and a woman is hitting on him? Can you live with the lost opportunity?" Azima asked provocative and walked away.