A/N: I don't own Twilight or any of the other great stuff that belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I do own the slightly nuts characters in this story.

So…another took-forever update. Again, no good excuses, just a big I'm sorry. This chapter is going to be more than a little angsty, but you probably expected that after what just happened.

Happy reading!

More Than I Deserve

Bella and Rose arrived home no more than half an hour after I did. I could hear them whispering in the hallway and decided to put them out of their misery.

"You can come in," I called quietly.

The door cracked open, letting in a little light, and the girls walked into my dark bedroom quietly, Rose sitting on the end of my bed and Bella sitting in the desk chair.

"I'm so sorry Jas," Bella whispered.

"Why?" I asked, sitting up and turning on the lamp on my bedside table. "You didn't spike the punch, you didn't make Alice drink it…it's not your fault. What I wouldn't give to get my hands on the fucker who spiked the punch!"

Rosalie nodded. "I know. I didn't have any of the punch because Emmett forgot I'm allergic and put pineapple in it, otherwise I probably could have stopped Alice sooner."

"Not your fault either Rose," I said softly. "Did you guys see her before you left?"

Both girls shook their heads. "She refused to see anyone. Emmett was still trying to get her to let him in when we left," Bella explained.

I dropped my head into my hands. "I should have stayed with her."

I felt Rosalie's weight shift on the end of the bed, then she was sitting next to me with her arm around my shoulders. "You weren't to know Jas. Alice had other friends there, and so did you – there's no rule saying you have to spend all your time together at parties."

"And so you know, Emmett has threatened to put a hole in the face of whoever spiked the punch," Bella threw in with a wry smile.

I couldn't help but smile at that. "I wouldn't want to get in his way."

My phone beeped next to me and I pounced on it, hoping it was Alice. It wasn't.

Jas, Emmett. Alice isn't coming out or letting us in, but she said

she doesn't want to hear from you. Will call in the morning.

I read the message aloud and Bella sighed. "I know it's going to be hard, but you need to respect her wishes, however misguided they might be."

I nodded, feeling numb. "I think I just want to go to sleep, do you guys mind?"

Rose shook her head and gave my shoulders a squeeze. "Not at all. But you let us know if we can do anything, yeah?"

I nodded again and mumbled a goodnight as they left my room, pulling the door shut behind them. I changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and climbed under the covers, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. All I could see was Alice's face as she told me to get out.

I tossed and turned until the sun came up and finally gave it up as a bad joke. I climbed out bed and got dressed for a run, zipping my phone and iPod into my pocket. I left a scribbled note for the girls in case they got up before I came back and headed outside, spending a few minutes stretching in the yard before heading off at a jog.

I built up speed as I headed towards the centre of town, before detouring off a side street and going towards the river. I kept my pace as I ran for a bit longer, then turned and retraced my steps until I came to a picnic area. I stopped and grabbed a drink from a water fountain and caught my breath. Looking around, I realised that Alice and I had been here not even two weeks ago for a picnic lunch.

Before I could let my emotions get the better of me, I changed the track on my iPod and headed for home. I let myself in quietly and took a shower before heading back to the kitchen. I pulled out bacon and eggs from the fridge, and turned the oven on to cook some hash browns. I measured coffee grounds into the dripper and turned it on, setting the table while I waited for the oven to get hot.

The smell of sizzling bacon lifted my spirits a bit and I was just cracking eggs into the bacon fat when Rosalie walked into the kitchen.

"Have I mentioned you're my favourite brother?" she joked, giving me a kiss on the cheek and pouring three mugs of coffee.

"Only when I'm making you breakfast," I replied with a genuine smile.

Bella shuffled in a minute or two later and offered to help, but I told her to sit and relax. I made some toast, pulled the hash browns out of the oven, and carried breakfast to the table.

We started eating in silence and I was glad I was where I was. Bella and Rose were two of my favourite people, and they both knew and understood me well enough to know not to say anything. I was shovelling the last scraps of breakfast into my mouth when the phone rang.

Bella stood up and grabbed the receiver. "Bella Swan speaking."

Her eyes went wide and she turned away from us. "Yep…uh huh…are you sure?..We'll be there…No, I won't bring Jasper…Ok…Bye." She hung up and turned around slowly.

"Alice." I wasn't asking a question, just making a statement.

Bella nodded. "She wants Rose and me to go over there this afternoon, but she doesn't want to see you. I'm sorry Jas."

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach as I nodded slowly. "If that's what she wants…"

"We can take a message though, if you want?" Rose offered.

That gave me an idea. "Sounds like a good idea," I replied. "Do you girls mind cleaning up?"

Bella shook her head. "You cooked, we clean. Fair deal."

"Thanks," I said, jumping up and kissing them both on the top of the head. "I'll be in the attic."

I ran up the stairs, stopping in my room to grab my old laptop, guitar and plug-in microphone. I took the stairs to the small attic and placed the laptop and microphone on the small table and sat down on the rickety old chair.

The attic had been my refuge since we moved in when I wanted to play the guitar and didn't want others to hear me. Charlie and I had spent a Sunday cleaning out the cobwebs and dust, and lining the walls with old egg cartons to help keep the sound in. I hadn't used it for recording yet but I was hoping the sound would be ok.

I turned on the computer and fired up the old recording program I'd been using for a few years. There were better options out there, but I knew how it worked and what sort of results I could get. I plugged in the mike and did a couple of tests, talking, singing and then playing to test the quality.

Not bad, I thought to myself as I listened back. I've never claimed to be a great singer, but I can carry a tune well enough. I spent the next half hour or so playing the same song over and over, and when I thought I had it right I recorded three or four different versions.

I played them back and settled on the second one, burning it to a CD. I packed up and headed back down to my room, scrawling, 'For Alice – you're More Than I Deserve' on the disc before putting it in a sleeve.

Taking a deep breath, I went downstairs and handed it to Rose. "Can you give this to Alice for me?"

She looked at the title and smiled. "Damn straight I can," she answered with a smile. "And for the record? If I guy did this for me, I'd be running into his arms."

I smiled back. "Even if it's me singing, and not the original?"

"Especially because it's you – that's what makes it special."

"What's making what special?" Bella asked, coming in behind me.

"Nothing," Rosalie and I answered together.

Bella shrugged. "Ok with me. Who's for lunch?"

We all pitched in and made sandwiches, eating in the kitchen off napkins.

"What time are you going over there?" I asked, starting to doubt my gift.

"Alice asked us to be there at two, so I guess we'll leave in half an hour?" Bella answered, turning to Rose for confirmation, who nodded.

"Jasper, go out to Frank's for a while. Just tinker or something – take your mind of things," she suggested.

I changed into some old clothes and grabbed my keys and wallet, making sure my phone was in my pocket. I stuck my head in the kitchen and asked the girls to let me know when they were home, then headed for Frank's.

Rose was right. Working on the car out at Frank's took my mind off things for a couple of hours. My phone rang just after four and I couldn't get to it because my hands were covered in grease. I went and washed them off, then pulled my phone from my pocket to find a missed call from Bella, and a voicemail.

I dialled in and listened to the message; "Jasper, it's Bella. Rosalie and I are on our way home from the Cullen's – we're going to get Chinese take-out for dinner after we pick a few groceries. See you at home for dinner round five thirty."

I cleaned up after myself and said goodbye to Frank before heading home. It was a little after five when I got there so I took a quick shower – I didn't need Rosalie around to tell me I was on the nose. I was just pulling on a clean t-shirt when I heard the door open downstairs.

"Jas! Dinner!" Bella called.

"Coming!" I yelled back, checking my phone to see if Alice had called while I was in the shower. Nothing.

We ate in the living room in front of the TV while we watched the start of Alvin and the Chipmunks and I left the girls there while I cleaned up, then re-joined them for the ending. The movie finished and Bella turned the TV off, turning to me.

"Jasper, Alice gave us your CD back," she said, taking my hand.

The air in my lungs rushed out and I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Jas? Are you ok?" Rose sounded worried, so I made the effort to nod.

"There's more," Bella said softly.

"Fuck," I muttered.

"When we got there, Alice was up in her room – Emmett met us at the door," Rosalie started. "He said Alice had only been out of her room a couple of times during the night, and he hadn't seen her all day. Every time he went upstairs to check on her, she told him to go away."

"She wouldn't let Edward in either," Bella took over the story. "So after we talked to the boys, we went upstairs and knocked on her door. She called out for us to come in. She was sitting on her bed in the same clothes she was wearing last night, holding an almost-empty bottle of vodka."

"She…wait, what?" I felt like I'd been slapped.

"Turns out she snuck downstairs after the boys went to bed and stole it last night, and she'd been drinking it ever since. She wasn't in a good way," Bella said.

Rose came and sat on my other side and took my other hand. "We managed to convince her to have a shower and change her clothes, but that was as far as we got. She wouldn't talk about last night, and when we told her you were worried she went off and told us to get out."

Bella squeezed my hand and continued. "We told her how upset you were, that you hadn't slept properly and stuff, and gave her the CD. She looked at it and gave it back to us, and told us she wants a few days on her own to sort things out. So, we left."

I nodded again – something I seemed to be doing a lot of. "I think I'm going to go to bed," I mumbled, standing up. I forgot that both of my hands were taken and was promptly pulled back onto the couch.

"Jas, we know this is going to be hard, but you just need to give her space," Bella said.

"I won't message or call her, I'll leave her be, I promise," I replied. I looked from one girl to the other, making sure they realised I was telling the truth. "The last thing I want to do is cause Alice any more pain."

They both nodded, releasing my hands so I could stand up. Both of them stood with me.

"Family hug!" Rose chirped, throwing her arms around me and pulling Bella into the hug as well. I hugged them back and laughed – it felt good.

"You girls are pretty awesome, you know that?" I said, poking them both in the ribs.

"Hell yeah!" Bella said, poking me back. "Now go get some sleep – you look like hell."

I cleaned my teeth and changed into my pyjamas, then lay on top of my bed. I wasn't ready to sleep so I grabbed a magazine off the floor and flipped through it for a while, finally getting into bed around ten.

I turned the light out and curled up, falling asleep thinking of Alice.