Chapter 11 - Falling One by One
There was something lingering in the air of Ikebukuro that set him on edge. A pungent odor that lingered in the air, a familiar stench that he could not quite put his finger on. It hung like a thick fog that blanketed the entire city. Shizuo felt suffocated every time he breathed it in. The only respite was the nicotine from the half-crumpled cigarette crookedly wedged into the side of his mouth.
His hands were shoved firmly in the pockets of his uniform as he raggedly clambered up the stairs to his apartment. Another day had passed without a sign of Yomi. Somehow her absence had left his nerves in a bunch and he could not figure out why.
"It's because you're in love," Shinra had told him with great conviction.
Regardless of how gullible he was, Shizuo was certain that the emotion he felt was far more complicated than something as pure as 'love'. It was more like a heightened awareness of his surroundings. A weariness that he carried from the moment he woke in the morning until he went to bed at night. Perhaps that was because he was never quite sure when she might show up again. Life felt a little emptier when she was not around and far more hectic when she was. The blonde had yet to choose which of the two he preferred.
Not that he had the luxury of preference, considering that when his apartment door came into sight, so too did a familiar silhouette. He paused in the midst of his stride and lingered there for several moments, taking another drag from his cigarette before prying it from his mouth and flicking it away.
"Shi-chan!" she greeted him exuberantly the moment she peered over her shoulder and spotted him.
Taking a deep inhale, Shizuo reached for the pocket of his jacket. Another cigarette – he would need one if she was planning to make her visit very long.
Yomi happily skipped over to Shizuo, closing the distance between the two of them. At the same instance, he managed to pull out another cigarette, intent on getting another long drag in before their conversation started. In turn she seemed to wait patiently before striking up a conversation, watching as he pressed the flame of the lighter to the end of the cigarette. As soon as a wave of smoke came wafting out of his mouth, she started.
"Hey, Shi-chan, you wouldn't be happy if I stayed with you, would you?"
He choked as he took another inhale, unable to even form a coherent reply. Yomi stay with him? Was she honestly making such an absurd request? His mind struggled to wrap around the possibility of sharing his apartment with – no, no it would not work.
"Mhm, that's the response I thought I would get." A wry grin spread across her face as she reached up and plucked the cigarette right from his mouth. "You know, you really should stop smoking, Shi-chan. How are you ever going to get a girlfriend if you stink?"
His eye twitched. Yes, this was exactly the reason why he had to smoke just to tolerate her presence. Indignantly, he reached out to retrieve his cigarette from her but she ducked out of his grasp and danced back a few steps, putting some distance between them. Rather than get angry, Shizuo reluctantly sighed – somehow he had grown accustomed to this kind of behavior.
"Hm? You seem to be unusually accommodating," she commented as she twirled the still-burning cylinder-shaped object between her fingers.
Shizuo's nostrils flared as he picked up that scent again. It was that stench again but somehow the air had become unusually thick with it. Suspicious, he advanced a few steps and reached out to clasp Yomi's shoulder. Then he leaned down toward her. One whiff confirmed his concerns. "You... have been around Izaya again." That name seethed out of his mouth like poison dripping from the fangs of a snake.
As though to placate him, Yomi shoved the butt of the cigarette back in between Shizuo's lips right as he finished his sentence. "This is why I like you the most, Shi-chan. Other people don't seem to notice it but you're super perceptive, you know?"
His lips were taut in something resembling a frown as he leaned away from her, gentling lifting his hand from her shoulder. Shizuo was not sure how to take what she had said. Whether it was meant as a compliment or not, she had confirmed his concerns about her being around Izaya despite the warnings he had issued her.
"Are you worried about me?"
Surprised at the question, he chomped down on the butt of his cigarette. "What?" he growled irritably as he turned to his door and fumbled for the key in his pockets. No sense loitering outside when evening was quickly coming to a close. It would be getting dark out soon enough.
"Aw, don't dodge my question," Yomi sulked with a downtrodden expression as she slipped in behind him and pranced down his hallway toward his kitchen. It was not until that moment that he noticed the rustling of a sack and the clinking of glass. Apparently she had brought something along with her.
While Shizuo closed the front door and shuffled along down the hallway after removing his shoes, he heard the distant sound of his fridge opening. "What are you doing?" The question was tinged with exasperation.
"Bringing you more of that disgusting dairy stuff that you like, of course!" A smile spread from ear to ear as she held up two fresh glasses of milk that she had bought.
Even Shizuo could not help but soften a bit at the gesture, even if the way she conveyed it was a bit crude. He scratched at the back of his head, letting out another drawn-out sigh. Perhaps it was because he was not sure how to handle her.
"Hm, you must be thirsty right now, huh? You just got back from work after all. That makes sense! You should probably drink one of these now." While Yomi talked animatedly to herself, she left one of the glasses in the fridge and happily brought the other over to Shizuo. When she presented it to him, she let out a loud, "Ta-da~!"
Something about her behavior left him at a disadvantage. As much as he would like to shoo her out for being a nuisance, Yomi managed to redeem herself through small, endearing actions. Reluctantly he took the glass and downed the milk with several consecutive gulps, albeit not before discarding his half-smoked cigarette in nearby ash tray.
This earned him unwarranted applause. "See, I knew you were thirsty!"
Shizuo's gaze drifted from Yomi to the glass as he lowered it away from his lips. His mind reeled with the thought that Yomi was associating herself with Izaya. Some unfamiliar emotion bubbled at the pit of his stomach. What was it? Certainly he was concerned but that was not the emotion slowly overcoming him, creeping up from the depths of his being. As his grip tightened on the glass, there was a cracking sound as the fragile container started to fragment.
"Don't break it!" Yomi's voice pealed as she suddenly yanked the glass out of his hands. Fortunately it had not shattered, although she gave him an admonishing glare as she eyed the crack that had been left from the force of his fist clenching around it.
"Ah, sorry." The apology spilled past his lips almost like habit. Even Shizuo was a little surprised to hear himself say it.
Shaking her head tousled her already windblown hair. "It's weird to hear you apologize to me... What are you thinking so hard about, Shi-chan? You have a huge wrinkle on your forehead. It's not very attractive, you know~ and if you keep thinking so hard, it might get stuck there!"
His lips creased a small fraction, resembling something of a smile. "You should go home." Awkwardly, Shizuo reached his hand over and ruffled her hair – almost... affectionately? As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he froze and slowly pulled away from her.
Yomi did not share his confusion however and beamed at his touch. "Aye aye, captain!" She saluted him and then stiffly marched toward the hallway.
"Oi."
She paused before disappearing through the threshold and looked back at him excitedly. "Yeah?" Maybe she thought he was going to ask her to stay after all.
"You're still hanging around Izaya?"
The expression she gave him was unreadable as her eyelids lowered a fraction. "I have to." Even the tone of her voice had adjusted to match her countenance; she sounded subdued, hesitant. It did not match her usual, unnaturally upbeat personality at all. Even Shizuo, who lacked people skills, could tell something was off about her.
"Why?"
Suddenly her face broke into a smile as though that moment of weakness was just a temporary crack in her facade. "It's not something you should worry about, Shi-chan. I know you don't like him. Don't worry! I will be suuuu~per careful."
For whatever reason, Yomi was completely avoiding his question. The blonde frowned. There was a dissonance between what he thought and what he felt. While he tried to play off his concern as not wanting to see anyone else used as a puppet for Izaya's games, he could feel something in him clench indignantly at the fact that Yomi did not seem to trust him enough to confide in him.
"You don't have to look so disappointed, you know."
While he was distracted, the dark-haired female had sneaked back over and closed the distance between them. Standing on her tiptoes, she was about level with his chin. Shizuo's mind went blank as he watched that cat-like grin on Yomi's face spread from ear-to-ear.
"Would you feel better if I gave you another hug?"
The question did not even need to be spoken, considering she looped her arms around his waist without even waiting for confirmation. Then she lowered herself back onto the balls of her feet and leaned against him, pressing her face against his chest. It was a disorienting experience; especially when she nuzzled against him like a feline.
"Hm, you actually don't smell like smoke when I get this close..."
His thoughts were scrambled. How was he even supposed to react? What was he supposed to say? Rather than take any action in return, Shizuo just stood there dumbfounded without reciprocating anything. Reciprocate? No, of course he was supposed to push her away, but–
"Hey, Shi-chan. No matter what happens, you won't hate me, right?"
That question made him flinch. "Hate you," he echoed unevenly. What did she mean by that?
"Since I am not a good person, a lot of people don't like me. But you'll keep liking me even if I do bad things, right?"
Considering how vague and child-like her words were, he could not even begin to comprehend what she was getting at. Speaking in abstracts, he could only attempt to guess what it was that she was insinuating. Shizuo felt too unsure to commit a response but Yomi's embrace only tightened around him in the silence.
"It would be nice if I had one person on my side. Just one would be enough."
Something was really odd about Yomi. Although he had seen gaps in her personality that suggested she was usually pretending, it became suddenly more evident. Why all of a sudden was she showing more vulnerability?
Suddenly Shizuo reached up with both hands and roughly gripped Yomi's shoulders, pushing her away from him. She stumbled from the sudden pressure, looking completely flabbergasted that he was shoving her back. "You aren't planning something stupid?" His eyes searched hers and since Yomi had lowered her guard, it was evident. He did not even have to ask.
"Something stupid?" she laughed it off.
"You're planning on dying."
Again she lowered her eyelids and her lips did not even twitch to try and respond. It was a sign of her resignation, affirmation that his words were true.
The situation was unsettling for Shizuo, whose grip on Yomi's shoulders was probably bone crushing, although the girl had not so much as whimpered at the pressure. He eased off and eventually released her completely, dropping his hands back to his sides. There was an internal conflict in his head as he struggled between wanting to stop her and feeling that he had no right to do so.
Suddenly Yomi reached up and gently cupped her hand against the side of Shizuo's face. The feel of her gentle caress further clouded his eyes in doubt, but she just smiled at him in return. It was the first smile that he had ever seen from her that did not seem entirely put on for show. Perhaps this was the real Yomi and not the guise she usually wore. "You don't have to look so worried for me, Shi-chan. I should have died when Hiro did."
"Don't be stupid," he rebuked her harshly, planting his heavy hand against her head, forcing her to dip her chin down. It broke their gaze and hid her eyes away from him. Shizuo did not like the way she was peering up at him – with sadness and resignation.
"Thank you." Her hand lingered on his cheek for a moment before slowly gliding down and eventually drifting back to her side. Yomi's touch left a tingling in its wake, like a static that was at once unnerving yet pleasant. It further confused Shizuo, whose thoughts were already in a jumbled knot. While he was preoccupied trying to sort that mess out, he left his hand perched atop her head. However it was only a moment before she ended up gently knocking his hand away. "And I'm sorry."
The apology left him a bit nonplussed, especially since she abruptly turned and left without another word. Shizuo was left behind with a gaping void in his chest. What was it? He felt completely empty. The faint echo of his front door closing as she left further pounded that feeling into his head. It engulfed him and suffocated him. The fury he felt toward Izaya, his confusion about what was happening, and the last emotion he was not really sure about.
Was it... fear?
—
Namie's fingers drummed across her keyboard as she hastily input the new information she had received, pausing occasionally to peer down at the paperwork on her lap before resuming the work on her computer. She was so engrossed in her duties as a secretary that it seemed she would not even notice him leaving his chair.
But the moment he started to walk past her, she straightened her posture and stared after him. "Where are you going?"
Izaya peered back at her with a wry smirk. "Hm, are you curious all of a sudden?"
"If she comes back while you're gone..."
He sniggered at the threat she attempted to issue – all the while glaring daggers at him. "What's with the unnecessary concern, hm? You must be referring to our stray cat – are you not fond of her? Or are you... concerned about her?" His eyes regarded Namie critically as he studied for even the slightest change in her countenance to suggest that he had hit the mark with his guesses.
"Stop trying to analyze me, Orihara. I don't want her fiddling around while I'm trying to work. Keep her out of the office during the day." That ice-cold gaze of hers turned back toward her work as she immediately resumed typing.
"How cold~" he remarked in a casual tone as he slipped his jacket on. "But don't worry, Namie-san. I'm just going out to collect our stray. We wouldn't want her eating out of trashcans, now would we?" Those dark pupils of his glimmered with some unseemly emotion as he turned on his heel and left through the front door, slamming it behind him.
Even Namie had to wince at the sound. Staring after him, she murmured to himself, "Is he... jealous?" She clicked her tongue in dismay. What was she thinking? Of all people, he was the least likely to ever display something so "human." Yet even Namie had a suspicion that Izaya had taken an unnatural interest in Yomi.
—
"Huh? Y-Yomi-san?" Mikado was mildly shocked at who was presenting themselves in front of his door. He hesitated a moment before unthinkingly widening the opening of his door. It only stood to reason that he could not allow her to linger out in the cold when she had gone out of her way to pay him a visit. So in one swift motion he stepped aside and motioned to welcome her in.
The grinning female happily skipped into his apartment. "Thank you, Mi-chan!"
He smiled awkwardly at the new nickname she had suddenly come up with for him. "I-I don't have any tea..." The school boy's eyes nervously shifted from the girl whose back was turned to him, toward his "kitchen" as he tried to think about what he could offer her. "I think I have–"
"Let's skip the pleasantries, okay?"
There was something to her voice that made him feel uneasy. It was not the usual cheerfulness that Mikado had grown accustomed to hearing from her. Yomi, however, was an unusual creature – of this much he had grown acutely aware. "Is... is something wrong?" There was a distinct clicking sound as she slowly turned toward him. Mikado's eyes widened as he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun while the woman on the other end of it was smiling blithely at him.
"You have been asking a lot of unnecessary questions, you know!" Despite saying that, she shook her head at him with a pitying look. "Here I thought you would be a really useful pawn but you're becoming a bigger thorn in my side than Anri-chan. Can you stop?" All of a sudden that expression morphed as her smile faded away and those eyes of hers widened with killing intent. "Otherwise I'll have to blow off that head of yours."
Mikado's eyes remained glued to the gun she was holding – where did she get something like that? He gulped as he nodded his head in compliance, not particularly interested in opposing her in the first place, let alone the fact that she was threatening his life.
The tension lingered in the air as she kept her finger poised to the trigger, the barrel still level with Mikado's forehead. There was a brief period in time where Yomi almost seemed to be struggling between ending it or letting him go. Finally, however, she lowered the weapon and and tucked it back within the folds of her clothing. A smile had surfaced on her lips once more, as all traces of the previously threatening atmosphere completely dissipated. "Sorry that I can't stay longer. Busy-busy, as you know!"
"Y-yeah..." Mikado timidly bowed his head toward her and stepped out of the way as she advanced toward the exit. As soon as she was gone, he felt a big sigh burst past his lips as he sank down to his knees in relief. That was a bullet dodged. But even though he had agreed with Yomi, there was something lurking in Mikado that pushed him to want to find out the truth.
Meanwhile, just as she came to the base of the stairs, Yomi was met by an unexpected sight. "Uzaya-chan?" she wondered curiously with a tilt of the head. Those blue eyes of hers went wide with surprise but her cheeks dimpled as she grinned at him. "Did you come to see Mi-chan?"
The informant in turn scanned her person as though searching for something. Without speaking, he advanced toward her and paused when his shoes bumped against hers. The distance between them was minimal and his face was almost in hers.
"This is considered an invasion of personal space, you know."
His nose twitched. "You stink, Yomi-chan."
As though she did not believe him, she paused to sniff at her clothes. "Huh? I don't know what you are talking about, Uzaya-chan. I don't smell anything..." Especially since she had showered first thing that morning; she could not fathom what it was that he seemed so bothered by. Or the fact that he seemed to be glaring at her with such unusually serious eyes.
Izaya casually took a lock of her long, raven-black hair and brought it to his nose. "You smell... like cigarette smoke." Those dark eyes of his gleamed with hidden intent as he peered up at her with an unsettling crease in his lips. "You've been around Shizu-chan, haven't you?"
"Mm, I went to visit him earlier," she confided without even a moment's hesitation.
His grip on her hair tightened visibly and the smile drained away from his face as he leaned back from her. "Oh? Why do you insist in associating with that monster?" That look on his face; like a child whose favorite toy had been stolen away.
"Of course it's because I really like Shi-chan."
With that he released the strands of her hair, which gradually slipped between his fingers as he took two moderate steps back. This resumed their usual distance. Izaya remained uncharacteristically silent as he studied her face before a grin spread across his lips. "I see," he purred out, "You like Shizu-chan because you think the two of you are alike."
"Alike?" Yomi pursed her lips as she pondered this assertion. "Hm, I don't know the reason why. I just like Shi-chan because I like him."
While she was satisfied with such simplistic reasoning, Izaya was not. On the contrary, he seemed to completely dismiss the possibility that Yomi's fascination with Shizuo could be ordinary or normal. Instead he sought the deeper mechanics lying beneath. "You like him because he symbolizes the thing you are most afraid of."
"You sure enjoy reading deep into things."
"Do I? Or do you not want to admit that I might have just hit a bulls-eye?" The more he analyzed it, the more confident that Izaya became about his train of thought. "How about this one, Yomi-chan? You like Shizu-chan because he loses control of himself all the time, and it makes you feel better about when you lose control of yourself."
That blithe expression on her face changed in the blink of an eye. In an instant she lifted her hand into the folds of her clothes to reach for her gun, but she was not quick enough. Izaya had his flick-blade pressed against the base of her neck before she even had a chance to draw out her weapon.
"Tsk, tsk. No need to be so jumpy, Yomi-chan. Then you just confirm that everything I have said is true." He grinned at her triumphantly while keeping the blade poised at her throat for his own safety, lest she whip out that gun and actually fire it. Izaya, however, did not seem the least bit worried. Rather he seemed to revel in the thrill of keeping someone at his side that might shoot him in the back at any moment. It was a euphoric excitement that he had not experienced before – for as much as Namie glared at him, she did not have the killing intent lurking beneath her eyes that Yomi exuded in spades.
The dark-haired woman took heed of his words and lowered her hands in defeat, replacing them back at her sides. Izaya was not so quick to trust that she had given up – not the person who was stubborn enough to keep up an act while sporting a gunshot wound for so long. He did not doubt the possibility that the moment he lowered his flick-blade, she would reach for that gun again and blow his head off. So he waited for several moments until the anger in her eyes had simmered down enough that he deemed it safe.
"Hm, just as predictable as any ordinary person, Yomi-chan." He grinned wryly. "I'm a bit dis–"
The moment the blade left her throat, Yomi launched herself at him. Her hand formed into a tight fist that she thrust forth toward his face. And while Izaya had lowered his guard a fraction, he was not so trusting as to not have expected some form of retaliation. He attempted to evade the blow but the impact still hit his cheek as he turned his head. The force sent him reeling back a few steps.
Rather than looking surprised at her counter, he actually seemed quite pleased at Yomi's audacity to lash out at him. A rivulet of blood trickled between those grinning lips of his as he straightened his posture. "That's a pretty nasty right hook, Yomi-chan."
"I told you that you should be careful about feeding strays, Uzaya-chan. They tend to bite the hand that feeds them." Acting completely nonchalant, Yomi dusted off her clothes. In a single stride she brushed past him without looking back. "But as long as you hold your strange affinity for cats, we should head back to the office. That's why you came, right?"
Wiping away the thick, coagulating liquid with the back of his hand, Izaya moved to follow after her, mumbling a single word under his breath. "Interesting..."
Author's Note: We won't even talk about how long it took me to update. I decided to make some strides in character development and relationship development between all of the main three. This manifested itself as Yomi sharing her vulnerability with Shizuo while lashing out at Izaya. Hopefully everyone was still believably in character.
Important - I am opening up a poll (brand new one) once again to ask if you guys prefer her to be with Shizuo or Izaya. You can leave a review/comment on the story if you don't want to vote in the poll - or you can do both. I just want a general consensus on which way you would prefer this story to lean. Thanks for reading and sticking with the story/me despite long periods between updates!