A/N: The first part of this chapter will come as a repetition to those of you you've read FftP. It contains lots of information, forgive me if it comes across as a bit dry but it is a report and I've tried to keep it "objective".Just bear with me (or Michelle), the report is just one part of this chapter ;-). Oh, and thank you all for the reviews, they're much appreciated :-). Enjoy.
Day 15
"Max, please make sure I'm not disturbed, unless a national crisis emerges." Michelle said through the intercom. The disembodied voice on the other end let out an okay, and Michelle darkened her office to the outside. She held a thick file with a CTU seal on it in her hands, and sat, looking at it, as if contemplating opening it but not really being sure about whether or not to do it. Through the glass walls, she glanced downstairs at the bullpen; Brass was still there, but he would leave the following day. For the rest of the staff, it was just a normal workday. For Michelle, this would be a hard one.
It was just after 9 a.m. on a Wednesday, just two days after she'd returned to work. She had promised Brass to read the debriefs about the day of the latest attacks and to finish writing up her own report by Friday, which left her two and a half days to deal with it, so she knew she had to stop putting it off. She had already called Platchecky to arrange for another meeting to answer any further questions.
This is just another file, Michelle. Just another document. Stay professional, objective, and as Jack would put it, detached, she told herself. She repeated these words in her mind once again, and hoped it would work. She knew she was trying to lie to herself, but doing her best to keep a distance between her and the pages she was about to face would be the best way possible to deal with the facts. With a sigh, Michelle leaned forward in her chair, as if bracing herself for the fight with the words, and opened the file. She flipped through the pages from start to finish first, to get an overview of the documents included.
There were several sections. Section One contained a summary of Tony's involvement in the case in its first half, from the moment he had stepped into the DOD building with Jack, to his transfer to Cedars after the second surgery. In its second half, it dealt with Brad Hammond's actions with regards to Tony's case. The summary section was the visible result of someone's long work compiling information from all the documents in the file and could serve to a reader pressed for time as a good introduction into everything that had happened on that day. Section Two contained transcripts of the debriefs and statements as well as a recount of the actual interrogation Tony had been put through at Division. Hammond, Knoll, Dr. Burke, Steve Sheldon and the security guards had all been interviewed, though Hammond's debrief hadn't been complete, for obvious reasons. The different interviews had been arranged so as to testify to the same timepoint, thus as if telling a story. Every relevant piece of information was given in the appropriate place instead of separate interviews.
Section Three had all the other statements in some way connected to the case. Michelle saw her own debrief there, then there was Chloe's and Jack's statement, and also interrogation protocols from the Federal, when Hammond was talking to Ragen's men. One of the men, Robert Louden, had been directly responsible for planting the seed of doubt in Tony's integrity, or rather, cherishing it in Hammond's mind, and just for a second, when reading Louden's name, Michelle felt glad the man was dead. Another interrogation protocol from Federal was that of Patrick Newton, another mercenary on Ragen's payroll, and a perfect example of how Hammond's prejudiced mind had handled things. Neither Newton nor any other of the men had implicated Tony, but Hammond chose to believe the word of a single man, Louden, instead. Michelle breathed in so as to stay focused and went on to the last section. Section Four was titled Varia and contained a photo section, memos and miscellaneous information that didn't fit into any other sections.
Michelle resisted the temptation to look at the photos for now, not ready to face whatever pictures they were. Instead, she went back to Section Two. During all these weeks by Tony's side, she had been dreading this moment. But now it was inevitable and she would just do it, get it over with. She skipped the headers and began reading the first paragraph.
Along with the date and the approximate times of every event, Section Two contained the following information. When Brad Hammond returned from Federal where he had questioned Ragen's men, he had immediately summoned two guards and led them to Conference Room 4 where Tony had set up. It contained a reference to Tony's previous injuries (an abdominal gun shot wound that had been treated, two broken ribs, a concussion, countless bruises and several other small injuries) he had incurred during his undercover operation earlier that day and to the surgery he'd been through. Instantly, Michelle's mind went back to when she had seen Tony wake up after surgery that day. She had been afraid of losing him there already; and when Tony'd insisted on going back to duty thereafter, they'd had an argument but then she'd given in: Tony had needed to see things through and she'd understood.
The report continued with Tony's being taken into custody. One of the guards remembered he had inadvertedly struck an elbow to Tony's side and Tony's obvious pain as he was brought into the interrogation room. Tony had asked for painkillers and water, but Hammond had denied him both. Bastard, Michelle instantly thought and for the first of many times that would follow, she took her eyes off the file in her hand for a second. He knew how injured Tony was. He knew Tony had been helping us. But then some other part of her mind reminded her. It's standard procedure during an interrogation, Michelle, you know that. You have to try and be objective about this. As if it weren't Tony. She sighed. Yeah, but the question is, Can I?
She turned her eyes to the report again. Tony tried to get Hammond to look for surveillance tapes from Ragen's compound. According to Dave, a guard then in the room with them, Hammond had said he would have the tapes looked at, but never made the call, at least not to Dave's knowledge. This was confirmed by Chloe O'Brian at C.T.U. who had had the tapes at the time. Tony and Hammond were then left alone in the room. There was no indication Hammond had used force on Tony at the time, although Tony's pain was visibly getting stronger all by itself.
The report then continued with Michelle finding the interrogation room and demanding to speak to Hammond. That would be one part Michelle would have to fill Division in on, so she stuck a post-it on the page for later. She remembered confronting Hammond with the fact he had no real proof and trying to reason with him, but to no avail. Her skin crawled with the remeniscence of the very first time Hammond had arrested Tony, and she had been denied access. This second time was no different than that and she had indeed been afraid Hammond would get his way again. Don't. It's over. she told herself and quickly continued reading, not wanting to go back in her head to Tony's trial, prison, and everything that followed from it.
Hammond had implied Tony was trying to get Jack killed, a completely and utterly unthinkable scenario in Michelle's mind, but there was nothing she could do to make Hammond let go. All this crawled to the surface of her mind, and she recalled the brief moment when she'd caught a glimpse of Tony seated at the table just before Hammond went back inside. The look in Tony's eyes had been haunting her during the days at the hospital.
There was a note at this point in the report that what happened when Tony and Hammond were alone in the room could not be completely reconstructed without Tony's testimony, but that Dr. Burke had recommended Tony not be questioned on the subject due to possible severe psychological effects he might have carried from the events.
Severe psychological effects, Michelle read again. She felt a lump in her throat just reading those words. Burke was right. Not only had Tony been prepared to take his own life in order to escape further torture by the end of the day, but his mind was still being tormented by the memories; Tony's nightmares and irritability were witness to that fact.
Tony had been thrown into one of the holding cells. There was no mention of Tony's state during that time, but it wasn't hard to guess that the small, dark, confined space had tormented him. After a while, he'd been brought back into interrogation and cuffed to a pole in the interrogation room. Michelle vividly remembered the marks on Tony's wrists from where the cuffs had cut into his flesh; they were in fact still faintly visible even now. She closed her eyes again, breathing in deeply. Before her mind's eye, she clearly saw the image of Tony cuffed to the pole, unable to move. She took her time to yank the image from her mind. It didn't completely disappear but she continued.
Eventually, Knoll was brought into play. Knoll had stated that again, Tony had asked Hammond to check the surveillance tapes, but after Hammond's refusal, Knoll was ordered to give Tony a first dose of a neuroactive drug. A footnote indicated it was a further developed version of what Richards used back in CTU a couple years ago. This drug had been designed for fast and hard action and long-lasting effect. Michelle recalled the short memo she'd read a while ago about the improved drug, but never would she have dreamed to see it used on Tony.
Next, there was a short statement from Steve Sheldon indicating that he'd brought Hammond information about a possible connection between Tony and Diego Valdez, a former inmate at Lompoc Federal prison, the same facility Tony had been sent to to serve his 20 year sentence. Valdez had been on Ragen's payroll before Ragen shot him. Oh my God. Michelle gasped. This was new information to her. How much bad luck can one have? she thought. They believed to have found a connection through Valdez. Steve had also stated that he was shocked by the glimpse of Tony who was slumped on the floor in obvious agony and that this picture was one of the reasons he'd resigned later that day. Part of Sheldon's testimony was an apology for the bad research on this on his part, and he had also insisted on including the apology in the report.
The interrogation had become harsher after this. Knoll had begun to use a taser on Tony. The brown marks on his neck and body, it shot through Michelle's head. Tony soon became unconscious with the combined effects of the drug and the electricity, but was quickly woken up again. A small note said he'd vomited shortly thereafter. Michelle's own stomach churned at this and she took her eyes off the paper again for a moment.
Nevertheless, the interrogation had continued and according to Knoll, Tony was soon begging Hammond to stop. At this point, Michelle's eyes began to well up. She felt physically sick. She closed her eyes for a moment, making a fist and leaning it against her upper lip, as if for support; she didn't feel like continuing but something didn't allow her to stop, either. So she went on.
When Hammond had ordered Knoll to continue anyway, Knoll had suggested Tony probably didn't know anything more than he'd told them. From his experience, he thought that Tony seemed broken. A tear freed itself from Michelle's eyes. Knoll's testimony continued. The only thing Hammond had agreed on was getting Dr. Burke to the interrogation room and allowing him to make sure Tony is not in immediate danger of death. Dr. Burke's statement read that, after examining Tony (completely inadequately, as he added, since Tony had been left cuffed to the pole), he had urged Hammond to stop the interrogation and allow Tony to recover, but then had to give in and allow Hammond to continue, although warning him about Tony's fragile state. Hammond dragged Tony from the floor to his feet again and ordered Knoll to continue. Knoll stated he had hit Tony with the taser again and that Tony had slumped to the floor. "When Tony hadn't stirred, Hammond felt for Tony's pulse, but there was none."
Michelle audibly gasped for breath, covering her mouth with both her hands in utter shock as she realized what had happened. And now she couldn't hold back the ocean of salty tears that had begun to fill her eyes. Softly, silently, they ran down her cheeks and she didn't bother to wipe them from her face. She couldn't look at the report again. She cried silently into her hands and a sob escaped her here and there. There was a heaviness on her chest like she had only felt it while waiting for Tony to come out of surgery. She felt something crush inside her as it hit her how close she'd been to losing him to a bastard like Hammond without even knowing it. Even worse was the feeling that she was part of the reason for all this, knowing how late she had managed to help Tony; the knowledge that, had he not been revived during the interrogation, there would have been nothing she could have done for him. There was the feeling she had failed him.
She cried and while she cried she began to understand Dr. Burke's role in the events a little better, too. Remembering how Tony had reacted to Burke's presence in the cell as she and Burke had finally gotten there - suddenly, it all made sense. She realized Burke must have been the one who'd brought Tony back to life in the interrogation room; but to Tony, after everything he'd been through, death must have seemed like a relief. It pained her to even think the thought, but she knew that there comes a point in an interrogation where this will be true. And Tony's fear of Burke had told her exactly that. Tony would rather have stayed dead.
All the compassion and understanding Erica Hammond had tried to and to some extent succeeded in installing in Michelle was suddenly thrown overboard. Brad, her former boss, had killed her husband and there was nothing anybody could say or do that could rectify that. If Tony had been guilty, or if Hammond had even checked the evidence, if he hadn't been quite as prejudiced and convinced of Tony's guilt, maybe she would have tried to understand, but like this... No, she couldn't. She wouldn't.
It was almost noon and Michelle had gotten her composure back. The shock and the pain were still there but her eyes were dry. On an impulse, she took her cell phone and hit a speed-dial button. She stood while it was ringing. She felt the need to hear Tony's voice and waited, somewhat anxiously, for him to pick up his cell phone.
Tony was lying on the bed in the downstairs bedroom, reading the paper. He had considered checking if there was anything on TV, but didn't want to talk to his father right now. He'll just ask something pointless again. he thought dryly. As his cell phone rang, Tony put the paper aside, picked up the phone without looking at it and answered: "Almeida."
Michelle let out a breath. "Hey. It's me."
"Hey, Sweetheart." Tony greeted her, his voice softening. "What's going on?" he asked, sitting up in the bed slightly. She didn't call him from work too often, so he assumed she had something on her mind.
Michelle suddenly fought to keep her voice steady. "Nothing, I guess I just wanted to see how you're doing." she answered, adding in her mind, I needed to hear you're alive. "What have you and Enrico been up to?" she then said aloud again. "Cooking tasty Mexican food?"
"I'm doing fine. Should probably go outside to get some fresh air." Tony said, not wanting to let her know that he wasn't exactly on friendly terms with his father right now. They'd managed to be civil to each other around her for now and there was no need for her to think anything else. "How are things there? Are you going to be at the office late today?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound too dependent.
"Uhm, yeah, I might." she admitted. "There are some things I need to finish here by the end of the week." Once I've managed to read through the entire file, she thought, which won't be easy. "A report that has to be written... I'll, I'll call you when I get out of here."
Tony smiled at the phone. "All right, I'll be here." He then hesitated a moment before speaking again, and the smile on his face faded. He had heard her falter and she usually didn't, not unless something was bothering her. He guessed he might know what it was. "Honey, is everything ok?" he asked softly, concern audible in his voice.
If she didn't want so hard to try and keep this from him, if she could have allowed him to comfort her, she would have answered no and and told him everything. But instead, she needed another excuse. She forced a smile onto her lips, knowing he could hear her smile through the phone, then replied, "I'm okay. There's just so much that I have to take care of, there's still no replacement for Brad... I just feel bad not being there with you."
"Hey, I'm fine. You have enough on your mind there without worrying about me."
"Ok." she replied, but felt her throat tighten and knew she had to hang up before she began to give away her state of mind. "Honey, I have to go. I'll see you tonight." she said quickly.
"Yeah, ok. Bye."
Tony hung up, and Michelle pressed the phone to her chest, closing her eyes.
Michelle was driving her car on the way home from Division. It was already dark outside, and she was tired. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard, it was almost 9.30. She hadn't eaten anything since the morning. She hadn't had much appetite at noon, not with the sick feeling in her stomach, and she'd just locked herself in her office until she'd managed to read through the whole file. It had been hard, and reading the statements and everyone's thoughts had brought back thousands of memories she'd pushed to the back of her mind. She was now famished but the thought of food was all but inviting. She didn't know if she could swallow down a bite.
Even worse was the state of her mind. Although she'd been through countless interrogations at CTU, even if she knew that all the things that had happened to Tony could likely have happened to anyone else, despite knowing that it was their job to make sure people under suspicion told them everything - this was Tony, her Tony, and Tony was innocent. Again, pain surfaced in her and she was glad to have arrived to their neighborhood. She turned into their street and a minute later parked the car, turned off the lights and the engine but didn't motion to open the car door. If Tony had been in the car with her, he instantly would have asked, What is it? And she would have admitted, I'm afraid to go in there. He would have looked at her, bewildered, What? and the truth is, she was just as confused as he would have been.
She didn't know how to deal with what she'd found out, with the knowledge of what had really happened to Tony. And with a mild shock, she realized she was afraid to face him for fear of breaking down in front of him. It was not that she didn't want him to comfort her; she just didn't want to make him remember it all again because of her. She'd seen what his memories were doing to him already and simply didn't want to add another worry to his burden. But how well could she hide it from him? Tony always knew hot to read her, and while it normally didn't bother her, tonight it'd be hard to fight it. She sighed, glancing at her cell phone. There was no good way to create a diversion, not unless she chose to go some place else for the night. But that was not an option.
She saw a light flicker in the kitchen and a silhouette of a man walk by the window. If you don't want to spend the night here, Michelle, you'd better go inside now. she concluded. She still didn't know how to approach Tony, but she took her things from the passenger seat, stepped out of the car, locked it, then went to the front door and unlocking it, entered the house.
Tony was sitting by the computer in the study checking his e-mail, not that he had much mail these days, but old habits died hard. Spam, spam, spam, spam, he went through the in-box. He was just trying to keep himself busy since he couldn't really go for another walk either. Besides, Michelle had called him a while ago saying she'd be heading home soon. He still felt awkward at home without her, he had too much time to think.
Things with his father were tense, so Tony had mostly kept to himself. Right now, Enrico was in the kitchen cleaning it up. After dinner, Tony had told him he would do it, but Enrico had just shooed him out saying he should still take it easy.
Then Tony heard the front door opening and the sound of keys hitting the desk. He shut down the computer. Soon after came the familiar voice he had wanted to hear: "Tony?"
He got up from the desk and went to the living room where Michelle was now. "Hey." he said, cautiously wrapping his arms around her and giving her a kiss. "Long day, huh?"
"Yeah." she said, allowing him to hug her, and whispered. "I've missed you." The cozy warmth of his body close to her made her close her eyes. He's alive. And he's going to be okay. she told herself. It might have been irrational, but she'd needed to hear those words in her head after today.
"Evening, Michelle." Enrico said as he walked to the living room. There were still some small things on the table he'd wanted to pick up and he hadn't heard her come in.
As if a bit ashamed, Michelle lifted up her head from Tony's shoulder and smiled very slightly at Enrico. "Evening. Have a good day?"
"Yeah." Enrico replied, then went back to the kitchen with the cutlery he'd taken from the table. The day had been bearable at best. Tony and he hadn't exchanged more than maybe 30 words, and all of them had been about what to eat; other than that, both of them had been keeping themselves busy the best they could.
Michelle marveled a bit at Enrico's instant retreat to the kitchen, but then figured he'd just wanted to give her and Tony some privacy. Her arms slid to Tony's shoulders, down to his elbows and then up again. "How are you, honey? How's the pain?" she asked.
"It's ok. I'm fine." Tony assured her in the soft tone he used only with her. Something is still bothering her. he thought, looking into her eyes. It was something about the way she had acted towards him today, the phonecall she had made just to see if he's ok. She looked back at him, and he realized, She read the debriefs. He sighed inwardly. I was right.
Sitting down on the couch carefully, Tony pulled Michelle's hand so that she sat down next to him. Letting out a sigh, he looked her in the eye, then asked, "What is it?"
Michelle looked away, her eyes coming to a stop on the fireplace for a moment or two before turning to him again, squeezing Tony's hand as if drawing strength from the touch. Her other hand she ran through Tony's hair and then kept it on his cheek. She couldn't pretend it was nothing, even less could she lie to him, but telling him everything was completely out of the question. Slowly, carefully, she pulled his head towards her own and kissed his lips gently. Their foreheads touched, the tip of her nose brushed Tony's for a second, and then she kissed him again.
Tony understood that whatever she had read or what had happened today had shaken her. She would talk to him when and if she felt like it, he wouldn't force her. So for now he returned the kiss, leaned back against the couch and pulled her close, careful not to disturb his injuries, especially the ribs. Caressing her back with his other hand, he just held her. No words were necessary. He only hoped the closeness would help ease her anxiety.
Michelle closed her eyes, leaning her head on his shoulder. They sat quietly for several minutes and Michelle's unrest began to ease somewhat. God, I love you. she thought, running her hand up and down Tony's chest.
At some point, the sounds from the kitchen stopped and Enrico walked into the living room. Seeing the two on the couch, he decided to go upstairs. Before he could, Tony's eyes opened and he shot a glance at his father, which Enrico returned with a long stare. Neither of them wanted to be the first to look away. But when Michelle stirred, Enrico gave in, turning to the stairs and soon retreated to his bedroom.
Michelle looked at Tony and realized there was silence in the kitchen. "Where's Enrico?"
"He went upstairs." Tony replied. "You hungry? There's some dinner still left in the fridge." he continued, knowing that she probably hadn't eaten much given the busy days she'd had.
Michelle's growling stomach reminded her that food would be a good idea. "Yeah, I should probably grab a bite." she said tiredly. "What did you guys have?" she asked, sitting up in the couch, still holding Tony's hand.
"Just some chili. Quick and easy and not too spicy either." Tony replied as Michelle stood, not letting go of him, so that he stood, too. Sliding an arm behind Tony's back, she began to walk to the kitchen.
"Sounds good to me. Let's pop it in the microwave, and then I need to get some sleep. I'm exhausted."
Tony smiled and kissed her hair. "Yeah, just don't wear yourself out." he whispered.
She gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'll be fine."
"Siddown." Tony said softly, then let go of her by the kitchen table, and while she did, he went to the fridge. He warmed her food up quickly, and Michelle tasted it carefully, testing her stomach. There was no nausea. After the first couple of bites, her hunger came back and the chili was soon gone. She put the empty plate into the dishwasher, then both of them went to get ready for bed.
With some relief, while Michelle was in the bathroom, Tony took his painkiller, hoping for another quiet and painless night. The days were less easy since he'd still mostly tried to get through them without taking the pain medication. Even with the drug, the pain still flared up occasionally and when it did, it left him irritable; without it, the pain was much harder to bear, but Tony had come to value the painless nights more. When Tony and Michelle finally crawled into bed, they were both just wishing for a good night's sleep, the next morning would be there too soon anyway.
Yet Michelle had trouble falling asleep that night. She tossed and turned for a while until Tony wrapped his arms around her shoulders, despite the uneasiness about his still healing injuries; he just couldn't watch her torment herself anymore. He held her, and the rhythm of their breathing soon synchronized. The feeling of Tony's arms around her gradually calmed her down and both of them fell asleep some time after midnight.