Fall To Pieces

The next few days are… Quiet. Everyone, it seems, is fucking pissed at me.

Well that's alright. I'm fucking pissed at me too.

I have not cried about any of this. Maybe I should. But I've just been… Numb. Which I guess is why I've been hurting myself. It's nice to feel something.

The last day or so I've pretty much taken up residence at a coffee shop. It's well on the other side of town from the one we usually go to, but I still can't escape being recognized- it's times like these when I really resent my hair. It's started raining, but I don't mind it. I guess I like it dreary.

"Can I get a name on that?" the guy at the counter asks me.

Well, that's a new one.

The other servers all knew who I was right away. They seem to have changed shifts between cup of tea number two and cup of tea number three.

"It's…" I think about making something up, a fake name. But I guess my name's already fake, isn't it?

"It's Jinx."

The guy rolls his eyes. "Geez, you emos and your stupid-ass names of darkness…" he mutters under his breath.

What a douche. I don't have the energy for this. "Fuck you," I say. I turn around and start towards the door.

"Well, I don't do freaks, normally, but I guess you're kind of hot," I hear him say

Okay. That's it.

I snap my fingers and the coffee maker explodes, covering him in brown dust, and leave without another word.

Great. Now I need a new coffee place.

I didn't bring an umbrella. The rain is going to ruin my dress. I should probably suck it up and go home. I can always just hide in my room.

Damn it, why can't I just apologize?

I find an empty bench, slump down on it and bury my face in my hands. Does it count as crying if my face is already wet? If anybody asks, it was the rain that ruined my mascara.

Damn it.

I know I messed up. Doesn't mean Wally didn't, but he tried to apologize. I just didn't let him. I know I owe him a huge apology. So why can't I do it? Why am I avoiding him?

I've heard that people who are used to being let down will subconsciously sabotage their relationships to stop themselves from getting hurt again. So I guess there's that, and I guess it hurts less if I'm the one who's doing it.

I hate myself. I hate myself so much sometimes.

My phone starts blaring that stupid pop song. God, what does she what now? I can't do this.

"Audrey, hey," I say, trying to sound chipper. My throat feels constricted. "What's up?"

"I called some of the lawyers," she tells me. She's quieter than usual. "One of them thinks I have a case. You don't have to help or anything, I just… I thought you should know."

"Oh, um… Thanks," I say. "That… That's really great." No matter how much of a mess this'll probably turn into, no matter how much of that mess I caused… I just can't deny that she deserves this. She's got a case alright, a damn good one. She deserves someone to help her fight it.

"I don't know how to say this, but…, " she stammers. "If it weren't for…" She sighs. "Jinx, the only people who have actually tried to help me are Dr. Harrison and… And you and your boyfriend, so…"

I stop her. "Audrey you don't have to thank me." After all, I'm really just being vengeful.

She doesn't say anything right away. "He stopped by, you know."

"Who st… Wally? When?"

"This morning. He wanted to make sure I was okay."

"Oh."

"Are you still fighting?"

This time I don't answer right away. "Yeah."

She goes quiet again, and then, "Can I ask you something?"

Does she have to? "Shoot."

"If I live," she begins. The "if" is the point there. "What's it gonna be like?"
"What do you mean?"

"I mean having powers."

"Oh." I sigh. The rain is soaking me to the bone. I feel weighted down. "I don't know, Audrey. It's different for everyone."

"What's it like for you then?"

Well, what does she want to know? I could spend hours explaining the nitty-gritty details of how this has affected my life. I have. To Wally. "It's hard," I say.

"How?"

"I…" Where do I even start? "How much do you know about what "probability manipulation" really means?" I ask.

"Not much," she admits. "We're bad luck, right?"

"In any situation there is statistical value assigned to the possibility that something will go wrong," I explain. "We make those numbers higher."

"So bad things are more likely to happen," she adds.

"Exactly," I say. "There's probably like a mathematical formula or something."

She chuckles. "Probably. So why's… Why's it so hard?"

"Well, there's two ways powers can work," I start. "Either the default is off and it takes energy to use them, or… Or the default is on. And it takes energy to control them. I'm the second type."

"So that's why stuff just happens around me?" she asks, with something that like a hiccup somewhere in the middle. That probably means she's crying, doesn't it? "Like, like, is that why my puppy died? And why Sarah from dance got hurt? And why I got sick? "

God, she really is, just a kid. "I don't know. Maybe." Well, that's a lie. "Yeah."

"Is that why you were bad?"

I guess I should have figured she'd ask me that eventually, what with her kicking me out that first day over it. "Yeah. It is."

"So why…" she sobs. "Why did you stop?"

"Stop… Being a villain?"

She sniffs. "Yeah."

I sigh. I really have to answer that, don't I? The rain falls. It was raining the night I left the HIVE too. "Because… Because of Wally, I guess. Not that… Not that I made a life-changing decision just because of a guy, or, or anything like that, but…"

I'm not good at explaining this. I get the feeling sometimes that people think I'm just a stupid, boy-crazy teenager who changes herself to get a guy. That's not what happened. Not even close.

"I really, firmly believed that I was just some kind of terrible person and that here was nothing I could do to change that," I say. Still do, a lot of the time, but she doesn't need to hear that. "And nobody had ever told me otherwise. And then, then I met him. And all of a sudden somebody saw me as something other than bad, and… And I just thought that… That if he thinks that there's good in me, then… Then maybe it's true."

"I never liked being a villain," I continue. "And it just… I know I'd always had a choice. I just wasn't brave enough to take it. It turned out that all I'd ever needed to be that brave was for someone to believe in me."

She doesn't say anything. So I do.

"Being bad luck sucks, Audrey. But you don't have to let it define you."

"That's pretty much what he said," she tells me. "You know you need to talk to him, right?"

Of course that's what he said. He taught it to me, after all. "Yeah."

"Thanks, by the way."

"Yeah, well… Don't sweat it."

I'm dripping wet and shivering by the time I get home. Wally is, conveniently, sitting at the kitchen counter with his computer.

God, he is so handsome. My brain always seems to remind me of this at completely inappropriate moments. That tousled red hair, tanned skin. Those incredible eyes. He's tall and thin, lanky even, but he's still got a bit of muscle from all the running. And he's got strong arms- I've always been of a sucker for good arms.

Even just the way he wears his clothes is hot. He's kind of a wild dresser, always mixing patterns and colors. Today it's neon yellow plaid pants and a purple sweatshirt. On most guys it would look stupid, but on him it just looks effortless. His wardrobe his just as brght as his personality.

And his smile. I feel like I haven't seen him smile in days. I miss his smile. I miss his stupid jokes and his crazy ideas and his off-key singing. I miss the way he always sees the best in everything and can turn anything into something worth smiling about and the way he makes me laugh. I miss how he's always there for everyone when they need someone to talk to. I miss the sweet taste of his lips and way he holds me when I cry.

I just miss him.

I really wish I knew how to apologize. Why can't I just fucking apologize?

He looks up at me as soon as I walk in the door, and his face immediately washes over wish worry. "You must be freezing."

"Got caught in the rain," I explain. "I'm okay."

"Your teeth are chattering."

"Yeah."

He looks at me for a moment, like he doesn't know what to say.

"You've got something on your sleeve."

I glance at it. Oh. I do. Apparently my pink and black sweatshirt wasn't a good choice for getting rained on. The material is thin and the sleeve has stuck to my skin, allowing a streak of deep red to soak through.

"Oh," I say. "Yeah."

He is by my side in an instant, my hand in his, his fingers at the edge of my sleeve. "Can I?"

I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to curl up in his arms and cry. "Okay," I say quietly. He bites his bottom lip as he begins to roll up my sleeve. It is heavy with water but puts up little resistance.

My arm is covered in red cuts, far too bright against the white of my skin. A few of them are still bleeding. My skin is the color of a porcelain doll's. I've always thought it would look disturbingly perfect without the scars.

Wally takes one look at the cuts and wraps me in his arms, faster than I can blink, and the tears start.

"I love you," he says. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I love you too," I say, through my tears. " And I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he whispers. I can feel his own tears fall on the top of my head. "I don't like fighting with you."

"Me either."

"Can we just never do it again?"
"Don't you think that's a little unrealistic?"

"Maybe," he sniffs. "Yeah. But can it not go on this long again?"
"Yeah," I say. "That sounds good." After that I can't really talk anymore, I just cry into his chest until it makes the shivering worse. He kisses me, and I feel warm.

After I've changed into something dry, Wally and I settle onto the couch. I lean my head on his chest, still shivering, and he drapes his sweatshirt over me like a blanket. I feel tired, all of a sudden. Just emotionally worn out, I guess.

"Oh, yeah, Audrey told me you visited her," I say, remembering it suddenly.

He grins sheepishly. "I was gonna tell you."

"That's really nice of you," I say.

He shrugs. "Just wanted to check on her."

He gently runs his fingers up and down my arm. "So how come…"

I sigh. "I don't know. It was that or I was gonna break shit."

He laughs. "Wanna see the hole I punched in my wall?"

He's so casual about it that I can't help but laugh too. "Well, that's still less destructive than what I did."
"I just wish you could have talked to me," he says, serious again.

"Well, we were fighting," I say.

"True," he admits. "Were… Was it 'cause you were mad at yourself? Or at me?"

"Both," I say. "I was just… Feeling too much and not enough and… I'm sorry. I don't really know how to explain."

"That's okay. But you ever want to, I'm here for you.
I smile. "Thank you."

"Promise me something?"
I already know what he's going to ask. "I'll talk to you next time I'm thinking about it."

"Good," he declares. He starts playing with my hair. God, it's so nice to touch him again.

I let my eyes drift close. "I think I'm gonna fall asleep," I murmur.

He laughs. "Go ahead. I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Good," I say. I bend my legs and shift my head to rest it on his lap. "I love you," I whisper again, and I let myself drift off.

I am awoken by what sounds like glass breaking. Wally, who turned the TV on at some point after I fell asleep, jumps to his feet.

I sit up. "What the fuck was that?" I ask groggily. I'm still freezing, so I pull his sweatshirt on over my clothes.

"Came from the hallway," he comments.

"Like from someone's room?" I ask. "Is anyone else even here?"

"Haven't seen Donna or Jericho all day," he says. "Toni's home. And…" His eyes go wide and he dashes into the hallway without finishing his sentence.

I catch up with him in Rosie's room. As soon as I step through the door I am overwhelmed with the distinct scent of rotting flesh. The window is shattered and the floor is littered with glass,

Wally has his hand over his mouth. "What is that smell?"
"Dead bodies," I answer.

He goes pale. "How do you know that?"
"Went grave robbing once or twice," I say. I look around the room. "Fuck, where is that coming from?"

Wally points a shaky finger and something, a weird little mound half obscured by Rosie's dresser. "Um…" I look closer.

A severed foot.

Well, then.

I take a few steps towards it and kneel over it to examine it. It looks fresh, and seems to have come from a kid. The toenails are hot pink.

"It's not Rosie's, is it?" Wally asks.

I shake my head. "She d."

The door flies open. "Oh thank God I found you guys, we've got a bit-" Toni stops mid-sentence. "Is that what I think it is?"
"It's a foot," I confirm. "Were any of the victims missing feet?"

Toni puts a hand against the wall, bends over, and pukes. Wally nearly appears next to her and holds back her hair.

"You okay?" he asks.

She nods weakly. "Just, um, feeling a bit sick." He helps her to Rosie's bed, and she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before saying, quietly. "Number six is."

I glance at the foot, then back at her. "What?"
"There's been another murder," she says. "Body's missing a foot."

"I guess we just found it," I comment.

"They have an ID yet?" Wally asks.

Toni nods. "Sara O'Malley."

"O'Malley as in Sean?"

"His sister."

"Ohmygod," Wally says under his breath.

"He's on to us," I say.

"What?" Toni asks.

"The murderer," I explain. "Whoever he is knows we're investigating him. We must be on to him, if he's reacting this way."

"We're not on to anyone," Wally says.

"Sid, kind of," I comment.

Toni's eyes go wide. "Donna's out with him right now."

The smell of the foot is starting to get to me. I stand up and walk towards the other side of the room.

There's a trail of blood coming from the window.

I follow it with my eyes. It leads to under the bed. I kneel down and reach underneath the bed, half-expecting to pull up a corpse.

I don't. Instead I find Rosie's Kirsten doll. Someone has stabbed a knife in her left eye and coated her face in blood. For realism, I guess.

"Is that…" Toni begins.

"Blood, yeah."

Wally glances out the broken window. "Do you think its Rosie's?"
I don't respond. It's a valid theory, that's for sure.

You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Author's notes:

See, I told you that fight wouldn't last long! XD Um, the scene with them making up is easily my favorite from this story. It might actually rank pretty high in everything I've written, actually. I'm really happy with how that turned out. I think it's really romantic. I just love those two as a couple. Despite all of their flaws, (and they are both very flawed) when one of them needs help, they can just drop everything come through for each other I guess I just think that's kind of beautiful.

This is sort of the culmination of Audrey's personal character arc- at the beginning of the story she kicked Jinx out because she didn't want that negative image of what could happen to her. And here, she's finally beginning to come to terms with it. Not that she's happy about it, but she can accept it. And I think it's kind of sweet that she's the one who helps Jinx make up with Wally. They help each other out.

The ending, I dunno, it's a bit of a rapid mood change but I guess I had to introduce the climax of that plot somehow, and I'm also just trying to finish this story quickly. I think it came out alright. I like writing horror. Also, something weird about me: I get very upset when I see cruelty to stuffed animals in movies/books/whatever, and I could never write, say, a teddy bear getting hurt. But stabbing a doll in the face? So not a problem. XD Really, what does that say about me? XD

Title and lyrics from "Fall to Pieces" by Avril Lavigne. I love her, don't judge. XD For the record, while I think the title works in reference to both of the major plotlines in this chapter, the lyrics refer specifically to the Flinx cute stuff.