Finally, an update!

Chapter Eleven

It was much later that evening when I was escorted to Selenay's chambers by one of my Herald-guards. Lucia was asleep, and Herald Lilith had volunteered to keep watch over her while I was away. As we entered the queen's chambers, she was sitting at her desk, surrounded by papers, intently writing. There was a tray of half-eaten food to one side, and an open bottle of wine.

My heart was pounding, and I was thankful for Selenay's busyness as it gave me a moment both to compose and prepare myself for the sight of her—she, who did not know who I was.

She looked tired. The circlet of gold that normally adorned her brow was set aside, and her golden hair was disheveled, as if she'd run her fingers through it more than once. But she looked young, and strong, and I knew that she was as prepared to face her challenges here as she had been Before.

We'd only been standing there for a moment when she looked up and smiled politely, pushing her chair back to rise and greet us even as we bowed to her.

"Thank you for coming," she said, and I could hear the weariness of a long day in her voice. She moved around to the front of her desk, though her attention was still focused on the parchment in her hand. She glanced up from it and met my eyes. "I'm sorry to take you away from your daughter, but I—"

She broke off, staring at me.

"Have we met before?" Selenay asked, her brow furrowed.

I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. "No, Your Majesty."

"I feel as though I know you, or at least have seen you somewhere."

I smiled, a little sadly. "I've never been to Haven before, Majesty. I've lived in Berrybay my whole life. Perhaps you've been there?"

She shook her head. "No." She regarded me for a long moment. "I don't know what it is." She breathed out a soft laugh. "Perhaps we knew each other in another life." She turned back to her desk before I could respond, which was just as well, as her casual statement took the breath from my lungs, and left me speechless. Putting the parchment down, she faced me once more. "I called you here to let you know personally that I have both the guards and the Heralds searching for Treven. We will find him, Jaelle, I promise you."

"Thank you, Majesty," I replied.

Once more, she just looked at me, as if weighing whether she should speak. "I will confess to you, this troubles me deeply. That a Herald could just disappear, and his own Companion not know if he is living or dead..."

Tears filled my eyes. "I know. It troubles me as well." I glanced down, biting my lip to contain my emotions. "I wish—I wish we were lifebonded. Being in the dark like this—" Treven's loss washed over me afresh. "I just want him found."

Selenay reached out and took my hand. "I am so sorry, Jaelle. I know you've had to endure so much, with the loss of your child, and the escape of your attacker—and we still don't know how that happened," she added, her tone heavy with annoyance. She pulled me towards a couch. "Come, sit down for a moment. I know you need to get back to Lucia, and I need to return to my work, but I think we both could stand to take a few moments." She nodded to the Herald-guard, and he withdrew from her chamber as she poured two goblets of wine.

Handing one to me, she sat down next to me on the couch. "You look worn out."

I smiled slightly. "I've spent most of the day going through the wreckage of our suites, finding whatever was salvageable." I took a sip of the wine. "There wasn't much."

Selenay shook her head. "I don't understand how that kind of destruction could have been enacted without anyone knowing." Swallowing some of her own wine, she gazed intently at me. "Is there anything you can tell me that might help us find Treven?"

I blinked back fresh tears. "We had a fight yesterday. Things . . . have been stressful since we lost the baby. He left our suites angry," I said, "angry enough to block out Althea, and he rarely does that. When she tried to reach him a little later, she couldn't sense him. But I don't understand how that can be!"

Unless it was magic, my mind replied, and I was again reminded of how Ancar had used magic to keep the Heralds from knowing that Kris was dead. But Hulda was long gone from Valdemar, and the books never said anything about anyone else having mage abilities.

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" asked Selenay. "Any favorite place he might go when he's upset?"

I shook my head. "No." A tear splashed onto my hand. "This is going to sound strange, but Treven and I haven't spent much time together. Most of our courtship was done by letter. I was in Berrybay, and he was on circuit—" I set the goblet down, buried my face in my hands, and burst into tears.

I heard the rustling of fabric, and felt Selenay's arms around me. "We'll find him," she whispered. "I don't understand it myself, but I have Kyril and Teren combing through the old texts, looking for anything that might explain why the bond between Treven and Althea is interrupted."

With a nod and a deep breath, I pulled myself together. "I'm sorry. I'm just so tired and afraid."

"I understand that perfectly," replied Selenay. "Why don't you go get some rest? I promise I'll let you know as soon as we have any information."

"Thank you," I said, rising from the couch, smiling my gratitude, even though I knew there was little the Heralds could do. It was magic at work, and if there was something in the old texts to explain what had happened, their eyes would just skip over it—or so the books had claimed.

"I really do feel like I've known you," said Selenay. "If you ever want to talk, please know that you are always welcome here."

With another smile and a nod, I let myself out, and followed my Herald-guard back to my suites. Relieving Herald Lilith, I got ready for bed. Perhaps Landon would meet me tonight in my dreams. Perhaps he would know something tonight. I climbed into bed, hoping.

But the waking bell drew me from a dreamless sleep to consciousness and disappointment. I prepared Lucia for her classes. The Heralds were taking no chances: between the thief's escape and Treven's disappearance, safety was their primary concern, and all our meals were being hand-delivered by Heralds straight from the kitchens. If they lost us, I'd heard whispered, it wouldn't be to poisoning.

I was grateful for the precautions, both for Lucia's sake, and for the fact that I didn't have the emotional strength to face the stares and the questions right now.

Once breakfast was over, I and our guard escorted Lucia to Healer's for her morning classes. It was a beautiful day, and while I still had a lot of belongings to sort through in our wrecked suites, the thought of spending an entire day holed up in there was suddenly sickening.

"Do you mind if I take a walk in the Field?" I asked my guard. "The Companions could protect me well enough, and I'm sure you could use a break."

He smiled at me. "I'm sure that will be fine. I'll call my Companion and have him alert the others to keep an eye on you. He'll tell me when you're ready to return and I'll meet you back here."

"Thank you," I said, and we headed for the Field. His Companion met us at the fence, and I climbed over. "Could you point me in the direction where Althea is?" I asked him.

He pawed at the ground and nodded over my shoulder.

"She's in the Grove," my guard told me.

"Thanks," I replied, and set out. It didn't take me long to get there, and there were several other Companions, including Gwena, in the Grove in addition to Althea. Althea looked much better than she had yesterday, and most of the madness was gone from her eyes. But she still wasn't herself.

I placed a hand on her withers. "How are you, Althea?"

:How should I be?: she said waspishly, jerking herself away from my touch.

I took a step back, unprepared for the force of her tone.

:This is your fault,: she continued. :None of this would have happened if you'd just been honest with Treven. But no, you care more about yourself than you do about him!:

"That is not true!"

:Isn't it?: she shot back. :Your memories are more precious to you than he is! I'd read them myself if they'd let me!: And she cast a withering glare at Gwena and the others before turning back to me, snorting and stamping her feet. :Dammit, Jaelle, what do you know? I know you know things you aren't telling! Things from your past, from—: She broke off, but I knew what she had been about to say.

From the books.

"Nothing!" I cried. "I know nothing! Do you really think that I would sacrifice Treven for the sake my memories? He is my husband!"

:And he is my Chosen,: she snapped back:which supercedes whatever pathetic bond you may have with him.:

My breath caught in my throat, and I felt as though I'd been slapped. But Althea didn't seem the least bit sorry for any of her words. I was looking into the eyes of a stranger, and one who would have cheerfully torn and trampled me to pieces if she thought any benefit would derive from it. For a long moment, I couldn't find my voice, and when I did, it was subdued, almost timid.

"Neither of you are in—" I broke off, mindful of the presence of the other Companions. "I don't know anything."

Althea made a noise that sounded something like a growl, but before she could do more, Gwena paced forward and stood between her and me. There was a moment of profound stillness before Althea turned away.

:Stupid cow,: I heard her grumble. I wasn't sure if she was talking about me or Gwena.

"Althea," I cried, just as she was leaving the Grove, "I would give up everything I ever was to have him back!"

She never even paused, and in a moment, disappeared from my sight.

I let out a shaky breath, my muscles trembling so much, I sank to my knees, lest they give out altogether. Burying my face in my hands, I started to weep. From fear, from guilt, from despair. But mostly from the sense of hopelessness that washed over me.

:It's not your fault,: came Gwena's voice, piercing the storm of my thoughts. :But I don't think it would be wise for you to return here. Althea is...not herself.:

That much was obvious. Nodding, I rose from my knees, and let one of the Companions escort me from the Grove. Until I saw Alberich waiting for me, I hadn't realized it was Kantor.

"Escort you back, I will," he said to me.

I stared at him for a heartbeat, and then, before I knew what I was doing, threw myself into his arms and burst into fresh tears.

I felt his arms wrap around me for a moment, and then heard his voice in my ear. "Enough, it is. Hurt you are, but tears will not Treven find." His gentle tone, however, belied the harshness of his words, and I pulled back, nodding.

"I know," I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Apologies unnecessary," replied Alberich. "Told me, Kantor did, of what Althea said to you." He produced a handkerchief and handed it to me. "Harsh, she was."

I didn't know how to respond to that, and we continued toward the palace in silence. Wasn't it my fault? Wasn't Althea right? Landon's words came back to me, his chiding at my neglect to destroying my things. If I hadn't valued those possessions that tied me back to my world, none of this would be happening. It didn't matter how those things were connected to Treven's disappearance. They were, and all the regrets in the world weren't going to change things.

Treven was still missing.