Chapter 11

Sam expected Dean to begin interrogating him as soon as they entered the motel room, asking him if he was okay and to tell him every detail of what the demon said and did.

What happened instead was that Dean squeezed Sam's shoulder as he walked over to the kitchenette area. "How about you get cleaned up and I'll heat us up something to eat, alright?"

Sam nodded and grabbed a change of clothes before heading to the bathroom. He spent a long time in the shower, nearly as long as the time when he had dragged himself into the sewer to save Dean from the shapeshifter. That time, he had been trying to scrub the grime and dirt off his skin; this time around…it was as if he was trying to get the feel of the demon off of him. In the back of his mind, the more he scrubbed, the more feeling of being possessed would fade away; the sound of the water around him would numb the memories…

It wasn't working. The only thing that was happening was that the water was going cold. The demon's laughter was still echoing in his mind, Jess's screams…

Sam bit back a sob and refused to let the tears fall. It wasn't him…it was the demon. Jess knew this.

But it didn't mean that she would be okay with it, that she would ever be able to get past what happened and look at Sam without seeing the demon.

Sam decided that staying in the shower for longer wasn't going to help him in any way. After drying off, transferring into his wheelchair and taking the time to change into sweatpants and a T-shirt, Sam exited the bathroom to find that Dean had a paper plate of food waiting for him.

"Took you long enough, I'm almost done with my food." Dean pointed to his own nearly empty plate. "And I was eating slowly."

Sam took a look at the mixture of food, which looked like some kind of pasta and chicken. "What is this?"

"It's yours and Dad's leftovers from the restaurant. You know, before you went to see Jess and all the shit went down. I was the only one that finished my meal."

Sam found himself smirking despite the terror that he still felt deep in his gut. "Of course you were."

"Hey, you calling me fat?" Dean winked, no offense in his tone. "I may not have lost any of the weight I put on after I quit smoking but I haven't gained any more either."

Sam smiled as he took a bite of the food, his appetite returning slightly. If Dean could sit here and joke about something that had made him so uncomfortable and self conscious before, then Sam figured he could confide in Dean. He wasn't going to feel any better by keeping it inside.

If there was anyone who he felt could help him, it was his big brother. And the fact that Dean wasn't pushing him gave Sam more courage and time to collect his thoughts.

He took a few more bites while Dean cleaned his plate. Sam waited until his brother returned with a slice of pie, pie that always seemed to find a way into Dean's possession even though Sam couldn't remember him purchasing any half the time.

He let his brother take a few bites of his beloved apple pie before deciding to speak up.

"I'm scared Dean."

Immediately, the older brother set down his fork and looked at Sam without pity, only concern and love.

"I know you are Sammy. Whatever you want to talk about, I'm here for you. Dad will be gone for a while, so we can talk."

"Do you swear to me that you won't tell him everything that I'll tell you?"

"I won't tell him anything at all. What you tell me is between me and you. It's not Dad's business and you can choose to tell him whatever you want separately, if you want to at all."

Sam nodded and then sighed. He picked up his fork and moved the noodles around his plate without looking back up at his brother. "I just...I can't get rid of that feeling...the feeling of the demon possessing me...I keep hearing its voice even though I know it's gone."

"It just happened Sammy. You haven't had any time to adjust. As soon as we saved you, you insisted on bringing Jess home and then got taken by the cops. You're overwhelmed."

"I know that...I do...I'm just afraid that it won't go away...I keep seeing that girl in my head...how terrified she was...and then Jess..." Sam's voice cracked as he spoke his girlfriend's name.

"That wasn't you Sam! Jess knows that! Hell, even the girl could tell just by looking into your eyes that you weren't the monster that attacked her!"

"It was my hands that hurt her. I may have not have done it, but I allowed the demon to posess me. I should have been more careful. It's my fault." Sam simply shook his head, but finally looked up to face his brother. "And then there's you...Dean, I almost killed you."

"Damnit Sammy!" Dean hit his fist on the table. "You did not almost kill me! The demon did! You fought back, because you're tough as hell, and you took over, you stopped the demon, you saved me!"

Sam had to admit that what Dean was saying was true. His love for his brother was what was able to push him forward and take back control. "I was able to fight against it when it was attacking the girl too. I didn't fully gain control, but I distracted the demon enough for her to get away."

Dean smiled fondly. "See? That was all you Sammy. You were able to stop it and that shows how strong you are, how good you are."

Good...good...yeah right. That was why he had...

Demon blood inside him.

"Sammy...Sammy...hey..."

Sam opened his eyes to see that Dean had scooted his chair so it was right in front of him. The older brother placed a caring hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?"

"Dean..." Sam shook his head. "I don't think I can..."

"Just tell me, I'm here for you, you know that."

Sam blinked back tears, turning away from Dean once again.

"You'll hate me once you find out."

The hand Dean kept on Sam's shoulder squeezed. "Oh come on Sammy, you know that's bullshit."

"It's horrible Dean. I almost can't believe it and I don't know what to do."

"Well I do know one thing. Keeping it inside isn't going to help at all; it will just make it worse. If you tell me, I can help you."

"You can't help me with this." Sam knew he was being stubborn, but he honestly didn't see how Dean would be able to help.

"Well I can damn well try. And at the least I can be someone who will listen. But I tell you what. I'm going to treat your burn wound and you have some more minutes to think about it."

Sam nodded. He watched his brother fetch the small medkit and remained silent while Dean cleaned and dressed his wound. Then he took a deep breath. If he delayed any longer he knew he wouldn't be able to go on. It was now or never and he couldn't back out now. With a shuddering breath, he closed his eyes and told his brother.

"The demon said I have Yellow Eyes' blood in me. He dropped it in my mouth when he was in my nursery and that's why I have those visions."

The room remained silent as Sam finished. Dean was speechless and Sam didn't blame him.

Then again, there was no sound of Dean getting up and walking away. The older brother's hand remained on Sam's shoulder. That had to be a good sign, right?

After another moment, Sam decided to open his eyes. Dean was still sitting right in front of him. He seemed scared, but not of Sam, thank goodness. He rather seemed scared for Sam's well-being due to his worry.

"So that's what that bastard did, huh? Do you know why?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm not sure. But I think they want me to use these powers for bad things...You're not scared of me?"

Dean smiled, it was genuine and warmed Sam's heart. "Of course I'm not scared of you, you twerp. If the demon did this to you when you were a baby, then you've had this your whole life. You've never been bad or evil Sammy."

"But what if I do become evil? It's demon's blood in me!"

Dean placed his left hand on Sam's other shoulder. "Listen to me, Sam. You've got a hell of a lot more of human blood in you than demon blood. And some drops of demon blood don't make you evil. What it sounds like is it gives you powers, and those powers are controlled by you. You choose what you use them for. It doesn't define you Sammy, only your actions do and you're the best, if not girly and whiny, kid I know."

Sam fought back a smile but failed. "You think I'll be okay?"

Dean moved his hands off Sam's shoulders and punched him in the arm. "Of course you'll be okay! You've got me looking out for you, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I know." He found his appetite returning a bit. While he was still shaken up over the events that had happened, he had revealed this terrifying secret to his brother and Dean hadn't freaked or abandoned him. Sam felt lighter, having someone to share this information with and knowing that Dean still had his back and didn't see him as a monster because of the blood.

Dean stood up and pushed his chair back under the table. "Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And just because you went through so much..." Dean pushed his pie plate toward Sam. "Don't get used to it. Just this once."

Sam chuckled and spoke up right before Dean went into the bathroom. "Hey Dean?"

The older brother turned around. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." He wasn't talking about the pie, and Dean was well aware of that as well.

Dean rolled his eyes but Sam caught the start of a smile before he turned around. "Of course, Sammy."

Sam lay in bed, wide awake. He had hoped to fall asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow and sleep the whole night due to sheer exhaustion in order to let the images that were penetrating his mind fade away. But no such luck. He heard Dean move around silently as if he didn't want to wake him. Sam sighed inaudibly. He wanted to tell Dean that he didn't have to be so careful, that he was awake, but that would result in Dean switching back into big brother much as Sam was grateful for Dean's understanding he didn't want to talk right now. All he wanted was sleep. But every time he closed his eyes he saw the frightened girl in front of him, he saw his hands tearing at her clothes and heard his own mouth mocking her. He saw Jess, his beloved girlfriend and the pained expression in her eyes every time she looked at him.

What troubled Sam was that her expression hadn't changed even after the demon was expelled out of his body. He knew it was way too much for her to handle. She had been excited when they hunted down the ghost in her parents' house and had felt like it all was a great adventure. But now had she gotten a taste of the supernatural world that wasn't exciting or adventurous, but just disgusting. And she had learned that being with him put her in peril. The next creature or demon might just be around the corner. Sam knew that she loved him but he also knew that she couldn't deal with all this crap. It would be unfair to let her deal with it. She deserved a good normal man that could make her happy. It tore Sam's heart apart when he admitted to himself that he wasn't that man. A single teardrop rolled down his cheek when he decided to break up with Jess. It was the right thing to do.

Sam's thoughts wandered back to the morning of this day. Only a few hours ago he had been standing in the flower shop, excitedly getting flowers for his girlfriend and now his whole world had crumbled down and he had to pick up the pieces. And if that wasn't enough he had to deal with the fact that he had demon blood inside him. Dean seemed to think it wasn't a big deal but Sam wasn't so sure. But there was nothing he could do about it. He could only hope that it wouldn't give the yellow eyed demon some sort of power over him. He huffed. If nothing else the demon blood could at least enable him to walk.

Sam suppressed a shudder. The demon had been right. The feeling of standing and walking without braces and crutches had been so great. Even feeling his legs had been an awesome sensation. Sam didn't want to lose that. It was on very rare occasions that he felt sorrow for himself but now he did. Well done, demon, mission accomplished. Sam wanted to slap himself for giving into the longing of having functional legs but he couldn't help it. Right now he would have done almost anything just to be able to put the wheelchair aside and stand on his own legs.

The door opened and with a cheerful "Hi boys" John bolted in, followed from an urgent "shh, Sammy's sleeping" from Dean. "It took you a while to come back."

"Yeah, I did some talking with Jess. I had a feeling she needed some comfort."

"I can imagine. You don't get your boyfriend possessed by a demon every day. How is she?"

"Rattled. Afraid. But tough. She'll get over it."

"Let's hope so," Dean whispered. "Though, I'm not so sure. It's hard for her to cope with our world. That's not something everyone has the nerve for."

"We can only hope for the best. How is Sam coping?"

"He feels responsible for all the things the demon did."

"Of course he does, Dean. It's Sam." John sighed and walked up to Sam's bed. He carefully pulled the sheets over Sam's bare shoulder. Sam tried to breathe evenly. He felt stupid to feign that he was asleep, but confessing that he was not would be awkward right now. He felt his father's gaze linger on his body. "It's going to be hard on him. I hope we can help him deal with all the consequences." John turned to Dean again. "I spoke to Bobby. He advised me that we all get a tattoo that will ward us against demon possession."

"They have tattoos for that?" Dean exclaimed. "That's cool."

"So I guess we're going to look for a tattoo artist tomorrow. And now let's call it a night. It's been a long day."

"You tell me," Sam thought. Calling it a night was a good idea. At least his brother and father would stop talking about him. He was glad Dean had kept his word and didn't tell John about the demon blood. Sam knew that his father had a right to know and that he would tell him eventually about it. But not now or during the next few days. It was a bit too much on Sam's plate right now to deal with all of it at the same time.

Dean slid in bed beside him, careful not to wake him. "Sleep well, Sammy," he whispered. And Sam wished desperately that sleep would eventually claim him.

"You're pretty stubborn, you know that?"

Sam flinched and turned around as fast as he could. There was a man standing in the room, average height, middle-aged, nothing on him looked impressive beside the eyes. They were glowing in a dim yellow. Sam knew exactly who it was. Briefly, he wondered how the demon could have crossed the salt lines, but it was a powerful demon, wasn't it? Maybe salt didn't even affect him.

Sam tried to get a hold of the gun that lay under Dean's pillow, wondering why neither Dean nor his dad hadn't woken from the commotion, but the demon shook his head. "You won't need that, Sam. I won't hurt you. I just want to talk."

"About what?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." The demon shook his head in slight disapproval. "It's impolite to stay in bed when you have a visitor. What if you get up?"

Sam was about to snarl an impatient "I can't" when he felt something change. His legs twitched and he felt an itch running along them. Sam held his breath as he carefully tried to move his toes, his feet, his legs.

The demon laughed. "Yeah, that's right. Come, I want to see you standing."

Sam swung his legs over the side of his bed and grabbed the bedpost to steady himself. It was easy to stand up, like he had done so every day in his life. Sam knew that a dangerous demon was in the room, but all he could think of was the feeling in his legs, legs that were supporting his weight. Tentatively, he tried a few steps and couldn't help but smile broadly to himself. It was amazing.

But then Sam composed himself, wiped the smile off his face and confronted the demon. "So, it's just like that? You snap your fingers and I can walk?"

The demon watched him with something akin to sympathy. "How does it feel, Sammy?"

Sam bristled. "Don't call me like that."

The demon put his hands in the air, appeasingly. "I know, I know, it's Dean's privilege to call you Sammy. I won't do it again."

Sam inhaled deeply. The demon seemed to know a lot about him and his family. He knew what Dean liked to call his little brother, he knew that Dean had a gun under his pillow, what else was the demon familiar with?

"So tell me how it feels, Sam?" the demon urged. "Isn't it awesome?"

It was, Sam had to give the demon that. "What do you want?"

"I want you to be happy, Sam. And I want you to be with me. There are many more like you, Sam, children I blessed with my blood, but you're still my favorite. You grew up strong, you're a good hunter, that works in your favor. What happened to you was unfortunate, but luckily it can be undone."

"If it's so easy for you to do so why didn't you heal me back then?"

A snort came from behind, reminding Sam that Dean and his father were still in the room. Had the yellow-eyed-demon put a spell on them? Because, frankly, there wasn't any way both of them would sleep through Sam talking to a stranger in the room. He turned around, expecting to see Dean with his gun trained at the demon. But he didn't. Dean still lay in bed, sound asleep and slightly snoring. But what disturbed Sam even more was the figure that lay beside Dean, sleeping as well. It was him.

"I'm dreaming," he stuttered, devastated. "I'm not really walking."

"No, you're not." The demon shrugged noncommittally. "But the feeling is real and that's all that counts, isn't it? Making you walk is not so easy. It's nothing I can switch on and off, once I do it it will be permanent. It needs some preparation. And before I start I want something in return."

"What is it?"

"I want you to rule the world with me."

"Excuse me?"

The yellow eyes flashed. "I want you to lead my demon army. We will subdue every human being, every demon and every angel that roams the Earth and we will prevail."

"Wait. There are angels among us?"

The demon snorted. "Can you please focus, Sam? I offer you the kingdom of Earth and you'll get your legs back. You will be the perfect leader for my army, that's your true purpose."

Sam fell silent. His thoughts from before came back to his mind, that he would do anything to be able to walk. Here it was, the solution to his problems. He only had to say yes and his wish would be granted. And being the king of Earth sounded nice.

He looked down at the demon. He could actually look down to the man which made him smile. "Go to Hell," he snarled.

"Oh believe me, I've been there," the demon replied nonchalantly. "But it's so much nicer here. So you won't take my offer?"

"Never."

"You'll be staying in this wheelchair for the rest of your life, Sam."

"I know, but I won't buy the ability to walk on cost of my humanity. I'll never work with demons."

With angry sparkling eyes, the demon nodded. "Maybe I should give you some more time to think about it."

"I don't need time to think. The best thing would be if you walk away and leave me alone. Try to find someone else for leading your army. But be careful, because we will find you before anything will happen."

"I hear you, Sam Winchester." The demon smiled gleefully and suddenly Sam felt himself floating in the air. The feeling left his feet and his legs. And then he fell. It was a deep and dark abyss he fell into and there was nothing that could stop his fall. Someone screamed and Sam realized that it was his own scream that pierced the air.