Amargosa Sun: The Voices
The lights started to flicker out, one by one, slowly. They flickered, sometimes turning back on and going out again, like a heartbeat trying to right itself. Neji walked through the shadows of the streets, cloaked in his white robes with his hood drawn over his head. He wore the blindfold around his forehead, always ready to pull it down over his eyes in case he needed to hide them. He tried to keep walking at night. The night was the hardest. The night was the hardest time to try to stay awake. But he had to.
Sometimes his he had no dreams and was able to sleep. But whenever that bloody, rotting woman got the chance, she invaded his dreams. She tried to torture him. She tried to drive him insane. He was growing too afraid to sleep at all. And when he needed to rest for a while, he tried to sleep, hidden, and yet in the light of day. That was comforting somehow. But at night his body wanted to sleep, and he couldn't bring himself to lie down and let it. So instead he walked, looking for his friends.
He remembered leaving the church many days ago. He left to walk off the horrors of his nightmares. He left to try to stay awake and to think about how to proceed. And then he saw the smoke rising into the sky. When he found his way back, the church was burning to the ground. Much of it was already lifting into the air in small ashes. His first instinct was to rush inside. But he slowly collected his breath and his senses. There was no way people as capable as Lee and Tenten would die in a fire. No, they couldn't be inside. But still, he worried for their safety. He slowly walked forward and stared at the still smoldering building. Snow started to fall, smothering the warmth.
Sets of tracks indicated a struggle. They led towards the palace. There were others as well, that led away. These tracks wouldn't last long with the snow falling now.
For days, Neji walked, following any clue he could. Listening to whispers of the citizens of the kingdom. He stayed in the shadows and behind buildings. There was no sight of any of them, and the kingdom was much too large. He checked several meeting areas that Lee and Tenten had decided upon when they were first examining the village. But there was no sign of them.
Neji was left with two options now. Abort the mission and leave, going home for help, or… completely ignore protocol and every lesson he had learned over the years, and try to break into the palace to see if he could find anything. At the very least, he could try to get Hinata out.
He sighed, his breath coming out in puffs of swirling white as he walked through the snow to get a closer look at the massive palace. And that was when the lights started to flicker.
Suddenly, he remembered what Kankurou had told him. Kankurou had warned him about the dangers that arose when the lights of the kingdom died. But he had also mentioned that the palace defenses went down. Ignoring the lack of sleep and exhaustion, Neji ran to the palace as fast as he could manage through the snow. He had no grand plans, no strategies, and no back-up. He acknowledged his own recklessness. And with that, he climbed the tallest tree he could find that grew near a wall of the palace. He waited as the lights flickered on and off like a slowing pulse. Holding on to the branches for balance, he held his breath and timed the loss of light that affected certain parts of the colorful palace. Taking a leap of faith, he dropped down onto one of the balconies just as the lights shut off there. He broke through the glass window with a swift kick and then leapt down into the hallway.
He could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. Looking back and forth down the hallway, he could see no one.
"…Leave…" a very soft whisper said.
Neji looked around the deserted hallway.
"…Leave…" the voice said again.
The hallway was lined with mirrors. And in one of them, Neji saw the kind woman from his dreams. The one clothed in a gown as soft and fragile as a snowflake. The one who was cold to the touch and beautiful even in her sorrow. He saw his own reflection plainly, but she appeared next to it as though she were standing right next to him in reality.
"…Leave this place…" she whispered.
"What's wrong?" Neji asked softly, approaching the mirror.
"The one you call Gaara… is slowly being changed. He's slowly becoming one of them. Slowly becoming evil. Hope is lost to me now. You must escape with your life."
"Where is he?" Neji asked. "I'm not leaving." He gently touched the mirror and met her eyes. "I'm not leaving, and that's the end of it."
She looked at him sadly, then turned to his reflection, as though she were actually standing there regarding him. "You mustn't go like this," she said. She brushed her hand over the eyelids of his reflection, and when he blinked, the eyes that blinked back at him in the reflection were now dark. His eyes were no longer white. They now looked… normal. Perhaps the way they would have looked had he been one of those born in his clan without the Byakugan. They were a deep, dark, chocolate brown. The woman then touched his hair in the reflection, and slowly, it started to lighten and shorten right before his eyes. The white ribbon from his hair fell to the floor. His hair was now shoulder length and completely white. He stared at his reflection, and realized that was exactly how he looked now.
"It is but an illusion," she said. "To protect you. Should they see what you really look like… should they see your white eyes or should they recognize you in some way, they would capture you and kill you… or worse. And so, keep this illusion for now."
"I understand," Neji nodded. "Thank you."
"The one you seek," the woman said, "Is a floor below. And he is lost."
She then faded away. Neji lifted his hand to touch his hair. His head felt lighter. He had taken for granted how much warmth his long hair held. He also spared another look at his eyes. He had often wondered what they would look like without his ability. He thought he looked fairly odd, but there was no time to consider it further. He quickly made his way through the dark and flickering hallways until he found a staircase that led down. Taking a deep breath, he slowly descended the stairs, clothed in his white robes, his hair now white as snow.
As he made his way down and rounded the small landing, he could now see that some of the doors in this hallway were open. There were lights flickering on and off from inside the rooms. He could also hear movement. He heard one door open, and another one shut quickly. Then, to his amazement, Gaara stepped out into the hall, his silhouette and movements easily recognized by Neji's eyes.
"Gaara," he whispered softly, slowly walking down the hallway.
Gaara turned and looked at him. The lights were dim in the hallway, some not coming back to life. They were both mostly in shadow.
"Gaara, it's me," Neji said.
Gaara started walking towards him slowly, his face momentarily lit by a lamp as he passed. His face was blank, and his eyes cold. Then they were drowned in shadow again.
"You have to come with me," Neji said, remembering that Hinata had been brainwashed and so something might have been done to Gaara as well.
"Who are you?" Gaara asked.
"We don't have time," Neji said. "Just come with me," he said, grabbing Gaara's arm. "I'm a friend."
But Gaara stepped away from him. "I'm not going anywhere with you," he said. "Not until you answer me."
"My name is Neji, and as I said, I'm a friend."
Gaara stood there, staring at him. Behind him, there was movement from inside the rooms.
"Someone is coming, Gaara," Neji said. "We have to go now. I might not get another chance."
"No," Gaara said flatly.
Neji sighed and rolled his head on his shoulders slowly.
"Don't," Gaara said, his mouth curving into a smile.
Neji opened his eyes and stared at him from under his long lashes. "Don't what?"
"You're thinking of how to take me by force, right?"
Neji smirked at him slightly. "Am I that easy to read?" he asked.
"Every inch of you," Gaara said, dark humor in his voice.
And as Gaara said it, he wasn't joking. There was something in the way the other young man moved that was familiar to him. Something that was comfortable about him. And something in his voice that was inviting. But as he tried to recall him from memory anxiety shot through him and forced the memories back.
"I don't remember you," Gaara said. "But something tells me you'll be trouble."
"Why do you want to stay?" Neji asked.
"None of your business," Gaara said. "Now leave."
Just kill him. He's too pure. Let his blood flow red. Let it stain him from head to toe. Let it cover those white robes and that white hair.
Gaara slowly looked Neji up and down. He stared at the white robes with their silver threads, and the hair as white as a snowflake. His skin was also pale. The only color was in his dark eyes. And even those held a strong, pure determination.
Disgusting, isn't it. That someone can go through life so immaculately, while you have gone through life with so much corruption. So much ugliness. If you admire his beauty, kill him before he sees the ugliness of the world. You'd be doing him a favor. If you hate his beauty, kill him more slowly and let him see ugliness. Either way, his blood must flow.
"I'm not familiar to you at all, am I?" Neji asked gently.
"Where exactly do you want to take me?" Gaara asked, unable to deny his curiosity as they both stood in the dim light together.
"Home," Neji said. "I want to take you home."
Gaara's eyes narrowed and his mood instantly darkened.
He wants to take you back to that place. They'll continue to use you and treat you like a monster. He wants to take you back to hell.
Gaara's eyes slowly tracked over to a suit of armor near a wall. There was a spear at its side. Neji followed his eyes, and then their eyes met. They looked into each other's eyes for no more than a few breaths, right before Gaara quickly stepped over to the wall and grabbed the spear. He twirled it over his head expertly and then sent it cutting though the air, aiming straight for Neji's head. Neji ducked the blade and then jumped up again in a fluid movement, kicking Gaara in the stomach so he slammed back against the wall. Gaara glared at him and pushed off from the wall, the spear still in his hands. He lunged at Neji, trying to land a stabbing blow to his chest. But Neji easily blocked the spear and guided it away from his body. His movements were as smooth as water. No matter what actions Gaara used, Neji managed to control the situation.
The spear went singing through the air with the speed of Gaara's swing, aiming to slice across Neji's neck. But Neji moved closer to Gaara in a lightning fast movement while grabbing the spear with one hand. Gaara looked up into Neji's eyes, seething with anger. Neji looked down at him calmly. They were just inches away from each other, Neji holding tightly to the spear.
"I'm not going with you," Gaara said. "I'm never going back."
"You've lost your memory," Neji said. "You can make up your mind after you get it back."
"There is nothing I could remember that would ever make me want to go back," Gaara said angrily.
"Your village. Your people."
"Shut up."
"Temari. Kankurou."
Gaara blinked, and for a moment, he looked confused.
"Gaara?" a young woman's voice said. He turned to his right to see the blonde woman with the storybook.
"Gaara?" a young man said. On his left, the young man with the mask of paint was there.
And once again, they faded away as though they were never there. Once again lost to him. He looked up at Neji as though he might fade also.
"What's wrong?" Neji asked. "Did their names hit a nerve?"
"I said shut up…."
"Can you really abandon them so easily?"
Gaara shoved forward, trying to get the spear back, but Neji knocked him back against the wall.
"What about Lee and Tenten?" Neji asked, his eyes piercing into him. "Will you forget about them too? Do you have any idea how much they care for you?"
One by one, the lights flickered on in the palace again. And as the lights came on, they could see each other fully. The pure white of Neji's hair and outfit stood out in the hallway of rainbow colors and paintings and flowers and lamps.
"I'm going to let go of the spear," Neji said calmly. "Then we can talk." He loosened his grip and backed away.
As soon as he had backed away, one of the doors was flung open. Princess Kaali stepped out into the hallway. She looked disturbed about something, and very uneasy. But shock was the look on her face when she saw Gaara and Neji.
"Who is this?" the princess asked, as she walked over to the two of them.
Gaara slowly put the spear back where it belonged and glanced at Neji with an unreadable expression.
"What were you doing to Gaara?" the princess demanded, looking at Neji.
"He's my new servant," Gaara said suddenly. "You did say I was allowed some of my own, didn't you?"
Kaali looked Neji up and down. She suddenly smiled, pleased that Gaara had decided on a male servant. Not that she thought that any of the female servants could compete with her beauty or charm.
"Well… yes… good…" she said. "But… I don't remember seeing you before…." She slowly walked closer to Neji, then walked around him as if examining a new piece of merchandise.
Neji tried to remain calm as she stared into his face, meeting his eyes. But to his relief, she shrugged a bit. "Ah yes, we did have replacements from the city after the… incident."
Neji nodded as if agreeing. "Forgive me, your highness. I came rushing down the stairs to check on you and with my hasty movements he probably thought I meant to do him harm. It's my fault entirely."
"Well, it's alright," Kaali smiled with sickening sweetness. "Just be more careful next time." She pointed to a door. "That will be your room. If Gaara calls on you, you will tend to him no matter the time of day and no matter what he asks. Am I understood? Your job is simple. You simply do as you're told without complaining."
"Yes, your highness," Neji bowed, inwardly dreading becoming a slave in this palace.
"Now leave us," the princess said, waving him away.
Neji turned away and headed for the door. But not before seeing the princess link arms with Gaara to lead him to her room. Neji wasn't pleased….
"What happened?" a palace attendant asked as he walked into the crystal pillar room.
"She started bleeding from her wrists," another said as he held a towel over Hinata's wounds. "I think she is rejecting the pillar. We have to inform the prince that we need to find a suitable replacement. We have her stabilized for now, but there is no telling when she might reject it again."
"I will inform the royal family immediately," the first attendant nodded.
After he left, the group tending to Hinata got a shock when she opened her eyes. But they couldn't tell if she was really seeing them. Her lids slowly sank down again and she took a deep breath, an eerie understanding now apparent on her face.
Neji looked around at the small room. It was clearly a servant's room. No more than a bed, a small washroom, and a small closet. There was a door to the main hallway, and side door leading directly to Gaara's room. He sat on the bed and took a deep breath. The lights were back on in the palace now… the power restored. That also meant that the safeties would be back in place and the security system up and running. For the moment, he couldn't be sure of how to leave, and he wasn't going to try without taking Gaara with him.
It wasn't long before Gaara opened the side door and stepped inside. Neji stood up, and they stared at each other for a short moment.
"Why did you lie to her?" Neji asked. "Why protect me?"
"I didn't do this for you," Gaara said. "I did it for me. You're going to tell me who I am. You're going to fill in the holes in my memory. And make no mistake, you ARE my servant." He met Neji's eyes with an icy stare. "If you disobey, I'll kill you."
Neji rose a blow. "Then what shall I do for you?"
"Why are you trying to take me home?" Gaara demanded.
"You're needed there," Neji said.
"I'm through with being used."
"You are needed, not used. You love your job."
"And what exactly is that job?" Gaara asked. "An assassin? A killer? An interrogator?"
Neji stayed silent, conflicted about what his answer should be. He couldn't tell Gaara that he was the Kazekage… not while he was like this.
"Kneel…" Gaara said.
"What?" Neji blinked.
"Get on your knees… now."
Neji took a deep breath, but he gracefully sank down onto one knee and lowered his head. Gaara stared down at him. "I asked you a question," he said coldly.
"You are a ninja," Neji said, his head still lowered. "One of the best."
"And what of the monster?" Gaara asked.
Neji looked up at him, confused. Gaara glared down at him.
"Monster?" Neji asked.
"The one I turn into. The one inside of me," Gaara said. "Why is it there?!"
"Gaara… what exactly do you remember?" Neji asked gently.
Gaara told him about the horrible visions he had… the memories of his past. The violent details of each and every thing he remembered. Neji listened intently, watching him pace around the room as he spoke. Finally he stopped, a disgusted look on his face.
"Gaara…" Neji said. "You won't turn into a monster. The demon inside of you is gone now."
"How can you be sure?" Gaara asked lowly.
"It was removed from your body by a group called the Akatsuki," Neji said calmly. "The process killed you. You were brought back to life just in time using a forbidden jutsu."
Gaara stared at him, as though he didn't understand whether or not it was good or bad. He absently put his hand over his heart.
"All of those horrible things you did weren't your fault," Neji continued. "That was Shukaku acting through you… influencing you beyond your control."
"I'm free of it?" Gaara asked, as though it were a relief.
"Yes," Neji said.
Gaara leaned against the wall. "You may stand," he said softly. Neji stood gracefully and stood just a few feet away from him.
"Let's get you home Gaara," Neji said. "You'll understand everything once you're back."
"I told you… I'm never going back," Gaara snapped. "No matter what you tell me, I have the memories. They are as clear as crystal. You can't take away years of pain by taking me away from here!"
"There is nothing for you here, Gaara!" Neji said. "Staying here fixes nothing. And any connection you have to this place is an illusion! You're only running from your problems if you stay here!"
"No, I'm changing the course of my life by staying here!" Gaara said. "You call yourself my friend. Why the hell weren't you there for me?! Where were you when I was suffering?! Why was I always alone? And if you're really my friend, why would you want to take me back to a place I hate!"
Neji's face remained stoic, but Gaara narrowed his eyes. "You know something," Gaara said lowly. "There is a reason you want to take me back." He chucked bitterly. "You're no friend to me. You want to take me back to be used again… just like before."
"I wouldn't do that to you," Neji said. "I need you to trust me, Gaara. You aren't well. Your current life isn't as bad as you're making it out to be. I can't tell you why, but you have to trust me. Your village loves you and they need you."
"That's a lie…" Gaara said.
"Your brother and sister miss you," Neji said.
"I have no one!" Gaara yelled. "There is no one! The only one who has ever shown me the slightest bit of kindness is Princess Kaali and I won't leave her side. I need her, and she needs me."
"What does she need you for?" Neji asked. "She committed acts of war against your people!"
"When I am so far beyond redemption her crimes are meaningless to me," Gaara said, his fists clenched.
"You were never beyond redemption," Neji said.
"Then you didn't know me…." Gaara said, turning away.
"She's using you," Neji said, stepping closer.
"The illusion of being needed is better than the reality of being utterly alone," Gaara said softly. "So I guess this means I'm using her also."
Gaara went into his room, but he left the door that connected their rooms open. Neji walked over and stood in the doorway as Gaara sat down at a table.
"Doesn't it frustrate you to be without your abilities?" Neji asked.
Gaara glanced up, and only someone with eyes as sharp as Neji could catch the fear in his eyes.
"Doesn't it concern you that you can't use chakra in this place?" Neji continued. "That you aren't fully yourself? You obviously remember what you were capable of."
"It's not important," Gaara said. But he was lying. They both new that it was important to him. What Neji didn't know was that Gaara felt a longing for the desert. The longing for the warm, vast sands. And there was the fear that he wouldn't ever see the desert again. Never feel the warmth of it, or see its beauty ever again.
"You know something is wrong," Neji said. "You know this doesn't add up. You may have the memories of who you once where, but you know, deep down, that you aren't that person. You can feel you've changed. You feel the tranquility. Why deny it?"
"Enough…" Gaara said.
"You have a good life now, and you're a good, respected person."
"I said enough!" Gaara said. "I don't want to hear about how good I am, or how I've forgotten all the good parts of my life, or how nice and tidy things are now. As far as I'm concerned it's all lies, and it's meaningless." He focused his glare on Neji. "It's time you learned how to be a proper slave," he said. "I suggest you find the kitchen. I'm starving."
Gaara rested his head on his arms at the table, and Neji sighed deeply. He used the door that went from his room to the hallway to get out. He realized that he could go anywhere he wanted in the palace. They weren't concerned about him. They weren't concerned about inside threats, or escapes, or invaders. The security measures were back in place, but this still showed a great deal of poor preparation and arrogance.
Neji instantly considered investigating the palace. But then he glanced back towards Gaara's door. He shook his head and smiled slightly. Well… he couldn't let the Kazekage starve. He'd find the kitchen. Then he'd get some answers.
That night, Gaara curled up under the blankets of his bed. He stared at the door that connected his room to Neji's. It was closed now. In this vast, unfamiliar room, Gaara wished that door was open. Somehow knowing someone else was close would have been a comfort.
Slowly Gaara's eyes closed, and he fell into a dream. A dream woven from memories desperately trying to piece themselves back together.
"Don't tell me you believed him, Gaara," a voice said from the dark.
"Shut up," Gaara said. "You're just a memory that won't fade. You don't exist. You're gone."
"Then why can you still hear me?"
"Because something is wrong with me…. Something is wrong, and I can't remember what pieces are missing."
"No matter what pieces you find, I will always be part of your dark past."
The blackness started to fade into fog, and Gaara landed on his feet in a vast ballroom. Snow fell as if the ceiling weren't there. The fog was so thick he could barely see in front of him. Gaara looked around, feeling as though the scene was oddly familiar. And then the snowflakes started to darken bit by bit, until there was no snow at all. Soon it was raining blood.
"Destroy him," a strained, female voice said from the shadows. "Break him. Break his mind. Break his heart. Break his spirit. Break his body. Make him suffer, as I have suffered."
A woman broke through the fog like the walking dead. Her face sunken, blood dripping down her rotting body. She smelled like death. In his surprise, he let her get close enough to touch his face, and as her freezing fingers touched him, he remembered who she was. He had seen her before in his dreams. He couldn't remember when he had starting seeing her, or why… but he remembered her.
"Break who?" he asked.
"The one you call Neji is not who he seems," she said, forcing her voice past her rotting gums. "He is the reason we suffer. You must break him and torture him. Very, very slowly."
"Why should I?" Gaara asked.
"He preys on the innocent and brings ruin and suffering to everything he touches. And you and all you care about will be no exception. Do not fall for his charms, or you will become his prey."
"You still haven't answered my question. Why should I care? You assume that I have something to lose."
"I can feel the war inside of you. You want to know who you are. He has the answers. He has all the missing pieces of your memories."
"I'm probably better off without them."
She reached out and touched his forehead with a bloody finger. "Then I will make you hate him," she said.
He woke up and sat up in bed. It was still dark. Gaara glanced at the closed door between their rooms. Inside of him, he could feel the rage rising up in him. Feelings of aggression, anger, and the feeling of being in danger. He slowly rose and walked to the door. Slowly turning the knob, he managed to open it without a sound. He stepped into Neji's small room and found him sleeping on the bed. His white hair and white robes fanned around him, making him look like a bird.
Gaara walked over to the bed, a letter opener in his had. He looked down at Neji as he held the dull blade up, ready to strike him. Anywhere would do. He wouldn't kill him quickly. Seeing him in pain would be satisfying enough. The rage he had for him was overwhelming, consuming.
And yet he couldn't strike him.
Neji's eyes slowly opened, dark and consuming. He looked up at Gaara, his face calm and serene, even as he saw the blade in Gaara's hand. Gaara searched his eyes, the only light coming from a dying candle.
"You aren't afraid to die?" Gaara asked, trying to hold back the wave of hate that burned inside him.
"No," Neji said softly.
Gaara's hands were shaking. The calm surrounding Neji was cooling his rage, no matter how much it felt good to fuel the flames inside of him.
"This isn't you," Neji said gently.
"This is me," Gaara said, but his hand dropped as he clutched the blade.
Neji slowly touched Gaara's shaking hand. Gaara realized that Neji's hands were surprisingly warn. Much warmer than Kaali's touch. But he quickly drew his hand away. "Don't ever, ever touch me again," he growled.
"Just kill him."
"Shut up!" Gaara yelled, grabbing his head.
Neji sat up and blinked in shock. "I didn't say anything."
"Make him bleed. End his existence."
"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't need you!" Gaara yelled. But Shukaku's voice still echoed in his head. And not only his. The bloody woman was there too, twisting his mind and his body. Making him hate Neji with all he had.
"Gaara, you have to fight it!" a young blonde woman said beside him. He blinked and she was gone.
Gaara started to breath quickly, his head spinning. It was like he was surrounded. The voices were everywhere, and yet he couldn't truly see them.
"Gaara?" Neji said gently as he rose to his feet. "There is no one else here. It's just you and me."
"Stay away from me," Gaara said, holding up the blade again, his body shaking all over. "If you come any closer, I'll kill you."
Neji continued to advance and Gaara backed against the wall.
"What a defiant child," Shukaku said. "It's time for him to die."
"He's vermin," the bloody woman said. "Eliminate him slowly."
"Gaara," Neji said. "Put the blade down."
"Kill him."
"Kill him."
"KILL HIM!"
"He deserves to die!"
"Lower the blade," Neji repeated. "I won't ask you again."
Gaara lunged forward with the blade, aiming for Neji's throat. But his strike was easily blocked, and he felt his body being whirled in a completely different direction as Neji used Gaara's body weight and momentum to easily turn him to face the wall. The blade was now discarded on the floor, and with a firm hold on Gaara's wrist Neji had one of his arms pinned behind him. Gaara's back was against Neji's chest now, and one of Neji's arms was around Gaara's neck, holding him in place. Every time Gaara made a move to break away, his arm would feel like it was being twisted out of its socket behind him, and Neji increased the pressure on his throat.
"Relax," Neji said calmly. Gaara struggled, but Neji only calmly held him in place, waiting for his movements to slow.
Gaara finally stopped moving, and he breathed heavily in frustration and humiliation. Neji's grip loosened just enough to hold him in place, but not hurt him. Gaara could feel Neji's heart beating faintly against his back. He for Neji to gloat or make him feel lower than he already did.
"You're going to be okay," Neji said gently, much to Gaara's surprise. His mouth was very close to Gaara's ear, as though the words held a secret for him and him alone. His voice had become soft... every word seeming meaningful. The tone of his voice sent a chill up Gaara's spine. "You'll find peace again. And I'll help you," Neji said.
"Let go of me," Gaara said, though his voice had lost its harshness.
"I'll let go when I don't think you'll hurt yourself," Neji said.
It took a moment, but Gaara's muscles finally released their tension. Neji slowly let go of him and backed away. Gaara didn't turn to meet his eyes. Instead he darted out of the room, slamming the door behind him.