I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity and her flaming self respect and it's these things I'd believe in even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all that she should be. But of course the real reason, Isabelle, is that I love her and that's the beginning and end of everything.

—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Chapter Eleven — Of Beginnings and Endings

BPOV

Winter had come early to Calais; well, at least early by my reckoning. I was used to snow in the late winter and early spring, or not at all, so it had been quite a surprise to wake up the last day of November to a white blanket covering the ground.

My mind had been foggy at first, stuck in that in place between dreams and awakenings, and I had thought that I was simply dreaming of marble arms surrounding me. It was a common enough dream, and had been with me for years. Initially, it was of Edward and him coming back to me. Sometimes, when I had finally stopped having the nightmares of him leaving me in the woods, I would have these beautiful dreams of waking up in his arms. He would kiss my nose and smile, and we would be in my bedroom in Forks. No time would have passed, and he would laugh at the idea of ever leaving me. Later, with years and distance, I stopped having even those dreams as they faded as all human memories do.

Edward claimed that human minds were like a sieve, and that time heals all wounds for humans. How right he was. We simply must go on; there is no other choice. The beauty of the human condition is that we must adapt or die. Time stands still for no man, and all that rot. As cliché as it might be, it also happens to be true. The brevity of our lives ensures the forgetfulness of our minds.

As to Edward—after long years, in which the dreams had faded entirely, I forgot them. It was only when I moved to Calais and Carlisle stepped back into my life that the dreams began again. Only this time it was a very different vampire in whose cool embrace I rested. Perhaps I might then be forgiven for at first thinking that my resting in Carlisle's arms was but a dream. It was with no little shock that I felt Carlisle's cool nose press against my ear as he murmured, "I know you're awake."

I trembled a bit, shivering, then stretching out my legs under the covers. Late in the night, I had changed into pajamas and got under the covers while my vampire and I had talked. "Hmm," I responded. "Sleeping now, talk later."

The bed shook as I could feel Carlisle's chest rumbling in laughter. "Bella, Bella," he sang softly. "It's time to get up."

"No, no work," I grumbled, still refusing to open my eyes.

"No, no work today," he murmured. "Not for you or for me."

"But it's a school day," I replied as my brain slowly cleared.

"It may be so, but look outside."

"Huh?" I asked, before rolling over and opening my eyes to the sight of nothing but white beyond the window.

The snow had come, and it had continued all day. School had been canceled, and though Carlisle had been on call he had never been paged. We spent the entire day by the warmth of the fire in each other's arms, listening to the cracking of branches and the hush of white noise as the snow came down.

Even two weeks later, I couldn't help but look back on that day with pleasure. It had been a rare lull between emotional conversations and steps forward. I certainly hoped Carlisle looked back on it with the same pleasure that I did. In a way, it had been the beginning of the way we were now. Before the declarations and the talks, while we had had a deep and important friendship, there had always been walls, always things unsaid. That changed after the night Carlisle stayed. All walls were gone and there had been a certain liberty of feeling. I had been able to tell him of the development of my feelings for him, and how I had thought he looked like a movie star the first time I saw him. He returned the favor by telling me about his guilt over Edward that had held him back, as well as his feelings of unworthiness.

Imagine, such a divine creature feeling unworthy of me! It beggared understanding.

The fall of snow truly brought with it a new lease on life, for both of us. The rivers froze over and the park in the town center had set up an ice rink. Wreaths were hung and lights were strung, and Christmas music seemed to echo everywhere. It was infectious in a way to be caught up in the magic of the holiday season. I was certainly cherishing this one, and not only because I simply knew that it would be my last one as a human. It also had meaning because it was the first one I was sharing with Carlisle.

In Forks, I had arrived a few weeks after Christmas and they had left several months before it. I had never spent a Cullen Christmas with a family of vampires, nor kissed Edward under the mistletoe, or even reluctantly received a present from Alice. There were simply no connotations with the Cullens in regard to Christmas, and in a way I was glad. It simply meant that there was no ground to recover; everything was new. No memories of Edward would intrude on our holiday, at least not from my perspective.

All these things and more flitted through my mind as I walked with Carlisle through the forest, two weeks after that fateful first night I slept by his side. The snow crunched under our boots as we made our way along the snowy path. Our gloved hands were entwined and in his free one, Carlisle carried a saw. We were actually trekking through the trees to find one to cut down for Christmas. I had never done it this way, Christmas had always meant a fake tree with Renee or a bedraggled spruce bought from a lot the few times I had spent it with Charlie. When I had said as much to Carlisle, he had been completely horrified and insisted we do it the proper way. His spirits were high, even now as he regaled me with stories of previous Christmases with his family.

"And so Emmett was convinced that he could get away with a gift certificate for Rosalie," Carlisle was saying, shaking his head while laughing. "Alice tried to tell him it was a horrible idea and that Rosalie would not be pleased, but Emmett said 'This way she can buy what she wants, right? It's not like I'm being cheap.'"

I shook my head, laughing. "So what happened?"

"The predictable," Carlisle said with an elegant shrug. "Rosalie opened it on Christmas morning, frowned, and then wouldn't speak to Emmett for two weeks. It took a trip to Paris and a shopping spree that cost more than a small house for her to forgive him, which ended up being about ten times as expensive as a Christmas present would have been. Poor Emmett, he always did have the worst luck with gifts. Of course, that Christmas was nothing to the one when Edward, Emmett and Jasper burned down the parlor."

I laughed, my breath exhaling in an icy gush of air. I liked that he no longer held back talking about Edward. He was part of both our pasts, and with Carlisle it didn't hurt to remember that. So with a grin, I asked, "When was this?"

"Oh, Christmas '87? We were in Salem then, and Jasper and Emmett were particularly rambunctious. They had been outside all day rolling in the snow, which was fine except they came back in the house in high spirits and started harassing Edward until he joined them. Eventually, they broke three windows and knocked the Christmas tree into the fire, which of course lit up immediately." He laughed. "We were able to contain the fire, but Esme was horrified. The entire parlor was destroyed. I think she had been very fond of that one."

"Sounds very memorable," I said, a grin plastered across my face. I felt no hurt or jealousy at the mention of Esme, only happiness that he was willing to share his past with me.

"Oh, it was and the boys spent the next several years all blaming each other, and sometimes Alice for not telling them what would happen."

I laughed again, and then came to a stop in front of what had to be the most perfect tree I had ever seen.

I smiled and then pointed. "This one."

Carlisle looked at the tree I was aiming at. "That one, you sure?"

"Mmmhmm," I replied. "Can you check it? Make sure there are no squirrels who would take offense to it being cut down?"

He grinned at me. "You think they won't take offense to a vampire sticking his nose into their little home if that is the case?"

I clapped my hands together to get the feeling back in them and to stave off the cold, and then rolled my eyes. "Or you could just listen if there are any heartbeats and use your vamp eyeballs to see. No nose sticking required."

"Darn, I forgot about that," he smiled, his expression teasing.

One of the greatest changes in the last two weeks was the expression of constant happiness that seemed to be perpetually on Carlisle's face. Though he had often smiled and laughed in my company before, there was something about him that seemed relaxed now. It was as if all his insecurities had been laid bare and then accepted and released. I was incredibly happy for him and happy with him, and all our happiness and joy seemed to cycle round and round back to each other over and over again. There was a merriness in the air that had nothing to do with the season. For the first time, perhaps in all my life, everything fit exactly as it was supposed to. I felt a deep easiness in the direction of my life, and I knew I was making the correct decisions. I had no fears of what was to come, only hopes and dreams. And I knew Carlisle could feel it too. The infectious happiness that surrounded us wasn't just from new love, but rather from the deep happiness of our hearts. It had even led to us doing things that I had never thought possible long ago when I had been young in Forks.

The previous night had been one such occasion.

Slow, we had agreed to go slow. But Carlisle's version of slow wasn't even in the same ball park as Edward's version of slow. Edward's had meant chaste kisses and gentle clasps of the hand and tentative strokes over layers of clothing. Carlisle's version, well, definitely did not.

After kissing me, with tongue—hallelujah!—he had pulled me into his lap on the rug before the roaring fire. As the wood crackled and hissed, my vampire had explored my neck with his lips, kissing his way down toward my chest. Just when I thought he would stop, pull away, and right his clothes, instead he had raised one eyebrow as he touched the top button of my blouse and said, "May I?"

My heart had just about beat out of my chest as I smiled and nodded eagerly. His fingers had been deft and quick, freeing the buttons one by one as his hands slowly caressed flesh as he went. When he reached the last button, he undid it and then parted the material and helped me shrug out of the shirt. Aside from my lacy bra, I had been bare before him. But instead of the shyness I expected to feel, I felt warm and wanted. His heated gaze had made me feel as though I was the most beautiful of women, like Aphrodite standing before an amorous Adonis. There had been no impetuous grabbing or startled movements, instead he had gently run his fingers along my flank, and then around on my stomach and then up over my breasts, cupping them gently.

His lips had then returned to mine after he adjusted my legs so that I was straddling him. He pulled me close, letting me know in no uncertain terms that I affected him deeply, and that he was as much man as vampire. He had been tender and sweet, but also passionate. I am sure that in all my imaginings I could not have thought it better. When he held me close it was not just with reverence, but also with desire. I was fully a woman in his eyes.

When his shirt had joined mine in the pile of deserted clothes, I had gasped at the feeling of his cool pectorals against my lace-covered breasts. It was a strange sensation, like ice on my warm flesh. But, as I quickly discovered, it did not stay that way. The natural coolness of his body was due to the lack of a circulatory system, not a natural affinity for freezing temperatures. As the fire warmed us, and I pressed against him, he grew, not warm, but perhaps tepid. The initial discrepancy in temperature soon faded from my mind.

We spent hours like that, warming before the fire as we lazily learned each other's bodies. Our pants stayed on, and there was not wandering below the waist, but even so it was the furthest I had been with a man and the most satisfying experience of my life.

During one moment, he rested his head on my chest and sighed happily.

"What are you thinking about?" I had asked.

"I wasn't thinking. I was listening."

"To what?"

"Your heart," he replied. "Thump, thump. It's a good sound."

We said but little else, nothing really had to be spoken. We were simply learning each other, as I discovered that, in Carlisle's case, slow was good.

"Bella!"

Jerking my head up, I looked at Carlisle's exasperated expression. "I said would you hand me the saw?"

Smiling, I nodded, passing it to him. He grinned right back at me and I wondered if his mind was drifting to last night as well, or if he was thinking of that very morning when I had made a fool of myself on skates.

As it was my last Christmas as a human, I was determined to make the most of it. Everything would be much easier once I was a vampire, but in a way that felt a bit like cheating. Would I savor things as much when I didn't have to work for them? I didn't know, but it certainly made me want to do as much as I could before I was turned. And one thing I had never learned was to ice skate.

We had decided to forgo the rink in town square as I had little desire to make a spectacle of myself before my students and their families, and instead went to a little pond deep in the woods that Carlisle had taken us to in moments thanks to his vampire speed. There we had put on our skates—mine borrowed from Linda—and he had gently led me around. I was like a wobbly colt just learning to walk, but it had been great fun. Carlisle had hummed Christmas tunes the whole time, occasionally breaking into song with his beautiful voice. He seemed to favor the classics, but every now and then I could have sworn I heard strains of "Frosty the Snowman."

I had fallen on my butt at least five times, but it was fun and it was new…but mostly, it was together. I never minded looking like a fool in front of Carlisle.

I remember my paralyzing fear of Edward and the idea that he would think me clumsy or pathetic. I hadn't been comfortable in my own skin, but really that wasn't Edward's fault. It must have been so frustrating for him when he tried to convince me of my desirability and I just wouldn't listen. It had never made sense for him to love me, not then. Now I could understand, now I was proud of the woman I had become. Carlisle assured me that Edward had truly loved me, more than once, but in a way it didn't matter. I hadn't loved me; I had been so unsure of myself that I think a part of me would have always wondered if and why he loved me, and felt insecure and unworthy of his loving gaze. But now, all these years later, with Carlisle, I didn't doubt that he found me desirable. I didn't doubt that he wanted me, or fear of making a fool of myself in front of him. I was secure in myself and I was secure in him.

In the months since Carlisle had returned to my life, I had spent many hours thinking of Edward. It was different, of course, from the way I thought of him those years ago. There was no aching wound in my chest as I longed for him and it didn't hurt to think or say his name, instead it was thoughtful reflection. Learning the truth from Carlisle about that day Edward left me in the woods, and about the way Edward had truly loved me had been a release I had not known I needed.

Poor Edward, I was never ready for him. That would have taken years of growth and living that I simply hadn't had at the age of seventeen. And he was simply never ready for me. That would have taken a belief in himself and his own essential goodness so that he might believe he was worthy of my love.

At heart, I think Edward was a pessimist. And the failure of our relationship can be bound up together in that essential truth. It was neither his fault nor mine. I wasn't too much of a human and he wasn't too much of a vampire. The disastrous birthday would not have been the nail in the coffin of our relationship, if it wasn't for the fact that Edward saw it that way. And he would not have been able to leave me in the woods if I had not let him. Since meeting Carlisle again, and enduring the last five years, I have learned that there is nothing that cannot be lived through if the determination and belief are there. In the end, as tragic as it may seem, Edward didn't believe in us, in our love, in our relationship, and that we could move forward together. And I did not believe in him, his love, and the idea that I was worthy of him.

He was his own worst enemy, aided and abetted by a girlfriend who simply didn't understand why he couldn't see the beauty of their love like she could, but also was afraid it would all disappear.

I was so young then. So young, and so undamaged. And yet, I know that everything that happened then led me to my today. I have no anger left at Edward, only sorrow that, in the end, he did not believe himself worthy of love, and I wasn't strong enough to make him.

The sawing motion was complete and Carlisle yelled, "Timber!" once again pulling me from my thoughts. I giggled at the entirely human action of my vampire and smiled indulgently at his happy face.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, hefting it up onto his shoulder. The tree was enormous, but he held it up as if it was a weed. I shook my head with a smile. Somehow, I just didn't think I would ever get beyond my awe of immortals. At least not as a human anyway.

"Best tree ever," I said, smiling. I picked up the discarded saw and put the safety case back on it. We then began walking back to Carlisle's house and as we did, I smiled to myself. Best tree ever; best Christmas ever.

"Sleigh bells rings, are you listening?"

His perfect baritone serenaded us home.

CPOV

I remember the first Christmas tree I ever saw. Such a declaration would not be surprising to any vampire with the gift for perfect memory, but what makes it different in this case is that I first saw one when I was a human. When I was near four or five, Christmas and all other High Holy Days were outlawed by the Commonwealth as festivals, and became strictly religious observances only. It wasn't until I was near seventeen or eighteen that they returned to the festivals and spirited revels of before my birth, but by then I was in Seminary and not allowed to partake in them. When I left Seminary I was twenty-two, or near abouts, and it was only then that I would experience the first real Christmastide I can remember.

There was a family that lived not far removed from the vicarage where I passed my youth, and later the last year of my mortal life. They were Germanic by birth, yet the younger generations had never set foot in any part of the Rhineland. They had fled the state of Cleves when the last duke died and the province fell into its troubles. The men of the family were weavers by trade. Of an old line, their craft was legendary from the moment they immigrated to London. There was even a tapestry that the patriarch, Dietrich, had presented to King James, which afterward hung in Whitehall Palace. The son, Johan, took up his father's trade as a matter of course, becoming one of the foremost weavers in the City.

Dietrich had been a member of the Weaver's Guild in Cleves, and there they kept a Christmas tree in their guildhall. This tradition was one the family replicated in their own home when they settled in England. They cut the tree down from one of the forests along the Thames, then had it floated down river to London Bridge. I remember that day so clearly, for it was a Market day, and I was free from my duties and had the pleasure of seeing the men carrying their large spruce down the narrow lanes of Southwark, while needles of sweet smelling pine fell behind them.

My curiosity as to their purpose had me inquiring of one of the local shopkeepers as to what the weavers meant to do with the tree. He informed me of the Germanic customs, and how the tree would be decorated. His words proved true, for the rest of the season, until Twelfth Night, every time I passed by the window of the weaver's home, I saw the tree lit in the window. It was decorated with apples, nuts, dried fruit, and fabric chains and flowers, along with lit tapers affixed to the tree's many branches. I remember that the shopkeeper thought them quite mad, and the idea of Christmas trees would not catch on in England until centuries later, but seeing that tree, that Christmas, was a memory that would become, in time, infinitely precious to me.

Now, centuries later, another Christmas tree was dominating my thoughts.

"It's still leaning to the left," Bella commented, her voice containing a hint of frustration.

"And I am telling you," I rejoined, "that it is perfectly straight as it is."

Our discussion was taking place in the middle of my living room which looked as if it had been in an explosion of Christmas ornaments and tinsel. Bella hadn't wanted us to cut down more than one tree because she thought it was an unnecessary waste, but she refused to purchase a fake tree. As a result, my house had become the de facto Christmas headquarters for our little celebration for two.

"It's my last Christmas as a human," Bella had said when we first spoke of it. She seemed to have decided that indeed, she would be changing after the holiday season. "And I want to make sure it is the best one it can possibly be. I am going to be going all out. I'm talking caroling, Christmas tree lighting in the town square, ice skating, and the biggest tree we can find. Be prepared."

I couldn't decide later whether I should take her words as a threat or not.

"Carlisle?" Bella said, pulling my attention back to the present.

"It's fine, Bella. Let's decorate it while we're still young, please."

"Hardy-har-har," Bella muttered. "Don't crush the spirit of Christmas, Scrooge."

"I'm not," I said, "but give the fact that I have advanced and acute vampire vision, I guarantee you that the tree is straight."

"Fine," she muttered. "Let's start with the lights then."

"Thank you, Lord," I muttered.

"I heard that!"

"You were meant to," I called back, laughing. After checking to make sure all the lights worked, I put them on, wrapping them around the branches in places. We used more strings of light than Alice usually did, she often took the minimalist approach to Christmas, but the effect, when it was finished, was worth it. The branches were decked with cherry red bows and gold beads. Ornaments from Bella's childhood, ones she had saved, hung on the branches intermixed with glass balls, snowflakes, and angels that we had bought. The first of many purchases we would make together. And at the top, a single crystal star sat, beautiful in its perfection and simplicity. It looked spectacular to me, so I was pleased that Bella looked similarly affected. With a smile on my face, I stepped back from the tree and wrapped an arm around her waist.

The snow was starting to come down again outside, and the glow of the sun was hidden behind the clouds as twilight approached. The parlor was warm and lit from the fire, and I couldn't help but think that I was being given a glimpse of perfection in that moment. With Bella in my arms, I felt complete. Happiness was a rare commodity, but I had been gifted it in abundance. First with my family and all our years together, and then, when I thought I had lost everything, with the re-entrance of a lost friend into my life. My Creator was merciful indeed.

"What are you thinking about?"

I looked down at Bella's beautiful upturned face and smiled. "Happiness." I then ducked my head to kiss her.

Kissing Bella was unlike anything else in the world. It was heady, like drinking a fine wine that made your head spin and your blood dance. I remember little human food and drink, but I do remember wine and Bella was that personified. Everything about her was special, and everything about her was worth protecting. Nothing in the world was more precious to me.

Her lips softly and tentatively pressed back at me and I deepened the kiss, parting her mouth and stroking her silky tongue with my own. I was always very careful about my teeth and had explained to Bella why she should never touch them with her tongue. She had taken that as a challenge, I think, to be as inventive as possible. Instead of deep and unrestrained kissing, my body had become her hostage. And I was certainly a willing captive.

Pulling back from me slightly, Bella reached for the hem of my sweater and pulled it up and over my head. When my chest was revealed, she stood in silence for a moment. I thought the expression on her face was admiration, but I couldn't be sure. "Bella?" I asked tentatively.

"Shh," she replied softly. "I'm awestruck."

"You saw me yesterday."

She blushed. "Yesterday I was distracted. Now, I am being appreciative, so hush."

And with that, she reached out her hands and gently traced the definition of my muscles on my abdomen and then my chest, her fingers running through the sparse golden hair. Her hands were warm and soft, like hot oil on my skin. She gently stroked and touched, learning me, before eventually kissing the top of my left shoulder. "You're beautiful," she whispered.

"Bella," I murmured, cupping her face in my hands.

"I think I could stare at you for millennia and never grow tired of the sight," she said softly. Her bright brown eyes met mine and she asked, "Is that so very strange?"

"We all have our quirks," I said on a grin.

She laughed, "Yes, and mine is to be a voyeur."

"No need to be a voyeur when I wish for you to be an active participant," I replied, leaning down to kiss her once more.

Kissing Bella felt right, like nothing else had before. It was almost like a tug in my heart, a confirmation of the soul. I was where I was supposed to be, and that was an end to it.

As our relationship had progressed, I had waited for the guilt and the shame to come. I had waited for my latent fears and insecurities to come to the fore, but when they didn't I was amazed and deeply relieved. Part of me, of course, would forever regret that being with Bella would lose me my son. I knew, without question, the depth of Edward's love for Bella. And I also knew that this was one sin that he would not forgive.

Edward was surprisingly accommodating when it came to the mistakes and failings of others. Countless times he had picked up and moved when Emmett or Esme or Alice or Jasper had slipped and nearly exposed us, and every time it was done with nary a complaint. He endured the "Rosalie show", as he called it, at dealt with having the intrusive thoughts of others constantly in his mind. And though I think he resented me at times for creating him at all, he had still opened up his whole heart and become my dearest friend and companion.

But he would not forgive this.

When Edward met Bella, there had been an almost instinctive rush of feeling on his part and a desire to protect her. Though he did not liken those feelings to love until later, it had been plain to many of us that Bella was not just another mindless human to Edward's eyes, though we did not know why. And then, after, when the resisting had been abandoned and he had given in to the abundance of emotion that he felt for her, he had been like a different person all together. Transported, in a way.

It had been wonderful to watch. My staid and untrusting son, bound up in the thrill of a first love. I had wanted to assure him, to counsel him, but there was little I could say to him. He had his own ideas from the start, and would brook no refusal or alteration to them. Looking back now, I wish that I had been more involved, but my focus had been split between my duties at the hospital and my deteriorating relationship with Esme. Though I had avoided thinking about it then, the cracks had been there for years and they had often given me pause. I was deeply concerned over my own dissatisfaction and my own lack of enthusiasm at improving things.

It seemed a million years ago now.

And perhaps everything worked out exactly as it should, even if it broke my heart to know that my separation with Edward would be an enduring one. Vampires don't change unless they are forced to. My relationship with Esme proved that. We probably would have gone on as we did for a millennia, neither of us completely happy but without real cause to change it. Bella, and Victoria, and Edward gave us the impetus for change that we both needed. But just because I had grown and changed, even unknowingly, didn't mean Edward had.

I had told Bella that people change, even vampires, but I should have qualified it to say, if they want to. We have to want to, and I don't think any part of Edward ever would. I think Edward was happy playing the eternal lover, and it suited him in a way. His love for Bella would always be evergreen in his mind, because he wanted it to be. There would be no delay or confusion if and when he saw her again, Edward would simply carry on being in love with her.

Until he found out she had been taken by the one he trusted most, that is.

Perhaps I was being unfair to him, and perhaps he had come to the same conclusions as Bella. But it was simply impossible to know. I deeply doubted it, however. He was a constant thing, my son. Constant and true.

Were I a better man and less of a sinner, I would give her up. I would push Bella away from me and retreat to the safety of friendship and unspoken desires. But I was not a better man. I had my sins and imperfections, like so many, and I simply could not sacrifice the wonder that Bella brought to my life.

No, I could not.

Bella was like a symphony of color and music after a lifetime, or several, of black and white and silence. My feelings for her were varied and many, deepening constantly. Every time I thought I had discovered all her ideas and thoughts, she spoke a new one, or said something completely out of character. I never knew where she was going to lead me, and that, after centuries of unchanging tedium, was a rare gift.

"Carlisle," she murmured, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yes," I whispered back, savoring the feeling of her warm hands on my shoulders.

"I want to be changed after Christmas," she said softly, smiling up at me tenderly.

"You don't want to see Charlie one last time?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No, I have done and seen enough. My dad and I had a wonderful visit over the summer. I saw Angela and Ben then too, as well as the Blacks. I said goodbye then to all of them and I know that I left them in a good place. I also saw my college friends in August too. And I saw my mom at Thanksgiving. I'm ready. Maybe on New Years, or just before?"

I nodded. "You should resign from your job, and tell your mom you are moving back to Jacksonville. Ship all your stuff and sell your house. The Jenkensons are looking to buy, and I bet they would make you a good offer. The key is to get the focus off of Calais. We can fake a car accident in Maryland or thereabouts."

She took a tremulous breath and then straightened her shoulders. "And what about the body?"

"A fire or an accident in a body of water will work. Water is better as they are getting more and more advanced with forensics these days."

She nodded, and then blew out her breath in a gush. "I never thought of all the things we would have to do to avoid detection."

"It is just safer that way," I said softly. "Humans generally find the explanation where they need to and look no further, but with Charlie being an officer of the law…I simply want all of our bases covered, understand?"

Bella nodded again. "Yes, I get it. It's just, wow. It became real all of the sudden."

"Remember Bella," I said softly. "There is no rush."

"No," she said, determination rife in her voice. "I want it this way, at this time. I feel like this is how it should be."

Seeing her, in that moment, looking so desirable in the light of the fire made my heart seem to leap from my chest. Though there was no beat and no blood, in that moment I could truly feel it. I felt so alive and so blessed. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, nothing I wouldn't give to her. For this fragile human who held my heart, I would take on the world itself, gladly. Here she was, ready and willing to turn her back on the sun and join me in the darkness. I was unworthy of her trust and affection, and yet I would savor both and cherish them for as long as I walked the earth.

"I love you," I said quietly.

The words tumbled from my lips without being summoned, and yet they were exactly what I wanted to say and tell her. For as long as I lived, for the rest of eternity, I would love no one but her. I would care and devote myself to no other. Vampires can change with reason, and she was my final reason. My life, my love.

She gave me a soft smile. "I know. I love you too."

Her gentle response lit my heart and gave wings to my soul. This was how it was supposed to be: easy and right. There was no hesitation in her voice, no unequal emotion. What we felt was pure and given voice at the exact moment that it should have been.

"I know," I answered. We both laughed. There was no rush to declare, no misunderstanding or fear of response. We were both perfectly secure in the knowledge that we were equally loved and desired.

In that moment, I knew several things. One, that I would love no other woman in my very long life. Two, that in Bella I had found the person I had waited for and despaired of ever finding. And three, that I would marry her some day.

There was no question in my mind that we were headed there. I knew Bella's conflicted feelings about marriage, but I also knew that between us there could be no doubt. When I finally asked, when time had passed and we were both ready, I knew what her answer would be. Bella Swan was going to be my wife, and I was going to be her husband.

I wanted to take her, in every way. My normally reticent mind might have shied away from such a thought in normal circumstances, but now I felt no need to. In my heart, and in God's eyes, I was certain that ours was a lasting union. I would never leave this wonderful creature, as she was the greatest gift I could have ever received. And I was going to treat her like the present she was. I would not spit on that which my Creator felt fit to give me.

Looking into my true love's eyes, there was perfect understanding. Smiling gently, I leaned down and kissed the woman that I loved and said, "Let's go to bed, love."

With a loving smile, Bella took my hand and left the parlor and all its Christmas dreams behind. We walked slowly up the stairs, the step of our feet matching time to the beat of Bella's heart. When we reached my room, it seemed only natural for me to lean over and lift Bella into my arms before carrying her across the threshold. Once we were inside, I gently lowered her down in front of me.

With no virginal shyness, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me.

It felt like the end of a very long journey and the beginning of a new one.

In most events, I suppose, there must be a natural beginning and an end. With Bella, all my beginnings and endings were wrapped up in natural unison.

Together, she and I, as in all things.

A deep apology is owed to all my readers who have been patiently waiting for over a year for an update. I have many excuses, but none of them suffice. I can only say that I was fighting myself on the direction of this story for a long time. It seemed to be naturally progressing towards an ending and storyline that I knew to be unpopular in fanfiction. (Don't worry, it will be happy!) Eventually, I realized that I had to write the story that was in me and trust that my readers would love it for its sincerity. This is already a non-canon story, and that will only continue as time goes on. That means pairings might be introduced later, such as for Edward, which are not canon. I also want to bring back in the other Cullens, especially the characters of Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie, and that won't feel organic unless I follow the story as it is meant to be. And in order to give the characters stories that fit them, I can't be afraid of ruffling a few feathers.

This story, as it continues, will be extremely faithful to canon histories, but only to the events in the Twilight Books up until page 84 of New Moon. Everything after that is fair game. That said, I have several further chapters of this story completed and will be posting them in weekly intervals until it is all up. I wanted to wait until the story was finished before posting again, but I became impatient. I have also gone back and edited the previous chapters for spelling and grammatical errors, and added a few lines here and there for coherency. I have also changed an epigraph or two, but there were no changes made to the plot of the story.

The line "Edward claimed that human minds were like a sieve, and that time heals all wounds for humans" is paraphrased from New Moon, page 72.

The line "We all have our quirks," is taken from Chapter Three of Midnight Sun. I don't necessarily consider it canon as it has never been published and is subject to change, but it is good for source material.

To Be Continued…