There are a lot of painful things in this world. But sometimes one of the most painful can be waiting. Before flesh eating beasts were a commonality, there was your standard waiting. For a new book to come out, or for 7 months when your favorite TV show would return. But waiting is different now. And I think it's worse. You wait and wait for someone to return, but you never know when something has just snuck up. And your left waiting, for the thing that will never come.

I see Mika at the end of the hall; her eyes are wide and scared. She's waving at me, indicating for me to come quick. I pick up my pace, especially when I realize the room Mika is moving towards is the office with my books. Shit. Just play dumb, Sam, just play dumb.

"What Mika? What is it?" I don't ask what she's seen, or what she's found. Gotta play it up for the kids.

"It's Lizzie, I think she's sick." Little Mika's voice is shaking, when I'm close enough, she takes my hand, her little fingers grabbing mine. I force myself not to pull away, I'm not that good with kids, but I do what I have to, "I'm scared." She whispers, and then looks into the office. I hear coughing and my heart drops. I push into the room, opening up the partially open door all the way.

Against the desk, there's a girl, drenched and coughing wildly, "Lizzie?" I look at her, she's sweating, just like Patrick. My body wants to shut down. Not today. Not right now. People need me, and I have to do what I can.

"I," her shoulders shake to a coughing rhythm, "I'm fine."

My lips tighten, I've never liked Lizzie, and frankly I think she's a nut case, but no one else deserves to die like Patrick did. I swallow my pride and how I feel about her, "You are definitely not. You have to go to A Block. You heard the orders. Dr. S can make you better. Come on now," I gesture for Lizzie to get up. I can't get too close; I don't wanna get sick too. But she can't get up on her own, not without falling into a coughing fit. So I let go of Mika's hand and tell her to go back to the others, she looks at Lizzie for a moment, eyes sad, but also thoughtful. Then she runs off, poor kid is just scared. I would run too. But I'm 'mature'. I'm older. All lies, but I live them because I'm too weak for the truth.

I help Lizzie to her feet, and I get her to the entrance. Carol has just walked up, I can tell she wants to rush over by the way she pulls forward and then slams herself back.

"Are you both sick?" Carol's lips are tightly drawn. She has indeed brought breakfast, and my stomach rumbles when the scent of food hits my nose.

"No, just her." I shake my head.

"Well then get away from her!" Carol demands, perhaps a bit too harshly, "We don't need you sick too you know." She tries to justify her bluntness, I get it, but Lizzie looks at a tad hurt. I step away and Carol gives me the food. She ushers Lizzie away and tells me to be careful. I push the cart that has the pot of leftover beans with the bowls and the spoons and the water. When I get to the room that everyone was not so long ago I notice some things.

I find two things that are strange. One, Carl hasn't shown up yet. This is justifiable though, frankly because he's Carl Grimes and he does whatever the hell he damn well pleases. And two, Hershel is missing. I mean the man has a prosthetic limb for God's sake, moving around isn't really his strong suit.

Beth is still here though, and the other kids are playing on the old, rugged carpet. They all turn towards me. The smell of food draws them like moths to light.

"Where did your dad go?" My eyes are on Beth. She's standing Judith up on her narrow thighs. Judith's small hands wrapped around one finger on either of Beth's hands. Judith giggles as Beth still bounces her up and down. I crack a smile at Judith's laugh, because it's impossible not to.

"He just left," Beth shrugs, "Said he had stuff to do." Her kind tone is patient like her fathers, "I'm sure everything's fine."

I'm hesitant about the next part, "And Carl?"

Beth cracks a knowing smile for a moment, but then shakes her head, "No, I don't think I've seen him at all this morning."

I grit my teeth, "Ok. Well, do you want me to serve?"

Beth looks at Judith, "If you could. At least start it. I think she's about ready for a nap anyway." She sets Judith down, so now her chubby, baby legs sit straight out in front of her. One hand is still wrapped around Beth's finger, but the other pulls the left finger towards Judith's mouth.

Beth pulls her finger away and shakes her head at Judith ,"Ah, ah, ah. Come on cutie, let's let the big kids eat, ok?" Beth uses an even gentler voice than normal on Judith. The now empty finger tickles Judith's belly as she stands and walks from the room. Beth really is excellent with kids. A skill I'm jealous of.

I start to ration the beans into each bowl, and hand each kid a bowl and a spoon. They scamper back to the rug and greedily spoon the beans into their mouths. Too soon, the food is gone, and they are handing me back the empty bowls and silverware. I eat my own bowl slowly; enjoying the food I am given. Because too often in this world, people go without it. I sit at a table with two or three chairs besides the one I take up. Across from me sits the bowl for Beth, and she still hasn't returned. Maybe Judith wasn't as tired as usual. At the hour we're eating, it might've been considered brunch if the world wasn't a giant pit of suck and walkers. This is the latest I've eaten breakfast in a long time, I must've slept later than I thought I did.

Beth returns just as I'm finishing up and she slides into the chair across from me, "Sorry that took so long, Judith was just not having it this morning," she gives a friendly smile and shakes her head. I nod in understanding. I set down my spoon, and I look around awkwardly for a moment, do I stay? Do I leave?

I clear my throat, "So, did I miss anything earlier?"

Beth swallows her spoonful, "Yeah, there was another Council meeting early this morning. My dad went,"

My eyes widen with interest, "What was the outcome of that?"

"Daryl and a few others are going out on a run. A big one. Dad said we needed antibiotics. It's getting worse by the minute," Beth's voice goes quiet and she stirs her bowlful to fill the silence some.

"Lizzie's gone now, she's got it." I tell Beth. She looks up at me and nods, "Do you think we're gonna die like this? All just get sick with some stupid flu and go out the dumbest way?" The words have been fighting to emerge from my subconscious for some time, but until I'd spoke them, I hadn't really thought about deeply. Now I was scared.

"We're strong. We'll make it past this. We always do," Beth reassures me, one arm stretches across the table to pat my forearm. "My dad told me something once, and I think he's right. If we don't have hope, what's the point of living? Ya know?"

I consider this for a moment, I like that. I like that a lot. "Yeah, I get it. So if we have hope, then we can make it."

She grits her teeth, just barely though, "Yeah," the word comes out quick and inconsequential. She's lying through her teeth, but it's nice for her to try.

Good talk, Beth, "I'm gonna get these bowls back to the entrance now." I say, I grab my own, and then Beth finishes off her bowl quickly and hands me it. I push the cart back to the entrance, and my gut pulls when I make it to the office with my books. The door is closed now, I did that while getting Lizzie out, maybe no one will pay it any mind, won't explore it for its riches. Or, they're riches to me. I push the cart just outside of the admin building and leave it.

I walk around the admin building for a while, but Carl isn't anywhere to be found. He either snuck out to the prison, or he's the world's greatest hide and seek player. Either way, I'm stuck waiting. The realization sends chills through me, the last person I waited on was my dad. Stop. Don't do this. He's fine. Don't be so clingy. He probably just wants some space.

I force the thought of him away, but the chill stays and I decide sneak out of the admin building, just to the showers where I left my jacket. It's quick and painless, I'm relieved to not only find my jacket, but that no one is there. I run back to the admin building, and breathe a sigh of relief when the door shuts behind me and I go unseen. I slip the jacket over my shoulders, cinching the tie at the waist. The chills are still claiming my body.

I decide wandering more won't do me any good, so instead I do a quick check to make sure no one else is around and then I dart into my office. Or really Carl's and mine, because he was there too. This place is ours. I quietly shut the door behind me and I go to the desk. My hands find the top left drawer and without any thought, my hands find Little House on the Prairie. The compulsion to read it overwhelms me and my fingers slip over the inscription. I laugh at yesterday's memories, and I start to worry again. But that's what waiting does, make you worry. Until all of your body composition becomes 10% water and 90% dread. And that right there is a lethal dosage. I'd estimate I'm only at 10% dread.

But then I really start to stop and think, what am I so worried about? This is a boy that I've only really begun to interact with for what, two days? Two. I can count the days on one hand. And the fact is, he's probably just off being defiant, and that I'm stressing over nothing. At the same time there's a part of me that imagines him not even in the prison, surrounded by walkers. And then...

A lump forms in my throat so hard I can't breathe. And I'm thinking about my dad again. Read Sam, just read. But disease has struck Laura's family too, "fever 'n' ague" she called it. They have the chills too. Just like me. I have to slam the book down. I can't read anymore. I cannot stand this waiting.