I crawled under my covers, slowly replaying the events of the day in my head. First, I was somewhat surprised that Dimitri had tried to sit down and talk about Spokane. I think he and I avoided awkward conversations as much as possible, but it was just like … kinda weird. If someone had asked me if it was out of character, a few months ago I would have said no. But, as of recently, I can't predict how he will act from one day to the next. I remembered a line from a movie I had watched with Lissa back in Portland…"your mood swings are kind of giving me whiplash". It was a good line because I knew exactly how the girl felt; confused, annoyed and somewhat angry.

Combat class was another story. It turned out that Mason was the one to tell Dimitri that I was training early… and who knows what else ... The rest of the day was kind of a blur until I got back to my dorm. I had called Lissa and she ran over. While I was at early morning training she had gone to the little general store on campus and purchased a pregnancy test. I didn't think they would keep something like that at the store, usually I just went in there for my fix of sugar free Red Bull and to refill on shampoo and things. It was obvious that the pregnancy test had been on the shelf for a few years and it was a brand name I had never even seen in commercials, but Lissa came through.

…..

"This has to be like the longest two and a half minutes ever! I literally could have run a marathon already!"

"Rose, chill… it has only been thirty seconds and the box said that it won't be visible for another two. Put it down and just wait!" Lissa poked.

We were sitting on the floor in my room watching the clock eagerly. Lissa tried to read a magazine but she flipped through it several times within the first minute. I was doubtful that she could even tell me what magazine it was.

I stood up and started pacing the floor.

"If I'm pregnant it will not be that bad. By the time I start to really show it will be near the end of the semester! I can just have the thing after we graduate and it will all be okay…" I looked down at Lissa.

"Thing, Rose?" She said somewhat grossed out.

"Well, right now it's a thing in my head, okay? I don't want to start appropriating gender or naming it yet."

"It?"

"Stop. Okay. HE OR SHE, happy?" I said in a maddened tone.

Lissa smiled smugly, "Yes, thank you".

I stared skeptically at the amused look on her face. Ever since Lissa and I were little she had always talked about one day having kids. If I were to have one she could live her dreams early, and vicariously through me…

So many thoughts were coursing through my head so I just started shooting out some of them in Lissa's direction. "So, it is totally possible that I'm not pregnant. I mean, I could have missed my period because I was in a coma right? That happens, I think … and I could just be throwing up because I'm pushing myself too hard at training…." I looked at Lissa for acknowledgement.

"Well, I don't know very much about this, but I completely agree with the last part. I told you that I thought you were pushing yourself too hard." Lissa stopped when she saw the look on my face.

"Not helping," I snapped.

"Fine, it is totally possible. It is also possible that you just missed it this month. It happens." She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You're right. That has happened to me before! Sometimes when I am uber stressed I just skip it altogether! Lissa you are a genius!" I shouted throwing my hands up.

The timer on Lissa's cell phone went off loudly. Suddenly, I was not so eager to see the results, but Lissa's understanding smile brought me back.

"Do you want me to tell you what it says?" She asked quietly. She tucked her hair behind her ears and got up from the floor. Her left shoelace was untied and I immediately thought how strange it was to notice all of these ridiculous details of this moment. I would look back and think about what Lissa's shoelace looked like and that I had a chicken salad for lunch… it had almonds… I hate almonds … I suddenly felt like throwing up again.

"No, I'll do it" I assured.

I walked over to the nightstand where the little stick sat. I picked it up lightly and looked back at Lissa.

"Well?" she asked.

I took a deep breath, exhaled loudly and looked down.

"I would tell you what it says, except I don't know what these stupid symbols are indicative of…" I was somewhat panicked. The answer to my burning question was right in front of me but I couldn't interpret it. I felt like a small child who couldn't read.

Lissa walked over to the trash and took the faded box out. "Well, if there is a squiggly with a circle around it, you are pregnant. But, if there is a squiggly with an 'x' on top of it, you are not…Gosh that's somewhat offensive isn't it? Yes to sperm or no to sperm. Why don't they just put …. Rose, what is it? Is it bad?"

I was blank staring down at the test in between my fingers.

"Rose"

"I really wanted it to be squiggly with an 'x'. I thought if I wanted it bad enough that it would be okay…"

Lissa walked next to me and peered over my shoulder and the little stick. She nodded affirming what I had hoped I had made a mistake on. I was pregnant.

Me? Pregnant? Panic washed over me and I looked to Lissa.

"I was wrong, this changes everything. Thinking that no one will notice is just a freaking joke! I'm going to get bigger and bigger and I'm going to be doing all of those things pregnant women do…like … my boobs will get bigger and I'll need to hold my back ….and walk slow and… AH!"

Lissa had a sullen look on her face, but she didn't show any tears tonight.

"Rose, you should probably tell Olendzki … she will be able to get you the help you need… for the pregnancy … and I think you should talk to her about getting help for what happened…"

"Are you crazy? I can't tell anyone! I almost didn't tell you! They are going to make me stop training and then I will have to go see one of those counselors! I will not do it!"

"Rose, you can't just pretend like nothing is happening, eventually you won't be able to hide it and if you don't go to a doctor about this, you might not be doing everything you can to keep the baby healthy… you don't know-"

"You're right, I don't know and right now I don't care" I walked toward the door.

"Rose, where are you going?! You can't just ignore this!" Lissa was yelling. I stopped and turned toward her.

"I need to get out and you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone! Not even Christian! No one gets to know about this!" I turned and slammed the door behind me.

I ran out the front door and down the stairs and sat at the bottom. The early morning air was clear and soothing as I took in deep breaths. The sun would be up in less than an hour, I could tell.

I didn't know what to do I was so confused. I knew Lissa meant well and telling Olendzki was probably the smart thing to do. Plus, she wasn't allowed technically to tell anyone my personal information, but somehow I knew it would get back to Kirova or someone and they would make me leave. They would probably think I was lying and send me to live in a blood whore commune.

I ripped the rubber band off my wrist and threw my hair hastily into a messy-bun. The light behind me was projecting my shadow onto the ground. I looked like a strange blob with hair sticking out over my head. Pretty soon that blob would start getting bigger and bigger, eventually I wouldn't be able to run or train. I wouldn't be able to do anything! They would make me sit out for the rest of the year and they definitely wouldn't let me be a guardian anytime soon.

I rubbed my face anxiously with both hands. I wanted to just rub my skin off or something. Just get rid of this feeling… but I couldn't shake it.

"Little dhampir, I didn't think when I said I would see you soon that it would be this soon." Adrian rounded the corner with a lit cigarette in his mouth. I guess I should have smelled him coming, but my brain was in a haze of its own.

"Not really in the mood Adrian," I scowled. My face was hot and I knew I looked annoyed.

"But you look like you did when we met. Red, sweaty, messy … and you smell amazing," Adrian smelled the air dramatically. "It suits you".

"Great, yeah I get it. When I look and feel like shit you can actually identify with someone who appears to be from your own planet; trust me, this isn't the case. You just have a knack for running into me at the wrong time." I said venomously. I wanted to shout at him, but I held back. I knew I wasn't angry at him… not at the moment anyway.

"I see this as the right place and right time, actually. I wanted to talk to you earlier but my dear cousin seemed eager to thwart my conversation," He nodded to the step next to me and I reluctantly scooted over.

He threw his cigarette to the ground and smashed it under the heal of his shoe.

"You didn't have to put that out for me…" I said tying knots in a straw wrapper I found in my pocket.

"I know how much you hate it, you always wrinkle your nose when you come near me and I'm smoking…" Adrian hung his head slightly looking at the ground below the step.

There was a small silence between us. I noticed the smell of cigarette cloves wafting off his coat. It was oddly comforting.

Lightly Adrian started to speak, "Rose I know you know how I feel about you, and I know you don't feel the same. I knew that the first time I saw you look at a certain guardian we both know," he winked at me.

"I just want you to know that I care about you … a lot" he finished.

This was not what I needed right now … but okay …

"It's good to know you care," I affirmed awkwardly. What does someone say to this? Ah!

Adrian laughed, "Yeah, okay. You don't have to patronize me little dhampir, I'm not telling you that I want to marry you or anything. I am just telling you that even though you don't like me, like that, I care and I just want to make sure you are doing okay… that's all … no strings attached."

I was somewhat shocked that Adrian didn't seem to have an ulterior motive. He looked into my eyes sincerely. "I'm not going to lie Rose, I've been trying to find you in your dreams." There it was, the agenda.

"Well, I haven't really been sleeping that much. I have too many things to do and it feels like I am wasting the time I have."

Adrian nodded knowingly.

"Sleep to dream, little dhampir … sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through to the next day", he sighed and yawned slightly. He reached into his jacket pocket and brought out the flask that he carried around with him; he took a huge sip and tried to hand the flask over to me.

"No, I'm good," I put my hand up in protest.

"Fine, fine, suit yourself. I find that it helps me sleep." Adrian took another swig and shoved it back into his pocket.

"Well little dhampir, time for me to roll out. I can only assume that guardian's patrol your neck of the woods just as much as they do ours. Oh, and it looks like dear cousin will need an escort anyway," Adrian prompted as Lissa descended the steps.

"Liss-" I stared.

"I'll see you tomorrow Rose, we can talk more then, okay?" Lissa said. She was quieter than earlier, but I could tell she was putting up a front for Adrian. He looked between us and eyed me suspiciously but then turned to give Lissa his arm.

"After you, Princess" he said jovially. He turned back and looked at me again, he studied my expression and then turned back.

…..

I rolled over in bed trying to calm my mind. I tossed and turned a few more times before finally settling down to sleep. The last thought to cross my mind before drifting off was that eventually I would have to look into the face of this child; one who was born of anger and of pain. The worst part of all, was that I realized there was a strong possibility that the child would be born with a face resembling the strigoi who raped me.

[besos to my beta reader chattgirl4 ;] ]

[ I had the most hits ever for the last chapter (10) !!! ]