Chapter 11 – Wah-Wah-Water

"This makes me sick. I cannot believe this. I'm going to quit! That's it, they can't stop me from doing that!" Peach exclaimed.

Mario quickly rushed over to calm her down. "Whoa, baby, calm down. I know this is awful but you can't just let them win. Quitting would be letting them win."

"No, staying here would be letting them win. What if we all quit? What would they do then, huh?" Peach continued.

Bowser growled in amusement. "I ain't quitting."

There were many players who voiced in agreement with Bowser. Some even considered Bobo's death a good thing. After all, that meant two less people they had to worry about; Waluigi got eliminated because he killed him and Bobo's dead.

"Stay a little longer, okay? If not that you want to at least do it for me." Mario coaxed.

Peach sighed heavily. The amount of coins could seriously change her life but at what cost was she willing to get them? "Fine. I'll stay for now but I don't know how much longer I can put up with this."

"Oh stupid little naïve princess welcome to the real world… not that you would have any idea what it was like; you've been pampered since you were born." Valentina stated, oozing with condescension.

Peach confidently walked over to her, bringing her face inches from Valentina's. "You don't know anything about me. So why don't you go back to your dream world and stare into your mirror and wish how you looked like me. Because to be frank dear, you are the ugliest most pathetic being I've ever seen."

"You need to get out more often than, bitch. Bend over and show everyone what's really ugly." She fumed and began to walk away as if the fight was actually over.

"Can't we all just get along?" Mallow proposed.

"Sure." Peach replied. "But not after I tell that little skank this; at least my face doesn't look like my ass, you don't even have to bend over to frighten someone. You wake up and you have that fugly look already on your face."

Valentina stopped dead in her tracks, slowly turning to face her once more. "Me? What about your pathetic little boyfriend. He's short, fat, and a plumber? I could never understand why you always went off to Bowser I mean, ugh, but now I do… if I had to go see that everyday so would I."

What a way to insult two people at once. Mario and Bowser quickly joined in the fight both feeling offended.

"Is that supposed to mean what I think it does?" Bowser growled.

The green Axem ranger laughed as he joked with the red one. "Oh, please. He knows what that means. Even if he looked half as bad as he does now he'd still have to always steal his girlfriend."

"No one talks about my dad like that!" Baby Bowser yelled.

Lady Bow cackled. "Hehehe! What are you going to do about it, small fry? Even I could beat you!"

"I could beat you with my eyes closed." Kammy Koopa retorted.

"In your dreams, you old hag." Geno piped up.

Suddenly the room was divided into groups; the ones who agreed with Peach and the ones who agreed with Valentina. Poor little Mallow was still trying to keep the peace. He meekly went to the middle of the room trying to calm everyone down.

"Please stop, there's no need for this senseless violence!" He shouted but went unnoticed as insults filled the room.

You think your shell is something to be proud of? My grandmother bakes a cake harder than that thing. …Bend over and let's see if it's soft enough to fit up your hairy ass!

I've seen Toadettes with thicker mustaches than yours. …At least my mom didn't come from an egg, you idiot dinosaur! Aren't you supposed to be extinct?

"You call that a comeback? I've heard better ones from my priest." A familiar voice with an annoying accent butted in.

Everyone looked over to see Simon peeking his head through the door. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, thought I'd say something. Keep up the snotty work!" Then he was gone.

Then all hell broke loose; your mom this and your mom that, wedgies, I can do this better, you smell like rotten cheese, people crying, people laughing, people huddling in the corner rocking back and forth until finally Mallow had enough.

"BE QUIET!" He screamed as a cloud formed at the top of the room and it started to rain.

Daisy quickly tried to cover her hair with her hands. "Oh no, my hair! Look what you've done you stupid cloud. You never were a frog! I can't believe you thought you were! Some frog you'd make!"

Frogfucius made his way to his grandson, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Mallow began to cry and as he did the rain became harder.

Pretty soon the water was up to Peach's knees. "Do something Mario!" She yelled. "Or he's going to flood the whole room!"

Mario nodded and rushed over to him. "It's alright, Mallow, she didn't really mean it. I think you'd make a great frog."

That didn't help at all and even made him weep harder, causing the rain to pour down in sheets.

"Now look what you did! We're all going to drown!" Don Pianta shouted at him.

Mario looked to Peach in fear; he didn't know what to say. Peach then looked to Daisy who was still obsessing about her hair being ruined. "It's all your fault! Now we're all going to die because you had to make him upset!"

Now the water had filled half the room, most of the players were floating and the tall ones were neck deep.

Daisy was also crying. "I'm sorry… but look at my hair, it was so beautiful."

"Oh brother." Professor E. Gadd replied, smacking his forehead as he got an idea, swimming toward the door. "Open the door! Try the door!"

Luigi dived under, trying the handle. He returned a few seconds later, his face grim. "Mama mia! It's locked."

Frogfucius then swam over to Mallow who was still crying like a newborn baby. "You have to stop crying, grandson. Or you're going to kill me and yourself and everyone in here!"

"Well maybe I'll come back in a second life as a frog!" He blubbered through his tears, only a few inches until everyone was completely underwater.

Everyone started screaming or praying, hoping that somehow they would get out of this alive.

Kandy walked calmly down the hall toward the door, hearing muffled yells from within. "Hmm, sounds like they're having fun." She then pulled a set of keys from her pocket, slowly going through each one. "Nope, not that one. Hm… this one? No not that one either."

Peach swam over to Mario, holding him close. "I love you. I'll never let go, Mario, I'll never let go." She took a deep breath as the room turned into darkness, water from the floor to the ceiling.

Meanwhile outside the door, Kandy was still taking her time flipping through the keys. "Ah, finally, here's the one." She put the key in the lock, turning it slowly. "Okay you guys here we…" She stopped as she opened the door, water began to flood out.

"Mommy!" She screamed as the water carried her down the hall with the other contestants gasping for air.

The judges were waiting at the table, expecting Kandy to bring the contestants in at any moment.

"What's that sound?" Heidi asked.

Simon paused, listening keenly. "Sounds like… sounds like…"

"Water rushing this way." Frank finished, staring wide-eyed as he looked behind them watching the water flood in their direction.

"No, you fool. It doesn't sound like that at ahhhhhhhhhhhlllllllll." Simon shouted as the water engulfed them, spreading throughout the kitchen, slowly draining through the windows and corridors.

Once the water was all drained it looked like a battlefield; dazed and unconscious contestants all over the place. Luckily, no one was seriously injured but something bad did happen that Heidi quickly revealed.

She looked around confused, soaking wet. "We didn't even get to taste the last three groups."

"The groups that were unfortunately not tasted are fortunately safe from elimination. The remaining teams will be the only teams on the chopping block." Kandy explained as she tried to release the water from her clogged ears.

Goombario and Twila, the standing members from Team D after Waluigi's momentarily lapse in sanity, along with Teams I, J, and K were transported back to the base.

In the mean time, the producers setup a makeshift judges table and brought fresh clothes to the panel, after all they had to look their best. Too bad the contestants weren't given the same privilege; they were lined up dripping like wet mops for the judging.

Heidi Doom looked at them with a blank stare. "You seven teams represent the best and the worst cooks. As you know, five of you will be proclaimed the winners and five of you will be proclaimed the losers and immediately sent home. For the winners though, Johnny could you tell them the prize?"

"Why certainly, Heidi, the five lucky winners will return back to the base with a coupon for a free week of GOURMET FOOD! You and a lucky friend will enjoy the fine cuisine of Torte's International Gourmet line. Courtesy of Torte's International Gourmet. No matter where you are in the Mushroom Kingdom, eat like a gentlemen, feel like a king. A 50,000 coin value."

"Let's hope Torte never hires any of you idiots to cook for him." Simon added with a snort.

Heidi rolled her eyes as she looked at the clipboard she was holding. "Team B, Team C, and Team G please step forward. You are… the top three teams. Congratulations, all of you are safe from elimination and a lucky five of you will receive the amazing prize previously stated."

There was a chorus of sighs on the front line, but behind them Peach was more nervous than a whore in church. She was on Team A and was up for elimination.

"Let's just get straight to the point, shall we? Team B, we would like to start with you. Jeffrey Star, your steak was incredible and Baby Bowser you showed great improvement over last week. Your cake was heavenly and even rivaled Peach's oh so famous one. That is why the judges unanimously agree that you are the winners from your team. Congratulations, you may join the others."

"Thank you so much." Jeffrey replied, ecstatic as he left the room.

Baby Bowser was also filled with joy. "Wait till my dad hears this."

"The remaining members of Team B; Doopliss and Bombette, you may join the others." Heidi announced and they scurried off.

"Team C, we were on the fence about you but one of your members dishes pushed you to the winner's circle. That dish was none other than Lady Bow's. Your lamb was so moist and delicious we would be fools not to award you. Congratulations, you may join the others."

Lady Bow took out her fan and floated around a moment. "Hehehe! I knew you would enjoy my perfection. No one comes close to the amazing Lady Bow!"

"Please, it's not like you won the Nobel Prize." Simon replied, annoyed at her zealous behavior.

She held her tongue and decided to haunt him later that night; after all she is a ghost.

Heidi dismissed the rest of Team C, moving on to the next. "Team G, Petey Piranha your spicy soup was perfectly seasoned and Professor E. Gadd you once again amazed us. That is why you are the winners from your team. Congratulations, you may join the others."

Petey flapped his leafs together and let out a series of roars which left the judges guessing what they meant. At least he seemed happy even if he couldn't verbally communicate it.

The professor was once again a gentleman, bowing politely to the judges. "Thank you once again. It is always an honor." The rest of his team followed him out.

"That leaves four teams and unfortunately you represent the worst. Team A, please step forward." Heidi continued, motioning for them to come forward.

Peach, Rover, Wiggler, and Monty Mole stepped forward. Simon looked them over, his sharp tongue just wanting to attack. "Ah yes, the worm soup that looked like koopa diarrhea. You should really copyright that and sell it, you could be the next prominent chef of Mushroom Kingdom. Well, if all your customers are brain dead."

"Who could forget the plain salad, I mean use some dressing." Frank added.

Heidi looked at Rover questioningly. "And what did you do?"

"NOTHING!" Peach interrupted. "He didn't do anything. I mean come on, if anyone should be eliminated it should be him."

"You're right. I'm sorry, Rover, you have been eliminated." Heidi replied much to Peach's enjoyment.

Rover on the other hand began to growl wildly and foam from the mouth. Luckily they had a dog trainer nearby who managed to drag him out of the place before he attacked anyone.

Simon held his nose. "Whew, he needs a breath mint."

"I don't know why you're smiling." Heidi said to Peach. "Two people are being eliminated from your team."

Her smile quickly dropped as Simon laughed. "Weren't expecting that were you? No need to worry though. Your cake was fine. I'm sorry, Monty Mole, you have been eliminated."

"Peach and Wiggler, you are safe. You may join the others." Heidi added.

Our beloved princess sighed happily as she exited, Wiggler close behind. Monty Mole left solemnly as he stated one last thing. "There weren't only worms in that, Simon. I couldn't find a bathroom."

Simon's eyes widened. "He's just kidding, right? …Right?"

"I guess you'll never know." Frank replied with a smirk.

Heidi looked to Team E. "We would like to address you now."

"Let's see would I'd rather have Janice Dickinson's burnt as if it had an encounter with the sun piece of chicken… or the green Axem ranger's green mush that tasted like hemorrhoid cream?" Simon comically pondered.

Frank shivered in disgust. "I hate the smell of hemorrhoid cream, the taste is even worse."

"You would know the smell, eh Frank? Your fat ass probably has dozens of hemorrhoids." Simon retorted.

Heidi interrupted before a fight ensued. "We have made our decision. I'm sorry, Green Axem ranger, you have been eliminated. That means the rest of the team is safe, you may join the others."

The Green Axem ranger started laughing hysterically. "Don't worry, my brother will get you all! He'll be here until the end! He'll eat your livers for a midnight snack!"

"That was mildly creepy." Simon said in response.

"Team F, you're next on our list." Heidi stated, glancing in their direction.

Simon laughed. "F must stand for failure but the biggest failure came from you, Pidgit. Those sausage balls you made tasted like you rolled them around in feces. That's not even the worst part, the actual sausage tasted like bull testicle. Congrats on that, you are a complete retard. I don't even know how you make something taste so horrid but you succeeded, too bad we don't have an award for that."

"Ouch, but yea, it was bad." Frank added.

Heidi felt sorry for the little bird but the game was the game. "If you haven't already concluded who's leaving… I'm sorry, Pidgit, you have been eliminated."

"Good riddance, git. Oh wait, that's not your name. Well it should be!" Simon scorned one last time as the poor Pidgit flew off, tears streaming down its face.

"You are pure evil." Heidi fumed at him before she smacked the back of his head. "Anyway, moving on. Finally Team H we come to you which was a surprise for me. Why do you think you're here, Daisy?"

She giggled sarcastically. "Because of these idiots surrounding me. No offense."

"I hope you take plenty of offense because it's damn true…" Simon started one of his infamous rants.

Frank slowly shook his head. "Here we go."

"You know why? I'll tell you. Frogfucius, the only creature that actually should eat crickets is you, a frog. Do I look like a frog? I don't think so. There's a retard point right there. Bowser, your dish looked like road kill that you ran and picked up real fast. It smelled worse than a skunk in a bathtub full of anchovies in the middle of a dirty locker room full of sweaty jocks. Congrats on retard point number two. And finally, Piantissimo? I have no idea what you even did in the group. So for not doing anything you get retard point number three. Oh, ding ding ding! You win the retard lottery! Too bad the prize isn't a brain. It's some reefer so smoke it up you idiots. Not like you have that many brain cells to kill anyway. Go eat some paint chips, please." Simon was breathing like a madman as he finished, wiping the sweat off his face.

Heidi simply stared at him for a moment. "Okay. Um, since Simon took up most of my time. I'll just get out with it. For doing absolutely nothing to help your team; I'm sorry, Piantissimo, you have been eliminated."

Kandy smiled toward the camera. "Well, that concludes the KKK! I hope you had as much fun as I did. And remember… don't ever try to re-enact any of these recipes you've seen today… death or serious injury may occur. Bye bye now!"