A/N Delayed plane and extra airport time equals bonus chapter for you all today

Chapter 11

Jane took a deep breath before entering the house. She wasn't quite sure what to expect by way of Maura's mood. She was hoping that the time she bought because of work would lessen Maura's overall level of annoyance with her. But, there was an equal chance that time had only allowed Maura to stew over her general frustrations and Jane could be walking into the mouth of the Lion's den. Either way she was about to find out.

She opened the door and made her way inside. She was immediately greeted by her dog Jo Friday. At least you're happy to see me Jane thought has she picked up Jo and carried her into the house. "Let's go see what Maura is up to," she said as she scratched Jo's head.

"Maura?" she called out announcing her was home.

"I'm in the kitchen," was the answer. Jane could not yet tell her mood from her tone.

Jane made her way to the kitchen to find Maura was working on what looked like dinner. Soup of some kind. There was a big pot on the stove and cut up vegetables all about the counter. This reassured Jane somewhat. She couldn't be too mad at her if she was working on making food. "Hi." She figured she would test the water.

"Hi yourself. Did you get anything helpful during the notification?" She looked genuinely interested. Another good sign.

"Not really. A cell phone number and a few leads that I wouldn't call promising. No real help on Victim #1," Jane sighed as the case was frustrating her.

"Sorry. I'll have the majority of the lab work reports tomorrow. Maybe there will be something there that will break this open." Again, very sincere. Jane knew Maura understood that she hated when she couldn't figure out a case. Maura knew it wore on her.

"Maybe. I hope so. I know if there is something for your lab to find they will. Or you will."

Maura nodded her head. "I wasn't sure how you'd feel about food so I went pretty light. Are you hungry at all?"

"I could eat. I haven't really had anything all day except the Gatorade you got me."

"You need to try and eat something, Jane. Any nausea?"

"Not at the moment."

"That's a good sign. I figured you should be able to handle some soup. This should be ready in about twenty minutes." She was absentminded stirring the soup as she spoke.

"Maura…"

"What?"

"Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop being so polite. It freaks me out." Part of Jane wanted to look away but she did her best to maintain eye contact with Maura. She needed to get a sense of where Maura was in all of this.

Maura back looked at Jane. "Jane…" her tone a mixture of hurt, frustration and concern.

"I'm serious Maura. I know you are mad at me."

"I'm a lot of things at you right now." Of that Jane had no doubt.

"Is mad one of them?"

"Yes. But it isn't at the top of the list," Maura continued to keep her eyes on Jane as they spoke.

"What is at the top of the list?" Jane wanted to hear love or anything that resembled a positive emotion. She could work with that. She didn't want to hear anger, frustration or disappointment. All of which she was pretty convinced were somewhere on Maura's list.

"Right now. I'd have to call it a tie."

"Between?"

"Worry and frustration."

Jane dropped her glaze. If she had been one to wager on such things she would have wagered on frustration. It appeared as if she wouldn't have lost that bet. But the reality of her losing something bigger was starting to sink in. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Or worry you. In fact that was what I was trying to avoid."

"Not very successfully," she stated. Jane flinched. "Will you talk to me?"

Jane exhaled deeply. She didn't know the answer to that. "I'll try."

Maura was startled by that answer. She figured Jane would try to evade or divert. But so far she wasn't. She had expected a fight but so far there wasn't one. Maybe there was some hope. "Jane, what happened this morning?"

Jane was quiet for a moment. She looked at Maura and felt herself hitting the same wall she hit so many times in her life before that she had stopped counting. She sat down more to fill in some time than from a need to actually sit.

Maura watched Jane. Maura had seen Jane vulnerable before. Those times had involved Hoyt. Those times Jane was hurt and scared but still radiated an inner strength that Maura was always in awe of. But how Jane looked now, it broke Maura's heart. She was battling some demon. Something she hadn't shared with Maura before and it seemed to strip her of all her self confidence. This side of Jane scared Maura. "What was the nightmare about Jane?" she asked as gently as she could.

Jane leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. She steadied her head into her hands and closed her eyes. She was shaking. She felt it and she was fairly certain that Maura could see it. She tried to hide it anyway. She didn't want Maura to see how weak she was. Then she realized that Maura had asked her two questions, or rather one question two different ways and she hadn't said anything. But what could she say? There were no words that would form for her.

"Jane?"

Jane heard the concern in Maura's voice. She knew Maura saw the shaking. She felt Maura sit down next to her on the couch. Maura's closeness helped slow down her breathing. A little but not back to normal. She then felt Maura's hands attempt to intertwine with hers. Her touch helped a little too. Maura could always reach Jane. But was it enough?

"Jane please. Talk to me."

Finally words came. Shaky but audible. "What if I can't?"

"I think you can. I think you need to. I'm right here Jane. There's nothing you could say to me that would change how I feel about you."

Jane tried to look at her, tried to make the connection but she couldn't. How she wished what Maura has said could be true. But how could it? And then she knew. She wasn't going to be able to say it. To tell her. Not right then. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

Maura detected the slump in Jane's shoulders. It was as if she had just admitted defeat to some internal argument she had been waging. She didn't like what she thought was coming next.

"Maura, I can't do this," she said and she stood up. Maura attempted to squeeze her hands hoping any form of physical contact would prevent Jane was leaving. But it didn't. Jane moved to the door. Turning, she looked back at Maura and whispered, "I'm sorry." And she walked out the door.

Maura thought about chasing after her but knew it would do no good. She sat back down on the couch. She wiped away the few tears that streamed down her cheeks. She was angry. Angry that Jane had walked away. She was hurt. Hurt that Jane wouldn't open herself up to her. But mostly she was worried. Whatever haunted Jane was stronger than Maura realized. She needed to figure it out otherwise she knew she may lose Jane completely.

She picked up her phone, scrolled through her contacts and found the name she was looking for. She hit send and listened as the phone rang. On the third ring there was an answer. "It's me. I need to see you. It's about Jane." She listened for a minute. "First thing in the morning would be fine. Come over here, please." She needed answers. She ended her call. Not more than a minute later her phone vibrated a message.

I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

It was from Jane.

I could never. I love you. Come home.

She waited for an answer, hoping.

I love you too. More than anything. I need time. Please

She sighed. Jane wasn't coming home tonight.

I'm here for you. Whatever fight you are fighting… Chose me. Chose us.

She didn't get another response.