…
She's been dreading that piece of blue paper. She knows exactly what it is even though she's never had any experience with it. She thinks that every parent in their town knows what that piece of blue paper is whether they've ever actually seen it or not.
After he finishes his first week of first grade, Matty runs out of the school and Beth is waiting for him by the bike rack and she sees the blue paper in his hand. He's beaming by the time he reaches her and without a word, he holds the blue piece of paper out for her to take. Beth does so – almost reluctantly because she doesn't know if she wants to see this.
"I'm six now," Matty informs her with a grin and that's all he has to say.
He's six, holding a piece of blue paper, and in their town, those things only mean one thing.
He's old enough now for youth football league.
…
Shawn doesn't see the big deal and fully supports his nephew playing in youth league but that's because he's Shawn Greene and his name is still hanging in their high school for records he set on the football field that haven't been broken yet. And Beth knows that their family is a football family because of that but she remembers the way her mom had cringed through most of the games, wincing with each tackle and crash of bodies and she usually stood in the stands, watching the games with her fingers crossed the whole time that Shawn was playing, hoping he would walk off the field, unscathed.
Football is sacred in the south and Beth supposes, in the back of her mind, that Matty wanting to play football has always been a strong possibility and in a way, she should have just always been expecting that.
"Did you ever play?" Beth asks Daryl when he's over for dinner and she's asking not because she needs help making her decision but because she is just genuinely curious. She wishes she knew so much more about this man than she actually does.
"Nah," Daryl shakes his head. "Never really interested in it and no town would want a Dixon on their team even if I was."
That's all he says and it doesn't explain anything whatsoever but she doesn't ask anything else. She continues loading the dishwasher with the dirty dinner plates and cooking pots and she can hear Matty in the living room, talking with Morris and he explains the plot to The Land Before Time that he is watching on the television. And he sounds like such a little boy and that's what he is. He's only six. How can she put pads on him and watch him slam into people and get slammed?
He's still her little boy.
"'s jus' football," Daryl says, obviously able to read her mind.
She smiles a little. "Not if you're a Greene male."
She puts in a soap tablet and then closes the dishwasher, locking the door and starting the cycle. She then goes to the freezer and pulls out a box of ice cream sandwiches. She pulls one out and holds it out to Daryl, who takes it after a moment with a smirk. She leaves the kitchen and gives one to Matty, who grins up at her, and she can't stop herself from leaning down and kissing him on the head before going back into the kitchen.
She looks at Daryl as he leans against the counter, eating his ice cream sandwich, and she takes one for herself before putting the box back into the freezer.
This man used to give her such butterflies and for a while, she had been able to get them to stop. She had been able to pull herself away from him and convince herself to just try and forget him. She thinks of the kiss in the hospital on the night Matty got sick and when she saw him coming down the stairs in the morning with Amy or Amy coming over to her apartment in the morning, wearing his tee-shirt and asking for butter because he said that she should have some. She thinks of all of the ways he's ignored her or hurt her and trying to forget him just seemed like the best thing to do.
But the butterflies are back and she's not sure if she's happy about that or not. She tries to tell herself that nothing can ever come of her crush on Daryl. He has been around lately – the whole summer – but she supposes she's still waiting for him to just leave again and disappear from hers and Matty's life and after all of the other times he has done just that, why should she think he would do something otherwise or expect him to stay around now?
Beth supposes that what it all comes down to is yes, she likes him. Yes, he gives her butterflies and she has a crush on him, but despite all of that, she just doesn't trust him.
…
Football signups are held in the town's community center on Saturday and it seems as if every boy of eligible age for the youth league in their town is there to sign up as well. Shawn has come with her and she's grateful for that because it's all a little bit overwhelming, crowds of people and different tables and a clipboard of forms to fill out.
The county's league is made up of twenty different teams. Ten games and then the playoffs. And depending on where they live – the county cut up into different zones – that is the team the boys will play for. Shawn had played for the Mustangs when he was old enough to start playing in the youth league but Beth and Matty live in a completely different zone and Matty winds up being signed up for the Gators. Their uniforms are green and white and upon handing over the forms, one of the league workers takes Matty's picture and asks him in three different ways what his birthday is to make sure he's old enough and eligible. And once it is decided that he is and he's officially signed up, he's given a green tee-shirt with GATORS written in white across the front and a white gator on the shirt sleeve. Matty is so excited, he immediately tugs it on over the tee-shirt he's currently wearing.
Beth finds the area where the other Gator boys seem to be congregating and they head over there. Shawn grins the instant he sees the somewhat short, stocky dark-skinned man wearing a Gators tee-shirt and holding a clipboard.
"Guess they'll let anyone coach nowadays," Shawn grins.
The man instantly turns and bursts into a grin when he sees him. "Please tell me you ain't got a kid in this league."
Shawn laughs. "This is my nephew. Matty, this is your coach. Coach Douglas. He was a senior on the team in high school when I was a freshman," he explains to the little boy.
"Look at those blonde curls," Coach Douglas teases him as he and Matty shake hands. "You gonna fool a lot of people out on the field if you're anything like your uncle over here."
"I'm a fast runner!" Matty boasts proudly.
"We'll clock you at our first practice," the man says, still grinning. He then looks to Beth for a moment and then to Shawn. "This can't be your baby sister. She's supposed to only still be able to reach our waist. "
Beth feels her cheeks blush. "Hi," she says as she sticks a hand out. "Beth Greene. Matty's mine," she says though she supposes that is obvious given how much Matty looks like her.
"Pleasure," he smiles politely at her. "I'm Coach Douglas but everyone calls me T-Dog."
"He's so excited to start playing just like Shawn," Beth says and looks at Matty as he is already sitting on the floor with the other gator boys, all talking and laughing excitedly.
"I'm thinkin' that with a Greene on my team, I'm already at an advantage," T-Dog says and even though she still feels hesitant about this entire thing, Beth still smiles proudly.
…
"Daryl!" Matty runs to him the second he sees him sitting on the front steps of the apartment building, smoking a cigarette.
Daryl instantly flicks the cigarette away and exhales the last stream of smoke before standing up with a smile. "Hey, kid. Lookin' good," he says, looking at Matty's tee-shirt.
"I'm a Gator!" Matty exclaims proudly. "Are you going to come to my first game? It's next Saturday! You have to come!"
Daryl looks at him for a moment and then sees the way his eyes flick over to her as she approaches them. He seems hesitant to say anything and she knows it's because he doesn't know what she wants. And she wants to laugh because she's not sure either. She feels for a split second that Matty should want to invite Jimmy to come and see him play. Jimmy is his actual dad and shouldn't Matty want his dad to see his first game?
But she doesn't even known if Jimmy would come if Matty did invite him and besides her daddy and brother, Daryl is the most constant male figure in Matty's life. Of course he would want Daryl to be at his games.
Beth looks at Daryl and all she can do is give him a small smile. Her son adores Daryl. That much is obvious to everyone. And Beth is completely helpless at keeping her son from things that he loves. Even if her own feelings for Daryl are so muddled at the moment, she can't keep Matty from liking Daryl and wanting him in his life.
She wonders if she should talk with Daryl about this. Daryl has absolutely no obligation to them. He's just their across-the-hall neighbor who got sucked into their life over the past year. She wonders if Daryl feels he has some sort of obligation to come over for dinner or to spend time with her and Matty because he doesn't. She wonders why he's sticking around – for the time being.
And Daryl sees her smile and then looks down to Matty again. "If I'm not workin', I'll be there. Just give me a time and place," he says.
Matty bursts into a grin and the way he is so happy and the way Daryl is smiling a little down at him and then at her and then to Matty again, it does nothing to control the butterflies flapping around like mad in her stomach.
…
Beth does exactly what she knew she would do. She winces.
Parents go to the practices. The kind of parents who yell at their kids and demand their absolute best and Beth has to wonder if the kids are having any fun and if the parents are just trying to relive old glory football days through their kids.
Beth's the quietest parent there is. She stands off to the side, away from the rest of them. She knows football. She went to every one of Shawn's high school football games and she has watched more than enough games on TV with him and daddy but she's not crazy about it. Not like most of the parents here, it seems.
T-Dog does what he told Matty what they would do. They clock him.
The team starts up on warm ups – jumping jacks and stretches and pushups and laps. It's so hot out, they stop plenty of times so water can get squirted into their mouths. All of the kids are wearing practice gear and helmets and practice green jerseys with their numbers in white. Matty is number 22 and his name – M. GREENE – is across the back of his jersey. Beth admits she feels a little proud when she spots him on the practice field amongst all of the other boys.
The first practice, the coaches all figure out what the best positions for each boy would be. For nearly forty minutes, they practice tackles. Beth winces every time she watches Matty and hears him as he and another boy crash together. They make the boys run sprints and T-Dog stands there with a stopwatch, writing down everyone's time on a piece of paper.
When they all take a knee, and T-Dog tells Matty that he's running back, Matty's head instantly whips over to find Beth and she is smiling brightly and feeling so proud. That's her son. He's the running back for the Gators. And she knows how parents can get caught up in this. As long as he's having fun though. She has to make sure he's having fun and despite what everyone is telling him, football really is just a game.
There are many things in this life far more important than football.
…
On Friday's practice, T-Dog is yelling a lot more at the boys and Beth doesn't like it but she's the only parent who apparently is bothered by it so she purses her lips together and stays off to herself as always and just focuses on Matty. He's tired and sweaty but every time they have to run the plays over, he's still pushing himself to do it right every time.
As long as he's having fun.
Someone comes to stand beside her suddenly halfway through practice and she turns her head to see who it is, startled with surprise.
Shane just grins at her though. He's recently shaved his head and his face is all sharp angles – except the bridge of his nose which is flat and she wonders when and how he broke it. He's in jeans and a tee-shirt and he's obviously off duty today.
"Afternoon, sweet cheeks," he says, still with that grin, and Lori has told her more than once that Shane is nothing more than a flirt but he makes her smile nonetheless.
"Scoping out the single moms at football practice?" She asks with a tease in her tone.
Shane's grin doubles as he looks out to the field and the play T-Dog is having the boys run now. He scans a moment and then he seems to spot Matty because he watches him for a moment, watching as the quarterback, Tavon, pitches him a throw and Matty catches it and takes off running to the end zone, none of the other boys coming close to catching him.
"That's a good number to have," Shane comments.
"Is it?" Beth asks.
Shane nods and without a word, he reaches into his tee-shirt and pulls out a pendant he wears around his neck. Beth sees '22' in gold.
"I take it your number?" She asks even though she already knows all of this and he probably knows that she knows and he nods, dropping it back against his chest, his eyes going back towards the field. "What position were you?"
"Fullback," he answers. "Played in this league and in high school and all through college, too. I was good. Just not good enough to take it more than that."
And suddenly, just with that little story, Beth looks at him because suddenly, he's human to her. He's so cocky and so sure of himself and walks with a little swagger in his step all of the time but he is human – just like the rest of them.
…
The Gators have their first game against the Wildcats and Beth gets there first after dropping Matty off under the tree where the rest of the team is meeting. She gets a seat on the top row of bleachers so she can see everything. Her parents, Shawn, Maggie and Glenn are all coming that day to watch but they're not there yet. Beth had also invited Jimmy. She had called and gotten his voicemail so she left him a message, giving him the time and which field they'd be at but she never heard back and she'll be more surprised if he does show up rather than if he doesn't. She hadn't even mentioned it to Matty. She knows Matty really won't care one way or another. Jimmy's his dad but that's kind of all he is. Just someone who had the sperm to help make him. Not that he understands that fully yet.
She's brought a little cooler with her and she opens it now, taking out an apple. She puts her feet up on the bleacher in front of her and resting her arms on her knees, she munches on the apple and watches as other parents begin to arrive. She sees Daryl the instant he arrives and he seems to see her because he comes straight for her, climbing up the steps and Beth sets up straight as he eases himself down beside her.
He's wearing jeans and a tee-shirt from the garage he works at and he must have come straight from work because his hands still have oil and grease smudges on them. His baseball cap is backwards but he turns it around, bringing the bill over his face to shade some of it with the sun beating down on them. Without a word, Beth reaches into the cooler and hands him a bottle of water and without a word, he takes it, simply giving her a nod of thanks and a small smile – a smile she returns.
She wonders if he knows how happy Matty will be to have him there. She wonders if he knows how happy she is that he's there and then she can't help but wonder why she's so happy.
Daryl Dixon mixes everything up in her head and she never seems to know what to do.
Her family arrives shortly after and Shawn stands along the sidelines to watch the game more closely as everyone else comes to sit up with her. If they think anything's odd with Daryl sitting there beside her, they don't act like it. They never seem to act like it.
They just smile and greet him as if he's always been a part of them.
It wasn't like that with Spencer. Beth recognizes the difference immediately. Her family was always nice to Spencer. Perfectly polite. But that's exactly what it was. Polite. With Daryl, they treat him like an old friend.
The game gets underway and just as how it had been during practice, during the game, every time she sees someone from the opposing team take Matty down, she winces and cringes and sometimes, she even turns her face away, blocking it with help of Daryl's shoulder. And every time she pulls her head back, she sees him smirking but he never says anything about it and he thankfully doesn't tease her about it.
"He's good. Real good," Hershel notes at halftime as both teams go off on the sides of the field for orange slices and water and to listen to their coaches.
Beth nods and smiles because of despite the cringing and wincing, she's proud of her son.
"Coach Douglas has said that with Matty and Tavon both, those two might take us all the way this year," Beth says and hopes she's not boasting too much. "They've already declared each other to be best friends. Tavon's spending the night at our house next week."
"That's so sweet," Annette smiles and then looks to Hershel. "I remember Shawn and the quarterback getting along. Remember how much he hated the fullback though?"
Beth pretends she doesn't hear as the game gets underway again.
One of Shawn's favorite things to do in high school was complain about Shane Walsh.
She doesn't know why that would matter to her anyway.
…
The Gators win – 46-7 – and everyone stands up to cheer as the team gathers one more time on the field for some parting words from T-Dog.
"That's right, Matty!" T-Dog calls after him once they are all dismissed. "Don't let any of those boys laugh about your pretty curls!"
Matty's hair is matted down with sweat now as he comes racing towards them. "Mama!" He shouts and Beth is smiling as he practically crashes into her. His pads stab her in the ribs but she's doesn't care as she hugs him and kisses his sweaty head.
"You did so, so good," she smiles down at him.
Everyone congratulates him, kissing him and hugging him, and Matty hasn't stopped smiling, riding a cloud of euphoria and he looks like he has had the absolute best day.
"Daryl!" Matty greets him last. "I knew you'd come. I knew it."
Daryl smiles. "'course I came. Couldn' miss your first game."
Matty grins at that and Beth smiles, too, and Daryl is just so good with him. Better with him than Jimmy could ever even hope to be and she wonders if Daryl knows how good he is with him; how much he means to Matty.
She feels like she really needs to have a conversation about this with the man.
Not today though. Today, they're going to get pizza as a celebration and she feels just as happy as Matty is when Daryl agrees to come with them, too.
…
Halfway through the day, Beth goes and puts a yellow post-it on Daryl's door, asking him to dinner, and then goes back into her apartment to continue baking the two dozen lemon cupcakes with the lemon zest cream cheese frosting she has had on order for an upcoming birthday party the next day for one of the nurses at the hospital. She's already finished Dale's order for the day and it feels so good to have that job. She hasn't done bad – not at all – once she recovered from her accident and scar and got back to baking. She has had an insanely busy summer and she's financially comfortable for the time being. But getting the opportunity to have a steady, guaranteed paycheck, she jumped at the chance.
She leaves to pick Matty up from school. Practice starts at six o'clock so Matty is able to eat dinner before she has to get him to the field. She serves him dinner a little early and when Daryl knocks on the door five after five as always, Matty's almost completely done with his.
Matty immediately starts telling Daryl all about school and practice from yesterday as Beth serves both him and her plates of the beef stroganoff with egg noodles and then sits down at the table with the two men in her life.
As soon as that thought pops into her head, she almost physically slaps her forehead to get it out of there. She can't believe she's just even had such an idea occur to her. Matty. Matty is the only man in her life. Daryl is just… her friend? Yes, her friend. He told her that he wants them to be friends and with the amount of times he's been around and everything he has helped with other the past couple of months, he definitely is her friend. She can't really deny that anymore. She can deny everything else. Butterflies and tingles and this ache she feels in the pit of her stomach when he's near but she can't really deny that he's her friend. He even brought her flowers one night! That must mean they're friends.
"Will you be around later tonight?" She asks him once they're clearing the table and Matty has run off to go get his football gear.
Daryl looks at her. "Everythin' a'right?" He asks.
Beth nods and gives him a small smile. "I just need to talk with you."
Daryl keeps looking at her and he does this. Where he looks at her as if he's studying her. And Beth stands there, letting him look until he finds what he's looking for. She knows what it is. He's looking for an answer or even a clue as to what she wants to talk about.
But she knows he won't be able to find anything. Even she doesn't know what she wants to talk with him about.
…
After putting Matty to bed and getting him tucked in, she comes back out to the living room. The apartment is clean though and she has nothing to busy herself with picking up. She has baked a couple of extra lemon cupcakes and she takes one now, leaving her apartment and heading across the hall to Daryl's door. She barely gets two knocks out before he swings the door open and she gives him a small smile, holding up the cupcake.
"I've just added them to the menu and have never made them for an order before. Taste test?" She offers.
Daryl doesn't take his eyes off of her as he takes the cupcake from the palm of her hand.
He steps aside so she can enter and she does so, the butterflies flapping inside tonight.
She realizes she's never been inside of his apartment and immediately, Morris is against her legs, rubbing himself, and she takes a moment to look around. She knows it has no right to but looking around Daryl's sparse apartment – and thinking of her own – she can't help but feel a little sad.
"Haven' had a chance to clean lately," he mutters behind her.
Beth turns to face him and smiles. "Looks clean to me."
He shrugs, avoiding her eyes now. "Don't smell like yours."
"Oh," she says and laughs a little at that. "Lemon dust spread and Clorox wipes," she says.
"Chocolate, too," he adds, his eyes slowly going back to her and she feels her stomach clench as she realizes that they're standing in the small entry hall and they are standing quite close together. It would take nothing at all if she was to reach out and touch him.
She won't, of course. She knows how he feels about her touching him. He would seem to have anyone except her touch him.
And the question clumps in her throat. She wants to ask him why he doesn't like her. She has ideas. She has a son and he might think she's looking to him for something but he must know by now that she's not looking to be taken care of. Or maybe he looks at her and wishes she had more of a woman's body or didn't have this scar on her cheek. Or maybe, he's simply just not attracted to her. There are probably all sorts of ideas.
She wishes she just knew though because maybe if she did, she'd be able to move completely past this pointless crush she has one him. She wishes she could just move on from him because liking Daryl Dixon is nothing but useless and nothing will ever come of it. She knows this. She has told herself this again and again and yet, she just can't seem to get herself to move past him. Even dating Spencer, Daryl was usually in the back of her mind and she's honestly just tired of having him there.
"What'd you wan' to talk to me 'bout?" He asks and she wonders if he's aware how close they're standing. She has to tilt her head up to look to his face.
She swallows a cotton ball that has lodged in her throat. "It's about Matty…"
He lowers his eyes from her then as if he's a puppy who's getting scolded. "Wan' me to stop comin' 'round so much?" He asks.
"No!" She then exclaims, unable to contain herself. "No, of course not," she then says in a much softer voice, her heart pounding at just the mere idea of that. "No, that's exactly what I wanted to make sure you won't be doing."
Daryl lifts his eyes once more to her.
"It's not a secret, Daryl. Matty absolutely adores you," she tells him. "And I just want to make sure that nothing breaks my son's heart."
Daryl's quiet for a few passing minutes and she hopes that he gets what she's saying because she honestly has no idea how else to say it to him. It's about Matty. Not her. She'll be devastated if Daryl just up and leaves their lives again but she'll be okay because she's waiting for him to do it again. Matty, though, he's just six and he doesn't understand things like that and he'll be inconsolable.
He stares at her, his eyes never leaving hers. "I ain't goin' anywhere," he says in a low, firm voice that gives her shivers down the spine.
She wants to kiss him. So badly. She just wants to feel his lips on hers. She barely even remembers what it had felt like kissing him in the hospital that night.
She wants to feel his arms as they wrap around her. His arms are beautiful and he looks like he would be the sort to give absolutely amazing hugs. She feels herself ache for a hug from Daryl Dixon.
And even though she tells herself again and again that it just won't happen, she still feels as if her eyes want to well with tears because why can't it happen? Why does this man not even want to embrace her? Why is she falling for a man who will never fall for her?
She can't believe how pathetic she has become since this man entered her life.
"That's all I needed to hear," she says barely above a whisper. "I should get back home."
He nods and takes a step to the side, opening the door once again. She doesn't look at him.
"Good night," she bids farewell and turns to leave.
She needs to get out of here because his apartment may not smell like Clorox bleach and lemon-scented dust spray and chocolate but it smells like him and that's just as good if not even better.
She feels his eyes on her but she doesn't look at him again as she heads across the hall back towards her apartment and once inside, she closes the door, leans back against it, closes her eyes and exhales a deep breath as if she had been holding it in.
But less than what feels like a second later, there's a knock on the door, startling her. She doesn't look through the peephole. It's Daryl. Who else would it be? She just has no idea why he would be knocking on her door.
Beth opens it to see him but just as she opens her mouth to ask him if everything is alright, Daryl surges forward and all she can feel are his hands on her face and his lips on hers.
…
What will Daryl do now?
Thank you very much for reading and please take a moment to review!