Miserable At Best: Chapter 11
"And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You still my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?"
~Everything by Lifehouse
Hardy hadn't changed much in the past two years. He still had that boyish charm and humor that was so much like Ezra's. I stood by the wayside as he and Ezra said hello to each other, fighting the urge to duck back out the door and wait in the car. Hardy as a man didn't frighten me. Hardy as Ezra's friend did. The last time the three of us had been together, his influence on Ezra had nearly destroyed our relationship. And although the circumstances were different now, much different, I still had the weight of that past worry low in the pit of my stomach. Our age difference hadn't changed even though the legality of everything had. Would Hardy still object to Ezra and I?
Ezra, sensitive and intuitive as ever seemed to sense my underlying fear, and wrapped an arm around my waist. "I believe you already know Aria?"
"Yeah. How's it going?"
"Good. You?" I glanced up at Ezra and he squeezed my side reassuringly.
"Really great actually. So how long have you two been together? Weren't you seeing some blonde a while back, Ezra? Christine something or other?"
Ezra laughed. "Something like that. I ran into Aria a couple of months ago and we just kind of picked up where we left off."
I rolled my eyes. It hadn't been that easy.
"Well, minus the whole classroom scenario right? You're not like her professor now are you?"
Ezra and I both tensed for a moment. Bringing up the past was like pouring salt into an open wound. It stung. A lot.
"Yeah, minus the classroom. I think I like it better this way anyway." I took Ezra's hand and squeezed lightly. My attempt to diffuse the situation worked and the three of us sat down at one of the tables.
Hardy took the hint and steered clear of the topic of our relationship, opting instead to ask me about college and Ezra about his new job. The lunch passed rather quickly after that, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I was under a microscope and Hardy was trying to dissect me.
Finally an opportunity to break away came as the waitress began clearing away our plates. "I'm going to head to the restroom and wash my hands. I'll be back in sec."
"Don't be gone too long." Ezra smiled and I squeezed his shoulder in response.
"I won't."
The bathroom, although small and rather nondescript was a sanctuary. The old feelings of never being good enough, of never being old enough flooded me and I found myself struggling to rein them in. In the end, it mattered little what everyone else thought. Ezra's opinion was the only one that counted and the only one I'd ever need to listen to. Still, I knew Hardy's opinion of me would weigh heavily on Ezra's conscious, regardless of what it was.
I washed my hand three times just to by myself a bit more time before I headed back out into the restaurant. Ezra and Hardy were speaking in hushed tones when I approached and the conversation ceased when I took my seat. I couldn't help but feel I'd walked into the middle of an argument.
"Did I interrupt something?"
"No." Ezra's voice was tense and Hardy quickly glanced out the window to avoid my questioning stare. I'd definitely interrupted something.
"Oh. Alright then." The lunch ranked highly on my list of most uncomfortable moments ever. I racked my brain for a neutral topic, finally settling on the upcoming music festival downtown. It worked, and slowly at that. But eventually both of them seem to visibly relax a little bit and we made small talk until Hardy abruptly declared that he needed to get going, before mumbling something about having a flight to catch.
"Aria, it was good seeing you again; and don't let him do anything stupid to screw things up with you. He seems to have a knack for it." While Hardy's statement wasn't exactly a blessing upon Ezra and I's relationship, it did serve as an approval of sorts. For now that would be enough. Ezra seemed to think so too, for the moment the words left Hardy's mouth the knot of tension he'd been holding in for the better part of an hour untangled itself.
"Have a good trip back man, and don't go so long without calling me next time."
The two of them shared a final parting smile and then Hardy was disappeared out the door. Ezra helped me into my coat and then we too headed out into the chill of the October day.
"Well, that went well."
Ezra smiled and shook his head. "Were you expecting it not to?"
"I don't know. I just thought-" My sentence trailed off as I tried to find the best words to explain to Ezra how scrutinized I'd felt the entire time.
"What?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing."
In the end I'd chickened out, but it honestly didn't seem to be something worth bringing up. A grin crossed my lips as I reached down and interlaced my fingers with his. We were holding hands in public. It was a heady thought to wrap my mind around.
He looked at me doubtfully but didn't press the matter any further."So Miss Montgomery, what did you have in mind for this afternoon?"
"There's this little park about fifteen minutes outside of the city. I thought maybe we could grab a blanket, a couple books, and" I smirked a little and slipped an arm about his waist, "cuddle for a little while. The weather won't be like this for much longer and I thought we could take advantage of it."
"Sounds like a good plan to me.
Our afternoon spent beneath the fall colored canopy of the oak trees at Laumeier Park was nothing less than perfect and a fitting way to end my car crashed induced, impromptu vacation. We talked and read and laughed until tears stung our eyes. Ezra had held me close, partly to ward off the nippy air and partly because he enjoyed holding me as much as I enjoyed being held. I was reluctant to leave the sanctuary of the park and the warmth of his arms, but the necessity of the real world had a way of worming its way into even the most ideal moments.
We stopped by his apartment to load a few of the most essential things into the back of my car before heading home for the day. The furniture, along with the rest of his stuff, was going to be brought over the following weekend. By the time we'd hauled everything into the apartment it was nearly dinnertime and I volunteered to cook while he unpacked.
The meal was a quiet affair, both of us all too aware that come morning our little bubble of domestic bliss was going to be popped. We did the dishes together, before settling down to work; I on my history essay and he on his grading. Although we were sharing the couch, I didn't find it incredibly hard to focus, although there were a few occasions when I'd catch myself staring at him as he worked.
He was constantly in motion, even in the minutest ways; pen twirling in his fingers, teeth worrying his lower lip, foot tapping out a rhythm to an unknown song. He didn't seem aware of it, but I found it fascinating. Over the course of two years the little things that had endeared him to me in the first place had receded to the far depths of my mind. Now as they resurfaced, they all seemed brand new; each nuance an exciting discovery in its own right.
As such, it took me nearly two hours to finish my paper and him nearly the same amount of time to finish all of the essays. He'd just set his papers on the coffee table when I shut down my laptop for the evening. Wordlessly, I shifted into his arms, burying my face in his neck and heaving a huge sigh.
"That might've been the most boring paper in the history of papers."
His answering laugh was soft. "Mmm. But it was probably written a lot better than most of the essays I read this evening." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and gave a little sigh. "Ready for bed?"
The thought of the energy it would require to move to the bedroom was draining. I needed to invest in a bigger couch. Snuggling deeper into his embrace, I let my hand slip under the hem of his navy blue Henley, my fingertips lightly tracing over the contours of his stomach.
His gaze met mine, the blue of his eyes darkening with desire. "Aria." His voice was cautious and I knew he was warning me not to start something I didn't intend to finish, not after this morning.
"Hmmm?" I smiled lazily and tilted my head up for a kiss. He acquiesced, his lips lingering slowly over mine. My other hand made its way under his shirt, my fingertips grazing teasingly up the sides of his rib cage and down again. He broke into laughter at the action, pleading with me to stop. I'd found a ticklish spot. The discovery thrilled me to no end. I flattened my palms onto his chest, halting my actions only long enough to draw him back into a kiss and straddle him.
Things quickly grew heated and it wasn't long before I had his shirt tossed over the back of the couch. Mine wasn't far behind. He stared at me with heavy eyes, pupils dilated and breathing labored. Twining my arms around his neck, my lips caught his again, the gentle nips of teeth on lower lips soothed by slow teases of tongue. It was the perfect combination of blazing passion, and sweetly simmering desire. It was us.
He scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom, placing me on the bed in the gentlest manners. A seductive grin spread across my lips as he hovered above me, one hand supporting his weight, the other tracing the curve of my jaw line.
"I love you." I wasn't really sure if the phrase had come from his mouth or mine, but at the moment it didn't really matter. With three simple words we were both lost. His hands and lips seemed to be everywhere at once; ghosting over my hips, moving heatedly against my chest, tantalizing with the perfect amount of pressure at my waist. My sensory overload had never been so high before. He slid one bra strap from my shoulder and then the other, pausing to press chaste kisses to my shoulders before reaching around and unhooking the clasp.
Arching my back I allowed him to remove it, fighting the urge to cover myself when his hungry gaze traveled straight to my now bared chest. Sensing my discomfort, he moved back up to my lips, kissing me until I felt dizzy from the pleasure of it all. I moved against him, my nails trailing down his back, brushing the waistline of his jeans, and moving back up again.
It was a slow dance, full of give and take, of kiss and nip. I lost it when he finally slid my jeans down my legs.
"Ezra, please…" It came out as a low moan and I wasn't quite sure what I was asking for. "Please."
He seemed understand the need blazing through my veins and quickly shed his own pants. I reached down to grasp him in my hand but he quickly shoved them away.
"Not tonight."
I smiled shyly up at him, feeling every bit the part of the uncertain virgin, although I'd lost that nearly three years prior. This however, was nothing compared to my quick tumble with a high school boy. He kissed me briefly before pulling back to stare at me.
"Aria, stop thinking so much." His eyes searched mine for a few more moments, looking for the confirmation he needed to move forward. I knew he'd found it, when his hands trailed along my hips and over my thighs, pulling my lacy underwear down with them. My entire body flushed under his heated gaze and I shifted uncomfortably beneath him, my eyes lowering to stare at the pillow beside me. His hand caught my chin and brought my face to his.
"You're beautiful." A gentle kiss followed his words. I bucked my hips at his first touch, his fingertips burning my skin like the strongest acid. I'd never felt so ready to combust before.
"Ezra…Ezra….Ezra." His name became a litany, each syllable rolling off my tongue like and slow. Deep and light. Passionate and caring. His ever changing touches kept me on the brink and when I finally peaked, I couldn't stifle the scream that was ripped from my throat.
"Ezra…Ezra…Ezra." His name was now a soft sigh from my lips, my hands absently running over his back, down his arms, and back up again.
He kissed me slowly again, his tongue dancing with mine, before pulling back to slide off his boxers. I couldn't help the moan that escaped me as he finally entered me, the feeling of completeness to overwhelming. Slowly, then with increasing ardor we loved one another. The game of give and take continued, his thrusts met with answering ones of my own.
The languorous nature of our earlier caresses disappeared, an urgency taking its place. His hands no longer traced teasingly and his lips no long pressed against mine softly. Instead, his grip was firm and his mouth harsh against mine.
Things spiraled quickly for the both of us, my orgasm overtaking me just as his did. He caught my lips, swallowing my moans and whimpers of bliss with his own. He stiffened above me, every muscle in his body tense and defined. I'd never seen anything so beautiful in my life. The groan he gave was deep and low, and sent a shiver down my spine.
He rolled off of me, breathing labored and skin shining with a fine sheen of sweat. I leaned up to brush his hair off his forehead, before curling myself around him.
"That was…" I sighed as the words escaped me. How could anyone define something as perfect as that had been?
He looked at me expectantly but when I gave no answer nodded his head. "I know." We were silent then, my fingers tracing figure eights on his chest, his hand rubbing lightly against my lower back. My eyes grew heavy with sleep and I heaved another great sigh. He tugged the sheets over us, the cool cotton feeling wonderful against our heated skin. My eyes grew heavy with sleep and I pressed a final kiss to his shoulder before letting them drift shut.
I couldn't suppress a loud groan as the alarm went off at six thirty, the sleep I'd gotten the night before seeming inefficient to the amount my body needed. Ezra echoed my feelings, shutting it off and burrowing back beneath the covers with me. We snuggled together for a few moments before I rolled out of bed and padded slowly to the kitchen to start the coffee. He rose just a short while after me, heading straight to the bathroom to shower. An entire week of lazy mornings had taken its toll on both of us. I missed the hour long cuddling sessions. With a small laugh, I couldn't help but muse on how much harsher the world seemed without them.
"What's so funny?"
I hadn't heard Ezra enter the kitchen and was surprised to find him standing in the doorway with little more than a towel wrapped around his waist. His damp hair was curling lightly as it dried, and my mind flashbacked to the first time I'd met him at the bar. His hair had been longer then, and a good deal curlier.
"Nothing." He looked at me questioningly, before pouring himself a cup of coffee. "The bathroom's all yours."
I stood from the kitchen table, tossing my sleep tousled hair over one shoulder and smoothing the satin of the teddy I'd slipped on. After rinsing out my coffee mug and setting it in the sink, I reached to wrap my arms around him. He smelled of good soap, clean and simple, without the overpowering scent that most men's body washes seemed to have. I angled for my head for a kiss, which he readily bestowed, our lips lingering over the others for a few minutes.
He broke away and shoved me away gently. "Neither of us are going to be on time if we keep this up."
As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. Mumbling about how much I hated Mondays, I left the kitchen and my amazing boyfriend behind.
The day passed slowly once Ezra and I went our separate ways. Only the thought of spending my night with him kept me sane. I turned in all of my makeup work, the teachers rather unsympathetic to my plight, but satisfied that I'd completed all of the material they'd provided. Erin and I had stopped in at the cafeteria for a late lunch, before she'd bounced off with her new boy toy. I hadn't even bothered to learn his name yet.
By the time three o' clock rolled around, I'd finished my homework for the night and was getting tired of staring at wood grain of my desk in the library. Ezra had texted me around lunch, telling me that he'd probably be staying late at school, and that he'd make it up to me when he got home.
There was not a chance in hell that I'd be able to make it several more hours before seeing him. So I packed up my book bag, got into the car, and drove out the school. The parking lot was mostly empty when I pulled in, just a few stray cars parked here and there. I stopped by the office to let them know I was there, but it was empty, the lights turned off and the door locked. With a small shrug of my shoulders, I headed upstairs and down the hall, pausing just outside of his door.
Like so many times before, he sat at his desk, head bent as he poured over an essay, marking pen twirling lightly between his fingers.
"Mr. Fitz?"
He didn't look up. "Hmmm?"
A smirk played over my lips as I realized he was so absorbed in his task that he hadn't yet taken note of who I was. Perhaps a little bit of fun was in order?
"Ms. Carmichael gave me detention. Could I serve it with you?" The comment was highly twisted, and highly inappropriate considering the circumstances of our previous relationship, but I couldn't really help myself.
"Not this afternoon, but maybe…" he glanced up for the first time since I'd entered, shock and then amusement crossing his face. "Aria! What are you doing here?"
"Well," I hopped up onto one of the desks in the front row, "I finished all my homework and I really missed you. I just ended up here."
"I'm disappointed." My face fell at his comment. "I'd been waiting for a detention to come along so I could get someone to organize the bookshelves."A smile crossed his face, but I didn't reciprocate. He stood up from behind his desk and moved to stand in front of me. "I'm kidding, Aria. I've been thinking about you all day." His hands lightly caressed my arms and I relaxed. "I'm glad you're here."
I kissed him sweetly before pulling back and glancing around the room. "I could help you. Ms. Carmichael did actually try to give me a detention the first time I came to visit you. She thought I was a student."
He laughed. "She didn't!"
"No. She really did." We shared a small smile and then he kissed me again. The desk I was sitting on made up for our usual height difference and for once I found myself at eye level with him.
A loud cough from the door way interrupted us and out of instinct we fairly jumped apart. It was Evelyn. Ezra ran a hand through his hair and looked at me apologetically before moving back around to his desk.
"They're ready for you in the conference room." Evelyn was speaking to him, but looking at me. Somehow Hardy's intense scrutiny of me fell flat when compared to the nearly ice like glare she bestowed upon me.
"Thank you. I'll be there in just a second. Aria, do you want to stay? This shouldn't take long."
I smiled softly at him, averting my eyes from Evelyn for the first time since she'd entered the room. "I'll wait."
He grinned at me, before picking up a folder and heading out the classroom. Evelyn didn't follow him. Instead she sauntered over to stand before me, her eyes raking over me as if there was some kind of competition to be had.
"I'm sorry about your car accident. Are you alright?" Like she cared.
"Fine now. It was kind of iffy at first but…"
She cut me off. "Look, I don't know what you're playing at Aria, but Ezra's mine."
Her words caught me off guard and I fumbled for a response. "Excuse me?" It was lame and I knew it, but my surprise at her audacity was making it a bit hard to think.
"We had a thing briefly…he and Christine were separated for about a month before getting back together. The timing just wasn't right. Now, however…" She trailed off and a smirk curved on her lips. I resisted the urge to slap it off of her. "Well, let's just say that it won't be long before he's back with me. Besides," her eyes roamed over my form again, "why would a man like him want to date a girl who's fresh out of high school? You could easily pass for one of his students."
Her words cut me deeply, dredging up the doubt I'd been harboring all along. Instead of wallowing in my anxiety however, I focused on my anger, lashing out at her. "What makes you think he'd want a bitch like you instead?"
That had done it. Her face froze in the most unattractive expression, eyes bulging and faces turning a horrible shade of red. Then, much to my surprise she let out a little laugh. "It's alright Aria, losing him won't be that big of a deal. I'm sure there are plenty of guys a lot closer to your own age around here somewhere. Why don't you go check out on the soccer field?"
"Don't hold your breath waiting, Evelyn. Chances of that happening are virtually impossible."
She let out that annoying, high pitched, tinkling laugh again. "We'll just see about that. Didn't he tell you? I'm his new student intern."
I couldn't keep the look of shock from me features. He definitely hadn't mentioned that.
"See Aria, he's keeping things from you already. Why would you want to keep him around if you can't trust him?" I knew what she was doing. I'd seen it often enough in high school. The petty games of spinning things around, distorting the truth so much that everything but the lies were forgotten. Oh I knew what she was doing; and against my better judgment I was letting it get to me.
"You may not be the prettiest thing in the world, but I'm sure there's some guy out there for you. It's just not Ezra." She twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. "Just you wait and see, he'll leave you before the month is out."
"Evelyn." In our heated conversation, neither of us had noticed Ezra's return. I'd never heard his voice so cold. Her eyes grew wide and she paled. "You need to leave." When she made no move, he took he arm and propelled her towards the door. "Now!" I flinched at his harsh tone, but couldn't help feeling some sense of victory at the way he'd been so ready to get rid of her.
She stammered a goodbye and then rushed down the hallway. Ezra turned back to me, a look of anguish on his face. "Aria, I'm sorry."
I shook my head and slid off the desk. "It's alright."
He moved to embrace me, his arms sliding naturally around my waist. "It's not. She had no right to talk you like that."
I pulled away and slung my purse over my shoulder. "Maybe, but they were just words, Ezra. I survived high school, I'm sure I can handle her." Regardless of his noble defense of me, I still couldn't shake the fact that he hadn't told me about their close working relationship. "You never mentioned she was your intern."
He ran a hand through his hair, and leaned against his desk. "She wasn't, not until today at least. That's what the meeting I had to go to was about. I was trying to get out of it."
"Did you?"
He sighed and slumped his shoulders. "No."
I bit my lip and nodded, unsure of what to say.
"Aria, don't let her get to you."
"I'm not." It was a lie and we both knew it. Truth of her claims aside, her words had still managed to plant a seed of doubt in my mind that was already working to sprout. "I think I should get going. Let you finish things up here. I'll see you back at the apartment?"
"Aria." I could tell he was frustrated, torn between wanting to console and wanting to hold me close and refute everything she'd said. My lips brushed his cheek and then I headed out the door.
A/N: Wow! This is a really long chapter. I love hearing from all of you, and I thank you greatly for the reviews from last chapter. Can't say I didn't warn you about trouble in paradise. Ezria may have Hardy's approval, but Evelyn's an entirely different matter…and she's not out of the picture just yet.
Up Next: A lovers' quarrel…fall break…and a blast from the past.