Tegan

"Hey there, Tee," the voice is almost inaudible beneath the waves.

I feel suspended as the ocean carries me away. It's so dark down here. Cold; my body shivers as the push and pull continues to sway me.

"I don't know if you can hear me," the voice continues to whisper, "you probably can't," there's a nervous laugh; I'd recognize that anywhere, "…I miss you."

Sara.

"Please, Tegan," she continues, "please don't take too long, p-please," her voice begins to break, her sobs falling like the first flakes of snow in a winter storm; a gentle kiss before disaster. "I need you."

I feel my arms flail, swimming towards the surface, propelling me forward.

Why can't I reach her?

I feel a panic settle in my stomach with every failed attempt to reach the light, each stroke I take unsuccessful in bringing me to her.

I feel a caress on my lips and I stop, touching my fingertips to my mouth, I close my eyes. Soft, it's so soft.

A kiss.

Sara

My eyes fly open, almost expecting to see her hazel eyes staring back at me; I could've sworn I felt her lips purse the slightest bit, as if to return my affections. My heart sinks as my eyes are greeted with nothing more than her closed eyelids, the scrapes and bruises still present on her ivory skin. I sigh as my hands grip the cold metal of my walker, the knot in my throat tightening, the tears threating to spill once more. She looks so broken.

I slowly straighten myself, clenching my jaw when I feel the slight needle-like pain on my side. I feel Alex's gentle hand on my shoulder, "slowly, Sara; there's no rush."

"If there was I'd be screwed, huh?" I chuckle, quickly regretting it as the pain on my side intensifies. I stop moving, my back finally straightened, eyes closed as I take slow and shallow breaths.

"Goddamn it, neither of you ever know when to stop being clowns," she says, but I can hear the smile in her voice until…"Sara, you should've waited for me; I was only gone for a minute."

"I'm sorry…" I say, lately it's all I've been saying.

She shakes her head, leading me slowly towards the loveseat in the corner of the hospital room. I grip the armrest and brace myself for the pain that follows as I lower myself unto the seat. I grit my teeth; it's been a week since the surgery and though in any other situation I would have recuperated by now, due to my weak state of health it's taking me a while to get better. The doctors aren't worried; they figured my condition wasn't anything that rest and good feeding habits couldn't fix. I lean my head back against the couch and sigh, feeling the last bit of the stinging fade.

"Sara, do you want me to turn off the oxygen tank?" I hear Alex ask.

"Yes, please; I should be fine now."

I hear the now all too familiar squeak of the valve as Alex cuts of the flow and I reach up to remove the nasal cannula from my nostrils. "Thanks," I say, opening my eyes and finding her smiling at me, "what?"

"You look better," she says.

I chuckle and shake my head, "if I've ever heard a lie…"

"No, really. Your cheeks are flushed, that's a good sign. You're not as worn out as you were…even before the surgery." She finishes, her voice lowering, her face concerned, "Sara…" I know what's next; "what happened?"

I didn't expect her question to be so open-ended. I thought she would ask why I had lost so much weight, why I looked like I hadn't slept in years, why I was so quiet, but never just what happened? as if she knew that it was something much more complex than just my femotion in effect.

I shake my head, deciding to play dumb. "I don't know what you-"

"Don't do that, Sara." She interrupts me, "don't play stupid, you aren't."

I stare at her in awe, "are you always so direct?"

"I prefer not to waste time; you never know when you'll run out of it."

I smile, "Tegan hit the jackpot with you, didn't she?"

She shakes her head, a sad smile on her face, "if she loved me, perhaps, but that isn't the case."

My eyes lower, understanding what she means; you can't enjoy what you don't claim.

I decide to be honest.

"Things got out of hand."

She nods, "Stacy?"

It's my turn to nod.

She sighs, getting to her feet, "I trust it's something you can't remedy on your own or else you would have. You've never appeared to be the type of person who gives in out of pity or remorse. But you love Tegan far too much, Sar," I look up at her, her expression serious, her eyes determined, "whatever the situation, do what you must to fix it."

She reaches for her bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

"I'll be back in two hours," she says; it's been her daily routine for the past week. She only leaves for two hours each day to shower, change, and eat.

"Why?" I say before I can stop myself, "why are you so supportive of us?"

She smiles, "I'd hate to see her settle for anything less."

"The summer my father bought the bear…" I write for the fifth time beneath the rough sketch of a bear, standing on its two hind legs, arms outstretched to the sky; a replica of my own tattoo.

It's been a long while since I've made time for my sketches but it's all that's kept me from losing it since I woke from the surgery. Endless black and white sketches of bears, tigers, and blooming roses decorate page after page on my sketchbook. At least it's better than staring at Tegan's motionless form on the hospital bed.

I hear the door open and look up to find out doctor, holding a clipboard and cup of coffee in his hands. His eyes land on me, sitting on my bed, pencil in hand, before surveying the room. Alex sleeps, slouched on the couch at the corner of the room in what has become her usual uncomfortable position. Finally, he turns to look at me once more, smiles, and shakes his head; "a bit late to be up sketching, don't you think, Miss Quin?"

I shake my head, "can't sleep,"

He nods and walks over to Tegan's monitor, the cyber green signal jumping to the beat of the beep.

"What's taking her so long?" I finally ask.

He smiles, his gaze still focused on the machinery, "well, it's not only the lungs that suffered damage if you recall; there's the broken ribs, then bruises and sprains; she's well, Miss Quin, she just needed rest."

"Needed?"

He looks up at me and smiles, "yes," he replies before heading out the door.

I gaze at Tegan for what feels like hours, hoping she will stir, grunt, and awake from her slumber. But soon my eyelids grow heavy, my neck camps, and I begin to dose off into a restless sleep.

Tegan

Almost there.

My arms reach out stroke after stroke, feet kicking, eyes set on the glistening surface.

Almost…almost.

My arm reaches forward, my fingers break the surface, cold air hits my face and I gasp.

My eyes open to darkness as I attempt to suck in air through my chapped lips, trying to fill my lungs-

My lungs.

There's a strange feeling in my chest, my hand reaches out to my middle and I wince at the sharp pain there. I hear a rustle and before I can move Sara's face comes into view.

"Tegan," she breathes, looking at me through the tears in her tired eyes.

"Hey-y…" I whisper, my voice cracking at the end, the corner of my lips rising at the very sight of her.

"I'm…"she pauses, smiles warmly as the tears begin to spill, rolling down her cheeks like rivers. "I'm so glad you're back," she chokes out.

"I never left," I say, my fingers reach up, the warmth of her cheek against the tip of my fingers spreads through me like fire. I wipe the streaks of tears that now come in waves, she's beginning to sob and I can feel the knot in my own throat coming undone. "Shhh, it's alright, I'm here," I manage to say before a sob breaks through my trembling lips. My chest begins to burn, my ribs expand as I inhale and I gasp in pain.

"Shit, shit, I'm so sorry, Tee! I'll call the nurse-"

I grab her hand before she pulls away, "no, please, I'm alright…just stay with me, please."

"Tegan…" She eyes me closely, her eyes unsure, her face mixed with fear and relief and something I once called love.

"Just…tell me," I cough and grit my teeth at the pain the movement induces on my abdomen, "tell me how to breathe properly."

"Oh," she pauses, frowns and turns to look behind her, "well, um, it's going to be a bit difficult to get used to," she says turning back, "don't use your mouth, just breathe through the cannula, slowly and deep."

I focus on my breathing, feeling my heart beat lower down to its normal rate, the pain on my middle becoming bearable. "What happened to me?" I finally manage.

"You were in a car accident," she whispers, "an eighteen wheel trunk slammed against your side of the car," I can hear her fragile voice fighting to keep it together, "you broke a few ribs, one of your lugs collapsed, the other was punctured; we went into surgery almost immediately. They transplanted my left lung to you right before your right collapsed. I was so worried Tee, I though you-you-" her sobs ripple through her like rocks in a pond, overlapping on each other as the tears spill.

"Shhh, I'm okay, I'm here; I'll always be here," my hand reaches up to caress her face, wiping all the tears away. "When I was unconscious, I felt the softest pair of lips…"

She blinks and even in the darkness I can see the shade of red that graces her cheeks.

"I…I don't-" she begins to stutter and I smile, her habit giving her away.

"And angel kissed my lips while I slept last night" I manage through my frail lung and she smiles. "Won't she kiss me now?"

Her hand caresses my cheek, making her way to my hair, where her fingers tangle with my curls. "How could I say no?" She leans in, her warm breath on my cheek; I meet her eyes as our lips touch, caressing each other softly, but soon our hunger overtakes us and I feel her tongue caress my own. Soft…so soft.

"I've missed you," I whisper, pulling away the slightest bit, "I thought…I thought I would never feel your lips on mine again, I thought-"

"Shhh," her fingers press my lips lightly, silencing my fears, "I'm here."

I smile, grabbing her hand in mine, holding it to my lips as I kiss it softly. I hear the doorknob turning and I release Sara. There in the doorway stands a middle aged man, lab coat spotless but wrinkled, large coffee cup and clipboard in hand. He smiles brightly, "well, good morning to both of you!"

"Hello, Doc! Guess who finally woke up?" Sara smiles at him before looking down at me.

"Hello," I say, in the most audible voice I can manage; whispering and speaking in hushed tones was challenge enough, speaking up will take a while. I hear a rustle on the other side of the room and then I hear a familiar voice.

"What's going on?" Alex. Her voice is quiet and sleep-filled. "Sara!" I can hear her rushing over, "Jesus, why didn't you wake me, I could've helped-" her face comes into view, her eyes on me. It takes her a few seconds before she can say anything else, "Tegan," her lips form into a smile, her face lights up the way it always does.

"Hey there," I grin.

"Hi," she says, placing her hand on my right knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Glad to have you back."

"Glad to be back," I wink.

They chuckle and I see Sara place her arm to her side. It appears I'm not the only one who takes notice in this when the doctor says, "Sara, you should lay down or at the very least use that walker."

Sara turns slightly to where I presume the walker must be places beside her bed, "I woke up and heard Tegan gasping...I didn't even notice I had moved until I was standing by her bedside," she explains.

"It was the adrenaline rush," he nods, "but soon the pain will kick in, Miss Quin. Alex, please give her a hand while I check Tegan's vitals."

I spend the morning talking to the doctor and nurses, answering things from my full name to my place of residence, to the chord progressions in some of our songs. Apparently they wanted to rule out any form of memory loss or brain damage due to the impact. It's just past noon when the door opens and Nick's head pops in, "hey there, kiddo!"

I smile, "well don't just stand there, come give me a hug!"

"I got someone else who's dying to hug you," he opens the door and mum rushes in, "we've been waiting for the doctor to let us see you."

"Honey, Jesus, I'm so glad you're awake," her hands hold my face, her eyes taking me in.

"Hi mum, I'm alright, don't worry," I smile and she kisses my forehead.

"Oh Tee, how could I not?" She turns to look at Alex and then Sara, who's sitting on the edge of her bed, facing us. "Sasa, get some rest, I'll be right there."

Sara grins, "oh don't worry mum, feel free to smother Tegan all you like; I won't get jealous, promise."

I chuckle and then wince, "oh shit, shut it, asshole; don't make me laugh."

"Sar, please don't tease your sister," but there's a smile on my mum's face and in those few seconds I feel safe.

"I'm sorry for worrying you, mum," I say, "you too, Sara. I don't know what happened, I tried to hit the brakes but the car wouldn't stop and then-"

"Hey, shush, don't," Sar begins, "you don't have to apologize. Just get better, that's all."

"Ehem," comes Nick's voice, "actually, Tegan, we need to talk."

"Oh Nicolas, won't you let her rest?" Says mum, protectively.

"Mum, it's alright," I say.

"Alex, would you please help Sara? Take her for a walk or something?" Nick asks.

"No, Sara stays." I meet his eyes; there is nothing that he can say to change my mind.

"Alright then," he waits for mum and Alex to take their leave and then sits at the edge of my bed before continuing, "Tegan…Calvin and I have spoken with some of the higher-ups, they were considering opening an investigation but before any of that happens there's one thing we need to rule out…"

"Which is?"

"Suicide attempt," Sara's voice comes in a whisper, tinged with fear and I know then that she has been contemplating that same though.

Nick nods, "the doctors were asked not to interfere until I spoke to you; Warner doesn't want any rumors getting out."

I nod slightly, "I'm not surprised."

"So, then?" He looks nervous and I can understand why, after bolting out of his office the way I did that day a suicide attempt wouldn't sound so farfetched.

"Tee?"

I turn to look at Sara, her eyes already a light shade of what might soon be red, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes ready to spill at any second.

"No," I answer, my voice firm, "it wasn't a suicide attempt."

I see Nick nod from the corner of my eye and Sara sighs, smiling tiredly at me.

"I got on the car," I continue, now addressing Nick, "and bolted out of the parking lot. I wasn't paying attention; I was thinking of too many things. I didn't notice the speed I was driving in and then when I did and I tried to slam the breaks," my mind flashes to those few seconds, hearing the honk, turning, "then I turned my head just in time to see the truck about to ram into me."

"Jesus," he breathes, "well, I'll talk to Calvin; we'll file a report."

"Nick, I swear, I tried hitting those breaks but the car never stopped," he nods at me, his hand now on my knee.

"I believe you, kiddo." He gets up and heads towards the door, "I'll fix this, you get your rest." And he's gone.

"He's going crush whoever's responsible for this," Sara says.

"What if there isn't anyone responsible?"

"Tee, breaks don't just fail and if they do," she shrugs, "Nick will make sure the company gets its ass sued"

I smile, "ever noticed the similarities between him and Dad?"

"Oh god, yes," she laugh, "with the major difference that Dad camped outside of our room for the first two nights we were here; Nick trusts us to manage on our own."

"Guess Dad knows us too well," I frown, "wait, how long was I out for?"

"A week," she says, "I was out for two days, woke to find Alex here; she hasn't left all week other than to shower and change."

"I'm not surprised," I nod.

Just then the door opens and I feel my stomach turn as Stacy walks in, a smug look on her face.

"Well look at that, Sleeping Beauty finally woke up," she walks around my bed to Sara, whose eyes are now glued to the floor.

"Stacy," I say, not caring to be cordial.

"Tegan, you don't look so good," she says, eyes on my bruised arms, "although, you did look worse a few days ago, with all those bruises on your stomach and the tubes they had you hooked up on."

I grit my teeth; the last thing I would have wanted was to give this snake the satisfaction of seeing me so beat up. I'm about to open my mouth to respond when the door opens once more and Alex walks in, her face pale, and locks the door.

"Something happened," she says, but then her eyes fall on Stacy, "…it can wait."

"Excuse me? There's no need to hold your tongue Alex, I'm Sara's fiancé; I have the right to know what's going on." She turns to Sara, "isn't that right, honey?"

Sara looks up at me, her eyes having been glued to the floor since Stacy's arrival. She turns to look at Stacy, whose eyes are boring into her. She nods slightly, "yes, that's right."

Alex sighs, "Jesus, Sara I don't think-"

"For fuck's sake, speak!" Stacy snaps.

"Hey, don't you fucking talk to her like-" I start, trying to sit up and wincing with every movement.

"No, Tegan, it's alright," Alex says, walking over to me, pushing me down on the bed once more, "it'll be their shit to deal with," she says. Before anyone can ask what she means she looks at me and continues, "Nick just got a call from Calvin; apparently someone left an anonymous envelope under Calvin's door. When he opened it he found a photograph of you and Sara here in the hospital," she pauses, "kissing."

I don't blink. I don't breathe.

"What?" It's Stacy who voices my only thought.

Alex addressed me when she says, "it's from last night."

She was awake. She knew and she decided to let us have our moment. Leave it to her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see anyone; I don't know how it happened."

"Hey, no, it's not your fault," I reach for her hand, "what's going to happen?"

"Nick and Calvin will try to buy them off, apparently Calvin already got a call; Nick wouldn't tell me how much they're asking for."

"Christ," I turn to look at Sara, who's face has drained from color, "Sar?"

"Fuck off, Tegan, this all your fucking fault!" Stacy shouts, walking towards me.

"Stop!" It's Sara. How she managed to react, I'll never know.

"What did you say to me?" says Stacy, turning.

"Please," the fight goes out of Sara, unable to meet Stacy's glare, "it was my fault; we'll talk about this later. Just please, not now."

Sara

I don't know what got into me, I don't know how I was able to raise my voice the way I did. Stacy's stare penetrates through me; her anger threating to spill with witnesses to spare. I know I'll pay for my insolence. Or at least, what she has taught me to consider as such; I am not to disobey. I may not step out of line. She made it clear the night I woke after the surgery.

She composes her features, her back to Tegan and Alex, she sighs.

"Very well; later," she says, "I only came by to see you for a few minutes, but this has turned into an unpleasant evening. I'll go now," she glares at me once more, "fix this."

And with that she's out the door.

"Fucking Christ," I hear Alex murmur.

"I shouldn't have done that," I say, unable to look at Tegan, "I shouldn't have kissed you."

"What?" Her voice is frail and I can hear the fear that is now beginning to seep into her heart. The fear I'm about to turn into a reality.

"I shouldn't have kissed you, Tegan; it was a mistake."