The pilot's face glows white, eyes haunted.
He knows. Before Joker even opens his mouth, he knows.
Rage curls within him, begging for release. His fists clench, desperate to stop the blue energy tingling along his arms.
Garrus steps towards him, palms out as if approaching a wounded varren.
"STAY THE HELL AWAY!" His voice cracks with anger - or grief.
'Get outside, get outside' - his mind chants in panic - 'get outside before someone ends up dead'.
Memories swirl. The turian slumped on the floor, head jutting out at an unnatural angle. Rahna's face, horrified and streaked with tears, 'please, just stay away from me', her words tear at his soul.
His legs finally move, and he shoves through the crowd.
The air outside it still and dark as he runs. He leaves the temporary shelter several miles behind before allowing himself to stop.
The sky is clear, the atmosphere of this lonely planet just shallow enough to see the sea of orange, fire laden wreckage.
Somewhere up there, suffocating and burning, is the woman he loves.
Grief crushes him and he sinks to his knees in the reddish sand. A familiar buzzing fills the air, drowning the ringing in his ears, and a warm wetness touches the top of his lip as his nose bleeds.
Rage swells up from his soul and he releases every last bit of energy glowing beneath the surface of his skin.
Halfway between the dark ground and fiery distance, the sky lights up a dazzling blue.
Kaidan's eyes flew open, heart pounding erratically. A vice-like band gripped his chest and he thrashed desperately before realizing it was simply the sweat-drenched sheets twisted around his skin.
His omni-tool lay on the bedside table and he reached for it with trembling hands, skimming through his old messages as quickly as he could.
There, that was the message that sparked the latest memory.
/Commander Jane Shepard, Normandy SR2
Location: ERROR/censored\
The blurry image flashed and stuttered, but the bad quality couldn't disguise her dark circles and gaunt cheeks. This shadow showed no resemblance to the beautiful woman he'd met in his hospital room.
/Kaidan,
I regret my first letter. I wrote it in anger, out of betrayal. I wanted to hurt...to wound, I hope I wasn't too successful.
I understand why I've been cut off from the Alliance...it's complete bullshit...but I DO understand.
I can't help but wonder, though, how long did it take for them to erase me? For everyone to forget? I fought so damn hard to prove that I was right, that the reapers were real, that they're still coming. I guess it was easier to pretend it didn't exist.
That I didn't exist.
Well, I'm back, and human colonies are disappearing. No one wants to do a damn thing about it...except Cerberus. So yeah, I'm working WITH them. I'm not loyal to them, despite what they did for me, I promise you that. If I could leave right now and return to the Alliance...return to you...I would in a heartbeat.
Everyone's forgotten ME, but I haven't forgotten them.\
The blurry Shepard paused, hand hovering in front of her as if to end the recording. Seconds passed before she sighed and leaned back.
/They say it takes less than five minutes to suffocate when your air tank ruptures. That's what I was taught in basic, but it sure felt like a hell of alot longer. I lived my entire life over again...and then again.
I saw my mother, the day after my dad died. She tried so hard not to let me see her crying. She hid in the kitchen after the funeral - when everyone came by to give condolences - she just couldn't face the reality. I think that was the only time I've ever seen her break.
We've never talked about that day since. Actually, we haven't talked about much of anything.
I wonder who told her about my death. I hope it was Anderson. I just haven't been able to bring myself to call her since I've been back.
I saw Ashley standing at her workbench, laughing with Garrus and Tali. She really took to them, despite her history. I think that's one of the things I'm most proud of. We took down walls. We PROVED that humans could could work with other species, that we could improve the greater good. That was a good moment to relive.
I heard her voice, on Virmire, scared and brave at the same time. "It's ok, commander, we both know it's the right choice. Get the hell off this planet and find that turian. Just promise me you'll nail that son of a bitch to hell and back for me!"
God, I miss her. We didn't know it then, but we needed her. She lightened the whole crew, even when things were the most stressful.
Of course, I saw you. Always by my side - facing the council, the rachni queen, Benezia, Saren, the list goes on - and through it all I depended on you. I didn't even realize how much until you were gone.
That evening before Ilos, that memory, more than the rest, got me through. Replaying that night over and over until the end, that's the only thing that kept me sane….
...keeps me sane.
Kaidan, I...I don't…
Stay safe for me, Kaidan.\