Chapter 10: Revelation

The next few days passed in a whirlwind. Rey imagined that, to the people around them, her relationship with Ben seemed the same as it had ever been. They still sniped at each other during meals and goaded each other during practice, made stupid jokes and ugly faces as they always had. They didn't hold hands or exchange moon eyes like Finn and Poe or Connix and Jess. There were no stolen kisses or sweet words. And nobody ever saw Rey slip into Ben's room after evening meditations. It was simpler this way.

She hadn't expected how tentative he had been when she had first started visiting his bunk. His eyes had been so wide the first time she had taken off her clothes, his hands cautious on her body, as if Ben thought she would disappear in a blink or break under his fingers. She hadn't expected how powerful this made her feel, the potency of his quiet determination to please her. So she guided him to her favorite places, urged him on, showed him exactly how she wanted his touch. By the end of that first day, his mouth had already found the sweet juncture where her neck met her shoulder and the spot behind her ear that made her squirm. By the next evening, he had discovered the angle of his fingers that made her cry out and, a day later, the swirl of his tongue that had her begging for more. She hadn't expected how quickly he could make her come or anticipated the reverence that flitted across his features when it happened.

Rey didn't think about Kylo in those moments, not while she was with Ben. But afterward, when she had returned to her own room for the night, her dead lover returned to haunt her. She still only ever dreamed about Kylo Ren, when she dreamt at all. In her slumber, they were always alone, always surrounded by the whitest of lights, always reenacting some scene from those last precious weeks. And when Rey inevitably woke up, alone in her bed, she still ached for him. It had been so long since she had felt his callused hands, tasted the sorrow of his scars, smelled the snow and pine and steel of him.

Kylo Ren had taught her everything she had known about pleasure, his and hers. With Ben, it was like starting all over again. Without a Force bond magnifying every caress and desire, she had only her own feelings to focus on, only her own nerves tingling. She had to watch Ben's face closely, feel the tremor of his body, hear the catch in his breath to read what he was feeling. And he had studied her in return, with such wonderment that she often couldn't meet his gaze. He seemed to be cataloging every whimper and clench, learning by touch all the ways he could make her want him.

In that empty space where Kylo had been, there was now something else that prickled. Rey didn't know what the sensation was, but it wasn't exactly the sharp pain of the first months after Carrivar, not anymore. Guilt gnawed at her when she thought about it, a double-edged sword that prevented her from seeking out more of Kylo's memories or entertaining the thought of anything more than lust and friendship with Ben. So Rey stayed in a no man's land that reminded her of Jakku—a place of raw survival, of never enough, of can't leave. She would make do, as she always had.

Life on the base went on, oblivious to both her trysts with Ben and the inner turmoil that followed. The mess hall was always crowded these days, with so many faces she didn't recognize. The squadrons were eating their meals in shifts and Rey marveled as the tables filled and emptied, like the tides of Ahch-to. The Resistance had grown so much from the close-knit team she had first met on D'Qar almost a year and a half ago. They had a real shot against the First Order now. And the plans for ending this war were well underway. Nobody outside of the top officers knew all the details, although Rey certainly had an idea of the scope from her time in the command center working with Admiral Ackbar. However, even Poe could not say when the exact date of the strike would be.

When Ben and Rey walked into an empty mess on the one hundred and first morning since Carrivar, they both understood immediately that the battle had begun.

"Nobody ever tells us anything," Ben grumbled as they were turned away from a very full command center by Threepio, who had only assured them that everything was going according to plan. Somewhere behind the golden droid, General Organa's voice could be heard barking orders. Their comrades had been gone for more than a day already. Ben and Rey walked silently back to the mess hall for dinner, minds occupied by Jess and Poe and Finn and all the other members of their Resistance family who were somewhere in the dark reaches of the Unknown Regions. Rey thought about all those faraway planets she had harvested from Kylo Ren's memories. She wished, not for the first time, that Luke hadn't insisted on their staying behind.

"It's so quiet without them," Rey said, just as they reached the end of the hallway. It was hard to hide the emotion from her voice. Ben put a hand on her back, and she almost startled at it. Nobody was around, but she still felt like they had to hide from prying eyes.

He glanced at her strangely before his lips curved into a lopsided smile. "Bet I could change that." In a second, they were pressed against the wall, her chest pressed against his, his mouth hot and wet against her neck. She relished the feel of it for a few moments before pushing him away.

"A little control, Solo. Or you'll be paying for it later."

His eyebrow quirked and she almost shivered at the dark look in his eyes. "Promise?"

Rey put on a mask of exasperation, batting away the hand still on her cheek. If she didn't stop this flirtation, they might go too far. "You wish, laserbrains. Come on, I smell shaak pot roast." She strode into the mess hall and Ben followed after a beat, grousing about how unfortunate it was that his mother was rubbing off on her. They spent dinner talking about nothing and everything, their conversation bouncing from the podrace on Theron that they'd watched on the holo the night before to the dirtiest words they knew in Shyriiwook. Rey was imitating an old Wookiee bounty hunter she had once encountered on Jakku when she saw Ben's shoulders sag, his mind clearly wandering elsewhere. He was likely worrying about Chewbacca, who was piloting the Falcon with Red Squadron. Her brain scrambled to find some way to distract him.

"Want to come over after meditation?" The words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them. Ben's eyes shot up to hers and his mouth dropped open. She blushed under the heat of his gaze, even as desire flared in her belly. He stood and grabbed their trays in such a hurry that Rey nearly laughed out loud. "Oi, I wasn't finished with dessert!"

They had both been so distracted during meditation that Luke let them go early, shaking his head at his students as they tried not to look at one another. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were younglings. You two had better show me some more serious focus tomorrow morning. The Knights of Ren won't be nearly as forgiving." But Rey thought she saw a hint of amusement in their Master's blue eyes as he dismissed them. They tried to keep their steps steady as they headed to the barracks, but the air was practically crackling with anticipation. This was the night, and they both knew it.

She was surprised when he entered her room slowly, without even looking at her. Ben took in her neatly made bed, the old Rebellion-era posters on her walls, her half-empty closet. He ambled over to the shelves under her little window, which sagged under the weight of all her flowering cacti.

"Poe give you this?" He gestured to the kibo blossom that held a place of honor in the center of the top shelf. Rey smiled.

"Finn had him bring it from Yavin, I think. It was a welcome home gift." She hung her bag from the doorknob and unclipped her lightsaber from her belt, setting it in the empty space at the end of the shelf, closest to her bed. Ben followed her lead, placing his grandfather's saber next to it. Their bodies were close now. She took his wrist gently and pulled him toward her.

His hands were on her waist as he kissed her slowly. She opened her mouth against his lips, tongue seeking his as she sank onto her mattress, tugging him to join her. Every cell in her body wanted to rip his clothes off and sink onto his lap, but she let the need build within her as she divested them both of their garments unhurriedly. He broke their kiss to look down at her body, his breath hitching as it had the nights before, as if every time had been the first. She took advantage of his distraction to admire the smooth planes of his chest, the taut muscles of his arms and shoulders, the hard ridges of his abdomen. Before she could properly appreciate anything lower, his mouth was latched onto her collarbone, rough hands palming her breasts and teasing her nipples into peaks. She started to touch him in return, but he pinned her arms at her sides before she could go very far.

"Not yet," he breathed against her skin. He kissed his way down her stomach until he was hovering above the juncture of her trembling legs. He parted them with his knees, and she shuddered at the sight of his hard cock so close to where she wanted it.

But he moved back instead, until he was crouched between her thighs, suckling at the skin on either side until she was quivering. Ben threw one of her legs over his shoulder, then the other, and brought his mouth down to where she really wanted him. Her hips nearly flew off the bed at the touch of his lips on her clit, but his forearm held her steady as his tongue began delving into her. She was almost embarrassed by how wet she was as one of his long fingers slipped inside of her easily, curling up to brush the spot that made her clench around him. He added another finger, pumping into her faster now, still flicking her clit with his tongue, building her higher and higher.

Finally, his other thumb reached down through her curls to circle to replace his mouth on that sensitive bundle of nerves as he turned his head and sank his teeth into the flesh of her inner thigh. The pleasure-pain of it made her come so hard that she didn't realize the guttural moans and heavy breathing that filled the room came from her own mouth until Ben reemerged to kiss her sloppily, plunging the room back into relative silence as she floated down from her climax. His chin was damp with her arousal and the heady taste of herself on his tongue made her hum anew with desire. Rey reached down to stroke him, pleased to find his cock still hard and ready for her, rubbing the smooth head of it against her slick folds.

Ben lifted himself off of her suddenly, stilling her hand. Rey lost her patience. "Don't ask me anything stupid. I want this, Ben. Give me what I want." She would kill him if he made her beg.

"Fuck it." He sank into her slowly, and she was pleased to see his arms shaking with the strain of controlling himself. "Oh, Force, you're so tight."

She drew in a breath sharply as he buried himself to the hilt inside of her. Tears almost sprang to her eyes. He felt so fucking good. She angled her hips and Ben nearly collapsed on top of her. He rolled them over a little too smoothly.

"Did you just use the Force during sex?" She chuffed out a laugh, but then he was fucking up into her and she couldn't recall what was so funny. It took Rey a moment, but she eventually remembered that she could move, too, and she started riding him faster. She let her hands trail over his torso, let the tips of her nails drag over his smooth, sun-tanned skin. His face was beautiful like this, concentrating so hard on not losing control, that lush black hair splayed against her white pillow. Rey wanted to see him break for her. He caught the wickedness in her eyes and let out a groan.

"I'm not going to last," he managed to say. She just rode him harder, bent on seeing him fall apart. Her own pleasure was nearly forgotten but then Ben grabbed her hips so tightly that she nearly yelped. The pace that he set seemed inhuman; they were crashing together so brutally that she could barely engage her own muscles at all, it was all him. She felt herself getting closer to peaking again, but then it was all over. Rey saw his eyes fly shut, heard him cry out, felt the warmth inside of her. The throbbing of his spent cock as he held her still made her wish they'd had more time.

"You didn't come." His gaze was back on hers, glassy but alert. She shrugged and started to pull away. "Oh no, you don't." He was starting to soften inside of her, but he kept her there all the same, clever fingers toying with her until she was cursing and clawing at him, rocking her hips against his, and, oh, she was coming. He was hard again inside of her, and before she could wonder how that happened, he had her on her back once more, fucking her through the orgasm and into something else entirely. Rey was boneless, sobbing, begging like she swore she wouldn't, but it didn't matter, nothing mattered, just him and her and the endless ecstasy they were wringing from each other.

It did end, at some point, but she was too sated and drowsy to feel anything close to regret. Rey reached out for a towel with the Force and Ben cleaned them both up. She curled into his side and let him wrap his arms around her. They had already discussed contraception the night before, but he ran a thumb over the implant just below her left bicep all the same. Rey would have to make him leave, soon. It wouldn't be a good idea to have him stay the night. But for now, she snuggled into him, inhaling his warm, spicy scent. She would just shut her eyes for a moment.

Rey blinked at the white void around her. A hand was splayed across her stomach and she smiled, wiggling her ass against the man she knew would be behind her. He growled into her ear at that, and she let herself moan his name.

Suddenly it was cold. She reached behind her, but there was nothing there. The dreams didn't usually end so abruptly. Rey forced herself awake.

The sun was in her eyes. It was morning. There was rustling, the sound of fabric. She sat up, still sleepy. And then her heart stopped.

He was half-dressed, facing away from her, pulling on his boots in haste. She knew immediately what had happened.

"Ben—"

"Don't. Don't talk." He threw a bundle of clothes at her and she dressed herself in record time. Rey couldn't be naked for this, not when she already felt so exposed. Ben wouldn't look at her, but she could see how ashen he was, the quake of his hands as he buckled his belt. His eyes flitted from place to place without landing on her, and she knew he was trying to decide what to do next.

"Ben, please—" Her feet dragged on the ground helplessly as Ben pulled her frozen body toward him. His face was inches from hers, looking more murderous than he ever had, even as Kylo Ren.

"Don't fucking talk to me, you liar." Rey struggled futilely as his hands held her shoulders in a bruising grip that only added to the Force hold he was using. She closed her eyes and let the power gather within her. Ben went flying into her door. He struggled to get on his feet, but she quickly turned the tables, wrapping the Force around him so that he was immobilized half-kneeling before her.

"Please calm down. I can explain." But her mind was racing, heart in her throat. What could she possibly tell him?

"No. More lies," Ben ground out. And then he was in her mind, rifling through her memories for a glimpse of Kylo Ren. Their first encounter on Takodana flashed in front of her, then the final shuttle ride to Carrivar, the interrogation room on Starkiller, that modulated voice, his gloved hands reaching up to take off his mask—

"Stop it!" Rey threw Ben out just as she had done countless times to Kylo when they practiced on Dagobah, but it cost her the hold she'd had on him. Ben jerked toward her and she lashed out on instinct, backhanding him across the face.

He stumbled backward, palm on his cheek. "Who the fuck are you?" The shriek of an alarm cut through the air and they both winced at the feedback emitted from the sound system.

"First Order starfighters have been sighted. Man battle stations. Civilians and all nonessential personnel prepare for evacuation."

Ben threw her a look of disbelief and utter disgust. "You did this. You brought them to us." And then he was out the door, running in the direction of the hangar.

She stood still for a minute, dazed. It had taken one hundred and three days, but now the falsehoods were finally catching up to her.

Rey shook herself, as though that movement alone could stem the crushing tide of self-pity that threatened to consume her. She would fix this, later. But now, it was time to fight.

A/N: Thank you all for your patience as I've been finishing grad school! Will the smut and slightly-longer-than-usual chapter help you forgive me? Probably not, but I'm giving it to you anyway! As always, thank you so much for your feedback and support! It's been a light at the end of the tunnel as I've slogged my way toward a master's degree. More regular (approx. weekly) updates from here. And my next fic is already all planned out. Can't wait to show it to y'all!