PREVIOUSLY on Going, Gone, Gone:

John pressing against his windpipe, his hands bruising and unforgiving after letting a chupacabra get away.

"No wonder Dean left us. Who would love you?"

An abomination

Not a son, but rather an animal

Branded

Un-loved

He had nothing and was nothing.

Alone.

Chapter 11

The first thing Dean did was stand up. Then, without even thinking about it, he ran to the bathroom and threw up the contents in his stomach. Even when it was purged of everything, he continued to gag and spit up the bitter stomach acid that traveled up his throat. His world had just been turned upside down, sideways, split apart, and stapled back together within minutes. His father? His little brother? He didn't imagine any of that happening and couldn't even think for a moment that his father, his god damn hero, would beat his little brother to pieces verbally and physically. He couldn't comprehend that the father that had loved him would think so lowly of his little Sam. Sam was the most beautiful and most perfect son a father could ask for. Dean would know as he practically raised him.

Sam sat still on the uncomfortable hospital bed. The shaking in his hands only intensified as he heard his brother hurl and gag into the white throne. This was it, this was the moment that Sam wanted to avoid his entire life. He was going to be left alone again. His brother was going to leave him again. Now that the truth was out and his brother finally understood what had happened in his not too distant past, it was going to be the end of their relationship. Any hunter could tell you that their nightmares were of the beasts they hunted, but for Sam Winchester? It was being totally and completely alone. He knew Dean would hide himself better than before, making it years before his young sibling could even find his trace, but Sam knew he wouldn't bother his brother like that. No, he couldn't be alone like that.

So, Sam prepared himself as any solider would when walking into a battle. He took deep gulps of air and calmed his shaking hands the best he could. They still had tremors seizing them, but they were less earth shattering than before. Dean had stopped making any type of noise minutes ago and Sam couldn't take the silence any longer. "Dean?"

"I'm here, Sam," Sam. Not Sammy. "Just… just give me a few minutes, yeah?"

Sam nodded to his bathroomed brother and closed his eyes, the never ending tears streaking his face. They traced his sharp cheekbones, the ones that were too bony, and ran down his swallowing throat and seeped into the gown he wore. The blue and white designs darkened with abused tears and the owner of the waterworks never brushed them away. Sam was so lost, so within this dark and hollow world of despair that he didn't hear his brother come back into the room.

Dean looked upon his brother, his abused brother, and could feel the waves coming off of him. He knew his sibling didn't just tell him the few stories of his dad, but relived them in his mind as he did. Dean had no idea his father could turn like that, just because he had left them, but he was filled and topped with an unintelligible amount of guilt. If I had just stayed, he about cried. But this wasn't about him, he knew that. Right now, this was about Sam. So, he rolled the guilt off his shoulders and into the recess of his mind, crossing the hospital room with 5 and a quarter strides. Sam was crying and Dean hated when his brother cried.

"It's ok, Sammy," he hushed, soft fingers erasing the tears that Sam should not cry. "It's ok. I'm here." Was this the reason why Sam wanted Dean to stay gone? Did he hate his brother, not just for leaving, but for his father turning against him and using him like an animal?

Sam didn't make any moves, allowing his brother to contort him into his position. Dean had climbed on the bed and very gently slid his brother forward, taking his position behind him and cradled him against his strong shoulders that would harbor the weight of Sam's world if he could. "I'm so sorry," Dean cooed and held the shaking man tight. "I'm so sorry."

The giant brother shook his head and continued to sob quietly into Dean. It wasn't Deans fault his father hated him, used him, abused him. Sam had thought that he had grown strong out of it, becoming a better hunter and killer because of the hits his soul and body took. "N-no Dean. Not your fault," he barely made it past his lips, but he had to make sure it was not Deans fault. Sure, maybe Dean's leaving catapulted John into actions, but years beforehand he was delivering verbal and a distanced physical abuse to his youngest son. Who was always bait? Sam. No matter how many times Dean begged. Whose fault was it when a hunt went wrong (even when it wasn't)? Who got the tongue lashings? Sam. And never, ever, was it Dean Winchesters fault. "Not you, Dean. Not your fault."

Being a broken man with a broken soul did things to Sam. He shoved emotions to the back, both hardening and loosening his morals all in the name of saving people. When he did that, Sam didn't realize he pushed himself back, who he really was and he didn't need anyone to remind him of that. And that's when, while laying in the arms of his personal angel, Sam realized why he pushed his brother so far away. It wasn't Dean who truly hurt him. His brother left, yes, but was that a sin? He had the opportunity to make a healthier and happier life and Sam would be damned to not let his brother take that. And ya, it took a long time to get over and it was the catalyst to every damn beating, but it was not Dean who broke him. John did the breaking and snapping of bones and of his soul. And it was now, finally, that Sam finally saw his mistakes in pushing Dean away.

"No, I'm sorry," the words were garbled and quiet with tears, but Dean still heard.

"Why are you sorry, kiddo," he nuzzled the top of Sam's mop with his nose taking in his natural scent, his own tears staining the dark hair beneath him.

"I," Sam paused, taking in the moment. It was heavy and filled with an intense nature, but it was also somewhat peaceful. "I pushed you away. I shouldn't have. I should've… stayed or something, Dean. I just left and that wasn't right. And you've taken such good c-care of me. And… and I need my big brother." The room was quiet, only silent tears disturbing it as the two brothers held each other.

"You've got me, Sammy. I'm never going to leave you again, alright kiddo? I promise you," he titled Sam's head back and connected eyes. It was a personal experience to gaze upon a broken mans soul and Dean felt nothing but honored to catch a glimpse of how broken his brother was. It was a starting place for him, so he could help put his Sam back together. "I'm going to help you."

"You do so much," Sam whispered back. "How?"

"Because I love you, Sammy."

And Sam burned in the best of ways because he finally believed Dean. He knew his brother truly and really loved him. He smiled, dimples and tears and all, not hiding anything. "I love you, too, Dean."

The brothers were wrapped in each other, simply enjoying each others comfort, when they noticed a man standing in the doorway, a man that the two hadn't seen in a long time. His dark brown hair and scrapped knuckles were familiar, the destroyed jeans and stained flannel comfortable. His dark eyes connected with the two cuddled on the too small bed, tears watering his eyes as he stepped forward, tipping his old ball cap.

"About time you two idgits made up. Thought I was gonna die before I saw you two sweethearts back together."

Guys, I have to apologize. I have been so slow in these updates, but writing is getting harder and harder as my schedule piles up. I finally committed to running a marathon and I'm picking up another 4 hour credit course on top of already having 15 credit hours. BUT fortunately, I have written the next three chapters. I will be spacing them out so I have time to write the story before making y'all wait another crazy amount of time. So expect updates! Thank you EVERYONE for reviewing. I absolutely love it when you all have feedback for me and it really helps me write more and more. While this is one of the shorter chapters in this story, the rest are actually decently long and have a lot more content. Hope you enjoy. xoxo K.