Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"All things truly wicked start from innocence." ~Ernest Hemingway
A/N: Hello lovers. ;-) Sorry I'm late.
Sakura was shocked to say the least. She was sure she'd failed at persuading Deidara to take the scan, but perhaps her methods of persuasion had been more effective than she'd initially thought.
"He wants me there?" She echoed her sensei's words bemusedly.
"A meeting, Sakura. Half an hour ago." He reminded her, before poofing off again without so much as a wave goodbye.
"Shit," she cursed. She really didn't like it when her shishou got mad. "I'm sorry Naruto, we'll have to do this another time."
"It's alright, I understand." He looked a little concerned for her, having experienced much of Tsunade's wrath in the past.
She sprinted the whole two miles from the training grounds to the tower, surprising a few civilians along the way. She dashed up the long flight of winding stairs, before bursting into the office out of breath and apologetic with her hair windswept and messy.
"I'm so sorry I'm-"
"Sakura? You're early!" Exclaimed Tsunade. "It looks like Kakashi's becoming unreliable at being unreliable. I told him the wrong time on purpose."
"Ah," Sakura panted, rubbing her stitch. "It was worth a try I suppose."
"That aside, there are some things I want to talk to you about, mostly concerning that Akatsuki you dragged in."
"Ex-Akatsuki." Sakura said, not keen to let her shishou forget all that Deidara was offering to Konoha.
"Yes, him." Tsunade looked at Sakura over her interlocking fingers, a calculating look in her eyes. "I know you went to visit him early this morning, so don't bother trying to deny it. I don't care. The real problem is, how on earth did you get him to agree to a mind-scan? He seems to know exactly what it entails, yet he's still wiling to consent. What did you do?"
"I just talked to him shishou." Sakura kept her face very still, knowing that any slip or blush could make her shishou even more suspicious.
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"A mind-scan is a hell of a lot to go through just for citizenship. Why doesn't he try a less vigilant village, or a civilian town? Why does he have his heart set on Konoha?"
Although Sakura didn't know Deidara's motives, or what her was thinking, she could hazard a good guess.
"I think... I think that freedom is the most important thing to him." Sakura frowned, trying to put her thoughts into words. "He's not the type of person who could become a civilian, or be tied down to a shinobi village that he didn't like. You know, shishou, that Konoha is a place where you're always given a choice. You never force your people to do anything, relying on their 'will of fire' to guide their decisions." Sakura paused, wondering how much of Deidara's past she was comfortable with revealing.
"He can't go back to his old village, but not for the reasons you think. He never betrayed them. It was the other way round." She smiled sadly. "Unusual isn't it?"
Tsunade looked taken aback, and not jut at what Sakura had told her. The way Sakura's face had looked as she described the young man had reminded her unmistakably of herself, many years ago.
"Are you romantically involved with him? Be honest." Her voice was stern, but not condemning.
"R-romantically what?" Sakura stumbled, "shishou, he's an S-class criminal, an Akatsuki for crying out loud!"
"Ex-Akatsuki." Tsunade corrected wryly.
"Isn't that enough?"
"You haven't answered my question." She leaned forward, fixing Sakura with her piercing gaze.
"..."
"Sakura. This is serious."
"To be completely honest, shishou, I don't know what's going on."
"I see." Tsunade stood up, walking away from her desk, and sat down on the chair next to it. "Let me ask you something Sakura. How many couples do you see around Konoha recently? I don't mean people having flings, I mean real lovers."
"Not a lot I suppose. Why?"
"No particular reason. How about ninja couples? How many of them do you see?"
Sakura though for a moment, going through all her friends and acquaintances one by one. First was Naruto, unaware of Hinata's infatuation with him, very single. Kakashi-sensei, perpetually single and would probably remain that way until he found somebody very tolerant and durable. There was Sasuke, but she had no idea how his love life was. The only people she could think of who considered 'together' were Anko and Iruka.
"Even less." She replied. It seemed loneliness must be a trend among ninjas.
"Don't you think it's sad?" Tsunade looked at her questioningly, no guile in her eyes.
"I suppose so shishou, but where's this leading?"
"Wouldn't you be happy if someone you cared deeply about found someone who cared for them and would protect them?"
"Of course shishou but-"
"Right then." Tsunade walked back over to the Hokage's desk sitting back down. She looked at Sakura sternly. "I expect to hear nothing of any subordination involving the ex-Akatsuki prisoner. You understand Sakura? I don't want to hear about it."
"Yes, shishou." Sakura did not have a clue what was going on. Her shishou was underhandedly suggesting that she got together with Deidara? The world had gone mad.
"Now on to more serious matters. I believe you have volunteered to be the supervising medic for the mind-scan?"
Sakura sighed. Either Deidara or Tsunade had volunteered her for it, but she could think of no reason why she couldn't. She supposed it was in Deidara's interest; another supervisor may neglect their duties just because of who he was, or had been.
"Yes, shishou, that's correct."
"Glad to hear it. You know what's expected of you."
"I do."
"Then you'll be needed at four o' clock tomorrow in the large interrogation room-don't make that face Sakura. It's the only room with the equipment ready at such short notice."
"I'll be there."
Sakura had gone home and changed into her medic's uniform. It was very similar to her chuunin outfit; a sleeveless zip up and a skirt with slits up each side, only this one was white with no shorts underneath. Sakura felt that the dress-code was still fairly sexist, and disliked wearing the clingy traditional uniform.
The hospital had seemed loud and busy after her week spent with only Deidara and the forest. She kept on jumping whenever anyone called her name, which was frequently.
The patients came thick and fast, all with their own problems, begging her with their pain-filled eyes to help them. Most of the time, she could.
She'd just finished healing the broken arm of a young civilian boy, when she noticed she'd been staring into space for over a minute. She looked down at the little boy, who had confusion plastered all over his young face. She instantly felt guilty for zoning out on him.
"Now what did I tell you to do? Do you remember?" She asked the boy, mock sternness on her face.
"Don't try to keep up with the boys from the ninja academy." He lisped his words slightly.
"Well done," she smiled at him, "you'll be better in no time. Now go and see your mother, she was worried about you."
With that, the boy ran off in the direction of the waiting room, were she saw someone pick him up and lovingly scold him. There was a painful twinge in her heart as she remembered similar interactions with her own mother.
"Jeez Sakura," came a vaguely annoyed yet feminine voice. "You're really out of it. Tough mission?"
Ino was leaning casually against the door frame, arms crossed and grinning.
"How long have you been stood there Ino?"
"About five minutes give or take. I'd probably give."
"I bet you would."
"Hey! Is that meant to be a dig at my generous and loving nature?" Ino grinned, mock offense in her voice.
"Never." Sakura grinned back. "I get off in twenty minutes, are you free?"
"For you, always."
Ino accompanied Sakura home, claiming that they were both in need of some girl time. Ino insisted on stopping at the store to pick up a large bottle of sake, despite Sakura's objections.
"If you're old enough to kill, you're old enough to drink." She quipped, despite it being only four in the afternoon.
Once inside Sakura's small apartment, the pair began to drink, and spill their secrets. Ino told her of her recent romance with a strapping young anbu agent, her eyes lighting up with a happy glow when she spoke his name.
It had been a long time since Sakura had done anything just because she felt like it, but she found herself talking about the mission, despite the strict classification. Under the line-blurring influence of alcohol, she told her friend more than she perhaps should, mentioning no names. She told Ino of the man she'd kissed by the river, the man who'd saved her life. The man she couldn't stop thinking about. With slurred words, she informed her friend of his status as missing-nin and enemy to Konoha.
"Sakura." Ino was serious, all traces of previous lightheartedness had vanished in a second. "I know it must be exciting to have a forbidden sort of thing going on, but really forehead... If he's as dangerous as you say, you're in trouble."
"I'm in very big trouble, pig."
Ino had left at around eleven, letting Sakura get some rest in preparation for the big day ahead of her. Sakura had been given permission to take the morning off to 'steel herself' for the afternoon, but she didn't want to sit at home worrying. She'd much rather be doing something productive to distract her from the events to come.
Once she'd eaten a balanced breakfast and gotten dressed, the day passed very quickly. Her countless patients blurred into one another, a different face, another wound. She did her best to help them all, but her thoughts kept on drifting back to the sky and the outdoors. She felt cramped and unnerved. Had the hospital always been so small? The roof so low?
She felt apprehensive about the afternoon, about what they'd find in Deidara's mind. If he'd been telling the truth then there shouldn't be any possibility that they'd execute him. It was also unlikely that they'd keep him imprisoned since he would have been proven to be trustworthy. However, if he was found to be lying, or to have any ulterior motives, then he would surely be killed. She tried to reassure herself that this couldn't be the case; he wouldn't let them scan his mind unless he was confident he'd pass, would he?
Attempting to put it out of her mind, she excused herself and stood outside. The day was cloudy, causing moist precipitation to form sparkling droplets in her hair. She breathed in the cold damp air with relief, feeling better with no whitewashed roof hanging over her head.
"Nervous?" Asked a familiar, lazy voice.
"Kaka-sensei!" It was rare for her elusive mentor to stop by just to talk. "Is something wrong?"
"Not particularly." He gave her his one-eyed smile. "I just came by to see how my most reliable student is doing." He leapt down lightly from his seat on the wall. "I thought I'd remind you that you're a good medic. Have a pastry."
He offered her a paper bag, which she accepted with bewilderment and looked inside. It was an apple turnover.
"Thank you sensei."
"I can't stop, I'm late for something. Probably a meeting," he told her with a wave, before strolling off leisurely towards the Hokage's tower, hands deep in his pockets.
"That man..." Sakura smiled and shook her head.
The descent to the underground interrogation chambers was never a pleasant one, made worse today by the overpowering anxiousness in the back of Sakura's mind. Every step took her deeper into Konoha's tunnels, darkness pooling in every stale, airless corner of the passage, despite the weakly flickering electric lights above her. She tried not to think of the ghost stories she'd exchanged with Naruto over campfires, tried not to think of the men she'd killed creeping up behind her to exact vengeance.
The further down the grey stone steps she went, the colder the air became, her breath turning to fog, the icy chill lingering in her lungs. The soft tapping of her feet upon the stone gave her something besides her fears upon which to concentrate, and she counted them, grateful for the small distraction of abstract numbers.
She was very glad when she finally saw a door with two guards standing outside. They parted for her without hesitation.
Deidara was already sitting in the uncomfortable looking metal chair when she arrived. He strained his head around to look at her, and from the difficulty he seemed to be having she assumed he had been restrained, neck-brace and all.
"You're early, yeah," he looked relieved that she was there, his usually expressive smile bland and forced. "You must have missed me."
Sakura didn't reply, sitting down on the chair next to him and trying to ignore the obscene array of torture implements decorating the peeling walls.
"Would you like to share my apple turnover?" She showed him the small paper bag.
"..."
"It looks really tasty."
"Alright," he consented, eyeing the pastry suspiciously.
She broke off half, and began to had it to him, when she remembered his restraints. Looking down, she saw abraded skin and bloodied leather.
"They're not being very gentle with you are they?" She asked softly.
"I've had much, much worse, yeah." His smile was a little bitter.
"You'll have to tell me about that someday." She held the pastry up to his lips. He glared at it before opening his mouth and taking it from her, his teeth brushing her finger ever so slightly before he closed his mouth around the pastry. He met her gaze, and smirked. As she stood back and finished up her share, she noticed his gaze traveling over her body intently. She flushed pink.
"That outfit... Are you supposed to be wearing something so... Tempting?" He asked, his voice low.
"This?" Sakura looked down at her medic's uniform, tugging down the short skirt self-consciously. "This is the standard uniform for medics at the hospital. Everybody wears..." She trailed off, her gaze drifting over Deidara's uncovered torso. "You hypocrite. You're not even wearing a shirt!"
"Don't act like you're not staring, you like what you see don't you, hm?"
He grinned at her, his usual self back in an instant. How could he look so dangerous, so provocative, when he couldn't move sufficiently to even feed himself? It was plain unfair.
He let his head fall back onto the chair with a thump, tugging at his restraints. A deep frustrated groan escaped him. "I just had to be tied up when you're wearing something like that, yeah. You don't feel like untying me by any chance do you, kitten?"
She was saved from answering by approaching footsteps. Startled, she stumbled out of her chair to stand awkwardly at the other side of the room, not wanting to be caught doing whatever they were doing.
"Smooth, yeah." Came Deidara's amused voice as some silver instruments clattered to the floor as a result of her haste.
The heavy door creaked open noisily and Inoichi and another Yamanaka stepped through.
"Inoichi-san." Sakura gave a bow. Inwardly she was relieved to see Inoichi would be the one to perform the scan. He was the most skilled within the Yamanaka clan, which meant less chance of something going wrong.
"Oh good, you're early Sakura," remarked Inoichi with a friendly smile, "we can get started right away."
Inoichi began to set up the room, moving the trays of dubious looking sharp objects out of the way while Sakura remembered why she was there, and unpacked various things from her large medical kit.
"I have a sedative I recommend that you take." She waved a small vial of liquid at him, which he regarded warily. "It'll make the whole process easier for all of us, especially you. You probably won't even remember it."
"I don't want it. I'd rather know what's going on, yeah." He was starting to look a little worried, tugging unconsciously at his restraints.
"Let me know if you change your mind." She put the bottle down, and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, before leaning in close so the others wouldn't hear. "You're very lucky. Inoichi's a kind man and will do his best not to give you a headache."
"That's something I suppose..." He still seemed distressed, looking around the unpleasant room with wide eyes, not unlike a lost child.
"Deidara," she called softly. "You're going to be fine. This is just one moment in your life, it will pass."
He nodded, his eyes still a little wider than normal, but his breathing calm and steady.
Inoichi seemed to have finished preparing the room.
"Alright, we're nearly ready, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to strap your entire body down for your own safety; the procedure can sometimes trigger seizures."
Deidara made no comment as his legs, torso and head were all strapped securely to the chair, but his eyes sought out hers, possibly for comfort. Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly and ignoring the looks the Yamanakas gave her.
"You'll be fine." She repeated, before taking a small step away from the chair, remaining close.
Inoichi was positioned behind Deidara, with his hands touching the young artist's temples.
"Are you ready?" He asked.
"Mmph." Deidara attempted to nod through his bindings.
With Deidara's confirmation, Inoichi pushed his silver chakra into the mind before him, closing his eyes and frowning in concentration. There was a sharp intake of breath as Inoichi seemed to encounter a problem. His face became very tense, and he began to grip Deidara's head more firmly.
Sakura could only watch helplessly as Deidara's eyes rolled back in his head and a low guttural scream escaped him, making her wince with concern. The chair began to shake as Deidara's violent movements jarred it forcefully in spite of the restraints.
She hadn't expected this.
"I thought this was supposed to be a consensual scan," muttered the Yamanaka beside her. "It looks like your prisoner isn't letting Inoichi in. This will make things more difficult, since we were ordered not to stop."
"Is he going he be okay?" Sakura asked, alarmed.
"Maybe, maybe not," the blond man shrugged indifferently. "If this has to increase to interrogation-level probing, then he could suffer brain damage. Does it really matter though, as long we get the info? He's Akatsuki."
"Ex-Akatsuki." Sakura ground out angrily, before rushing to crouch clumsily by Deidara's side, despite Tsunade's warnings to stand back during the scan. She turned to the Yamanaka angrily, "he's a good man, and he saved my life."
With that, she looked back to Deidara, knowing that she had to do something or risk losing him; his vibrant and unpredictable personality, his carefully nurtured and hard-earned skills, his oddly endearing idiosyncrasies.
"Come on Deidara, you've got to calm down." She whispered into his ear, praying for him to hear her. He was shaking, pressing himself into the metal chair, his face filled with torment. The veins on his forehead were raised, pulsing rapidly. "Think about the time we met; how you called me cute and it made me blush. Think about your explosions, how beautiful they are. Don't you want to make some more after this?"
His eyes opened, unfocussed and slitted with anguish. It looked like he was trying to talk, but was unable to form words through the restraints. Another agonised scream ripped through him, and the whites of his eyes turned red as blood escaped them, rivulets trickling down his cheeks to stain his hair.
"Sa... Saku-" he choked, unable to focus on her through the stinging crimson blurring his eyes.
Unable to hold herself back any longer, she grabbed his trembling hand with both of her own. She heard a vague shout of warning from the Yamanaka, but ignored it.
"Deidara please, you just need to relax."
Suddenly, without warning, she felt a tug of chakra, and she felt herself being irresistibly pulled into his consciousness through her hands.
She could feel him, frightened and angry, rebelling violently against the invading presence, but not at her. She let him feel her chakra, releasing a little into his system. She could tell that he noticed; he stopped fighting quite so hard, but he was still in pain.
She couldn't speak, but she knew he understood what she was trying to say.
Just let go. It'll be over soon.
She felt her words reach him, and slowly, carefully, he began to quiet, letting the invading pressure into his memories. She could feel his past rushing over them both, and she saw snippets of dark secrets.
She saw the murder of his pregnant mother through a crack of a cupboard, her violent, quiet rape on the living room floor. He was only two at the time.
She saw Mei's face and her outstretched hand as he was forced to leave her, and felt his guilt.
She saw his defeat at the hands of Itachi, the frustration of having his freedom taken from him again by Akatsuki. Echoes of strangers' voices and long-past explosions invaded her mind, making her head hurt.
The flow began to reverse, and she knew he was looking into her. She relived some of the darkest hours of her past, knowing that he was experiencing them right beside her.
Together, they felt the humiliation of being the weakest member of her team, the frustration of being ignored and overlooked beside her three superhuman teammates.
They both felt the heart wrenching loneliness as first her friends, then her parents were gone.
They stood together at the top of Hokage Mountain, thinking about ending everything with a jump, but knowing they were needed too much by the living.
For a single moment that seemed to stretch, she could see him, but only his eyes. Always those feline, incandescent eyes. She felt like they'd been inside her all along.
"He's clean." She heard a voice saying in the distance over her pounding head, and she was herself again. She could still feel Deidara's hand, limp and hot between hers.
She opened her eyes blearily, and was surprised to see Inoichi staring at her intently.
"You just did a very kind but stupid thing," he told her, "and you were very lucky. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. It's almost unheard of for both of you to come out with undamaged minds." He shook his head.
She looked over at Deidara, relieved when she saw his peaceful sleeping face, marred only by the bloodstains on his cheeks. She noticed that the blood had dried, which meant that the scan must have gone on for hours, much longer than she'd expected.
"He's going to be okay?"
"He won't wake up for a day or two and he'll have a headache when he wakes up, but that's normal." He gave a sympathetic grimace. "I have to go and report to the Hokage now. I have a lot to tell her."
The room Deidara had been placed in was in the small high security section of Konoha's hospital. The whole room was white, even the curtains, though thick bars marred the peaceful view. A small empty glass vase stood by the window, the night visible through its clear body.
Needing somewhere to start, she closed the cotton curtains, turning to look at him from her position by the window.
She was struck by how well he fit in with the pure atmosphere. His pale hair spread over the pillow almost seemed to glow with reflected light, the blood caking it meaning nothing. Though his eyes were still bloodstained, he appeared so unguarded that he almost looked sinless. Utterly untouched.
"How can you look like that?" She mused quietly, turning round to drag a nearby chair to his bedside. She missed the small twitch of his lips at her words, preoccupied with filling a basin with warm water from the small clean sink. "You look as if you've never seen anything but the blue sky. It's as bad as lying, you know."
His peaceful expression was incredibly deceptive; she couldn't imagine how somebody who had seen so many battles, killed so many, and been hated so much could look so beautiful. She thought back to the scar by his left eye. She supposed that had been all he had to show for his sins, but she'd taken that away, his only physical imperfection.
Sitting down on the chair, she leaned over and began to gently wipe the blood from his face. She winced as she cleaned around his eyes; it seemed as if he'd suffered some serious haemorrhaging, which would take copious amounts of delicacy and time to heal. She refilled the basin, this time lifting his head up to dip his hair in the warm water, washing all evidence of the trauma from it.
Once she was finished cleaning him up, she replaced his head back on his pillow, a little unsettled at how vulnerable he was under her hands. Unlike when he was awake, he seemed very feminine. His closed eyes displayed his thick lashes, almost impossibly dark for someone with his hair colour.
Clearing her rambling mind, she placed her hands over his eyes and began to heal, wishing her power could go deeper than just his physical damage.
Sakura knew that a mind scan brought up a bubbling fountain of dark, suppressed memories to the surface, nightmarish visions. She had woken up in terror for weeks after her own, and she was certain that Deidara had many more tribulations under his belt than she. She didn't envy him for the dreams he'd no doubt be having.
After taking care of the painful looking marks on his wrists and neck, she leaned back in her chair, her tiredness making the cheap furniture seem comfortable. She knew it wasn't her duty, not even as his medic, but she decided to stay. It was always possible that the nightmares could be so severe that he could injure himself, she reasoned.
She pulled off her shoes before turning out the harsh halogen light, and sat back down in her chair. She lifted her longs legs up to her chin so that she was curled up catlike on her chair, her head resting on her knees. She had slept in far worse places.
In the quiet pitch-blackness of the room, she began to wonder about his fate. Given the 'all-clear' from Inoichi, Sakura was certain that execution was no longer a possibility. There was a chance that some form of punishment would be deemed necessary; he had done Akatsuki's bidding for five years after all.
She knew that her shishou's decision would be fair, but she couldn't stop herself from hoping for Deidara's freedom. She had seen into his mind, and knew that for him, incarceration was torture. She knew how much he longed for the wind in his hair and his art at his fingertips.
Listening to his gentle, rhythmic breathing, she realised how much she worried for him, and was afraid of what the dawn would bring.
A/N: And with this, I give you my heart. I found this hard to write, though the next chapter is already planned. Much as I love angsty Dei-chan, I felt a little mean. .
Let me know what you thought my dearest, wonderful readers! =)