Still Trying To Get It Right
Genre: Angst / Romance
Rated: M
Pairing: Embry / Bella
Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer. I only play with her toys.
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I don't think you understand the position you're putting me in here.
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Bella sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed staring out the window at the pouring rain. She refused to admit it out loud, but in her heart and soul she knew she and Jacob were over. Jacob had always been sure she was destined to be "his Bells" and she had given everything she had to make him right. She carved the rotting remnants of Edward Cullen and his shiny, happy family out of her heart and threw herself at the pack's paws begging to be forgiven for the error of her ways. She scrubbed and polished and cooked and baked Charlie and Billy both into a state of domestic bliss, and plied the wolves with meat-laden casseroles and non-muffin baked delights until Paul grudgingly ceased calling her "leech lover" and Leah actually smiled at her from time to time.
Bella stopped trying to deny the depth of Jacob's love for her and made him the center of her universe. She chose life with all its messy trials and tribulations over iced perfection. When Alice appeared to beg for help saving Edward from his decision to suicide by Volturi, Bella wrapped herself in Jacob's arms and told the frantic pixie that Edward had been dead for almost a century. It was past time for him to start acting like the corpse he was. Jacob decided to make sure Bella had no time to pine or second guess her decision and ramped up his campaign of seduction and assimilation. Edward's constant rejection of Bella's advances had battered her self esteem. Jacob smoothed the dents with warm hands and soft kisses and filled the hole in her heart with endless nights of lovemaking that ran the gamut from the first sweet, hesitant encounter to wild, almost savage rutting in the shadows of the forest. Bella thrived and bloomed at Jacob's side, but…
From the beginning there were thin spots in the fabric of their togetherness. Bella loved Jacob, but she couldn't honestly say she was in love with him. Looking back, Bella wondered if she even knew what it was like to be in love. She was sure now that Edward had been equal parts fascination, smoke and mirrors, and desperation. Jacob was her sun, her savior, her best friend, but whether or not that all added up to the kind of love that would shelter them from the storms of life was a very big unanswered question.
The change came over them slowly, silently, like the fog rolling down from the mountains or the chipping of polish off perfect, little toes and it was unstoppable, almost insidious. Happy was replaced with okay which devolved into fine and eventually disintegrated into fights – each one more heated and heart wrenching than the last. It damned near killed Jacob to finally see what others had always known and now? The end had been public and painful and definitely final. Not even Seth, the pack's eternal optimist, could see a way for the two of them to ever make a go of it as a couple again.
Bella heard the door to her room close softly behind her and the bed dipped gently as a warm body curled around her and pulled her close. "You shouldn't be here, Embry."
"I'm exactly where I should be, Bella."
"Jake –"
"Fuck Jake." Embry turned Bella so that she straddled his lap and kissed her. Bella was well acquainted with the shy, quiet boy who was Jacob's childhood friend. She had never met the man who held her now, hands setting her body on fire with need and making promises with his tongue that she fervently hoped he would keep. Jacob had known what he was doing and it had been good, but this? This was beyond all of her wildest dreams and it needed to stop. Right now.
Bella pushed away, gasping for air and fighting to regain control of her traitorous body. "Stop, Embry! I don't think you understand the position –"
Embry fisted his hand in the silky waves of Bella's hair and pulled her head back, giving him access to her pale throat. "I understand perfectly every position I intend to put you in, my Bella."
Sharp teeth nipped a trail up the ivory column of Bella's throat and a warm tongue eased the sting before her mind had time to process the pain. "What are you doing? I can't do this to Jacob."
"I'm doing what I should have done the day you slapped Paul. You're mine, Bella. Always have been, but I knew how much you meant to Jake. So I let him try. I watched him glue you back together. I ran until my paws bled, trying to forget that he was fucking my mate and I cried myself to sleep every time the two of you fought. I felt every second of your pain. It's been killing me slowly to watch him try to make you his when you were always meant to be mine. I'm done."
"I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Embry."
Embry stood and set Bella gently on her feet. "You're not the one who needs to apologize. Jake put both of us in this position. No more. I told him I had waited long enough for something he was never going to make happen and I was going to claim you. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but even Billy backed me up."
Bella wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the floor. Embry reached for her, but she backed up out of his reach. "No."
"Bella, please. I know I just dumped a lot on you with no warning and less explanation, but –"
"Give me a minute to think. And please sit down. I'm tired of being towered over all the time."
Embry sat on the bed and waited silently for Bella to speak.
"Am I your imprint? Or is this a choice?"
"Both. I knew I loved you the moment I met you."
Bella sat next to Embry and took his hand, lacing her fingers with his. "Being around Edward was like walking on eggshells wearing a very short leash. With Jake it was so – much. Always so intense and big and balls to the wall. I'm exhausted."
Embry put his arm around her and rubbed her shoulders. "What do you need, Bella?"
"Quiet. Shy. Steady."
"I can do that."
"And that thing you did with your tongue." Bella moved closer. "Could you do that some more?"
Embry laid her on the bed and held her in his arms. "Any time, for as long as you want."
Bella surrendered to the warmth of Embry's embrace. "I could learn to like this."