Chapter 11

"How many guys did you date before I met you?!" Austin cried to Kelly.

"I got this one," said Sarah. Then she started doing the math. "How old are you?"

Kelly groaned and turned to Austin. "Why are you so concerned about this?"

"I'm just worried a little bit that I might not fit your standards."

Ryan stifled a giggle. They all looked at him. "'Might not fit her standards.' Why don't we take a little pop quiz and see? One and only question: are you breathing?"

Kelly glared at him.

Austin just looked at him. "No."

Ryan realized that. "Oh…"

"Back to the story," Kelly said, still glaring at him.

Three years ago…

Kelly raced into the living room to meet everyone else. "Hey! Guess who got asked out on a date today! Me or Ryan?"

Jack scoffed, playing a video game. "Not Ryan."

Ryan glared at him before going back to his homework with Benny, Robert, and Michael.

"I'm more interested in hearing about what happened in Spanish class," said Sophie.

"Yeah, we heard you failed," said Tech.

Kelly looked at Ryan, then back at her parents. "That's right! And I will tell you why. There I was, studying as hard as I could. But I couldn't concentrate because right outside that window…" She pointed at the window-door leading to the roof. "…the boys were playing paintball." The boys instantly dropped what they were doing. "And I didn't wanna ruin their fun."

"You guys were playing paintball on the roof?" asked Ace, "We told you guys not to do that because it damages the scaffolding!"

"Oh!" Kelly said, "Now that you mention it, I do remember you saying something about that."

"No, no, no!" Jack jumped up from the couch as the other boys walked over for backup. "We didn't play any paintball!"

Lexi opened the curtains to reveal that the whole of the window-door was splattered with paint in colors of yellow, orange, red, green, and purple. She looked back at the boys.

Benny laughed, nervously. "What are pigeons eating nowadays?"

"I got this one." Daniella walked in front of Lexi. "You boys are gonna scrub that roof without your powers until it sparkles!"

"Shiny roof coming up!" Jack raced off, followed by the other boys.

Sophie sighed and turned back to Kelly. "You know what? Your failing Spanish is all my fault!"

Kelly looked at her. "Oh! Yeah! Right! Of course it is!" She looked away. "No."

"It is?" asked Tech.

"Yes! Here I am, a proud Witch, and I'm not flaunting my magic to teach you how to use it! I should be casting spells to help you study and everything and I'm not using it and being a responsible parent—you know what? I'm gonna call your teacher and tell what a horrible role model I've been." She snapped her fingers and the phone flew into her hands and dialed itself. "Mrs. Chow…" She walked off.

Ryan walked up to Kelly and pulled her off into the hall. "What's wrong with you? You busted us for paintball!"

Kelly scoffed. "Well, you busted me for Spanish, I'm just evening out the playing field here."

"I'm done with you."

"Ryan—"

"Eh-nah-ah! Done!" Ryan walked off.

Kelly stared after him and then rolled her eyes and walked back into the living room.

"Thank you!" said Sophie, "I mean…" She zapped herself. "…gracias." She hung up, un-zapping herself as she did so. "Good news! Your teacher said that she'll give you a retest!"

"Great," said Tech. He turned to Kelly. "And you are not gonna go anywhere with your friends until you get that grade up."

Kelly was about to argue, but Sophie intervened: "Tech, this is my responsibility. Don't worry, honey, I'm gonna help you with that espanol."

"OK, that's fine, but I really need help with my Spanish, too."

Sophie looked at her. "Espanol is Spanish."

"Espanol is Spanish for what?"

Sophie sighed. "This is gonna take a while."

"No, it won't! We're gonna maximize my studies habits and whip right through this." She turned to her dad. "I mean, midterms are just halfway to finals so I only need to study half as hard. And since I study twice as hard as everyone else, I only need to study a quarter. And since Mom is helping to a point where it goes twice as fast, we only need to study an eighth. So an hour should be enough. See how that works?"

Tech blinked. "No. And I'm the dad and you lose. See how that works?"

Kelly sighed. "Fine." She sat down next to her mom and the couch as she called forth the textbook. "Let's just get through this so I can go on my date with Pierce on Friday."

"Two days to learn a whole language?" asked Duck, sitting in his own chair, "I got some Spanish for you: no way, Jose." He started laughing.

Sophie started to take off her glove.

"Backing off." Duck ran out.

Sophie and Kelly smiled at each other.

Two hours later…

The gang was doing the magic lesson.

"And finally," said Daniella, "did you guys know that in the magic world, there's a way to get information quickly and easily?"

"You mean like the internet?" asked Ryan.

"Speaking of the internet, when am I gonna get a computer in my room?" asked Jack.

"It's cooler than the internet," said Wendy, "And never."

Jack sighed.

"Come on, we'll show you," said Daniella. She led them over to the wall and zapped it to open their tech portal (you know, what they use to get magic technology and stuff like that, doesn't work the same as the normal one or the mail one or all those portals, it's a complicated system). "Alright, you just pull this lever, and it generates pocket elves, tiny little creatures who are born with in-depth knowledge of anything you could possibly need to know about. You just pull on this thing and whatever pocket elf you want comes shooting…" She hit a button next to the lever and a chute appeared next to it. "…out of the magic tech portal."

"Oh! Can I do it?" asked Wendy.

"Sure, go ahead."

Wendy walked over in her sister's place and prepared for it. She jumped up, slammed down the lever, and grabbed the football-shaped golden container that came out of the chute. "There." She zapped the tech portal away. "Now you have a wealth of knowledge at your fingertips and you've played a fun game of catch."

Daniella took the container and led the gang over to the couch, gesturing to it to let them know to sit down. She got on her knees on the floor and put the container on the coffee table. "Now, I believe that the best way to teach you guys about pocket elves is from a pocket elf himself." She opened the container and pulled out a creature even smaller than a Brownie, who appeared to be dressed like an elf and who had pointy ears like an elf.

"Wow!"

"That's amazing!"

"He's cool…and tiny."

"Thanks," said the pocket elf, "I know. Good day, I am the pocket elf who specializes in history and use of pocket elves. Now, pocket elves are useful for research on everything from magical illnesses to magical creatures. Any questions?" Kelly raised her hand. "Yes, little lady in the attractive hat?"

Kelly smiled, adjusting her knit peach cap. "Thanks. Uh, are there pocket elves on subjects non-magical?"

"Because of the Witchcraft-World Equal Opportunities Act, there are pocket elves on all subjects. Shaquille O'Neil? I know his pocket elf. He owes me an autographed shoe that I'm going to be living in."

Michael raised his hand.

"Yes, boy with the 1980's jacket?"

Michael looked at his jacket and took it off. "How many pocket elves can you check out at once?"

"None!" Wendy intercepted the question, "They're not library books!"

Jack sighed and started to open a chocolate bar.

"Can I have some of that?" asked the pocket elf.

"Sure."

"NO!" Daniella jumped on him and grabbed the chocolate. "What are you doing?!"

Jack looked at her.

"Oh!" the pocket elf spoke up, "Did I forget to mention that pocket elves are not supposed to have chocolate?"

"What happens if he has chocolate?" asked Ryan.

"Well," said Daniella, "to you and me, chocolate is a delicious treat, often used to say 'sorry' to a loved one…but to this little guy, it's like lighting the fuse on a crazy bomb."

"Then let's set this baby off and give him some chocolate!" Jack cried, excitedly.

"You know," said the pocket elf, "in this controlled environment, perhaps it would be healthy for the students if someone would give me some chocolate—you know, purely for educational purposes."

Daniella considered it. "Fine. For educational purposes only, we'll do this. Feet up off the floor. Collars all the way up. No open-toed shoes. And whatever you do—WHATEVER YOU DO—do not, EVER, under any circumstances let a pocket elf bite you." The others obeyed her orders as she put the chocolate bar in a box. She grabbed the pocket elf by his shirt and prepared to put him in the box.

"Oh, wait!" the pocket elf interrupted, "Before we get started, I just wanna say thank you so much for the chocolate and I'm really sorry for what you're about to see."

Daniella quickly dropped him in the box, shut it tightly, and locked it as fast as she could. "Being married to Rev so long has finally paid off."

"WHOA-HO-HA!" The box started shaking.

Daniella grabbed it. "Proceed to an exit in orderly fashion!" Everyone raced out. She held the box and it pushed her back onto the floor.

Another three hours later…

Daniella had finished cleaning up after the pocket elf and sent him back and now Kelly and Sophie were studying.

Sophie closed the book. "OK, let's review…" She stood up, zapped herself, and started looking around. "Como se dice…" She gestured to a lamp.

Kelly thought about it. "Lamp-ito."

Sophie looked at her. "Lampara. It's OK. It's OK." She kept looking. "Como se dice…" She held up a cup.

"Cup-ito."

Sophie sighed. "Honey, just adding 'ito' to a word doesn't make it Spanish."

"You keep saying 'como se dice' before everything. Is that Spanish?"

Sophie groaned as she put the cup down. "If things keep going this way, I'm gonna have to send you to Acme Mexico."

"But my test is tomorrow. And if I don't pass, I won't be able to go on my date with Pierce on Friday."

"I know." She thought about this. "Maybe we can help Sarah make some cookies on Friday."

"Sarah is gonna be out, too."

"Oh." She thought about that. "Maybe we can zap up some cookies."

"My magic hasn't come in yet."

"OK, you're making this really hard for me."

Kelly groaned and walked off.

The next morning…

Nadine raced up to Lucy, Kelly, and Sarah in the halls of the school. "OK, so we need to go over our outfits for Friday." She was already wearing a strawberry hat, pineapple skirt with matching flip-flops, and watermelon T-shirt, but she did proceed to pull other interesting outfits out of her bag. "I mean, I really don't wanna stick with this whole fruit theme but I don't want us to all be wearing the same thing. So while I was in sewing club and home ec., I made…" She started going through the hangers and handing the outfits to Lucy. "…teddy bears, needle and thread, hearts, ice cream, cupcakes, pizza—"

"Whoa!" Lucy said, "You really made all these that quick?"

"You have no idea how much fabric I can stick in a modern-day sewing machine."

"OK…" Lucy handed her back the teddy bears. "Just stick with this for now. And the time after that."

"Good, then we're set." Nadine started putting the others back in her bag.

"As long as Kelly has her Spanish retest covered," said Sarah.

"I'm taking it right now during study hall," said Kelly, "just consider this test…pass-ito."

Sarah nodded. "OK." She walked off with Nadine and Lucy. "Yeah, she won't be there."

Kelly sighed and opened her locker.

"Ah, senorita!" said a pocket elf sitting on her textbooks, "You are so lucky to have me as your Spanish language pocket elf, yes?"

"Be quiet, elf!" Kelly hissed, "You're here to cheat on my Spanish test." She put him in her book bag, closed her locker, and walked off.

"Ooh, a journal! 'Dear diary, Pierce is such a hottie with his new haircut'—"

Kelly slammed him into a trash can.

"Ow!"

"Oops, my bad." She walked into the Spanish classroom.

After school…

Kelly walked into the living room and looked around. All clear. She walked over to the coffee table and opened her bag and put the pocket elf on the table. "OK, wake up, senor-ito. We're home."

"Can I make you breakfast, chicita? Huevos rancheros? Perhaps you can dine on that while I enjoy some semisweet chocolate that you give me, huh?"

"OK, your Spanish confuses me, but I'm not giving you any chocolate."

"Ooh! It was a test, and you passed."

Kelly rolled her eyes and put him back in his container.

"That's why I want to grow old with you, chicita!"

"Dad! We finished cleaning the roof."

Kelly quickly hid the container behind her back.

Ryan walked in. "You're not Dad…is that a pocket elf?"

Kelly stuffed the container in her bag. "No! It's my…retainer case."

"You don't have a retainer."

"You don't know what goes in my mouth."

"And what a beautiful mouth it is, senorita!"

Kelly groaned, leaning her head back. The pocket elf could not keep his mouth shut.

"Oh!" said Ryan, "So you're so good at Spanish that you taught your retainer case how to speak it! Cheater!"

"I didn't cheat—"

"Eh-nah-ah! Cheater!"

"I just used the pocket elf to get the answers right on the test—OK, I cheated. So what?"

"So what is you're in trouble."

"Come on, Rye, please don't tell Mom and Dad."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. You ratted us out for paintball and made me spend the last two days cleaning off wood and listening to Jack sing. Enough said." Kelly nodded. "You know what? I'm not gonna tell on you."

"Thanks!"

"I'm gonna get even."

Kelly laughed. "Yeah, right! Remember the last time you tried to get even with me? I got free tickets to a movie and you got what?"

"…shotgun on the trip there."

Kelly smiled. "Exactly. And some things never change." She walked off.