Paralyzed

Maggie walked into her lab, locking the door behind her. She didn't turn on any lights. She was in tears. She didn't want anyone to see her. She just wanted to sit alone with her feelings and thoughts.

Once they emerged from the fog, Jackson had driven them to the hospital. She had gotten back and examined Gus. She had scheduled his surgery for early the next afternoon.

Maggie felt her way around finding a chair. She sat and wept. She missed her mother like never before. Her mother would've been able to help her understand her place in her relationship with Jackson. Her mother would have been able to tell her if Jackson was worth her time. Her mother would be able to give her more insight. However, Diane was no longer here. She was dead and she was alone. She had no one to talk to.

Well of course there was her father, but she was his little girl. He wouldn't care to discuss her love life. Meredith was uninterested and Amelia had her own problems. Everyone else that she could speak with was somehow connected to Jackson. They even knew him longer so they may try to advocate for him more.

She could always talk to Richard, but he too thought of her as his little girl, and there was the whole thing of him being married to Jackson's mother. She didn't want or need Catherine in her and Jackson's business.

Maggie cried harder. She had never been here before. She had never been so in love and so out of control. She didn't like the feeling of being out of control. She didn't like this feeling of vulnerability. She didn't operate well under these circumstances.

Her defenses rose and she began to bite to avoid being bitten, and that wasn't fair to Jackson. He loved her. Of that she was sure. However, what was the saying, "All good things come to an end."

She found herself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. For their good thing to come to an end, but every single time she thought she saw it happening Jackson would do something to prove that he was everything he appeared to be.

So, what had she done? She had pushed and she may have pushed him too far this time. The look in his eyes had said it all. He wasn't angry. He wasn't exasperated with her. He was hurt by her. She had hurt his feelings.

Mr. Monopoly? Had she really called him that? What the flying hell had she been thinking? He now thought that she didn't respect him which was far from the truth. How could she tell him otherwise? When he had said it, she hadn't denied it. She had lashed out at him once again accusing him of not liking her.

What had she been thinking? She knew full well that he liked her. He adored her. He wanted the world with and for her. Now here she was. He hadn't waited for her. Qadri said that he had left for the night. He had left her. Left her to get home the best way she could. He knew that she didn't have her car. He always made sure she was good, even when he was upset with her.

She couldn't help the tears that streamed down her face. She knew that she owed him an apology, but her pride wouldn't allow her to apologize. She felt strongly about the things they'd argued about and she wouldn't apologize for that. She knew that Jackson loved her, but she also felt like he was used to getting his way as an Avery. He didn't normally have to face any consequences. However, she respected that man because even as an Avery that man was hard working. He knew that to make a name for himself that it would take hard work and not just his famous name. He worked hard and his mind was brilliant. She wouldn't and couldn't take that away from.

She was aware that how she interacted and reacted with and to Jackson was all irrational, but it all came back to one word. Love. She loved him. Loved him so much that she physically ached at the thought of losing him. A pain that she hadn't felt since finding out that her mother was sick and dying. Jackson was her family. He was her best friend. He was her everything. She loved him and she wanted forever with him.

She had accused him of not liking her the way that she was, but if she was truly honest with herself, with Jackson she was able to be more herself than she was with anyone in the entire world. Including her mother and father.

Diane and Bill had been the perfect parents, but Maggie had never shied away from saying that her family had no earthly idea what she did and why she loved doing it. Now, don't get her wrong. Her parent's recognized her genius early and they did everything in their power to nurture that. But nurturing her brilliance didn't translate to understanding her.

Jackson understood her the nerd. He understood her the sexual being. He even understood her the emotional being. He got all parts of her. However, in the past she always felt awkward being authentically her, so she held back a little. She didn't have to hold back with Jackson and that's what scared her.

She didn't feel the need to hide from him. So, it was easy to forget that she should be hiding, and she worried that one day he would see something that he didn't like and leave. It was a fear that was all encompassing and paralyzing. It was an irrational fear, she knew this.

What sense did it make to push away the man you were terrified of losing? She didn't know. She couldn't give a logical reason. However, she felt that if she pushed him away he would just be proving her point that no one could love her the way she was, the way she needed.

Maggie knew that her she and Jackson were at a crossroads. She knew that if she couldn't stop pushing him away, if she couldn't allow him to love her. She knew that she was destined to be alone. A person didn't get this kind of love that Jackson provided twice. Did they?

Maggie swiped at her tears. She thought about going to find one of her sisters to get a ride home, but she didn't want to talk. They'd see her puffy tear-filled eyes and they'd want to know what was wrong with her. Plus, something was going on with Meredith. Several people had alluded to that since she had entered the hospital, but between worrying about her patient and her own personal issues she hadn't had a chance to follow up on that.

She took out her phone to order an Uber when there was a knock on her laboratory door. She looked over her shoulder and there he was. She couldn't believe it. She had thought he left. She should've known better. That man loved her beyond words, and he would never leave her stranded.

Maggie needed to get herself together and quickly. If she didn't she would be alone, and he would be sharing the love he so freely gave to her with someone else and that was something she couldn't stomach the thought of.

She opened the door. She said in a tear scratched voice, "I thought you left."

Jackson said, "Why would I just leave you without making sure you were good and had a ride? I wouldn't leave you without speaking to you first, to make sure of that. You often accuse me of not knowing you, but it is you. You obviously don't know me, Maggie."

Maggie said, "Jackson, we can't keep doing this we have to talk."

Jackson asked, "Are you ready to leave?"

"Did you hear me?" Maggie asked.

Jackson turned to her. He said, "I heard you and frankly I'm surprised you want to talk. I'm willing to talk, but right now I just want to get out of here and go home. It's been a long day and I just want to sleep. I just want a few hours of peace. Are you ready?"

Maggie said, "I'm ready. You can drop me off at my place if that'll be easier for you."

Jackson turned to look at her blocking the door. He asked, "Maggie, you said to me that you should have said yes to moving in with me. If we move in with one another do you plan on running to Meredith's every time we have an argument, or are you going to be a grown woman and work through it with me? I'm just asking because I've dealt with a runner. Before you say it, no I'm not comparing you to her. I'm just saying."

Maggie was torn. He was moody and agitated. She wanted to go home to be away from his attitude, but she felt like this was a test. In order for her to pass the test she needed to stay and fight this out with him or he would be done. However, like him, she just wanted sleep and peace.

Maggie simply said, "I'm ready when you are."

Jackson asked, "Where am I taking you, Maggie?"

Tears threatened to fall again. Maggie said, "We can go home."