Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Note: Remember when I said you had a long chapter ahead of you? Yeah, I topped that one.
Warning: this chapter contains mature scenes.
Chapter XI
I stare out the window. The full moon was lighting up the entire sky, making the garden look even more beautiful. It had rained earlier, which made the wet leaves shimmer in the dark and made it feel even more cozier inside. The fireplace was cracking and the warmth was most welcome.
It was pleasant, charming and most enjoyable to sit here.
I take another sip from my glass. Even the wine was exquisite. I let out a content sigh, feeling almost serene.
Almost.
I lose myself in thought for a moment.
Maybe I shouldn't enjoy this as much as I do… There are people hurting, hungry…
I eventually push away the guilty feeling inside. I smile while nodding at his story, intensely looking at his blue eyes that had caught me so easily the first time I had seen him. I softened up.
I shouldn't be thinking about anything... I should be enjoying my evening. Everything was going to inevitably come to an end. The fire would eventually cease. Though I look at flickering flames inside the fireplace, I meant the havoc of the last few weeks. I stare back at Inui, feeling a little saddened this time.
Perhaps even this thing with Inui would end but…
I let my mind wander and suddenly I could see myself finding a home in him.
The distance between us had disappeared completely and made room for exchanges of thoughts and even feelings. I couldn't always read him as well as I liked but he never bored me or gave me the feeling of indifference. He would listen intently to my ideas and thoughts, give me a caring look whenever I would fall silent and lose myself in thought.
He placed his hand on mine.
I gave him another smile, slightly blushing.
I grab hold of his. Our fingers entwine and I suddenly feel so very much alive. A part of me admits to missing this exact feeling. The feeling of belonging.
Suddenly I needed to know. Was this real? Was this going to last…?
'Inui,' I slowly start breaking the serene silence between us.
I stare into his blue eyes who never averted mine, unless out of shyness which only boosted my ego.
Please give me the clarity I need.
'What is it?' I ask him with a stern voice and expression matching it. I needed to know. 'What is the second thing?'
'Sakura,' he muttered. I could see he wanted to postpone the moment longer, slightly ignoring my stare. Emptying his drink before telling me, he first gives me another moment of silence which makes me feel nervous.
Zabuza's words came to haunt me, reminding me that perhaps he did have a point… the world did exist out of greed, want… power.
I let out a trembling sigh, uncertain in which direction this was going to go.
'I don't know how to tell you,' he quietly started. He bit his lip, something I did too when I was feeling uncertain or afraid. 'I know you might not… like this idea.'
'Just tell me what is up,' I simply say, already letting go of his hand. He holds on by squeezing his fingers onto mine, showing me he wasn't going to let go so easily. His eyes widen a little when catching my reaction.
'Konoha proposed a trait.' His voice was clear, making sure I knew he wanted to be fair towards me and in no way wanted to lose the small fire we had just started. I feel a fluttering feeling inside me and if the heavy words hadn't been said, I would probably not be able to resist the urge to smile.
'They want you. They want you to settle back in Konoha.'
The feelings vanish and I feel empty again. This time I entwine my hand out of his, not caring about his resistance.
'Why?' I ask him, not being able to hide that I had instantly become upset with the entire situation.
'You are wasting your talent here,' he answered. I widen my eyes at him.
'I'm saving lives so I don't think I'm wasting my time,' I argue back.
'I'm not saying that!' he started, getting upset as well. 'It isn't my idea, Sakura! Please don't be angry at me.'
I bit my lip while trying to calm my rising temper. I know deep inside, this is Konoha's deceitful work not his. Fidgeting around at first I then ease myself by drinking down the entire glass of wine before me. The aftertaste is bittersweet, much like how I'm feeling inside.
I almost snicker out loud at how melancholic I am feeling.
However the alcohol does ease me. I know a lot of the Elders are discontented with me being here.
I am the Hokage's apprentice, I should be near her so I could follow into her footsteps. At least as a doctor.
I have skills and ideas that are groundbreaking… But it would end on deaf ears and so I moved. At least I was useful here. I actually felt good about myself in this little town. I only got lost in the chaos of Konoha.
'I'm so sorry, Sakura,' Inui starts, dragging me out of the darkest part of my mind.
I give him a bit of startled look, almost forgetting how he had made me feel just mere minutes ago.
'I didn't know you'd be this upset… They said you were reluctant to come back for several reasons…'
'The way they train Shinobi, how they make ANBU do the most inhuman things… how they don't care about good or bad, wrong or right, innocent or deserving a second chance in life! Yeah, Inui, there are a few things I don't agree with!' I shout at him getting up from the table while venting my anger.
I almost want to turn around and leave but he had gotten up simultaneously with me, making me halt my movements.
'But we are working on all of that now, Sakura.' His voice had calming effect on me. Perhaps it helped that he wasn't losing his temper because I was losing mine. He seemed to be upset about me feeling this way, which gave me pleased feeling. The mixture of emotions was difficult to understand. My rational mind reminded me one had nothing to do with the other. I turn my back to him, letting my shoulders hang in defeat.
Don't cloud your mind with your emotions.
'Please, do it for this town and if not… do it for me.' I could hear him walk closer to me, softly placing his hand on my shoulder. 'I thought perhaps if you knew…' he slowly pulled me closer to him, making me instantly relax in his arms. Our first embrace and I had my back to him…
'If you knew that I would be happy having you close to me, that you wouldn't mind coming back to Konoha.'
'I do like being around you,' I admit out loud, letting my head rest against him.
'Then come back,' he carried on, making me feeling slightly aggravated.
It wasn't that simple. It wasn't that easy!
'I can't,' I blurted out. A heavy feeling weights me down and I almost want to break down but I compose myself, straightening my posture. 'I mean, I don't know if I can.'
'I would be very… happy to have you around me more often,' he muttered. I could feel his lips moving against my hair, his breath on my skin. 'Just think about it and consider the possibilities… You could do so much more for this village too… for so many other people if you go back to Konoha.'
I let out a deep sigh. He slowly let's go and the almost romantic scene comes to an end.
'I need to think,' I tell him with a shrug.
'Let's walk you home.'
I give him a distracted nod, not quite sure what to think of this situation.
The walk home is silent and the calmness of the night was rare compared to the stormy weather of the past week. It was almost as if even my surroundings had too ceased all its movements in amazement of the lack of scruples of Konoha's leaders.
I try to think things through, wondering what it is that I have to do in order to go back to where I had come from. Just when I think my old life is on its way back, everything gets turned around. Even if Zabuza leaves, even if all of them leave… I can't win. I can't go back.
A sharp wind suddenly weeps through, making me shiver. Inui places an arm over me, to warm me up. The three ANBU agent's accompanying us stay as silent as the night, making me sometimes forget they are there. Yet I feel a little weird by the display of affection in front of them. But I let it be.
Out of the corner of my eye, I take a look at him. Inui.
I feel confused about my feelings for the man. He made me feel special. But the idea to endure going home simply to feel a feeling… I didn't know if it was enough.
The three agents are put on halt by Inui himself, saying he could walk me home for the next ten meters by himself, a light joke to ease the heavy atmosphere that had been lingering between us. I give him a fake smile in return, trying to not let the situation intoxicate our relationship again.
I walked in silence towards the front door, earlier this evening I hadn't thought about this part. Normally I would feel nervous at the idea of ANBU being so close to my house, of Inui being so close to the assassin of his mentor but I felt numb. I couldn't take any more stress, so I stopped worrying and told myself nothing would happen.
Slowly turning around to face him, I wait for him to speak first. Instead, he moves in a little closer, placing a loose strand of hair behind me ear. Suddenly a vicious little voice reminded me that it was the second time today that had been done but I ignore it. He leans in closer to me. Our faces mere inches away from each other.
'I really didn't mean to ruin our night together…' he mutters to me.
I simply nod, knowing fully well he wasn't the problem. He was great.
'I know that,' I answer, holding on the hand that was now resting on my cheek.
'I hope we see each other sometime soon,' he whispered. 'Whatever you decide to do…'
'I don't have much of a choice, do I?' I snicker with a hollow voice. I felt so drained of everything that I couldn't even feel the spark of Inui's closeness. I had to remind myself this was really happening when his mouth touched mine.
The kiss was slow, easy. It made my heart flutter, so it was everything it was supposed to be.
When we part, we stared at each other for a moment.
'I know you'll make the right one,' he said with a content smile.
'I don't know if I can go back to Konoha,' I sharply answer. I don't want to waste his time or play with his feelings. I push down his hands, creating a gap between us.
'It doesn't feel like home,' I say while bitter memories came back to haunt me.
His expression changed. Eyebrows knitted together while a look of disapproval came into place. Obviously displeased with my confession, he squeezes my hands.
'You don't mean that, do you, Sakura?'
'I do,' I nod. 'I really don't think I'll be able to put my feelings aside—'so everything I've done was for nothing? It doesn't matter what someone tries to do for you?' His pleading voice was unbearable to hear. Even when angry, he managed to flatter me.
'Do you have any idea how hard I tried to find a solution?' he then asked, not believing what I was saying.
'I know you mean well, Inui,' I start, hearing my voice waver. I crumble when seeing his distress, knowing fully well how he was feeling. 'I can visit you in Konoha.'
He shakes his head, dissatisfied with my promising words.
'Sakura,' he said with a cold tone. 'Remember it was me who kept you out of trouble all these weeks.' He boldly stated. I'm a little too startled to say anything back.
'I like you so much I risk my career and reputation for you… the least you can do is meet me halfway.'
I was stunned and I felt him let go of my hands. I'm shocked and suddenly it feels as if the ground was leaving underneath my feet. The charming man suddenly had become a very dark figure that scared me. I didn't like his undertone and though he meant it in the same way as he had said it before, this time I did not feel flattered by it. I felt threatened.
'I just want you to be near me, Sakura.'
The sweetness in his voice was unnerving.
Without another word, he turned around and walked away.
I take a step back in awe of who had been standing before me. I feel my back meeting the door and I press myself into it, hoping it would take me in this very instant. I just wanted to disappear at this point.
I watch him until he is next to the agents, who wordlessly leave with him. I keep my eyes on him until he is almost out of sight.
With a trembling hand I open the door behind me and quickly get inside. I feel my entire body tremble.
Zabuza was right.
He was indeed no better… Inui too had taken advantage of the situation by blackmailing me to come with him…
I swallow the bitter feeling and try to keep as quiet as I can. I place my hands before my eyes, not being able to grasp of what has become of my life. I can't stand the sight of this house, this once safe haven of mine… everything had been tainted. I felt disgusted by myself and the world.
I wanted to just… disappear.
I fight back the tears but I can't stop myself. I let out a cry and I can't help but sob. I try to keep it in but the intolerable pain inside of me needs to find its way out. I try to cover my mouth and stop myself. When I hear a noise, I look up in shock. When seeing who was sitting before me, my eyes widen.
I wish I felt some sort of shame in front of him but I'm too caught up in my own despair.
Crouched in front of the liquor closet, he slowly got up. He wasn't wearing a self-satisfied smirk. His face was expressionless or perhaps the room was too dim lit to make out anything other than his sharp features.
I do however try to compose myself a little. Choking on my words at first, I try to get him to leave.
'W-what are you doing? Inui could've seen you.'
'You wouldn't have let him come in,' he simply pointed out.
'Those ANBU could've seen you,' I say while hearing how weak my voice was sounding. I couldn't find the strength to speak normal.
'They don't care about you,' he muttered while getting up and opening the bottle of sake he had found. 'So how was your evening?'
'Shut up,' I snap at him. I finally find the guts to move in my own space, in my own house!
Though I don't make it very far, only to the kitchen sink to get a glass of water.
I drink it down in one take. I hear him move and walk to where I am standing. He halts behind me and I hear him drink straight from the bottle. He drinks with a certain greed.
He then comes closer and places the bottle harshly on the counter next to my glass. Standing behind me much like with Inui, he places a hand on my shoulder.
I can feel him touching the back of my neck with his other hand.
'I rather be wrong about these things, Sakura,' he stated. 'But no matter how hard you wish for something, sometimes it never becomes yours…'
I didn't know if he was still talking about his earlier statement. I could feel his breath on me.
Moving up my shoulder to play with my hair before slowly moving his hand back down to then lightly hold my waist before pulling me towards him.
I let out a sharp gasp.
Clouded by emotions, I let myself relish on how he was making me feel. I didn't feel like fighting it off. I just wanted to forget everything for the moment...
His other hand stays on the back of my neck and it takes me second to realize he's getting rid of the chain of necklaces that were slowly suffocating me. They slowly, piece by piece, slip down.
Catching a few with his, he continues to hold on to me by my waist.
Moving from the back of my neck to the front of my blouse, he presses the few necklaces in my chest and holds me in an awkward embrace before surprising me with a gentle kiss on my cheek.
I stare at him out of the corner of my eyes, he's following a trail. Following the wet trail of my despair all the way down to my neck. I have to take a deep breath when feeling his mouth move so fervently against my skin, as if truly wanting to rid me of my shame and pain.
'Z-Zabuza…' I felt faint, holding on to his arms around me. Placing my hand on his, pressing it down on to my chest, trying to ease the pain inside.
I didn't allow any voices in my head to talk. Not even when he took it as a suggestion to unbutton my blouse. I just let him.
It almost felt like I was getting freed from all the restrains holding me down.
'We shouldn't,' I mutter when he moves back up. Pressing myself against him to make sure he understands that I was merely still holding on to my most well-played role, that of an exemplary, full of discipline, strongly holding on to her morals type of woman.
I wanted nothing more than to abandon her for the moment and all he had to do was continue.
'I wish I could believe in your righteous world, Sakura,' he whispers in my hair. 'But you hardly believe in it yourself.'
'I lost faith today,' I admit to him but mostly to myself. I lose myself in it all and let go.
I enjoy his little antics, letting him play with my hair and touch my body. His touch lingers on, leaving a burning feeling. It feels so wrong but so wonderful at the same time that I can no longer deny it to myself. I wanted—no needed some comfort. Any would do at this point.
'Then we finally have something in common,' he remarks. Sharply turning me around, I get taken back by how he looked. Never had I seen the look in his eyes as clear as I did now. It was almost something animalistic that hid underneath his human looking eyes. Another part of the demon I didn't know.
Yet the only part I found myself drawn to.
His brown eyes look down to his two hands firmly on my waist. The predative look and the close proximity has it wanted effect on me. I could feel myself getting more drawn in.
I watch him place his mouth on the aching spot where my heart was. Placing my hands on his head in response, I let out a sigh. As if finally getting something to ease the pain. I let him be, surrendering without a fight.
Everything was always a little suggestive, never missing the point he wanted to make.
And even after a night of getting compliments, the way Zabuza made it obvious how much he wanted me… it aroused me in a way I never thought it could.
Slowly making his was up, he grabbed my chin. His eyes stared into mine and I saw him smirk before finally letting our tongues meet again. Ignoring all the signals, all the alarm bells going off inside my head, I response with the same aggression.
It was intense and pleasing. It was almost felt like he knew how I liked it, as if he had read it in one of my books. Every move was needy from my part and greedy from his. His much taller figure easily took me in.
When I gasp up for air, I let my mind wander for second. Something I instantly regretted.
It made me realize someone could see us through the window.
I halt him, putting my finger on his hungry mouth. I almost want to bite my tongue and take back the idea of telling but the risk were a little too high and we had come such a long way.
'Someone could see us, Zabuza.'
When had my voice become so… sensual? I didn't even sound like myself.
His brown eyes bore into mine before he lets go of me. I adjust my clothing a little and shyly break our eye contact.
Rubbing his neck, he let out an aggravated growl. Reluctantly agreeing with the matter.
Grabbing the bottle next to me, he drinks again. His eyes stay on me, making me feel very aware of myself and how I am behaving. I realize I don't want to stop either.
He licks his lips while placing the bottle back again. His hand cups my face, giving me another undecipherable look.
With a smirk he engages into another session, making me taste the alcohol in his mouth more obvious than before. Pulling back, my head was still spinning making me want to hold on a little longer. I let out a disappointed sound.
'Sakura,' he starts. 'Do you realize you are only keeping a distance in order to keep yourself safe? He asks the question on a light tone but his words get in deep, right into my core, entwining with my soul. It makes me tremble.
Moving the few lose strands of hair again, he stays close to me. I know he isn't simply talking about what we are doing. He's referring to Haku, my life as a doctor. Everything I am.
'Why bother if it is human nature to crave more?' His nose touches mine playfully. 'But I'm no one, remember?' his voice sounds strangely appealing, like the sound of snake's tongue. 'In the attic I remain unseen.'
The insinuation was hard to miss. He pulls me up before letting go of me again.
'You know where to find me.'
With a shrug he moves away and gives me his signature smirk, liking how I was almost close to giving him what he wants. I have to fight the urge to move to my feet and directly follow him but my half awoken state makes it difficult to act without thought. Pointing at the bottle and then at me, he licked his lips in his usual suggestive manner. I feel the heat on my cheeks burn in response.
He disappears into the dark hallway upstairs, leaving me alone with my melancholic feelings.
With his presence gone I realize how intense our interaction were and how all of his little antics of the pass weeks were all ways to getting what he wanted.
I suddenly grow aware of how much he actually wants me.
Not just physically, he hadn't forced himself on me… he wanted me to want him. He wanted me to give in to his words, his truth.
Feeling a warmth spread throughout my body, I unwillingly admit to how he was right.
I then realize how much of the devil lived inside of him.
But his confession also made me grasp the idea that he too had once lived in the same world as I had.
He just got disappointed on much younger age then me.
I feel sadden by the thought a little. He knew human, he knew us all too well.
His words echoed in my ear. Though I knew had said it only to drawn me in closer, knowing I would cave in and fall prey to his willing hands, they had cut in deep.
I don't want to dwell on it any longer. I pushed away the wary feeling that came along.
I bit my lip when looking at the stairs, wondering what would happen if I…
I didn't understand why he was playing this little game of his but I couldn't deny it made me feel… empowered.
Even if I wasn't, I was taking up his time. I was the target of a very dangerous man.
I frown at the thoughts that sparked something inside of body.
Since when did this arouse me in some sort of way?
I tried to calm the adrenaline and strange sensations inside of me. I normally didn't feel this way, I didn't feel the need to engross myself with such a man.
Yet I take hold of the bottle, actually contemplating on why I shouldn't follow him upstairs.
I just wanted to feel. Something nice and… warm. Something I felt he understood.
I swallow at the idea, knowing that once I got up there I would fall victim to his words and never be able to undo the actions I'd make.
I block out Inui and my mixed feelings for the man. He meant well but I didn't ask him to do what he did. I didn't need anyone to take care of me.
I just needed… I bit my lip when feeling the desire overwhelm me. Flustered, I try to retrace my steps and make sense of what is going on between us.
I didn't know why I wanted to taste the other side so much but I felt it was calling out for me. Baiting me.
And my rebellious side wanted to evoke it by answering it without any sign of fear.
Which was one thing I could no longer deny. I no longer… feared him. Whatever was between us, was too intense to feel any other feeling.
Grabbing the bottle I walked towards the stairs. I didn't have to drag my feet, I just kept overthinking every step. I felt uncertain and foolish but a part of me was dead tired of doing what was accordingly done to others.
No one else did, so why should I?
I doubted Inui and I were ever going to get close in such short amount of time…
Well actually, if being honest, I had hoped for a rather special night with him tonight but it seemed things between us were a little too complex to take such a turn.
And it seemed that even at great distance higher circles manage to ruin my personal life.
I hated the superior hold they had over me, even to an extent that they could deny me the most human needs I had.
Letting all the hate, fear and exhausting doubt go, I kept moving up the stairs. I see the act I'm about to commit as a final display of my hate towards all the injustice.
I hated how I had been moved around as pawn. I hated fighting with everyone every single step of the way. Good, bad, demon, human.
So he wanted me in his bed? I might do the unexpected and let him have it his way…
Of course, the exciting feeling inside of me wasn't helping my clouded mind. And there was no denying I just wanted to feel it all again…
To feel attractive, to trespass the boundaries with your hands and to speak without saying words. To just indulge into your own needs.
I bite my lip in doubt when standing between the ladder and the door of the guestroom.
No one would know of this hideous act but me.
I look up at the dark hole of the attic, feeling my entire body tremble in anticipation. I never felt so…. Free to feel so delighted by getting into bed with someone.
Because it is just like he said… no one would know. He isn't here.
Almost letting out a groan and grab hold of the ladder. As my feet hits the first step, I stop dead in my tracks when I think of who is peacefully sleeping behind me. I look over my shoulder at the door of the guestroom.
Should I go check on Haku?
He's fine, a voice hushes me. I stare the door for a moment, pretending to contemplate.
What about him?
He isn't a part of this.
Not much more is needed before I climb up the ladder.
The wine from earlier was running havoc in my body. I almost lose my balance when entering the attic.
I look up to see his brown eyes widen in response, as if a little taken back that I was here to accept his invitation.
The hazy feeling of the alcohol is embraced. I walk towards him and when I stand before him I take huge gulp of the bottle in my hand. I wanted to be numbed completely of all the pain and feelings.
Or perhaps I was looking for an excuse I could use in the morning... Or just some confidence to pursuit this strange turn of events.
I actually found myself drawn to the man sitting on the bed. The hungry look was just as intoxicating like the alcohol, it made behave unlike myself. Without much thought I closed the small gap between us and told myself to stop thinking.
I reached out the bottle to him but he simply placed his hands on my hips, pulling me towards him. His nose nuzzles into my stomach and I feel his hands go lower, lifting up my skirt before pulling me into his lap. Straddling on top of him, I felt the same empowerment as before. And I found myself mimicking his moves. I lean in and when I see the look in his eyes, they almost held something grateful.
Not what I had expected.
It all slowly became a blur and my mind was finally silent and completely numbed when he pulled me in for a kiss.
We halt to gasp for air and he gives me a smirk when taking the bottle out of my hand and greedily drinks from it. Once satisfied, he puts it down on the ground.
'Enough of that for now…' He slurred. I almost dare to conclude he too was numbing a feeling but I dismiss the idea to even think about it for longer than a second. His hands won't give me the chance either, feeling them almost everywhere at once.
I haven't been intimate since… Well, a very long time. I childishly remind myself that I had been a lot more drunk than now. Something quite ironic, considering the man I had slept with then was nothing but a simple man compared to Zabuza.
Zabuza doesn't let me dwell on it all any longer. There was something about the way he did things that made me quiver, almost crumble right into his arms.
My usual shyness disappeared and I dared to mimic his moves, noting he too had a sensitive spot in his neck.
Though I first felt like I was giving into the perverse demon that had taunted me for weeks, thinking I was slowly becoming one myself, I instead see someone far more human underneath me. His groans of pleasure, rather careful caresses and appreciative look when baring more skin to him, makes my uncertainty fade away.
Of course the growing hunger inside was also consuming me completely. I'd never been like this... Crossing borders, letting someone touch me the way he did.
But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good.
Hardly undressed, he lies me down. Unlike what I thought, he isn't aggressive or mean. He's dominant but in a… pleasing way. His hands roam over me, making me arch my back.
He gives me smirk. 'You know how I long I've wanted to this?'
The whispered words gave me chills. I don't feel like myself when I realize his voice has a certain effect on me.
Grasping his hands to keep them still, I let out a small whimper to let him know.
'Ever since that skimpy little dress I first saw you in…' The confession was a little taunting, as expected of course. But I didn't irk me.
Before closing the gap between us, he first placed some sloppy kisses all over my neck. Holding his head close, not wanting to lose his touch, I let out a sigh when I feel him move against me.
I had almost forgot about our first meeting. A memory of his smug expression came before me and I felt slightly aroused by the idea he has wanted me for so long. Or rather the first second he saw me.
He moves up again, looking down at me like a predator staring at his prey. I didn't know when my underwear ended up at my ankles but when he moved, I finally forgot to think.
Maybe it was the amount of time between now the last time or maybe it really was Zabuza's skills but I forgot everything and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Having to hold my voice down by biting my lip. I like how his brown eyes stay on mine.
The rhythm was in his control and I held on to his wrist next to me while slightly hating the distance he kept between us. I wanted his mouth on mine.
'Z-Zabuza…' 'I've fantasized about this,' he muttered, slowly noticing how I wanted him near me.
I don't know what to say to his little confessions. I hadn't dreamed about this. I hadn't even dared to think about it. Ever.
So I just put my mouth to good use by letting him understand I wanted this now, and it felt good. I feel him relax when we kiss again.
I feel myself reach a high. Noticing, he intensifies the movements. I pushed my nails into his skin and I can feel how he relishes on my reaction. I secretly admit to myself I find it damn attractive when a man knows how to make a woman reach her peak.
I don't know how long it took but it wasn't last long enough for me. My body was trembling and was literally begging me for more. I let out a few staggered breaths, reminding my raging body that I needed to recover a little.
I hear him hiss after he climaxes. Slightly cursing he gets off of me, holding on to his leg. I realize he has put too much weight on it and has strained himself.
Lying next to me, his hands have yet to untangle themselves with mine. We're covered in sweat, still half dressed. When I look down I only then realize my skirt was pulled up to my waist and his pants were still half on. A display of how it had been everything but a romantic encounter.
Looking at the man next to me, I see how his breath is heavy and he too is sweating. Satisfied, he gives me a smirk. I answer his with a smirk of my own, realizing that I had sold myself to him.
'You dreamed about this?' I ask, noticing my voice was still having a hard time. It sounded strained.
'Kept me going when I was high on fever,' he answered. His hand traveled over my breast down to my lower abdomen, settling between my legs.
I wasn't myself at all when feeling how I responded aroused to almost everything he did. I normally didn't like dirty talk and to touch me there after… I let out whimper when he continues on.
'You really find me that attractive?' I whispered in his ear. He moves his head slowly, liking my breath on his skin, I feel myself shiver. Our eyes meet again.
'I always want things I can't have,' he answered, kissing me again.
'I don't want to stop,' I tell him when we continue. 'Not yet anyway…'
'Well, don't let my little aches stop you,' he snickered in amusement to my awkward revelation. We entwine again and when I can tell he can't, I turn us around.
He lets out a sigh when the feeling of earlier returns. Holding on to my hips at first but eventually letting his hands roam free again.
I don't know what is happening to me but I feel different. Delighted by every touch and as if I'm finally freed of something I didn't know that was holding me down. And even though I never looked at him in that way, I did find myself attracted to his body. He was muscular… strong. I didn't have to hold back.
Letting my head rest in his neck, I try to hold on to the feeling a little longer before it flees my body.
Surprisingly, Zabuza does the same by holding on to me, even softly caressing me here and there.
As I come down, it dawns on me what has happened. I hold onto him a bit longer, feeling his arm and hard body underneath me. I try to cling on the fragment of the man that slipped through his demon mask. Though I didn't want to know him, I didn't want to lose him yet either.
Turning my head around, we simply stare at each other in silence. His brown eyes are kind of hazy and he's wearing a pleased, slightly arrogant expression on his face. I feel his hand touching my cheek.
'Don't overthink it,' he mutters, as if he's reading my mind. 'No attachments, remember?'
I nod, giving him a smirk in response to his words. Perhaps that was why I felt so liberated because I knew it would never leave these walls. It all didn't mean a thing. And I actually felt content about this absurd situation I had gotten myself into.
'And if you feel the need to forget,' he started, getting slightly up. I felt like a feather, hardly resistant to his strength. Ironically what I once feared, send shivers down my spine now. Not noticing my reaction, he grabs the bottle of sake. Almost like a gentlemen, he offers me to drink from it first but I decline.
'What are you trying to forget?' I sincerely ask when realizing that it was more than just the physical pain he was trying to ease.
Putting the bottle down, he smirks at me before placing his mouth on mine again. Always thoroughly but never in a hurry. 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,' he says in between kisses.
I was so cold. Shivering from head to toe. With a groan I open my eyes. It was pitch-black.
It takes me a moment to figure out where I am. Though I have a blanket on me, I'm freezing.
Slightly getting up from, I turn around to see a sleeping Zabuza behind me. He doesn't take notice in me moving and it seems his drinking has send him into such a deep sleep his shinobi senses had become completely useless. Seeing his half-naked form next to me, barely covered, I place the blanket on him. Getting up from the bed, I grab my clothes and leave.
I was still half-asleep and the alcohol made me feel very drowsy. I throw my clothes on the floor, grab a nightgown to put on and when I hit my own bed, I immediately fall asleep again, not even thinking twice about what happened.
Morning comes too soon and I get reminded that I'm still not half as resistant to liquor as others. I feel hungover, tired and my body slightly aches. Dragging myself out of bed, I force myself to take a hot shower to get rid of whatever was still lingering on to my body.
I try to be as quiet as possible. It is early and I want to leave before either of them is awake. Though I don't necessarily feel upset about what has happened, I want to avoid confrontation for the moment.
I prepare myself some breakfast while letting my mind wander about what to do about Inui and Konoha.
I still felt conflicted about the whole ordeal. I had been planning on going home for a short period of time, not forever.
I would miss this house too much to leave it behind forever. I would miss the people of the town.
Though I had actually been missing out on their stories and problems excessively these last few weeks because of others…
I suddenly see sharp teeth flash a playful smile at me.
Blushing a little at the memory, I only notice now that I'm not overthinking last night. I feel strange though, it wasn't like me to indulge in such a thing. Especially not with a man like Zabuza…
My mind reminds me of his own words, that our actions held no attachments.
It was what it was, I nod in agreement to myself. It had been fun. It was exactly what I needed and I didn't feel guilty about it.
I smirk, feeling rather empowered and in control. Yet feel a frown coming up, making me doubt my own thoughts.
But maybe that was because my emotion weren't clouding my mind for the mere simple fact that they were not involved...
I bit my lip. I'd never admit it out loud, but Zabuza did make some valid points from time to time.
He was my counterpart in every single way. So maybe I really can learn something from him…
The icy thought makes me question myself even more.
Perhaps it has to do with everything going on in the world. I hated how I had to pay for even the simplest of things. Kindness and generosity were taken for granted. Even after all of my hard work of simply helping and healing a wounded person, that same person wanted something from me in return. It was absurd and yet it was the truth, the cruel reality of our world.
Hence why such little progress has been made over the years and why the war just kept raging on…
I suppose I just felt the need to rebel against it all. Nothing ever came for free.
Except last night—'Good morning!'
I'm so startled I almost drop my piece of toast and spill tea all over myself. I hadn't even noticing him coming down the stairs! He gives me a smile in response, amused by my clumsy reaction.
'Haku!' I sputter trying to stop myself from making a mess.
'Can I have some to?' he politely asks. He looks good. Well-rested.
'Should you be up?' I nonchalantly ask while cleaning up the mess.
'I'm tired of staying in bed all day. At least let me keep you some company while you have breakfast,' he answered on light tone. Happily sitting down before me, he asked if he could have something to eat.
'Of course!' I nod, smiling back at the kid. 'What do you want?'
I get him some toast and tea. It's not much but I couldn't afford to buy too much groceries when I supposedly was living all by myself, it would look too suspicious. Nevertheless, Haku's content with what he gets.
I try to act normal but I feel strange, as if I'm a little guilt-ridden by what has happened between me and his… sensei. I have to fight off a blush again when thinking about it.
Haku merely smiles at my nervous behavior. Suddenly he's wearing a frown and looking at something behind me. With wide eyes I follow his stare.
'Why is your jewelry on the ground?'
I let out a small surprised gasp when looking down and seeing my necklaces lying on the ground.
Zabuza had dropped them last night when… It was hard to ignore what had happened against that part of the kitchen. I can feel a heat on my cheeks that I can't shake off, so without looking back I hastily pick them up while trying to ignore my memories.
'Oh, I, ah… here they are! Last night I was so tired…' I didn't have much of an explanation why they were there so I just mumbled a little before turning around and asking if he liked his breakfast. Hoping he didn't take notice that I was changing the subject, I give him a nervous smile.
'Yes, of course!' he answers while laughing at my odd behavior. His smiles falters a little and I can see his serious side shine through. With a rather gloomy expression he admits to normally not having breakfast at a table.
'Always in a hurry, kind of…' he mutters.
Always on the run, I clarify in my head.
It's an strange thing to confess. But he did that from time to time, filling me in on the little things.
I merely smile at the sight.
He looked so cute and innocent. Yet… I can see it in his eyes.
I don't know everything there is to know and he certainly is hiding a part of himself he doesn't want me to see. However, he wants me to believe that there is nothing more to him then what he is showing me. A rather endearing thing to do now that I think about it.
I remind myself there was still some kindness left in the world. It was just well hidden.
And sometimes there was even sort of kindness I didn't quite understand…
Last night could be reduced to nothingness, I suppose. But underneath I knew it held some meaning to the both of us, a mutual understanding of feelings.
Anyway, even that had come to an end already. And I realized that no matter what, it was all coming to some sort of end.
I don't speak for the longest time. Just watching him sit in front of me, enjoying his breakfast. Though we stay silent and enjoy each other's company, a weird atmosphere hangs between us. As if a biting question was urging to be asked out loud.
'Did you have fun last night?'
Not that one, though.
The question makes my ears turn red but when I remind myself of his innocence and the certainty there were still a few things he didn't know of.
'Yeah, it was alright,' I answer with a light smile.
I bite my lip, knowing I had to make decision about Haku. No matter how much I disliked the idea, Zabuza had had an excellent point.
It was I who was uncertain about wanting Haku to stay. I deed keep a certain distance…
'Haku,' I start. 'Why don't you stay here with me? I could ask Zabuza…'
'I don't want to,' he answered without a waver in his voice. His brown eyes look with certainty into mine.
'I mean, I love being here. And maybe one day we can come and visit you but I'm never going to leave Zabuza.'
Stunned, I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind.
'Why?'
'I need him and he needs me,' he simply answered. He gave me one of those undecipherable smiles again whenever we'd talk about something very personal or intimate. Family, friends…
'Zabuza doesn't need you, Haku.' I try to use a soft but stern voice, trying to make my point come across. However he seems unfazed by what I was saying.
'He does,' he nods. 'Who else would have saved him and brought him here?'
I stay silent, realizing he has an excellent point.
'Wasn't that his idea?' I try again.
'Not really,' he answers with shrug, grabbing another piece of toast. It seems his appetite has returned.
'You take care of him, huh?' I sullenly ask.
He simply nods. 'You know that, Sakura.'
Maybe you really do, Haku…
I eventually send him back to bed and get ready to leave. I don't know if Zabuza isn't up yet but it's unlikely he hasn't heard either of us being awake.
Looking back at last night, I understand that Haku is perhaps right.
I didn't know the demon and what he was hiding or what was running havoc inside of him but it seemed Haku did know and wanted to make it right.
And though I still believed he was simply exploiting to boy's kindness, which I tried to explain several times but just ended up on deaf ears, his determination to help him and stay by his side until the end was something no words of mine could change.
I was no match to his resolve, making it obvious he had made his choice long before I had entered his life.
Maybe last night was just the epilogue of rather turmoil chain of events.
When I walked into town, there was a lot more people up and running then usual at this early hour of the day. Even a few stores were already open. I see a lot of talking and whispering, making me quirk up an eyebrow. I get few broad smiles thrown my way.
Having no idea, I just keep walking towards the hospital. As I get closer, I see a huge crowd surrounding the entrance. Making my way through the crowd, I halt when I see what is actually going on. Something that had slipped my mind completely.
Inui was bidding the hospital staff and few of the villagers surrounding them, goodbye.
I can tell that even my evening out is a apparently known by the look on the faces of some of my female coworkers. I roll my eyes in response at them. Though smirking slightly I can't help but feel conflicted about how to react.
Word travels fast in this small town…
I then see another familiar face. The commander. His expression is gruff and he doesn't seem to like the attention that he and the platoon are receiving. It is very unlike protocol but Inui makes his own rules, I suppose. I can imagine he wants to leave as quickly as possible, probably hating this little town by now.
Our dislike towards one another had remained, if not grown over the past few days. We had hardly spoken since our last conversation. Except medically wise about his slow progress in becoming more mobile. His recovery had suddenly taken a downwards turn but I assume they'd be able to fix him up just as quick in Konoha. The right environment was always more benefiting in recovery.
When Inui and I see each other we both remain professional, hiding our personal affairs from everyone else no matter how open they had already been made. In the end no one but us knew what had been said.
I wish him well and much success. He nods while reminding me in a whisper about the proposition and how it help so many people.
I just give him a short nod while aimlessly looking around to avoid his blue eyes.
It stings to see the hopeful look in the crowds eyes who were thinking the deal had been sealed. That help was on its way.
If they only knew…
Feeling his breath tickle my ear, I widen my eyes in surprise to his closeness.
'Don't forget what you mean to me, Sakura,' he whispered, squeezing my hand before moving pass me.
I swear it hurt more than it did yesterday. And this time around, I didn't have any arms around me to make me forget.
The fact that it now sounded a lot less selfish then yesterday didn't help my guilt-ridden feeling towards him either. Perhaps I had overreacted a little… maybe he was just passionate about making me want to come with him.
I felt a little bit of shame come over me.
The commander cold eyes meet mine and he gives me a smirk, as if he knew I had just been emotionally hurt. I felt torn between staying and going, between liking Inui and letting it be.
Pulling up a façade, I give him an icy stare in response while straighten my back to show my defiance towards him.
'I wish you well, commander.'
'Of course you do,' he snickers. 'You too, doctor Haruno. May you take care of many more patients as well as you do…for their sake.'
The dubious comment startles me. I quirk up an eyebrow at him, daring him to continue.
'Just don't forget,' he menacingly added. His voice sounded almost mocking, as if he knew something I didn't. Or pretend I didn't know…
I take a step back, understanding he was talking about Zabuza. But how did he know?
As he passes me by, much limping like his opponent, I put a hand on his shoulder to halt him. 'Can I now finally know your name, commander?'
Looking over his shoulder, he gives me a bored expression.
'Morino. Morino Ibiki.'
I ruffle through the cabinets. I let out a sigh. I could've sworn it had been lying around here a week ago. Somebody must've moved it!
I continue my search but to no avail. Glancing out of the window I see how dark it has already gotten. I want to go home. Now.
Today had been the first day of my somewhat normal routine. No tiptoeing around officers or getting questioned over every single thing I was doing.
Even the atmosphere in town had changed, much more at ease and back to its simple habits. It was strange how weeks of strain could disappear in just a few hours.
All because of one or two people being around…
I have strange feeling of sadness come over me when realizing that this probably meant the same for the situation at home. And though I had longed for it, now that the time had come, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. This morning… Haku.
I would miss having him around,
admitted to myself.
'What are you still doing here? You came in so early, you should've left hours ago!'
Startled, I turn around in one swift move. When I see who it is that has caught me, I immediately relax again.
'Yeah,' I sheepishly laugh at the young nurse. 'Hey, have you seen that special ointment for deep cuts and stitches?
'The one we overused on the commander leg so he'd shut up?'
I snicker in response, 'Yeah, that one! We're not out of it, are we?'
'No, I don't think so… You should go look upstairs, I think we got tired of running down the stairs all the time,' she smiled.
'Oh, right, thanks! I'm just going to go get it and then I'm out. See you tomorrow!'
'Why do you need it?' she curiously asked, stopping me dead in my tracks.
A simple, sincere question.
Yet a heavy feeling overcomes me. I hated this part.
'Mister Omori's leg isn't healing properly,' I quickly answered. If this experience had learned me one thing, it was how easy it was to lie and to keep on doing so.
'Oh… Doesn't he live like way out of town?'
'Quick pass before I go home,' I hush her while walking away.
'Do you want me to ask someone—'that won't be necessary! Thanks!'
I leave her behind without giving her a second glance, hurrying up the stairs. When I pass the commander's room, I no longer feel tightness in my chest but the memories of what has happened here suddenly come to haunt me. I try to ignore everything that has happened on this floor and hurry to get the ointment.
Truth was, Zabuza's leg should've been better by now. I think deep inside I had purposely left it neglected out of defiance and stubbornness. I knew about the ointment but for some reason didn't bother to go get it, telling myself it wouldn't help all that much anyways.
And well, the amount of trouble to get the simplest of things had always been a good reason to stall it getting it.
Glad to be ridden of authorities, I finally feel free to move around again without explanation or reason.
Hopefully I could leave all the lying behind soon too.
But… I suddenly remind myself of the tough decision Inui has left me with.
If I go back to Konoha… More ANBU. More authority, more explanation, more tiptoeing around. No helping who you want but helping who is important to the country...
No room for mistakes or temporarily solutions.
The now, why, go, stop… the commands would be endless again.
Just thinking about it made me feel the stress I had ran from years ago. I let out another tired sigh, one of many of the pass few weeks. But perhaps the most heaviest one so far, feeling my entire body tense up in response to it.
I stare at the ointment in my hand.
What am I doing? I should let him suffer…
But I couldn't help but think back and blush at the memories of last night. I try to ease my conflicting mind, finding that I was arguing with my own inner demon who was always in need of saving someone in order to feel better.
The sooner he got better, the faster he could leave.
It also would be less of a burden for Haku to bear.
And a little less for me to worry about Haku.
In this dreadful world we called home, I found it all good reasoning in my head.
Consider it a medicine for the more human part of the demon…
Phew! I sincerely hope you enjoyed the chapter and noticed all of the undertones, struggles and emotions I tried to put in it…
I didn't want scenes to be too explicit but I couldn't cut them because then it would've been all thoughts and feelings and that would've been a bit… boring, I suppose. Hey, this is rated M for a reason.
THANKS to everyone who took the time to leave a review on last chapter. I had one of the worse weeks of my life and it really made me feel whole lot better! So thank you!
And thank YOU for reading!
Don't forget to review/comment this chapter!