Chapter 10

We are the last ones to arrive in the Training Arena. All the tributes silently wait in a circle to begin. The silence is unnerving. But I guess it shouldn't be surprising, considering we will all be out to kill each other in a few days. It's hard to believe that all of us but one will be dead soon. I shake the thought from my head.

I have hardly looked at Katniss since this morning. If we are going to be a convincing couple, we need to at least be on speaking terms. I give her a couple quick glances, but she refuses to look my way. This may be harder than I thought.

I look over at all the other tributes while waiting. I'm bigger than most of them which gives me a sense of relief. When I look over at the Careers, I can't help but get intimidated. They are all strong and tall. They look healthier than the rest of us. Maybe the most intimidating part is their smiles. Unlike most of us, they want to be here.

The Training Arena gives us a lot of freedoms to do pretty much anything we want. There are several stations throughout the arena that are focused on different skills. Haymitch suggested we stay away from what we are already skilled in, so I won't go anywhere near the weights. Instead I'll focus more heavily on what I don't know.

Katniss is focused on looking around the arena. I need to make sure we are on the same page here. I nudge her arm and she quickly looks over at me, as if I broke her from a trance. "Where would you like to start?" I ask gently. She looks indifferent as she looks around the arena.

"Suppose we tie some knots?" She looks back at me.

"Right you are." I reply. She is going to play along. I was afraid she was going to ignore me and do her own thing. But she understands that Haymitch knows what he is talking about. I'm happy for the plan, but I'm honestly more relieved I get to spend some more time with Katniss. Even if she despises me.

I'm not the best with knots. Katniss basically has it all down. I learn a couple of the most basic snares, but I'm not sure I'll remember to use them in the games. Katniss certainly will. I don't think I'll live long enough to have to worry about food anyways. Now it's just about going out with dignity.

Camouflage is more my speed. The trainer is fully aware of my ability and watches as I mix the berries, clay, and mud together to create a perfect pattern against my skin. I'm able to make my hand nearly invisible. I'm proud of my work. Katniss doesn't seem as interested. She has her eyes fixed on the Career pack throwing spears.

"I do the cakes." I say, trying to get her attention.

"The cakes?" She turns to me, noticing the work I did on my arm. She looks impressed, I think. "What cakes?"

"At home. The iced ones, for the bakery." I smile at her. Her expression remains unchanged. She crosses her arms.

"Mr. Mellark, I am truly impressed." The trainer begins. I turn my attention to him. I can't help but let out a smile at his compliments. Maybe this is a greater strength than I anticipated. "The way you blend the lighter shades with the darker shades represent a sense of realism that, well, I wouldn't have expected from District 12. You truly have an eye for—"

"It's lovely." Katniss cuts him off. Her voice flat and condescending. "If only you could frost someone to death."

Ouch.

Those words hurt more than I thought they would. I turn to her, not angrily. I'm more discouraged than angry. "Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you'll find in the arena." I stop. Her face unchanged. I think again about what Cinna said. Maybe there was some truth to it. I've made her laugh before. So I put on a small smile. "Say it's actually a gigantic cake—"

"Say we move on." She interrupts suddenly before walking away. I look at her in silence as the smile fades away from my face. I look down at my arm and the instructor hands me a wet cloth to wipe it away. I get the feeling of loneliness wipe over me again.

"Trouble in paradise, huh?" The instructor jokingly asks. He nudges my arm.

Paradise. What a funny way of putting it.

The next three days are quiet. It mostly consists of Katniss and I traveling from station to station, quietly mastering each skill. I can't help but think that we might as well be separate because we don't appear to be enjoying each other's company.

Lunch in the Training Arena proves to be as awkward as expected. Most tributes choose to sit alone, except for the Career pack. Katniss and I sit together, usually in silence. Sometimes we pretend to hold conversation for the Gamemakers to see. I go on about bread for about 10 minutes. By the look on her face, she is ignoring me. But that is okay. She at least is pretending to be interested. We fake a laugh to further convince people that we are close. Though I'm not sure it was too convincing.

Katniss then tells me a story about when she was chased by a bear. Great, now I look even less interesting. Talking about bread may be the most boring topic possible. And here Katniss pulls out a story about a bear. The story is actually quite good. I find that, unlike Katniss, I take great interest in what is being spoken. Although the conversation isn't totally genuine, I feel happy that we are talking at all. I laugh and ask questions throughout. I really enjoyed her story.

Through the three days, I notice the 12 year old girl follow us around. She is quiet and quick, so a lot of times she catches me by surprise when I notice her. Her name is Rue. I learn quickly throughout training that she may stand a better chance than I originally gave her credit for.

Back on the District 12 floor, I can't help but feel bored most of the time. The only real human interaction I get there are when Haymitch and Effie grill us over what we did on the training floor. Usually there isn't much to report. This doesn't please Haymitch.

I wish Portia was around. I miss talking to her. She does such a great job of keeping my nerves at ease and making me feel good about myself. She always was interested in what I had to say, and she cared my feelings. No one can give me that now. Now I'm just trapped in my own head.

On the second night I was feeling especially homesick. I wanted to have someone to talk to. No, I needed it. While Katniss and I made our way to our rooms for the night, I tried to spring up friendly conversation.

"Someone ought to get Haymitch a drink." I turn to her with a smile.

She lets out laugh that puts my heart at ease. This was different from the fake laughter I was used to hearing in the Training Arena. I'm about to muster up the confidence to ask her to join me on the roof, but her expression changed suddenly back to the scowl I had become so used to. She puts her hand up to stop me.

"Don't. Don't let's pretend when there's no one around." Her words cut me. There is silence for a couple seconds, but it feels like hours. She may be pretending. But I'm not.

"All right, Katniss." That is all I can muster before turning towards my room and shutting the door behind me.

I sit on the bed for a little to think. I really needed someone to speak to. My gut feels empty. Thoughts of death in the arena continue to flash before my mind. Death isn't what scares me. Dying alone. Dying as just a piece of the Capitol's entertainment. A piece of their games. That is what scares me. I just wish I had someone who cared about me. Someone I could speak to. The tears fill my eyes quickly. Soon I feel my body grow weak. I push my face into my pillow and I sob violently. I just need to let all the pain and all the fear escape. This is the only way I can release.

It doesn't help much.

But something is better than nothing.