Hello you beauties!

As requested, here is a chapter from Jace's point of view, but before we get into that I have an important announcement.

I am going to Reading Festival next weekend, and I will be away from Thursday to Monday, therefore it is unlikely that I will get a chapter uploaded before the Thursday after. I know it's a long time to wait but I figured I'd warn you instead of just disappointing you.

If any of you lovely people happen to be going, don't be shy, come and say hello!…although I realize you don't know what I look like… maybe I'll post a picture…

ANYWAY here's a Disclaimer because I keep forgetting to write them: I don't own blah blah blah yes its all very sad but Cassandra Clare is our queen so I don't mind.

ON WITH THE STORY!

Confusion

Jace lay in his bed alone, confused and very awake. It was around 3am; basically the perfect time for one's brain to keep you awake with thoughts of the past, the present and the future.

Jace's past had been less than virtuous, to put it lightly. He'd discovered the wonders of girls and their pleasure potential in freshman year, and he'd continued to discover a new girl's wonders more or less every night until his final year at Yale. Since then he'd slowed the pace, but he was never with the same girl more than twice.

Half of him was proud of himself. He'd asserted his masculinity and dominance everywhere he had gone, and he never failed to get a girl, please her until she became incoherent, and then go out and do it all over again the next night. In fact, he'd prided himself upon that fact. But the other half was regretful and faintly disgusted. Yes, the women that begged for his company completely lacked any form of self-respect, but what had given him the right to respect them just as little?

For a while, he'd managed to persuade himself that he had his reasons, and these stopped him feeling so guilty when he was sneaking out as soon as she'd fallen asleep. These reasons were as follows:

1. 1. Sex was great. There was no denying it. Jace couldn't fathom anything that could feel as good as someone wanting you with the same animalistic ferocity with which you wanted them. Also, the variety kept him on his toes.

2. 2. This lifestyle offered considerably lower risk of commitment. Jace didn't want to be committed. At least, that's what he told himself. The real reason was that he didn't want anyone to be committed to him.

3. 3. It let him forget.

The last reason was one he hated to admit, but undoubtedly the most important. Jace was plagued with memories and insecurities he wasn't willing to face, and the throes of passion were the perfect escape from his demons. There was no safer place than the lust-filled cage of the limbs of a stranger, because it let him think about nothing else but the undeniable want and need in himself and the insignificant other. He could take all of his pent up emotions, be it anger, fear, sadness, loss or self-hatred and channel them into the effort needed to gain the ecstatic moans and gasps of a woman.

And for this precise reason, he disgusted himself. What self-respecting man used women for his own piece of mind? He hated that it had become the only way to rid himself of the nightmares he'd had for so long, and he hated the fact that he liked it.

Or, he used to.

For a little over a month now, Jace had stopped finding comfort in the unfamiliarity of a stranger's bed. He couldn't understand why for the life of him, because since everything had started going wrong, so surely he'd need it more than ever?

Well, not everything was going wrong. Jace loved his job, he thought it was perfect, but his family life was a different story. His adoptive mother and father were getting a divorce, crushing any hope he might have had that true and lasting love did actually exist. He hadn't seen his best friend/brother in over ten months and he was generally feeling like even his adoptive family didn't want him around.

Jace'd had a horrible childhood; he went through things no single-digit-aged human being should ever go through. It was a time he strived to forget, but since the age of ten when Jace moved in with the Lightwoods, life had been perfect. But now even the most perfect of families had fallen apart.

So why did he want the two things he knew didn't exist so badly?

Jace had stopped finding solace in a stranger's bed because the brief interaction wasn't enough any more. He wanted family and he wanted love, much to his own disappointment. His father's main lesson to him was 'to love is to destroy', and he had drilled it into Jace's skull before he, well, before he passed. But as much as Jace tried to remind himself of this, he couldn't stop the inevitable ache for someone to share his life with.

So that was Jace Wayland's present. He was lonely, and he wanted things he knew from experience could never end well.

The day he realized his predicament had started out as a regular night out at Pandemonium. He had flirted and danced and had received the expected attention from tipsy, scantily clad women. And he was enjoying it too, until the girl most interested began to pull him by the front of his shirt to the toilets, and whispered: 'Come on Jake, let's have some fun.'

The seductive lilt to her tone and the way she had already undone half of the buttons on his shirt would usually have been enough to persuade him to take her even in the unhygienic club toilets, but something about what she said wasn't right. He tried to remember through his alcohol-induced haze why exactly he was hesitating.

Jake

She had said Jake.

He was pretty sure his name was Jace the last time he checked.

He didn't even know her name. Surely that was wrong? Suddenly he didn't want a woman who couldn't be bothered to learn his name to want his attention. He didn't want her attention at all. For the first time in his life he wanted to know about the person he was going to sleep with. If she wasn't going to give him her name then surely she wasn't worth knowing?

He had pulled her arm away from his shirt, told her in no uncertain terms to leave him alone, and went to settle himself at the back of a club with a cold beer to collect his thoughts.

That was when he first met her.

Clary Fray.

He hadn't thought much of her at the time. Sure, she was pretty cute, very small with fiery red hair; nothing at all like the women he usually went for. But even if she had been, he wouldn't have tried anything. He was still so confused about why he was suddenly so disgusted by the idea of a one night stand. God knew he'd had more than his fair share of those.

So due to his confused state and the overwhelming sense of sadness that was emanating from the girl beside him, he attempted to make conversation. He ended up telling her, even if it was masked by the tone of a joke, that girls only ever seemed to want him for his body, and not for who he was. She had a sense of humour, he'd give her that, and he found it refreshing that she actually wasn't interested.

He had told her he'd see her around, but he didn't believe it. Part of him was sad about that because she was kind of a milestone for him, but she turned up again. At his work. What were the chances? But then he'd ruined it earlier by pushing a subject she clearly didn't want to talk about and he was feeling awful about it.

He also felt the burning curiosity to find out why she didn't want to talk about the last few years. He'd been through his fair share of crap, and he didn't like the thought that something similar might have happened to this enigma of a girl that he'd known all of about half an hour, collectively.

But why was he feeling guilty about offending her? He had offended girls before, but he supposed this girl hadn't yet done anything to deserve it. From the few brief encounters they had shared, Clary seemed a strange juxtaposition between being fragile and gentle and being strong and completely independent, and Jace didn't know what to make of it.

The thought had never occurred to him, because he'd never thought of having a committed relationship before, but just what exactly was his type? Did he like funny girls? Did he like vain girls? Did he like girls that depended on him or ones that didn't need him at all? I guess I'll have to start figuring that out.

Jace finally fell asleep at 4.30am. His alarm went off at 6am. It's fair to say he wasn't having the best morning. Being enthusiastic about poetry was tough even when you weren't running on an hour and a half of sleep and six cups of coffee. The only class he made a genuine effort in was Max's junior English Lit class. Max could always tell when there was something wrong, despite the eight year age gap between them, and Jace loved and hated it.

On a few occasions now, Max had cornered Jace in the car on the way back to his house and made him explain why he was acting strangely. Max never judged and always had something wise to say. He knew when to push for information and when to leave it alone, and for that, Jace loved Max a lot. In a way, Jace was closest to Max out of all of the siblings, and that made Jace feel horribly guilty about Alec.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?!

At the end of the lesson, Max hug around for a few minutes to check that everything was alright with his adopted brother. Jace cursed himself, his acting clearly wasn't up to par.

'Jace, are you ok? You look terrible.'

'Gee thanks Max, and that's Mr Wayland to you.' Jace smirked, teasing Max about still being in school.

Max didn't reply, he just waited patiently for a real answer.

'I didn't sleep much last night,' Jace said quietly, reluctantly.

'How come?'

'Just had a lot on my mind,' he replied, dismissively.

'Are you sure that's not code for 'I was screwing around on a school night'?' Max asked, his tone mockingly accusatory with a cheeky smile on his face.

Jace barked a surprised laugh and looked at his little brother in disbelief.

'No actually, for your information that hasn't happened for a while.' Jace shifted a little as he realized the truth of his statement and how uncomfortable he was admitting that to his 17 year old brother. 'Anyway, speaking of girls, anyone caught your eye, little bro?' Jace asked, wiggling his eyebrows for extra suggestive effect.

Max blushed profusely and shoved Jace from his perch on the edge of his desk. 'No!'

'Are you sure? Sarah Green is always really nice to you. Oh! What about Emma Carstairs, she never seems to mind when I pair you two up for group work!'

'Jace! Shut up! Ugh, you're so annoying!' Max exclaimed as he stalked out of the room. 'And to think I was just being nice, jeez…'

'Hey Max, wait a sec!' Jace called as Max was about to leave the room.

'What?' Max asked sharply, clearly annoyed by the teasing.

'I got you the latest Avengers comics, they were on offer in the bookshop I went to yesterday.'

Max's face softened immediately, and he smiled up at his big brother. Jace handed him the books and Max accepted them without a word. He turned on his heel to leave again and Jace called after him one more time.

'Does this mean I'm forgiven?'

'Nope. Thanks, though.' Max replied without turning around.

Jace smiled as he made his way to the staff room. He decided to give his early-entry students a lunch-time off and actually socialize with his fellow teachers for once. He made himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to one of the sports teachers that he was friendly with. Lunch break was going quickly, but near the end of the hour, Clary walked in and tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned around and gave her his full attention, shocked because he assumed he had offended her the day before.

'Sorry for freaking out and leaving yesterday.'

'Hey, that's ok, I had to get back for Max anyway,' Jace replied, even more confused. Why was she apologizing to him?

'Oh, yeah, well, uh, if you're not doing anything after last period, I'd be happy to get the other half of that coffee?'

'Sure, I'd like that,' he said with a smile. The question had taken him by surprise, but it wasn't unpleasant. This woman actually wanted to know Jace, and he was kind of intrigued by her too. Maybe this was the opportunity he'd been looking for. Maybe, just maybe, Clary Fray would be the girl to help him change.

AN: There you go, my pretties, one whole chapter from our favourite sarcastic blonde's point of view! Opinions and reviews are very welcome! I'd love to hear what you think about this version of Jace.

Also, what do you think about Max? I think he's adorable and he'd have grown up to be the nicest teenage boy you'd ever meet, had he had the chance. I love his relationship with Jace in the books and I'm trying to keep that in this story!

our-amelia thank you so much for your lovely review, don't worry, sebby-kins shall be making an appearance quite soon! *ominous evil laughter*

Anyway, have a lovely week and a half and I shall love to read your reviews when I get back. If any of you are interested, I'm going to be uploading a one-shot I half-wrote ages ago later or maybe tomorrow called Baby It's Cold Outside. It's a Clace story set between CoLS and CoHF, so if you're interested, give it a read and let me know what you think! Think of it as a present to keep you entertained while I'm away :D See you soon lovelies!