2001
Hearing the commotion outside, I looked up from my book.
"Get outta here you bum!" It was Stan who was yelling.
Getting up from the stool behind the counter, I peered out the window. Stan was standing with his back to the shack, hands on hips as a ragged looking young man stormed away with an angry expression.
"I wonder what that was about." I muttered, returning to the counter. Within minutes, Stan came through the main door, grumbling away to himself and unbuttoning his jacket.
"Well, that's the last of them for the day." He said, flipping the door sign from 'Open' to 'Closed'.
"I heard," I remarked with a smile, "made a lot of racket too. What happened out there?"
"Eh, tried to get out of paying... lousy hippy." Stan muttered. I snorted and closed my book.
"It doesn't matter now, you sent him packing," I said, walking over and planting a kiss on his cheek, "so we can relax and enjoy our evening."
Stan automatically slid an arm around me and hugged me close, relaxing with a sigh.
A sudden clatter on the front porch made me jump.
"Stan... what's that?" I asked, peering at the door suspiciously.
"Oh yeah. We have a goat now." Stan gave me an embarrassed look. "Instead of paying with money like an normal person, that guy tried to give me a goat instead."
I blinked a few times, trying to understand Stan's logic here.
"So you kept the goat and tossed him out?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "You realise you let him pay you with a goat still, right?"
Stan looked at me with a blank stare, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he worked it out.
"Damn." He cursed. "I'm an idiot aren't I?"
I laughed and patted his chest playfully. Stan never failed to make me laugh, even if it did mean we now had an extra mouth to feed.
"Yes... but you're my idiot Stan. Besides, I always wanted a pet." I joked as I ducked under his arm and walked toward the door, eager to get a look at whatever was on the other side of the door.
"We're not keeping it Carla," Stan called after me, "It's going to that farmer down the road. We don't need a goat! I'll get ya a puppy or something."
Ignoring Stan I opened the door slowly. Stepping out onto the porch, I saw the cutest little goat I'd ever seen chewing determinedly on the admissions sign.
"Awww. Stan! It's adorable." I cooed as I sank to my knees in front of the goat. The goat bleated at me and ambled over, still chewing.
"Don't let that thing bite you Carla." Stan warned from behind me. "It could be diseased."
"Weren't you the one who had a pet possum? Pretty sure they carry more diseases than goats." I quipped as I patted the goat's head softly, receiving a quiet nickering in return. Moving slowly, I gently scooped the little goat up into my arms and stood.
"Look at that little face Stan!" I held the goat up to Stan. "It's adorable! We have to keep it."
Stan folded his arms and glared at me.
"Urgh, no thanks. It'll probably try to eat us while we sleep or something."
The goat bleated and nibbled my jacket collar.
"Aww... are you hungry little fella? Yes, you can chew on my collar." I babbled, still smiling happily.
"Holy Moses Carla." Stan sighed in defeat and turned away. "Fine, It can stay. But If I catch it inside-"
Before Stan could finish his sentence, the goat wriggled out of my arms and cantered into the shop.
"Dammit!" Stan cursed and ran after it.
"Don't scare the poor thing!" I cried, following him. Slamming the door shut behind me, Stan and I paused in the gift shop, listening for the goat.
"If it breaks anything..." Stan muttered.
"Shush, I think I hear it over there." I pointed toward the rack of t-shirts. Approaching slowly, Stan grabbed the 8-Ball cane that was leaning on the counter.
"Don't you dare!" I hissed, eyes wide with concern. Stan gave me a confused look before realization dawned.
"I'm just gonna use it to move the shirts." He replied. My mouth made an o-shape in understanding and I moved to stand to one side as Stan used the cane to push the coat hangers to one side.
"Awww." I breathed. The goat was industrially chewing a shirt, curled up on its legs inside the rack.
"Oh great. It likes to eat the merchandise." Stan grumbled.
"It's only one shirt." I waved a hand and scooped the little goat up again. "They probably need real food."
"How would you know that?" Stan asked, leaning on the cane.
"Look at this little guy. He's tiny, just a baby. I doubt they're more than a few months old." I walked through to the living room.
"Aw come on! Don't bring it inside Carla." Stan protested.
"I can't hear you." I called back in a sing-song voice.
Placing the goat down on the front room rug, I smiled as it sniffed around for a while before settling in the corner.
"Do we have any leftover food we can give them?" I asked Stan. Stan rolled his eyes and walked past into the kitchen.
"I'll check." He said.
I sat in the recliner and watched the cute little goat sniff the floor. Stan came back through with some bread, an apple and crackers.
"What? I have no idea what goats eat." He admitted as I looked at him skeptically.
"Fair enough." I took the bread after a few moments thought. "We will have to ask someone in town tomorrow. Someone around here should know."
I held a chunk of the bread out, the little goat trotting over and wolfing it down eagerly. Stan smiled and offered the apple.
The goat bleated for a while before Stan realised the problem and dropped it on the ground. The goat sniffed the apple and nudged it, trying to find a good angle to get a bite. I frowned.
"I don't think they can eat it whole."
Stan sighed and picked the apple up, much to the goat's disappointment.
"I'm too damn soft." Stan grumbled before biting into the apple, tearing out a chunk and spitting it back out for the goat.
"Aw! You're like a mamma bird." I teased as the goat nosily chomped on the apple chunk. Stan grimaced as he continued to bite the apple into manageable pieces for the baby goat.
"I'm gonna pretend ya didn't say that."
Within minutes, the apple was gone.
As the goat began to sniff around again, I tilted my head awkwardly.
"Boy or girl do ya reckon?" Stan asked after realising what I was doing.
"Boy. I think... Probably best to take him to someone who knows more than we do." I replied.
The goat wandered back to Stan and head butted his knee with an impatient bleat.
"Whaddya want ya monster?" Stan complained as the goat fixed him with a slotted, yellow eyed stare.
"Told you. He thinks you're his mamma now." I fought the urge to laugh.
Stan grunted and tried to shove the little goat away with his knee. The goat refused to be deterred, returning back to Stan's side almost immediately.
"Admit it. You like him." I teased, watching Stan crouch down to pat the goat with a look of reluctant defeat.
"Yeah, yeah." Stan waved a hand at me. "You were right. He's adorable."
"What do we want to call him?" I asked, curling up on the recliner. "He's gonna need a name."
"Why you asking me? I have a terrible history of naming animals."
"What? I always thought Shanklin the Possum was a great name!" I smiled, glad that Stan had changed his tune about the little guy now nuzzling his hand.
Stan sighed and tugged his tie off, which the goat immediately began to sniff. I laughed as the goat began to chew it vigorously.
"Hey! Give me that!" Stan tugged his tie, but the goat wasn't having it. It bleated and pulled away, tearing the tie in two.
"You little monster." Stan said half-heartedly.
"I love this little monster." I commented. Stan rolled his eyes.
"Of course ya do. How can I win? I guess we're keeping him then."
"Really? You don't mind?" I asked.
"Yeah. Can't have my best girl mad at me now can I?" Stan winked as he returned to patting the young goat softly as it finished off his tie. "Ya know, he's certainly got a healthy appetite. Noisy eater though." Stan raised an eyebrow.
"Sounds familiar." I jibed. Stan pulled a face.
"Listen to those teeth go," He said with a faint smile, "I don't sound like that do I?"
I wrinkled my nose.
"Sometimes. Especially since you got your teeth sorted. It honestly sounds like chomp, chomp at times."
Stan had turned red at this, still slightly uncomfortable with the new set of dentures in his mouth. I hurried to reassure him.
"But I don't care! It's not that bad, honest! Besides, you have an even more dashing smile now." I winked and Stan smiled.
"Good ta know ya don't mind a man with fake chompers." He joked before jolting forward slightly. "Wait. Chompers..."
"What?" I was lost. "What about your chompers?"
"Not mine. His!" Stan pointed at the goat who was now sniffing and nibbling the side of the old television. "He chews loudly, it sounds like chomping, he's got a good set of teeth... or chompers. But he's a a goat! So take the G, combine it with the chomping noise he makes and what do ya have?"
"A headache?" I replied with a grin, enjoying Stan's crazy logic.
"No doll. Ya get Gompers!" Stan crowed triumphantly, loud enough to startle the goat who gave an indignant bleat.
"Whaddya think little fella?" Stan asked, "How does Gompers sound?"
The goat ambled over and head butted Stan's knee in a friendly enough sort of way before awkwardly folding his legs under himself. Stan stroked Gomper's back as the baby goat fell asleep.
"I guess we're calling him Gompers then." I conceded.
It really wasn't a bad name, and Stan did have a talent for making up original names... How could I protest it?
Stan waited until he was certain Gompers was fast asleep before standing and stretching.
"So now we have a goat. Great." He said with a grin.
"And you're smitten with him." I smiled.
Stan walked over and leaned down to kiss my forehead.
"Alright, alright. I am. Though he's not living in the house all the time. I'm drawing a line in the sand about that." He said. I nodded.
"Fair enough. He can live on the back porch, it'll be sheltered there for him."
"Good idea." Stan nodded. "I knew I married you for a reason."
Gompers snorted and kicked his legs slightly.
"I think we may have a kid..." Stan whispered with a stupid grin.
I groaned and rolled my eyes exaggeratedly.
"You did not just say that... " I punched him lightly with a mock grimace. "You and stupid puns."
Stan just grinned and sauntered back out of the room.
"What are we going to do with him huh Gompers?" I asked quietly, a smile playing around my lips.