Disclaimer: I do not own the Kenshingumi; all you lawyers, please don't sue me. And all you readers, please take note: I don't own anything I quote.
General Notes: Hmm.. we seem to have gotten a spiffy new ratings system. I will accept the assigned rating for now (it seems to be the new PG-13), but might have future chapters that get rated higher.
Other notes: AU, probably OOC (can't be avoided on account of the AU setting, although I'm trying to keep it minimal). Also, there are going to be spoilers. Or at least references to spoilerish things.
Chapter Eleven: If You Want to Make a Splash, Cheri
"This one?"
"Hotel hooker."
"It is not THAT bad..."
The only response Kaoru received was an archly raised eyebrow over one ocean-blue eye.
"I mean, I admit that the skirt is a little bit..."
"Kaoru, between the neckline and the hemline, that's a dress that screams, "Back me up against a wall and..."
"Misao!"
"I'm just saying, I know you want to look professional, but that doesn't mean that you have to pick that particular profession..." Misao finished, holding her hands up in a placating gesture.
"OK! All clear; how about this one?" Kaoru said, putting her first choice down and pulling another off the rack —she really didn't think it was that bad, but she also knew that she had the fashion sense of a blind aardvark on acid... and that Misao had the pictures to prove it.
"Recently ravished shepherdess." Misao declared authoritatively. "General rule? Bows are not of the good. They may in fact represent the forces of darkness."
"This would be the unbearable darkness of sheep-herding?"
"This would be the concrete darkness of you in a room full of teenagers looking like you escaped from Little Bo Peep's School for Girls."
Kaoru hastily shoved the suit back. Now that she looked at it from Misao's point of view, she could see where it was a bit... frilly. Just a tad.
It really wasn't her fault that she couldn't concentrate, she told herself for the fifth time that morning. First of all, she had been up to all hours grading those damned exams, which meant that she was running on very little sleep. She had managed to nap in the afternoon, until Misao swung by to drag her out for their long-planned shopping and dinner expedition. Now she was trapped in the mall with Misao in full shopping-mode, with no way of getting out of it unless she had a doctor's excuse or a darned good explanation.
And, while she technically had a darned good explanation... well, there was no way that she was sharing it. With anybody.
It had taken her long enough to forcibly shove last night's kitchen interlude into the back corner of her mind so that she could focus on the exams. Which, frankly, hadn't prevented her from slowly drifting back to wakefulness in the morning with her entire body tingling from the memory of how Kenshin's arms had felt, the way that he'd smelled of ginger and something that she was pretty sure was almost- but not quite- like pine trees growing next to the ocean.
She had needed two mugs of extra-strong coffee before she was ready to face that what was really bothering her wasn't so much that she'd been passionately and thoroughly kissed by a demon.
It was that she had been thoroughly and passionately kissing him back.
She really wasn't sure what to make of that fact. In her admittedly limited experience, being kissed could be... well, sweet, and perfectly nice, and definitely something to do if the movie was really, really mind-numbingly boring, but the way that Kenshin had...and then the way that... and especially that part where he'd...
Kaoru realized that Misao was talking again... well, actually, that Misao probably hadn't stopped talking in the first place, and that she was still standing staring mindlessly at the rack of clothing.
"Sorry; what?" Kaoru said apologetically, hoping that she hadn't missed anything important.
'Gimme an "f," gimme an "o," gimme a "c," "u," "s,"—what does that spell? Not giving the Weasel anything she can latch onto and ask inconvenient questions, that's what that spells! Looked at rationally, it makes sense that evil demons would know how to do that sort of thing. They probably have to take courses.' Part of her brain commented that Kenshin had clearly gotten an "A," possibly with bonus points, but she told it to go focus on images of the class projects she was about to have to grade, and it shut up. 'And, well, you're a perfectly normal, healthy young woman, so it makes sense, rationally, that you would respond. Nothing but hormones. Could have happened to anybody. Pure coincidence that it was you that time. Coincidence and... and.. skullduggery on his part, fitting with his evil schemes to get past your defenses and get you to help him with his nefarious plans. You just have to keep from being alone with him, and.. well, lay back and think of the fate of humanity in general... except without the laying back... I shall stand up and remind myself that it does not matter HOW well he kisses, or what my hormones think about it; they don't get to vote in this.'
Having rationally dealt with her problem, Kaoru was able to take a deep breath and get back to the important matters at hand. Following Misao to the next rack of suits, Kaoru attempted to pick one that was bow-less, frill-less, and with an industrial-strength neckline.
Before she could even get it out of the tangle of other suits, Misao firmly declared "East German bureaucrat" and pushed it back where it could remain safely hidden, possibly for the rest of time.
Feeling like she was running out of options, and starting to get fed up with the entire clothes-shopping procedure, Kaoru suggested, "What about the pink one, over there on the end?"
"My Aunt Mabel's living room sofa."
"Remind me again why I'm going shopping with you?" Kaoru groaned heavily.
"Because every time you try to go on your own, you start to get fed up with the entire clothes-shopping process and come home with books, CDs, and the occasional throw pillow, but NO actual new clothes. And," she grinned manically, "also because you promised that if I helped you deal with the horrors of suit-shopping, you would let me pick out a date outfit, suitable for dinner, movie, and/or clubbing."
"Speaking of 'clubbing," Kaoru muttered under her breath as the smaller girl darted across the aisle and seemed to simultaneously pull out three different suits, in a plumy burgundy, a dark heather gray, and a navy blue with pale blue pinstripes.
"Ok, you take these, and I'll grab some blouses... what do you have at home... oh, never mind, you need new ones..." Misao chirped.
"Hey! What makes you think that I need new blouses?" Kaoru retorted indignantly.
Misao merely stared at Kaoru with a level gaze until the latter lowered her eyes and blushed faintly.
After looking at the suit and blouse combinations with a practiced eye, Misao eliminated the burgundy on the grounds that it made Kaoru's skin look too pale, and one of the blouses because it, in her words, had "a kind of Victorian schoolmistress dominatrix vibe that you really need leather and a horsewhip to pull off successfully."
Kaoru really wasn't sure she wanted to know how her friend could state that so authoritatively.
That left two blouses, and the gray and blue suits. Misao was in favor of Kaoru getting both of them, since two suits would certainly be useful. Kaoru wasn't so sure that her budget could handle that, and said so, to which Misao declared that Kaoru should consider the dating outfit her Christmas and birthday present, and spend her money getting the suits instead.
It was really terribly sweet, Kaoru thought, except for the fact that Misao kept referring to the other outfit as "bait."
Once the suits had been purchased and safely stowed in the car, the two girls went to grab a quick dinner at the mall food court and plot their next stops. Well, Misao plotted; Kaoru concentrated on her salad and drink and hoped that she could figure out a way to minimize the potential clothing disaster.
'Nothing too high, nothing too low, nothing too tight, nothing too flashy... basically, eliminate anything Misao would wear herself for a night out...'
Sipping her drink, Misao asked, "Hey, what's the theme this year for Sano and Katsu's Halloween Bash at Blue Mooney's?"
Kaoru furrowed her brow in thought and replied, "You'd have to ask Megumi. Last I knew, she was still finalizing arrangements for where she wanted the money to go this year, and they never pick a theme until she's told them the specifics. Well, not since that year Katsu wanted to do a "Halloween amidst the flames of Hell" theme and didn't know that Megumi had made arrangements for the profits to go to the burn unit."
Misao giggled. "That's right; I had forgotten. Well, we've got a while, so I guess I don't have to think about costumes just yet. I can devote all my attention to finding you something suitably fabulous for next week!"
"Yay?" Kaoru muttered under her breath as Misao got up to dispose of the cups and napkins.
Rejuvenated and re-caffeinated, they went to spend the remaining hours until the mall closed hitting Misao's favorite boutique, where the petite girl proceeded to go through the shelves and racks like a whirlwind, her braid swinging as she pulled things out, looked them over, and either replaced them or handed them into Kaoru's already overloaded arms.
"Skirt or pants?" she demanded as she continued to scan the shelves.
"Um...well... I don't know..." Kaoru said, caught off guard. It really wasn't the sort of thing that she spent a lot of time thinking about on a regular basis.
"Right, we'll try both, then..." Misao said, and proceeded to pull out a pair of black pants Kaoru was sure would have to be poured on and something that apparently couldn't make up its mind whether it wanted to be a skirt or a very large belt.
'Oh... oh, I knew that this was a bad idea...' Kaoru groaned internally. All of Misao's choices so far hit at least one of Kaoru's "No, no, no" list, but her protests were falling on deaf ears.
Deciding that she could at least mollify her friend by trying things on, and then pointing out all of the flaws, Kaoru headed into the dressing room and dumped everything on a chair in the corner.
She tried the skirt... unless it was a belt...first, along with a blue tank top that dipped low in the back and was woven with subtle silver threads.
"Hmm..." Misao said critically. "No, no, not with that top... try the other one..."
Kaoru wasn't sure how many combinations Misao had her try on before the petite girl bounced back into the dressing room with a grin.
She was still wearing the black leather pants Misao had already declared to be keepers, and which Kaoru had yet to come up an acceptable objection to. They somehow managed to be comfortable in spite of how tightly they fit, and were surprisingly durable. Kaoru had surreptitiously tried a few basic kata moves in the dressing room, in the hopes that one of the seams would split and put the pants out of the running, but it hadn't worked.
"I found the perfect top for you!" Misao held up a hanger with... Kaoru blinked.
"Um... Misao... that's not a top; that's a handkerchief that's somehow gotten separated from its kerchiefy little friends..."
"Your wacky imagination is exceeded only by your complete lack of imagination. Um... I mean, live a little when it comes to clothing! This is for clubbing, and dancing, and drinking, and having fun, and...and... frolicking!"
"I don't there's enough of it to do all that..." Kaoru said, holding the hanger up skeptically to look at her friend's choice.
The fabric—what there was of it—was a medium blue, with another strip of the same blue that went around the neck to hold the top in place. Between the two medium blue pieces was a slightly shimmery lighter blue fabric that Kaoru was sure was going to be awfully close to see-through.
Misao said, "Well, come on; put it on, what are you waiting for?"
"But...but... Misao, I don't think that I'm wearing the right bra for something like that..." Kaoru tried, desperate. Misao had that look in her eyes again...
"You don't wear a bra with this, Kaoru."
"I. you... how am I supposed to be out in a club and dancing and so on without a bra?" Kaoru hissed, blushing furiously.
Misao pulled the top off the hanger and turned it inside out. "It's got a built-in underwire, Kaoru... this top works like its own bra. Put it on; you'll see."
Muttering under her breath, Kaoru finally gave in.
The top wasn't actually as bad as she'd feared.
It was much worse.
The bottom of the top came down to just underneath her breasts, and with the low waist of the pants, Kaoru's entire abdomen felt very exposed. Not to mention that the entire thing fit like a second skin. The shimmery fabric managed to keep the amount of cleavage she was showing just shy of being completely indecent... well... actually, Kaoru wouldn't use the word "shy" in any context where that top was concerned.
"PERFECT!" Misao yelled, loudly enough that two salespeople and a customer started and then turned and stared.
'Don't show fear; don't show fear... oh...crap...' Kaoru thought as Misao turned to her with shining eyes and launched into conversation without waiting for Kaoru to even open her mouth.
"Yes! That's the outfit for you! And, well, for whichever lucky guy you're out with... ok, change back so that I can pay, and then, my friend, we are going to spend the remaining time shopping for shoes. By which I mean you are getting new shoes. And before you protest, let me remind you that I've seen those ridiculous black pumps you insist on wearing—in fact, I was there when you bought them, over the express objections of both Megumi and myself, and they have not gotten any prettier over the intervening years. Go, change; we have shopping to do!"
"Ah...I...uh..." Kaoru stuttered, then gave up. There was really no way to stop Hurricane Misao once she got going; it was useless to try.
'Well... if I let her buy this, she'll feel better, and I won't have to worry about any birthday 'surprises' like last year ... and the year before that... and there's nothing that says I actually have to wear it. Ever. It can just live happily in the back of my closet and commune with the other things Misao has given me that are too lovely to wear...'
Giving it one last try as they left the store, Kaoru gamely said, "You know, Misao, if we could just stop at the bookstore on the way to the shoes..."
"Oh, no, raccoon-girl—you pulled that stunt last time. 'Oh, just go ahead," you said. "I'll catch up," you said. Five hours later, you're still lurking in the stacks and the mall is getting ready to close. No bookstores for you."
"You are a cruel, cruel girl," Kaoru mused, without real anger, "Hey... is there some kind of film noir retro fashion trend going on? There was this guy outside the food court in a black fedora, and there's another one right now in a black hat that looks exactly alike."
"How alike? Was it the same hat?" Misao demanded, eyes twinkling. 'You know what they say about deja vu..."
" 'Oh Tish, that's French'?" Kaoru suggested.
Misao rolled her eyes. "OK, fine, don't believe me. But don't be surprised when the men in black suits and sunglasses show up."
"With you, I'm more worried about the men in white coats," Kaoru retorted.
Ducking the punch Misao aimed at her arm, Kaoru laughed as the two girls headed on to tackle the dreaded black pumps issue. Shooting down Misao's first four choices on the grounds that: they were impractical for school; they would be hard to walk in; no, sex kitten is not the look I'm going for; and just plain ugly, Kaoru finally found a pair of shoes they could both agree on and bought them with a sigh of relief. Not only that, Misao had bounded up to her with a pair of black boots that she insisted would work beautifully with Kaoru's other new outfit. Since Kaoru could see them working well with clothing she actually intended to wear out in public, she acquiesced and bought the boots along with the pumps. This made Misao happy enough to jump up and down, before she remembered that she had promised not to do that any more in the mall.
Once she'd paid for everything, Kaoru allowed herself a satisfied grin. Two suits, plus blouses, an outfit Misao never needed to know she wasn't going to wear, sensible pumps, and some nice dressy boots. Not a bad haul for an afternoon's work. If she played her cards right, it would be another month before either Misao or Megumi got it into their heads that Kaoru's wardrobe needed adjustment.
"I'm so happy that you finally found shoes to replace those other monstrosities!" Misao sighed happily as they headed out to the parking lot.
"I'm amazed that you managed to find three pairs for yourself in half an hour. Where do you keep all of your shoes, Misao? I've been to your apartment; it's not that big..."
Misao shrugged, "Well, when something's important to me, I find a way to make it happen. Speaking of making things happen, we need to figure out where you're going to wear your spiffy new outfit. I'm thinking next week, drinks, dancing, and potential debauchery, if either of us can find a man worth... um... debauching."
Kaoru blushed, although it was more from the memory of recent events than Misao's suggestion. She could only hope that her face was either not visible in the darkness or that Misao would assume it was because Kaoru was thinking of purely hypothetical situations.
Misao chattered brightly the whole way back to Kaoru's apartment, running through half-formed plans for getting together the following Friday and hitting the clubs.
Kaoru nodded vaguely and made occasional affirmative noises, but spent most of the time watching the streetlights and the other cars on the road.
'When is she going to learn that I really don't like going out to noisy, crowded bars and clubs, full of half-drunken idiots? Well, gee, Kaoru, the fact that you keep letting yourself get talked into going to said clubs and bars isn't exactly making it clear, is it.'
This time, she was resolved not to be overwhelmed by Misao's persuasive talents. There was no way she was going to spend an evening out with a hyperactive weasel-girl, surrounded by a bunch of men who she didn't even know, hoping to find somebody to get into a relationship with...
Kaoru paused. A relationship. Maybe that wasn't such a horrible idea after all. If she was in a relationship, then... Kenshin would have to back off, right? It would mean that she obviously and publicly and definitely wasn't available, and then he wouldn't keep... well, doing the things that he seemed prone to do. Repeatedly. At the very least, she reasoned, having a shiny new boyfriend to brandish in front of him would throw him off enough to give her space to figure out how exactly she was going to get rid of him. For good this time.
Now that was something it was worth spending an evening out for.
"What time next Friday?" Kaoru asked as they pulled into her parking lot.
Misao blinked. She honestly hadn't been expecting Kaoru to agree so quickly; usually it took cunning, guile, and threats to drag her friend out of the house on a Friday night. However, she was not one to look a gift raccoon in the mouth, so she quickly replied, "Eight o'clock. I'll come by to pick you up."
"Isn't eight a little earlier than you normally start club-hopping?"
"I'm factoring in the time I'll need to wrangle you into a decent outfit and re-do your hair and make-up." Misao admitted.
"There's nothing wrong with the way I do my make-up! And I can dress myself, thank you. Just pick me up at nine-thirty like you always do, ok?"
"Fine, fine," Misao sighed in a way that made it perfectly obvious she had no intention of doing as Kaoru requested. "I'll see you on Friday."
"I won't answer the door before nine-thirty, just so you know. In fact, I may booby trap the doorbell. Possibly with paintballs."
And with that, Kaoru said her goodbyes and got out of the car, grabbing her purchases from the backseat. She waved to Misao as her car drove away, and headed upstairs to put her new clothes in the closet—in some cases, very far back in the closet—and get some sleep.
Tomorrow, she and Sano had a long day of car-hunting, and she knew that she needed to be well-rested. Megumi had gone car-shopping with Sano once without getting a full night's sleep, and it was the reason she now drove a very tiny, very fast, very red convertible sports car with many unique personality quirks.
Making sure that all of her car-shopping information was laid out and well-organized, Kaoru turned out her lights, brushed her teeth, and went to bed.
Car shopping was neither as successful as Kaoru had hoped nor as bad as she had feared. True, it took way more time than she had planned, and involved Sano arguing strongly in favor of a zippy little Mazda that gave Kaoru a very bad flashback of a laughing blonde and her blonde, laughing friends accelerating out of the high school parking lot.
However, Sano was not only willing to look at all the options Kaoru had circled (after he himself had read through the ads and agreed that those were the best choices), he took his time with each car, checking the tires, the engine, the seats, the sound system—to Kaoru's amusement—and everything else he or Kaoru could think of. Since he'd been bugging her to get a car for half a year, he had a pretty good idea of exactly what she was looking for...well, except for the Mazda incident... and she ended up with a silver-grey sedan that had fewer than fifty thousand miles on it and enough room to haul all of her things, and occasionally her brother, back and forth.
Since he'd been so helpful, for once Kaoru was the one to suggest that Sano deserved beer and sustenance, and that they could pick up Megumi and head out to whatever restaurant he picked in her shiny new-to-her car.
"Thanks, Missy, but the Fox and I have plans. Anniversary of the third time we started going out. And, um, the fifth."
"Oh... well... congratulations and, uh, congratulations. Take a rain-check?"
"You know it!" Sano grinned broadly "Well, you take care of your nice new car... and don't let the Weasel try to name it!"
Kaoru laughed. Misao did have a habit of naming the inanimate objects owned by her and her friends... a process which usually involved referring to the object in question by a series of names until she found one that she decided fit, for reasons that were clear only to Misao. This was also how she had ended up with a hundred and twenty pound mastiff named Angel Marie.
Taking advantage of her automotive freedom, Kaoru drove cheerfully down the highway, singing car-related pop songs at the top of her lungs.
"Life is a highway! I wanna drive it... until I figure out what to do for dinner... Burger King does it my way... but fried chicken's always a winner... hmm... well, that'll never be a Top 40 hit, now will it... Hmm... apparently being in my very own car makes me more likely not only to sing out loud but to talk to myself... Better not do that when anybody else is in the car with me. Although then I suppose I'd be talking to them... Clearly, car ownership is more complicated than I first thought..."
In the end, Kaoru decided that she wanted to go home and kick back with a good movie... preferably one that involved no car chases, car crashes, car vandalism...
One of those Jane Austen films Megumi had talked about the other day sounded good.
Movie night automatically meant pizza and root beer, and, since Kaoru was feeling particularly happy and self-indulgent, an order of cheesesticks. With garlic. Lots of garlic.
True, that was another thing that was supposed to be for vampires, but she didn't expect a... a... well, whatever kind of demon Kenshin was, exactly, to want to get up close and personal with a girl who smelled like garlic.
She wondered if there was an Eau de Garlique available alongside the garlic capsules and supplements at one of the local health food stores...
Thanks to the wonders of modern cellphone technology, Kaoru pre-ordered the pizza and was able to pick it up immediately.
"Here you go, Ms Kamiya! The usual, plus cheesesticks, extra garlic. So, no delivery tonight, huh?"
"Nope! I got a car! It's so shiny! Don't worry; I am sure there will be times when I rely on pizza delivery, same as always. Have a good night!" Kaoru answered. She wondered if she should be disturbed by the fact that her car-buying good mood was making her sound an awful lot like Misao...
The parking lot presented an unexpected problem, since Kaoru hadn't registered for a parking spot at the rental office.
'Rats... rats... other small annoying mammals... I knew that there was something I forgot to do yesterday! Oh... and water the plants; two things I forgot to do yesterday... Hmm... visitor's spot, visitor's spot, there can't be THAT many people deigning to visit our fair complex... ah-ha! I'll just have to go to the office on Monday and fill out an application now that I have a car of my very, very own.'
Humming "Route 66" under her breath, Kaoru headed for the stairs, balancing the pizza, cheesesticks, and root beer while she hunted for the door keys. She slowed and paused when she thought she someone standing near the entranceway—the apartment complex had a strict policy against letting other people into the building, a policy which Kaoru was highly in favor of, and she always waited to see if somebody was going to be buzzed in before she went in herself, just so nobody could lurk and then use her to get in. Fortunately, when she looked more closely, it was just an odd pattern of shadows from the trees and trash bins. And possibly the neighbor's cat, who occasionally found things worth pouncing on in the general vicinity of the trash.
'Tell the office that the light in the stairwell is burned out; THREE things I forgot... and nifty red uniforms...argh... ok, ok, no problem; just have to attain a Zen-like state of oneness with the pizza box and the soda and make it up the stairs without incurring the wrath of gravity..."
Fortunately, the stairs were free of obstructions, and Kaoru was able to proceed without too much trouble as long as she took it slowly, relied heavily on the light coming in from the parking lot lamps, and kept her glance trained on the stairs.
Then, she wasn't even sure how, her ears picked up a noise, the merest hint of a sound, and she looked up, startled, to see movement; a pair of glowing amber eyes, a flash of deep red in the darkness, and a fierce, harsh, snarl of an expression that that had her automatically throwing her arms out even as she took an instinctive step backwards...
... only to feel a sense of panic and disorientation as her foot met nothing but the air at the edge of the step.
Kaoru's loud scream was cut off as she found herself suddenly jerked forward and spun so that she was standing on the landing, catching her breath and re-orienting herself now that she had stopped moving.
She wasn't falling... that was good. She could handle not falling. There were two hands clasped around her forearms, hands that seemed unwilling to let go, as if she would immediately start tumbling again without support.
As her brain re-examined the past several seconds, and put the "who" together with the "what," Kaoru realized that the not falling might be the least of her problems.
Unless she planned on attacking Kenshin with cheesesticks, she really didn't have a weapon, and she had no illusions about being able to break his grip.
'Oh, hells...' she thought, and then, 'And I didn't even get to drive my new car to work; finally get a new car, and can't use it more than once due to unexpected demonic activity, just my luck; guess Yahiko was right that I'm just not meant to have a car, although how exactly he connected that to my cooking skills is still a myst-... huh?'
Kenshin had let go, and taken a step back. Kaoru blinked uncertainly. Of the various and several responses she had expected from him, that was not one.
"I... I'm sorry," he said, his voice low.
"You what?" Kaoru said, looking up at him in shock.
"I... I didn't realize it was... I thought it was... somebody else. It's dark, and I didn't expect..." Kenshin trailed off.
'Sheepish is a very odd expression for him,' she decided, 'And that shirt does nothing... oh, double hells... I DID attack him with cheesesticks...'
And, indeed, now that she was looking at it from a stationary position, the light coming in from the windows clearly showed that Kenshin's shirt was... well... considering the root beer, the cheese and garlic were probably the least of his laundry issues. She didn't dare glance down to check out his pants, but she was fairly sure they must be in a similar situation.
And if the cheesesticks and root beer had met a grisly fate defending her from a vicious attack of mistaken identity, then what had happened...
"Oh, DAMMIT!" Kaoru yelled, interrupting what looked like Kenshin's attempt to continue his explanation and dashing past him to where the pizza box had landed.
"Oh, please; come on..." she muttered, ignoring Kenshin's questioning, "Kaoru?" and focusing on more important issues.
Namely, her dinner.
Kaoru exhaled in relief when she realized that the pizza had survived. Well, one side was... a little bit bent, and she was going to have to perform an emergency topping readjustment, but it was definitely much more edible than anything she could have come up with on her own.
Good; she wasn't going to have to kill Kenshin. Tonight, at least.
Picking up the pizza protectively, Kaoru turned to face the redhead, who was still looking at her with an expression that was somewhere between sheepish and baffled.
"This," she said in an aggrieved tone, "is my dinner. You seem to be wearing the rest of it, and the only regrettable thing about that is that you have deprived me of cheesesticks, about which I am not pleased."
Kenshin looked down and seemed to notice what had happened to his shirt... and definitely his pants, now that Kaoru could risk a quick glance... for the first time.
"Ah," he said, "Um... that's ok... I still have your sweatshirt from the last time you..."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR WARDROBE! And you'd better give me back my sweatshirt, you... oh, never mind, the point is that this" she gestured at him aggressively with the slightly battered box, "is my dinner. Which I was looking forward to. And which I am now going to go eat, in my apartment, and if you come anywhere near my door, you are going to be needing to replace more than your shirt, you pointy-toothed idiot."
And with that, Kaoru turned and stomped into the hallway, not caring about Kenshin's explanations or his expression.
Screw Jane Austen; she needed a film where the Demonic Forces of Hell got their assess handed to them by a group of righteous heroes. Preferably in a very painful fashion, possibly involving creative use of household objects as weapons.
She was starting to think that a few pointers in that direction might be very handy.
In this chapter, I don't own: The hysterically funny farce "Noises Off," "The Matrix," "The Addams Family," "Route 66," or "Life is a Highway." And I still don't own the Muppets. Nor do I own "The Creation of Man," from the musical version of "The Scarlet Pimpernel," although it is a very funny song.
After many suggestions, I went with Blue Mooney's for the name of Sano and Katsu's bar (thank you to Ravyn and her floormates!). I'm thinking it's a combination of the previous owner's name and Sano attempting wordplay, possibly based on when Megumi told him she would ever even think about going out with him.
Reviewer Responses: Well, after a very wonderful—yet exhausting—family vacation, I am back! Bwa ha ha! We had amazing weather (the one day we had half a day of greyness and drizzle, we were someplace where greyness and drizzle added to a Distinctly Romantic Atmosphere), nobody fell into a river, I managed to get everybody on and off trains and subways successfully, and the time that the guy in the room above my parents' left the water running and made the plaster and everything fall on their beds and their room generally flood turned out to be one of those great vacation anecdotes (the hotel folks moved all the luggage as soon as they noticed water dripping through my parents' floor, so when they came back, it was to a room that was totally stripped of everything, including wallpaper and carpet, with mysteriously vanished luggage). Thanks again to everybody who has been reviewing, both folks who are regular readers and new people! I continue to be thrilled by responses to this story, including questions and places where I need to clarify things. Although, of course, there are questions which I will not answer, because I am, you know, occasionally eee-vil. (cue evil chortle)
One quick note: Due to my pre-vacation rush, I left out one scene-dividing line in the previous chapter, after Kaoru says "ARGHH!" and before she goes up the stairs. There's a bit of time there, for her to check her mail or something similar. And in at least one place two words got squished together; sorry! And, in another quick note: Kenshin isn't definitely a gaki; that's just ONE of the things Kaoru was doing research on, in her attempts to classify him.
Akai13: Glad that you are getting the allusions! I am having so much fun putting them in, in my own deranged way, and that people get them makes me very happy. And inspires me to keep putting them in, so be warned.
AngelWingsBaka: Word complains about my comma usage. I keep going over the quota, I guess. Glad that you are learning new words!
Anonymous : Hmm.. perhaps Kenshin should get business cards made... Suicide blonde is, as far as I know, a Dorothy Parker quote. And, regarding Misao... well, you'd expect that she would recognize Kenshin if she saw him again. If.
Anne Novemberly: Always great to read your very detailed and thought-provoking reviews! Thank you! I am so glad that you like the way things are going! And I love your description of Kenshin as a "deliciously dangerous bastard." Hee. Let's see... Ok, the practice of reading everything before assigning actual grades was something Karou remembered on the spur of the moment (spurred primarily by being faced with Mr. Fujita) from her high school English teacher; the use of Post-It Notes was something she and Misao came up with. Two separate things, really. Kenshin calls out to both Sano and Kaoru in the parking lot just because he is being friendly and doesn't want to leave anybody out. In terms of who is going up and down the stairs and when they're doing it... OK, Sano heads off to grab a couple of boxes of books and heads up the stairs while Kenshin is talking with Kaoru. Then Kenshin heads off and Kaoru is distracted by his.. um.. pants. This is the place where there should have been a scene break (see above), to indicate that Kaoru, oh, probably went and got her mail or something. So by the time she is heading up the stairs, Kenshin is heading back down, while Sano is presumably finishing up putting boxes or other things away. In terms of Kaoru's grandparents: the "wrong fork when visiting" grandparents are actually her mother's grandparents. I assume that her father's parents would have been living with them at the dojo, which I picture as being several generations old (so... great-grandparents probably the ones who actually immigrated). There's the dojo, which is the oldest part of the complex, and the house, which is newer, and, well, less Japanese. I also don't picture Kaoru's mother's parents as being Japanese—maybe part Japanese, but not entirely. As you can see from Kaoru's father, that side of the family was a bit more relaxed; her mother's side was.. um.. well, the sort of people who would have various forks at dinner and expect the grandchildren to know how to use them. In terms of Misao and Kaoru and Kenshin and so on... evil authorial eyebrow waggle
Cobaltsky: Hope that this was soon enough! I really did think about trying to post while vacating, but it didn't work out, time-wise.
Corycian Muse: Kenshin is indeed being sneakily normal. At least most of the time.
Fantasy Angel Victoria: grins Well.. we'll just have to see exactly where Kenshin moved in, won't we... Kaoru was in her apartment, so she never tried to figure it out (too traumatized by the fact that Kenshin was there in the first place...)
Grimnoire: Nope, not a dream I had. I tried to integrate a bunch of things from the anime, actually—the "just for personal defense" shuttlecocks from Katsu, Saitoh's sword not having a name, his love of soba noodles, and so on. And: blushes profusely Thank you for the compliment! That is exalted company to be listed with.
Inygodusk: Don't underestimate the power of sneaky Post-It Notes! In terms of Sano's bumper stickers.. well, that seemed like something better left to the imagination. giggles In this chapter.. well, both Kenshin and Kaoru seem to have gotten a little "off-balance" in different ways.
Irridescent Twilight: Cackle away! Kaoru with a lighter.. she's bound to think of it eventually, I'm sure... Of course, now he's in the same building, it's going to be harder to burn the place down without losing all of her stuff...
JBella: Hmm... Sano seems more like the type to approve of his best friends getting together... In terms of where exactly in the building Kenshin lives.. Kaoru blockaded herself in her apartment, rather than trying to figure it out.
Kat Morning: Glad that you appreciate Hiko! Hmm.. great chant translation. Something Kaoru I'm sure feels that she could use... Possibly while brandishing her bokken in a threateninig manner.
Linay: Thank you! It thrills me that you are enjoying this! Kenshin is indeed willing to take advantage of various opportunities. And I'm so glad that you like Kaoru's inner monologues (she thinks a lot, probably more when she's nervous).
Lisica: Frogs would have been good, but I hope that you like the bar name that got picked.
Liz: Hiko got that phone to Kenshin through his own mysterious ways. Just because Kenshin knows his Master is prone to do things like that doesn't make him happier about it. Hmm.. Hiko as a junior high school teacher.. the mind boggles. Hee.
Lolo popoki: Indeed, it does not bode well.
Mz Amber Eyes: Don't worry; he's not going to be doing nothing but grabbing her and kissing her. It was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.
Nathan: Does attacking him with cheesesticks count as a maiming? She definitely WANTED to maim him.. and would have, if she's had anything sharp and pointy on hand. And, Fujita meeting Kenshin would indeed be.. interesting...
omasumioniwabanshi: Fujita could serve as the model for a range of evil professorial types. Glad that you also adore Rowan Atkinson! Hmm.. I think that the next time Word complains about long sentences or fragments, I shall brandish "The Sound and the Fury" at it.
Ookami-Hitomi: Thank you! Reading and not reviewing is ok; I love the feedback, but it's more important to me that folks are enjoying the story (I know that I also read and don't review, as much as I try to review other people's work).
Pego: Thank you for the "television story" compliment! Whee! I have visuals for it in my head, so I'm glad that other people can "see" it. Hmm.. it's not exactly on the Spike/Buffy model (Kenshin will not, for example, be given a chip that shocks him every time he makes an improper advance.. much as Kaoru might want it), but I do like the idea of that kind of sarcastic banter and so on. In terms of Kenshin's job.. keep your eyes open for upcoming hints. Kaoru does indeed have things tough in a number of ways.. her internship is indeed one of the top things. Before Kenshin showed back up, in fact, it was probably THE top thing. And pity Yahiko—he has to actually TAKE the exams in that class...
Pinay Tiger: Glad that you like the wit/sarcasm. Hope that this chapter was up to standards!
Scented Candles: Thank you! Glad that you have specific things that you are remembering from the chapter! And, thanks for trip-related wishes!
Silver Eyes Bright: Glad that you see the Buffyness! And that you like it. The kiss was.. well, Kenshin was being spontaneous. He hadn't planned on doing that until Kaoru made her unfortunate remark. And then.. well, an opportunity presented itself.
skenshingumi: Well, questions of demonic ettiquette are clearly a difficult issue. Perhaps Kaoru should look for books on that as her next research project...
SRoze: Kaoru is indeed refusing to admit chemistry between them. Well, she might have admitted chemistry, but refuses to acknowledge that it means anything.
Strawberry'd: No, he's not a gaki. That is to say, that's a possiblity on the list Kaoru's compiling, but she hasn't been able to conclude anything.
Triste1: Post-It Notes are very useful. And occasionally attack-prone. Glad that the previous chapter was cheering after work! Sorry for migraines--- that is not pleasant. You can feel free to be picky on grammar (especially in the pre-and post-vacation chapters, when I am probably more likely to miss things).