A/N: Whoa hey, so I'm back. I'm trying my very best to update this as frequently as I can. Define frequent: probably, about 2-4 weeks (I'm so sorry) but I am trying to update as early as possible but I procrastinate a LOT... .-. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter. I have mixed feelings, but I hope you guys like it anyway :)

"Because everyone else is boring and you're different."

- Phil on Twitter (?)
(which he quoted from the movie 'The Science Of Sleep')

Chapter 11:

The lift up to Phil's apartment was extremely slow, like it was preparing me for the final boss battle in a video game, the anticipation was killing me.

But when the elevator finally pinged on the designated floor and the doors opened, my stomach dropped; this was it. I slowly walked up in front of his apartment door, with a small plastic bag at hand which contained cup noodles that I bought for Phil on the way, and knocked on the door, my palms suddenly feeling sweaty and my heart beating fast.

When the door opened, I was met with the sweet face of Mrs. Lester, smiling at me brightly. "Dan! What a lovely surprise."

I was a bit confused, I didn't really expect her to greet me with smiles and open arms after I practically ditched her son yesterday in the dark streets (and in the rain) after I invited him over to a house party. I thought she would've been all 'mother bear' on me and would like, smack me out of her sight and then tell me to never see her son ever again.

I guess not.

"Hi Mrs. Lester," I smiled back, "how's Phil? I heard he was sick."

"He's doing okay. His fever's a bit high but he'll be okay in a few days," Phil's mum said, "you want to see him? Just don't get too close to him or you'll get a cold too."

She was letting me see her son? Why wasn't she mad at me? Did she know that Phil was left in the rain last night? Did Phil tell her that I invited him to a party? Did she know how he got sick?

Did Phil tell her anything at all?

"Y-Yeah okay." I nervously said as I pushed those thoughts aside, still smiling as Phil's mum moved and gestured me in. I handed her the plastic bag, "I bought Phil some chicken soup."

"Oh, how sweet of you, Dan." Phil's mum grinned, "Now c'mon, Phil's in here."

I quickly took off my shoes, lined them up by the door and followed Phil's mum. She knocked quietly on, what I assumed was, Phil's door. "Philip?"

"Yeah?" I heard him answer inside.

She opened the door and smiled at him as I stayed behind her, out of Phil's sight, "How 'you feeling, love?"

"Better than this morning, I guess." I heard him chuckle.

"That's good. You have a visitor, by the way." Phil's mum beamed, which made my stomach churn. She stepped away from the door a bit and I walked into view, poking my head inside and seeing Phil on his bed, wearing a big green hoodie, with big wonky glasses and with his hair all messed up.

When I came into view, his eyes grew wide. I heard him suck his breath and his face suddenly got a bit paler. He looked really tense so I decided to give him a small smile. "Hey." I shyly said as I stepped inside.

"Hi…" he said in a small voice as he slowly closed the book he was reading.

"Dan's such a dear; he bought you some chicken soup. I'll go ahead and prepare this for you, okay?" Phil's mum enthusiastically said, "I'll check on you boys later."

"O-Okay…" Phil managed to mutter before his mum closed the door, and we were left alone in the room, awkward silence quickly filling in.

I awkwardly shuffled my feet and looked around the room, seeing that there were no more boxes anymore and everything seemed to be in place.

"So umm, how are you?" I started, breaking the unbearable silence.

Phil slowly looked up at me and lazily shrugged. "Well uhh, I woke up this morning with the worst headache in the entire universe, and then my whole body felt rubbish and now I sound like a goose. But all in all, I think I'm okay now."

I slowly nodded at him. "I-I see- I hope you get better."

I looked around nervously, pulled out his desk chair and sat on it, facing Phil.

"How was the essay? Did you submit it?" Phil asked, staring down at his book, completely avoiding eye contact, as his fingers played with the duvet of his bed.

"Yeah, I filled in a few more words to make it a thousand, but it was fine." I reassured.

"Thank god." Phil breathed out in relief as he fiddled awkwardly with his fingers, sniffing a bit.

I stared at the orange book on his bed for a second, which had the words 'Stephen King' printed in huge letters and the word 'Cell' underneath it. I never thought that Phil would be into horror and supernatural fiction.

The air between us felt extremely heavy, and the painful silence slowly filled in again. He hasn't said anything about last night yet, and he was obviously avoiding the subject. There was no use in avoiding it anymore; we need to fucking talk about it.

"Okay, so about what happened last night, after the party…" I said in an exasperated sigh, like something inside me just unclogged and everything, every emotion that I've held inside began to pour out. I looked at him expectedly, waiting for an explanation.

He glanced up at me for a second before staring back blankly at his duvet. "I don't remember what happened last night."

I suddenly felt a twinge in my heart as I stared at him in confusion, "You what?"

He looked up at me properly and merely shrugged. "I don't remember what happened at the party last night. I got really drunk and I don't remember what happened after I had like, my sixth drink…"

My hands started to subconsciously clutch on my school trousers. There was no way he forgot everything, maybe he was just lying so we didn't have to talk about it anymore. His hands were slightly shaking as he intertwined them together with his own and he was looking down, completely voiding eye contact. Definitely lying.

"Phil…" I softly sighed, trying to make him look up at me again. He looked so scared, but he shouldn't be. I wasn't mad about the kiss; I was just a bit confused, left out in the dust. I just needed an explanation.

He slowly lifted his head and glanced at me, he looked so small and fragile in his giant hoodie. I suddenly had the sudden urge to go over there and hug him.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked, in the softest voice, looking at him in the eyes before he quickly stared down at his duvet again.

He stayed quite for a few seconds before I saw him clench his fist against the duvet, "I-I don't know..."

"Do you…" my heartbeat suddenly exhilarated as I took a big breath, "do you like me?"

Silence.

Phil just stared blankly at his fingers with an unreadable expression. Seconds felt like hours with the heavy silence. He needs to fucking say something, the silence was killing me. "Phil, answer me. You're making this harder than it already is-"

"Yes. Okay?" Phil suddenly said as he looked at me properly, his voice cracking despite the slight anger in his voice.

I was taken back with the way his voice sounded. My palms felt sweaty again and my throat went dry.

He sighed for a moment to calm himself down, I guess he didn't want to start arguing again after our recent argument last night (which, of course, resulted into the very reason why I was here right now, to talk about it).

"I like you…" he muttered, looking down at his fingers again.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and shuffled around my seat. "H-How?"

Phil scoffed, making me realise how stupid my question was. "How? I have no idea, Dan. Maybe it's the way you smile, the way your dimple pops out. Or maybe it's your laugh…" he paused, his cheeks turning a bit red when he suddenly realised what he was saying, but for some reason, he couldn't stop, "or how you're so nice to me, or how adorable you are when you fanboy over nerdy stuff…"

My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I heard Phil say all those things, and I was pretty my face was as red as a tomato. I bit my lip as I watched him pull his legs up to his body, making himself look smaller than before.

"Or…" he muttered to himself, "maybe it's because you're…the most…"

Phil let out a shaky breath and quickly buried his face in his hands, his glasses painfully pressing up against his face, "Oh god, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said all of that...t-that was just-" he sunk lower in his bed in embarrassment. "Fuck, that was creepy…" he muffled into his hands.

My throat felt really dry, I didn't really know what to say after all of that. "When…?" I managed to croak out.

I heard Phil sigh in his hands as he slowly shook his head. "I don't know when…"

His hands slowly slid away from his face as stared at the wall beside him, "I mean, would you know the exact moment when you start to fall in-" he quickly stopped himself, stuttering as he tried to find another word, "w-when you start to like someone?"

My eyes widened in surprise. "When you start to fall in-" Fall in love? Was Phil in love with me?

"W-Well no, you wouldn't." Phil continued, "Bells will not be ringing, there's no one there to tell you when you start to like someone in that way. And you can't force yourself to like someone. It just… happens. It will always catch you by surprise."

He looked down at his duvet again and nervously played with his fingers. "I-I didn't know exactly when I… started to like you," he whispered the last sentence shyly, "I just came to a sudden realisation that… I do."

And with that, everything went silent. Phil was just sat there, staring at his fingers and nervously biting his lip. And I was there, just going through what Phil had just said, taking all of it in.

I didn't know what to say, or do, or even feel. It was all too overwhelming; from the moment Phil kissed me last night to the moment where he confessed to me today. I came in here to clear up some things, to get a weight off my chest. But now that things were cleared up, the weight on my chest still remained for some reason, if anything, it just got heavier.

What was our situation now? Are we still going to be friends? Are we just going to brush this whole thing off like it was nothing? Am I just going to brush his feelings for me like it was nothing?

"When you start to fall in-" That kept ringing in my head. There was the possibility that Phil didn't just like me, he was in love with me. And that was a strong enough emotion for me to not just 'brush it off like it was nothing'.

But what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to feel about that? How was I supposed to feel about him? My head was starting to hurt, my stomach still felt like they were under attack by butterflies, and my eyes were beginning to feel hot. I didn't know what to do, what was happening to me? Why was I feeling like this?

I swallowed another lump in my throat and opened my mouth to say something, realising how dry my mouth was. "I-I think I have to go…"

In the corner of my eye, I could see Phil quickly snapping his head up in surprise; I couldn't bare myself to look at him right now. I stared at the door, feeling the hot tears forming in my eyes, willing them to not drop, as I stood up from Phil's desk chair.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can't do this right now," I breathed out as I walked to the door, "I-I have to think- I need some time to think."

As I reached the door, I took a deep breath and glanced at Phil for a few seconds, almost completely regretting it when I saw him with his mouth slightly agape, and with tears hanging from the brim of his eyes. He looked completely heartbroken.

I quickly pulled my eyes away from him and stared back at the door in front of me. "I'm so sorry, Phil." I choked one last time before opening the door and closing it behind me, not taking another chance to look at Phil's painful expression.

"Oh Dan, leaving already?" Phil's mum suddenly said as she entered the hallway and walked towards me, making me jump a bit.

I turned to her and gave her the brightest smile I could pull, hoping that she didn't notice that I was about to tear up earlier. "Y-Yeah, I'm sorry but I have some important things to do. And plus, you know, school work."

Phil's mum smiled back at me and just nodded. "Ah, that's okay, I understand. Thanks again for visiting Phil."

"It's no problem, really." I reassured as we walked to the front door and I quickly put on my shoes.

"You're such a good friend. You can come visit Phil anytime, okay?" Phil's mum said as she opened the door for me.

I suddenly felt another twinge in my heart. But none the less, I gave a small smile to Phil's mum before looking down at the ground; I couldn't keep up with this act. "Y-Yeah, okay." I said as I walked out of the door.

"Bye, Dan." she smiled.

"Bye." I said before Phil's mum finally closed the door, the feeling of relief washing over me.

I hastily walked up to the lift and pressed the down button. It only took a few seconds for the doors to opened, revealing an empty room. I walked inside, pressed the lobby button and leaned against the cold steel wall as the doors closed me in, leaving me alone to myself.

The image of Phil's face before I left his room wouldn't leave my mind. He looked so sad and heartbroken, and it was because of me. I just left him without an answer, he confessed to me and I left him.

I kept making him sad, I kept making him cry and I kept breaking his heart, from last night when I said some things to him in the rain, to when I left him after he confessed his feelings for me today. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I doing this to Phil?

"You're such a good friend."

I let out a shaky breath when I felt a single tear run down my cheek as Phil's mum's words rang in my head.

I'm the worse person in the entire world.

I covered my mouth to muffle my small sobs and squeezed my eyes together, feeling a few more tears run down my face.

Fucking hell, what am I going to do?

When the elevator pinged at the designated floor, I quickly wiped my face and fixed my hair, making sure I didn't look like I just cried. As the doors opened, I was suddenly face to face with a certain curly haired boy at the elevator doors, and my brown, red rimmed eyes were suddenly locked with bright, piercing green ones.

PJ.

We held our gaze for a few seconds. At first, he looked surprised to even see me in Phil's apartment building because wow, I actually went to go and visit Phil. But then he looked confused, and a bit concerned, with the fact that my eyes were a bit red and puffy.

I quickly broke our gaze and walked out of the elevator, brushing pass him, who still looked confused and worried, and exited the building, walking straight home. I didn't want to deal with him right now after Phil.

I needed some time alone. I need to fucking think.

A/N: ...yeah. I'll try to write the next one better, because I think the next chapter is a lot less complicated to think about than this. And no promises, but I'll try to have it in like... 2 week. If I don't have it within 2 weeks, then it was probably more complicated to write than I though ^^; either that or I'm procrastinating again (in which case, someone should stop me)