Four days later…
Reality hadn't yet settled in. She just made her way through the days on autopilot. She went to work and emotionlessly did what needed to be done. She avoided unnecessary conversations with anybody. She went home, ate, and slept. She lived each day trying to find something to distract herself, but nothing worked. And she always ended up crying herself to sleep.
Thatcher was still in the hospital and spent most of his time in and out of surgery and was unconscious most of the time. She avoided his room at all costs. That's all she was doing. Avoiding everyone and anything that could remind her or question her.
"What are you going to do?" Her stepfather's voice had been echoing through her head for ten minutes. And she had yet been able to produce an answer. The same question had haunted her since she found out about the baby.
Finally, she pulled her eyes from the carpet to look at her parents eyes. She brushed a couple of pieces of hair out of her own eyes.
"I don't know what I'm going to do." Her eyes held so much pain and confusion. She looked down at her hands absently twisting her ring around her fingers. "I can't kill our baby. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
Ellis gave her hand a tight squeeze.
"We'll be there the whole way." Richard assured her.
She just nodded unsure if she was making the right decision. She didn't know if she could make it. She doubted she could be a mother. But she knew she wouldn't be able to throw it away.
--
Getting on the elevator, she pulled out her phone and looked at it for the first time that day. The screen flashed two voicemails. Thrusting it into her pocket, her eyes moved back to the numbers as they ticked up to the fifth floor. Taking a deep breath, she stopped in front of an office.
Dr. Addison Montgomery M.D. Ph.D
Head of Neo-Natal Surgery
She read the plaque on the door quite a few times as she prepared herself to knock on the door. With this knock, she'd be sealing her fate, and there would be no turning back. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she knocked on the door and waited for a response. Shifting from foot to foot, she heard a loud "Come in." She didn't move right away and started to reconsider.
"Maybe someone outside work would be better. No, Addison is the best in the field. She is the best neo-natal surgeon, OB/GYN, and other things. The baby deserves the best." She thought to herself.
"Come in." The voice came louder this time. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open.
Addison sat behind her desk wearing her usual pencil skirt, expensive blouse, and high-heels. Her red hair fell to her shoulders, and she was wearing reading glasses that probably cost as much as a complete outfit.
"Dr. Grey." Addison said with surprise in her voice crossing her legs under the desk as she gave the younger doctor a soft smile. In the time that Meredith had been working at Seattle Grace, Addison hadn't seen her once since the mixer nor did she expect to see her anytime soon.
"Good morning, Dr. Montgomery. I'm sorry to bother you." She mumbled still trying to get her thoughts straight.
"No problem." She pushed the glasses on top of her head. "What can I do for you?"
"I… I need a consult."
"I can do that… What room?"
She let out a deep breath. "It's for me, Dr. Montgomery."
"Oh…" She leaned back in her chair. "Do you know how far along you are?"
"No…" She shifted uncomfortable feeling like a fool. "I have a lot going on… and I haven't been paying attention. I just found out last week. And even if I had, I wouldn't expect pregnancy since nobody thought I could get pregnant." She rambled before looking up and blushed.
"Please, sit." She gestured the seat. "Why wouldn't you be able to get pregnant?"
"About a year and a half ago, I was in a car accident. The doctors said I had only a fifteen percent chance of ever being able to get pregnant. We tried to get pregnant, but I never could." Tears lined her eyes. "Eventually, we started to loose hope. And now I'm pregnant." A few tears rolled off her cheek.
"We?" Addison asked looking at her cautiously. She hadn't heard or seen Meredith with any man. It was likely he wasn't a doctor and wouldn't have any reason to be at a hospital, but she would expect that he would show up at the hospital to support her through this.
"Uh…" She swallowed hard as she looked up at the other doctor. Tears glistened in her eyes as she held up her hand. "I'm married… It's complicated though."
Addison nodded not wanting to push her. "Alright… Let's get an ultrasound, if that's okay." Wiping her eyes, she nodded and stood up. "Are you alright? I mean do you want me to get your parents?"
"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery, but I think this is something I have to do alone."
"Okay." She gave her a supportive smile before leading her away.
They found an empty exam room not far away. Addison instructed her to get on the table while she got the machine ready. Silently and absently, Meredith followed her direction.
"How are you settling in here?" Addison asked as she got the ultrasound ready.
"Fine, I guess." She shrugged.
"Good… This will be cold." Meredith gave a faint nod. As Addison smeared a little gel on her stomach, a chill ran down her body. "Sorry."
"It's fine." She mumbled as her eyes fixed itself on the blank screen. Addison took the paddle and pressed it on her abdomen. She watched as the picture came on the screen and Addison moved it around looking for the baby.
"There is it." Addison smiled at her, but Meredith didn't remove her eyes off the screen long enough to notice. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared baby. "You look to be about… eleven weeks along."
She reached up and wiped the single tear that she had allowed to spill over. "Thank you, Dr. Montgomery."
Addison gave her a light smile before printing the picture and handing her a rag to wipe the gel off her stomach.
"If you want to, you can come back in five weeks a four month check up."
"Thank you." She sat up pulling down her chart. Addison held out the picture which she took. "I'll see you later."
"Yeah." She said as she watched the other doctor walk out.
--
She walked into the locker room absentmindedly hardly noticing Alex and George changing in front of their lockers. Making her way to her locker, she tried to push the thoughts of the baby and of Mark out of her head long enough to make a coherent thought about work.
"Hey." Alex's voice came interrupting her silent pep talk.
"Hey." She gave a small smile that began to waver quickly.
"I haven't seen you around much."
"Been busy with patients." She shrugged.
"Want to meet up at Joe's? Bambi here is coming." Alex gestured George. Meredith gave George a sideways glance to see him blushing.
"My name isn't Bambi." He quickly snapped at Alex.
"Ah, I don't think I can." She sighed.
"Are you alright, Meredith?" George asked cautiously. He had only spoken to Meredith once before, and that was about a patient. A patient that when Meredith saw she freaked out causing some questions to arise that still lingered in George's head days later.
Meredith rubbed her hand over her face before nodding slowly. "I'm fine. I've got to go."
Alex grabbed her arm before she could walk away. She turned to look at him. He looked straight into her eyes and could see the hurt and tears that lined them. Giving her a small nod, he released her arm.
She gave both of them a short glace before walking away. She was grateful for their concern, but she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want the people who were not in her life to know about what happened only weeks before.
--
Ellis and Richard sat awkwardly across for their daughter as she played with her food. It was as if she was a teenage again and was avoiding tell them something. Both Ellis and Richard looked at each other every now and then until one of them could produce a silent answer of what to do or say to her.
"You guys don't have to say anything." She said plainly looking at her food still. "I don't feel like talking anyway."
"What did Addison say, Mer?" Richard finally asked.
"She said that I'm about eleven weeks along. And I'm going back to see her in five weeks."
Both parents sat speechless for a second. Her voice had seemed so calm yet so hurt.
"What do you need us to do?" Ellis asked.
"I don't know, Mom. I'll let you know if I can figure out what I need to do."
"What do you mean?" Richard asked.
"Part of me wants to never tell him about any of this and move on with my life. But a bigger part of me wants to be in his arms. Every time I think of the future, I see him. I see him, our baby, and the whole white picket fence. But it hurts so much." She confessed.
--
I know that the chapters are long and I'm up to 11 and there's no Mark yet. But I'm really trying to build up the baby and Thatcher situations before bringing him in. Bare with me… Next chapter or two brings some long awaited action.