A/N: I'm just about settled in back at school now for my junior year. We'll see how much time MCAT studying and regular homework leave for writing, but I am not about to abandon this story just when it's about to get good, I promise you that. Thank you as usual to Sia for her beta and to Bioware for creating such an epic story with unforgettable characters. I bow to you, David Gaider and the rest of the KotOR writing team.
As the days passed through the second, third, and fourth weeks of Andra's training, a change slowly began to take place. She was no longer on the defensive all the time when she and Bastila sparred, and even managed to land a few blows of her own. Tasks that had once been difficult for her she could now do without thinking, and her exercises became more and more complicated. From shakily levitating a datapad a foot above the table, she progressed to levitating a chair, then an entire table, and finally multiple chairs. On one particularly memorable morning four weeks after her arrival on Dantooine, she was sitting in the training room with two chairs and a datapad suspended in the Force. At the pre-arranged signal from Master Zhar, she slowly, carefully, began to lift herself off the floor as well. A full minute she held herself there, the chairs circling around her and rotating on their axes like planets around a star before she set them gently back down on the cold stone floor.
"Very well done, apprentice," Zhar congratulated her, and even Bastila was smiling with genuine approval. Wow, the historians should record this day or something; I don't think I've ever seen her smile before. "I believe it is time for you to take the next step toward becoming a full Jedi."
The apprentice raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"
"Before being accepted as a Padawan, each apprentice must build their own personal lightsaber. I am allowed to give you details of what parts you will need and a schematic of how to fit them together, but the finding and assembly of the parts is up to you. This way the weapon will become attuned to you in the Force… no two blades are alike, just as no two Jedi are alike. Many incorporate small personal touches, and some speak of being able to sense their lightsaber through the Force, even at great distances. Here; this datapad contains all the information you should need, but if you have any questions or encounter problems in crafting your weapon, I or any of the other Jedi are here to assist. May the Force be with you, apprentice."
Andra perused the information on the datapad the Twi'lek handed her with her lips pursed thoughtfully. "Will you be giving me time away from my normal lessons to work on this?"
"Of course," her Master agreed, "We can hardly expect you to accomplish this without allowing adequate time. Besides, there is little more that I can teach you in the classroom. Some things one can only learn through experience."
Andra took a step toward the door, then hesitated. "Oh, one more thing. The datapad mentions that a key component of a lightsaber is a high-quality focusing crystal. Where am I going to find one of those on a remote farming planet? They aren't exactly lying around and buying one would be way more than I could afford, even if I could find something suitable for sale here."
Zhar nodded. "Other apprentices have encountered this problem before you. There is a series of caves perhaps three kilometers southwest of the academy that are very strong in the Force and have abundant crystal deposits. Many students have found what they need there. Be careful, though; the kath hounds have been unusually aggressive of late. If you go, I recommend you not do so alone."
"Thank you, Master." She glanced down at the datapad again and sighed. "Well, this is going to take long enough as is. I suppose I'd better get started. Bastila, are you up for a bit of a walk today?"
The dark-haired Padawan nodded. "Certainly. It would be my honor to accompany you as you search for a crystal for your lightsaber."
When the Ebon Hawk's loading ramp hissed closed behind the two Jedi, they were greeted almost immediately by the voice of the ship's pilot.
"Who's there?"
"It's just me, Carth. Or, me and Bastila, anyway."
A muffled thump, followed by some cursing, sounded from the direction of the engine room, then the commander's voice came back a bit clearer.
"Surprising to see you around at this time of day. Did you get yourself in so much trouble with the Jedi Masters that they changed their minds about training you?"
"Quite the opposite, actually," the former ensign replied a touch smugly as Carth appeared in the hallway, slightly sweaty and with grease stains on the sleeves of his formerly white shirt. "Master Zhar says it's time for me to build my lightsaber. There's a cave a few klicks away that should have the kind of crystal I need, but travelling alone in this wilderness would be dangerous, even for a Jedi. I was wondering if you would be willing to come with me."
"Get out of the Academy for a while? Absolutely! Just give me two minutes to wash the grease off my hands and grab my gear."
Though the Council had not formally forbidden her from leaving Academy grounds, Andra's training had left her little time for exploration or getting to know the locals. Now she found herself seeing several as she stepped out of the walls of the Jedi Enclave into a pleasant autumn morning. As a major landmark, the academy had become a site for Dantooine's sparse population to meet and trade. One enterprising Sullustan had even set up a small shop in the field outside. Thankfully, at least in Andra's opinion, the settlers were accustomed enough to seeing Jedi come and go that two more didn't cause much of a stir, so the three companions were able to slip by and continue on toward their objective.
For long minutes they hiked up and down the rolling hills of the Dantooine wilderness, following the map the Jedi had provided them. Bastila was able, by using the Force, to keep the occasional iriaz or kath hound that they encountered from attacking until they were cresting a hill about a kilometer and a half from the cave.
"Look out!" Andra screamed and tackled Carth to the ground just as a kath hound leapt, its jaws snapping at the air where Carth's neck had been just milliseconds before. Bastila pushed with all her considerable strength in the Force and the beast went sprawling. Before it could recover, she launched herself into a graceful flip and sliced it neatly in half with her golden lightsaber. Her expression, once Andra had recovered enough to look at her, was distinctly troubled.
"That was most definitely not natural. That kath hound absolutely stank of the dark side."
"This whole place is unnatural, if you ask me," Carth muttered, climbing to his feet. "I'm starting to think we should have brought Mission or Zaalbar or Canderous." He spotted another of the creatures approaching and dropped it with a blaster bolt between the eyes. "Or maybe all three of them."
The soon-to-be-Padawan took a deep breath to calm the adrenaline of the attack and studied their surroundings. Even without her Jedi senses, she could tell that something was wrong. The sun seemed somehow dimmer, as if a cloud had passed in front of it. The trees were twisted, but not in the benign way born of age like the ones in the Academy. When she opened herself to the Force, it was not the wondrous, life-affirming experience she had felt in the Academy. Instead, it was like a shadow was clouding her vision, and from the shadows a voice whispered. You could have the power to do anything if only you surrender. Normally, such an offer wouldn't have tempted her in the slightest, but in that moment, it seemed to be the thing she wanted most in the universe. Or, at the very least, the means to obtain it. I could become the ruler of the galaxy if I felt so inclined. Or I could wipe every last Sith from the face of the galaxy and end this war. Compared to that, it would be simplicity itself to do something as minor as make sure Miss High-and-Mighty never crosses my path again, or convince Carth to forget all about his dead family and become my boyfriend. Anything I wanted, anything in the galaxy I felt like doing. No silly Jedi rules to get in the way… and no consequences. It was the sort of freedom every sentient being craved at the deepest level of his, her, or its core.
"There are always consequences," Bastila reminded her quietly. "To believe otherwise is a lie of the dark side."
Andra shook her head to clear it. "I know."
Carth straightened from brushing the dirt off his dark brown pants long enough to give the two Jedi an extremely puzzled look. "Huh?"
"The dark side is strong in this place. Andra was sensing its temptation," Bastila explained. The commander made no reply, but frequently cast wary glances at their surroundings as the three companions ventured deeper into the tainted area.
"Is this really necessary? Couldn't we go around?"
The former soldier took another calming breath and forced her chaotic thoughts to the back of her mind. "Yes, and no, Carth. Well, technically we could, but it would add another twenty minutes each way to our trip. Unfortunately, the most direct route from the Enclave to the crystal cave leads right through the heart of the—" She stopped short as they rounded a corner and came upon a ruined stone structure. Only bits and pieces of the walls and the floor remained now, leaving it open to the sky, which was rapidly clouding over. "This is the heart of the taint?"
Bastila frowned briefly in concentration. "I don't think it's the place itself. There's somebody here." As they drew closer, the 'somebody' came into view. A female Cathar, approximately Bastila's age, wearing a set of Jedi robes. She sat cross-legged on the stone floor, apparently deep in meditation. As the intruders came closer, she rose smoothly to her feet and ignited her lightsaber. A moment later, the Padawan and the soldier froze in their tracks as surely as if they had been trapped in a stasis field. Andra had no time to wonder why she was not similarly trapped before the Cathar was upon her, sky-blue lightsaber blazing. She leaped backward and yanked with all her strength in the Force at Bastila's lightsaber. It flew into her hand with such an audible smack, and with a flick of her thumb, the yellow-gold blade hummed to life. After that, there was no room left for conscious thought—only enough room to trust the Force to guide her every move. Her opponent took a step forward and slashed in, a broad two-handed stroke aimed at her temple. Andra blocked the blow with a jolt strong enough to rattle her teeth and make her arm muscles scream in protest, but her strength held and she disengaged and shoved against the other woman's chest, following up with a sweeping strike aimed at the other woman's knees. The Cathar flipped effortlessly above it, landing behind the future Padawan's back, and the battle continued. Back and forth they struggled for long minutes, the Cathar attacking relentlessly while Andra blocked, trying to conserve her strength as much as possible while she waited for an opening. Finally, it came. The apprentice aimed another strike at her opponent's legs, and she leaped backward out of the way, but her exhausted senses missed detecting the section of wall just behind her. She smacked into the wall with a dull thud and in a heartbeat Andra was there, lightsaber held just millimeters from the stranger's throat.
"You…. you are strong. Stronger than me, even in my darkness," her unknown attacker said, awestruck. The accent was a little strange, and her voice had a hint of a feline purr to it, but the words were clearly understandable Basic.
"Who are you and why did you attack us," the former soldier demanded, her voice hard.
"I am Juhani, and this is my grove. This is the place of my dark power. This is the place you have invaded. When I embraced the dark side, this is where I sought solace. It is mine!"
Curiosity began to override anger in Andra's mind. "I take it you were a student at the academy? Why did you embrace the dark side?"
Juhani began to bow her head, but thought better of it when she was reminded of the lightsaber still held warily at her throat. Andra withdrew her weapon a few inches, though remained alert for any sign the woman might attack her again. "I struck down my master in the middle of training, consumed by my anger, embracing the power of hate. After that, I knew I could never go back. And now I revel in my dark power. Power enough to crush the life from someone such as you… or so I thought. But it was not enough." She let out an exasperated sigh with just the slightest hint of a growl. "What is it you want? Why do you not simply end this?"
The older woman felt a sudden wave of compassion for this young woman. A very high price to pay for a momentary loss of control. There has to be some way to make this right. "I've never killed anyone in cold blood, Juhani, and I don't intend to start now."
"You… do not?" she repeated, wide-eyed. She shook her head then. "I am pathetic. I sit here and think myself to be great by embracing the dark side, but I am nothing! There is no way I could be turned back!"
"No," Andra disagreed. "You are never too late to redeem yourself… if you want to."
"But I slew my master! How could the Council ever forgive that?"
"The Jedi believe in second chances, remember? If you go to them with a sincere heart, ready to let go of your anger and hate and learn from your mistakes, they will welcome you back with open arms."
The Cathar nodded thoughtfully. "If I show them that I am truly repentant, that I am willing to forsake the dark side… maybe. Just maybe." With sudden decisiveness, she extinguished her lightsaber and returned it to her belt. The human likewise lowered hers. "I will go, then, and submit myself to their judgment in the hope that they will forgive me. I thank you…"
"Andra," the human supplied with a smile.
"Andra. I am sure I will hear great things about you in the future." With renewed confidence, she strode from the clearing, back toward the doors of the academy.
Once the Cathar was out of sight, Bastila finally dared to move. "That was a delicate situation just now and you handled it with true Jedi wisdom. I am very impressed." For only the second time that day, she smiled, and Carth was beaming as well as he holstered his blasters.
"You did good. You might just make a proper Jedi yet; who knows?"
Andra returned Bastila's lightsaber to its rightful owner and resumed her walk toward the crystal cave before either of her companions could notice the blush coloring her cheeks. As they continued on, however, her good humor faded. The sense of wrongness about the area had faded, but just the memory of it was enough to make her shudder.
"Is something wrong?" Bastila inquired solicitously after several minutes of silence. "You seem as if something is troubling you."
"I was just thinking about what I felt earlier. That was the dark side? It was… very different from what I expected. I guess I didn't think it would be so… appealing."
Bastila nodded. "A common misconception. Most non-Jedi, assuming they know anything at all about the dark side, which is not always the case, would say that it is using the Force in anger, or for destructive ends. Those acts are of the dark side, but they do not represent what it is in its entirety. The dark side is an ever-present danger for Jedi precisely because it is so seductive, so insidious. It grows stronger the closer you draw to it. It begs you to surrender to it, to release all its terrible power… and it becomes harder and harder to resist. And once you stop resisting, it is too late. It twists you up inside and turns you into a mockery of everything you once stood for. Take Revan and Malak for example: they set out to save the Republic from the Mandalorians, and now they have become the very evil they sought to destroy." She gestured in Carth's direction. "Millions dead on Telos alone, and far more suffering. What sort of person would you have to become to perform such deeds willingly?"
Andra stared pensively out at the peaceful fields of Dantooine. "I don't know."
"Neither do I, and I hope I never do. It is so easy to think that we would never fall prey to such a horror, that we have unlimited control, vigilance, and foresight." She shook her head with a snort of derision that startled a nearby bird into flight. "If only that were true. The Sith have become powerful precisely because so many Jedi have succumbed to the lure of the dark side and joined them. What greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to your cause? To use their own knowledge against them? We are weakened while they are strengthened. So we must steel ourselves and do whatever is required to fight against the dark side, even when the battle becomes wearying."
"Do whatever is required? Such as?"
"I don't know. I have never been much of a seer, and any vision I might have is clouded by shadows from the dark side, but I sense something ominous lurking those shadows. But I believe this is our destination here in front of us; come, we should continue with the task at hand. When the time comes, I only hope we are all strong enough to do what we must."
Bastila led the way into the cave. It was mostly stone at first, but then the initial passageway opened up into a large chamber, nearly ten meters across. The light from Carth's fusion lantern glinted off a dozen or more different crystal formations in every color of the rainbow and more besides. Some were higher up on the walls than most sentient beings could reach, but even those showed signs of having been harvested in the past. Jedi, after all, have abilities at their disposal that most people do not. Andra could feel the Force pulsing through the room like a heartbeat, not dark and twisted like before in the grove but as clear and pure as she had ever felt it back in the academy.
"Minions of Xendor!" Carth breathed reverently. "This is incredible! Who knew that remote and peaceful Dantooine was hiding a place like this?"
"The Jedi did not wish anyone to know. This place is strong in the Force; the crystals here have value far beyond their mere mundane properties." Bastila headed unerringly for a topaz-colored formation perhaps a meter off the ground. "Each formation has a unique sense in the Force, and together with the Force sensitivity of a Jedi, this creates an affinity between weapon and wielder even stronger than that which usually develops. This, for example, is where my crystal came from."
Carth wandered off to study a cluster of pale green crystals, but from the moment she entered the room, Andra's attention had been drawn to a deep blue crystal toward the back of the chamber, about two thirds of the way up the wall.
"Bastila, may I…"
The Padawan nodded and handed over her lightsaber. "Of course." Andra hit the switch to lock the blade in the on position, then let her eyes drift closed as she allowed the Force to flow through her. Upward the lightsaber floated until it reached the height of her chosen crystal, then with a single, delicate slice, she cut off just enough to make her lightsaber. The crystal floated gently down into her hand while the blade landed hilt-first in Bastila's outstretched hand. Carth was observing the proceedings from a safe distance, having long since turned his full attention from the crystals.
"So I guess it's real, then. You are a Jedi."
Andra stowed the piece of crystal in the pocket of her tunic and gave him a quizzical look. "What did you think I was doing all these weeks? Lying to you while I was really off gallivanting?"
"Well, no, but knowing it and seeing it are two different things. That was incredible!"
She ducked her head, color flooding her cheeks. "Thanks. Well, we have what we came for. Now comes the hard part: putting it all together."