I know it's been a while, but I've had multiple final weeks in the last two months and I just got my first job!

Anyway, please read, review and enjoy!

Something Big

"I just don't understand," I tell Ino. "What's the secret?"

Sorting through a messy display of various bras in the middle of a very pink store, Ino rolls her eyes. "There's no secret. It's just a shop name, Nara."

"Yes, I know," I mumble, picking up a lacy blue strip of fabric before wrinkling my nose and throwing it back. "But what is Atsuko's secret?"

"There's no secret," she shrieks, turning around and shoving multiple bras into my arms. "Now, go into the dressing rooms and ask one of the sales associates to size you. Then, try on the bras that match that size." Grumbling, I march towards the dressing rooms and follow the rest of Ino's instructions. The sales clerk wraps a tape measure around my chest and tells me I'm a size 34A—whatever that means. I try on the appropriate bras, but none of them feel very comfortable.

I step outside in search of Ino, but run into Sakura instead. "Hey, none of these worked. They're kind of itchy."

She looks down at the selection of bras in my hands and rolls her eyes. "That's because this is all lingerie." She turns to the display beside her, picks up a far sturdier looking garment and hands it to me. "Here, this is a sports bra. It should work for you."

The sports bra turns out to be a much better fit, just as Sakura suggested, so I purchase it—along one of the lacy bras that Ino positively insisted I buy—and meet Ino and Sakura outside the shop. Upon noticing me, Ino exclaims, "Alright, let's go to brunch! You're paying."

"Ugh, no," I groan. I'd returned from a three-week-long mission this morning and immediately gone to turn in my mission report. Ino had cornered me in the hall outside of the Rokudaime's office as soon as I'd stepped out and bullied me into shopping with her and Sakura. "All I've wanted since I stepped into the village this morning was to bathe in something other than a freezing river." Holding my hands up, I add, "Also, I still have blood under my fingernails."

Ino and Sakura both wrinkle their noses at the sight of the bodily fluids of the lunatic former advisor to the Fire daimyo caked under my nails. Ino sighs in acquiescence. "Fine. You get out of brunch this time."

Jesting, Sakura asks, "Can I get out of brunch?"

"No," Ino barks as the two of them start on their way.

I start making my way to Naruto's apartment so I can finally take a hot shower. When I'm halfway there, I realize I'm going to need my key to get in as I maxed out my chakra on the way back to the village. "Shit," I mumble, rifling through the pouch at my waist.

I turn a corner with my head down so I can search for the key and run smack-dab into someone, dropping my shopping bag in the process. "Jeez, I'm so sorry," I apologize. "I wasn't watching where I was going and I was looking for m—"

Oh, fuck. It's Iruka.

Of fucking course, it is.

"Oh, it's alright, Nara-san," he says with a perfectly carefree smile on his stupid, gorgeous fucking face. Meanwhile, my hand is twitching as it hangs next to the kunai holster on my thigh. He bends down to pick up the bag I'd dropped, and my entire body tenses for two reasons. One, he's closer to me now, and could totally bolt up and bury a senbon in my neck. Two, that bag is full of bras.

"Thanks," I bite out before he can say anything, ripping the bag out of his hand and hiding it behind my legs. "I, um, must be going now."

'Must be going now?' What the fuck was that? Who am I? First, I drop a bag of bras, and then I start acting like some old nobleman from a hundred years ago? What a fucking turn-off.

Not that I want to be a turn-on, of course. That would be crazy, and I'm definitely not crazy. I mean, I—

"Where are you headed," Iruka asks, halting my rampant train of thought in its tracks.

"I, um, I," I babble mindlessly, embarrassing the shit out of myself. "Shower," I finish lamely.

His brow raised, he bemusedly echoes, "Shower?"

Holding back a mix of a groan and a sigh, I stutter out, "Uh, uh, I, um, gah, just got back from a long mission and there were, like, no inns or hostels or anything, so . . ."

Chuckling, he agrees. "Ah, yes. I know the feeling."

"Yeah," I reply, giggling. "I know, right?"

Hold on, am I flirting with him? Dammit, Nara, get your head in the game!

Or is it out of the game?

Whatever!

"What game?"

"What," I ask dumbly, looking into Iruka's brown, brown eyes.

"You were talking about some game," he elaborates, and my eyes widen as I realize I said all of that stuff aloud.

As calmly as possible, I tell him, "Nothing. I'm just tired, and I . . . must be going now, so bye," and run away from him. Again.

Whilst rummaging around the trunk I'd bought a few weeks back in which to store my belongings, I make a mental checklist of all the things I need for my upcoming mission.

"Hey, Nara-baa," Naruto calls from the kitchen. "Can you come here for a sec?"

"Why," I call back, still rooting around for the scroll in which my swords are sealed.

"Just c'mere," he whines. Rolling my eyes, I comply, coming to lean against the counter next to Sasuke and across from Naruto.

I give him a bored stare. "What?"

Looking down at some notes he'd scrawled, he grumbles, "I don't know what to do for Hinata's birthday."

"Well, when is it?"

Rubbing his face, he answers, "The twenty-seventh."

"So, you gave yourself four days to figure it out," I question him, my brow raised.

"What," he blurts out, raising his head to look at me. "No."

"Yes."

"No," he insists, his voice getting a little loud.

Voice firm, I tell him. "Naruto, the twenty-seventh is Friday."

"Yeah, next Friday," he shrieks, growing frantic.

"Naruto, it's the twenty-third!"

Naruto proceeds to gape at me, completely silent.

I turn to Sasuke, finding a small smile on his face. "Were you just gonna stand by and watch this disaster unfold?" He shrugs noncommittally.

The door suddenly bursts open as Sakura arrives. "Sorry that I'm late. My parents wouldn't let me leave before they watched me eat a full meal 'cause they think I haven't been eating between all my shifts." She pauses to puff out a groan. "Not that it's really any of their concern anymore since I'm a grown woman and can damn-well take care of myself," she finishes in a huff, slipping her jacket off and throwing it on the couch before coming to stand on my other side.

"Sounds like a drag," Naruto mutters, sounding utterly unimpressed.

"Yeah, I—" Sakura's eyes widen suddenly. "Oh, right. Sorry," she mumbles sheepishly, her eyes darting back and forth between her teammates.

Confused at her abrupt and seemingly unwarranted apology, I blurt out, "Huh?"

"Sorry," she apologizes again. "I was being inconsiderate."

Brow furrowing, I look around the room. "Am I missing something here?"

"Well," Sakura says, ducking her head and rubbing the back of her neck, "You guys are all . . . orphans, so I shouldn't have been complaining—"

"Oh, that's nonsense!" Turning to face the boys, I condescend, "Are you two really so emotionally immature that your friend cannot confide in you?" Naruto and Sasuke avert their gazes, having the decency to look somewhat ashamed.

"Anyway," Sakura chirps, the cheer in her voice added to divert the sour direction in which the conversation had gone. "What's going on, Naruto? You sounded pretty on edge when you called."

"He forgot his girlfriend's birthday," Sasuke betrays, an amused lilt to his voice. My nephew glares at him.

An appalled sound slips from Sakura's lips, and her face scrunches up in indignation. "Naruto, that's terrible!"

"I didn't forget," Naruto wails. "I just mixed up the weeks."

"Mhm," his pink-haired teammate intones.

Figuring that I'm no longer needed as Sakura is now here, I slowly shrink back and make my way back to my trunk. I collect the rest of the things I'll need for my mission and quickly store them on my person before picking up the mission scroll and heading for the door. My hand is closed around the knob when Naruto pipes up. "Wait, Nara-baa, where are you going?"

I hold up the scroll in my hand and give it a little shake. "Mission."

Pouting, he whines, "But you just got back from one this morning."

Giving him a shrug, I turn to leave, but this time I'm stopped by Sakura. "Wait."

"Ugh, what," I groan.

A scrutinizing expression on her face, she strides towards me. "I haven't seen you since we went shopping two weeks ago."

"Okay," I grant her, not really seeing her point.

"And that day you'd just returned from a three-week mission," she continues, coming to stand before me.

"Okay," I say again, uneasy as I realize where she's going with this.

She crosses her arms. "You were authorized to start going on missions less than two months ago." Tipping her head back, she asks, "How many have you been on since then?"

"Two," I lie, shrugging.

"Nara."

Under my breath, I incoherently mumble, "Seven."

Arms crossed, she leans closer to me. "What was that?"

I let an angry breath out and glare at her. "Seven."

"Oh, my gosh," she shrieks, face contorting in shock. "That's insane! Aren't you tired?"

"No," I deny. "You are."

She scowls at me, clearly not find of my childish behavior. "You need rest."

"No," I counter. "I need to go pretend to be a whore and kill a brothel owner."

Sakura cringes. "You're going on a seduction mission?"

"Yeah," I answer, not quite sure why she seems so disgusted. "They pay so much more than they used to. Last week, I got two-thousand ryō for fucking some old man, and I didn't even have to leave the village, do any butt stuff, or—"

"La la la la la," Naruto starts screaming to drown me out, fingers plugging his ears.

"Alright, I get it," I call out over him. "See you losers in a few days!"

Over the next week and a half, I take two more missions. Sakura is waiting for me at the village gates when I get back from the second one. "Oh, no," I grumble, continuing on my way to the Hokage Tower. "What is it?"

She falls into step beside me. "I know why you've been taking so many missions."

Sarcastically, I guess, "Because I'm a shinobi?"

An accomplished smirk rests on her face. "No. You want to get your own apartment."

Oh, shit. She is good.

"Shhh," I whisper harshly, stopping to face her. "Naruto can't find out."

"He's not even here," she replies.

"He has the Kyuubi. That thing can hear everything for miles," I rebuke. She rolls her eyes, but doesn't dignify my statement with a response. We resume walking. "How did you even figure that out?"

"Well, I noticed that you weren't really buying any new clothes or weapons, and figured the money must be going towards something big," she tells me. I glare at her out of the corner of my eyes. It still doesn't make sense that she'd been able to guess with so little information. "Besides," she continues. "I've been doing the same thing."

My eyebrows raise at this. "Oh?"

She sighs. "Yeah, I love my parents, but I just can't live with them anymore. I need my own space, so I've been saving up." I nod as I understand her problem well. I love Naruto—adore him, really—but he is such a slob. "And I was thinking," she goes on. "You and I could get an apartment together."

When we stop this time, we're just outside of the Tower. "Oh?"

"Yes," Sakura insists. "The rent would be cheaper for both of us, we could get a bigger place in a better part of town, and unlike Naruto, I'm tidy."

"Hmm," I nod again. "This could work."

"Of course," she sniffs. "It's brilliant, just like all my ideas."

I roll my eyes as I realize this is what living with her is going to be like. "Alright," I accept. "You got yourself a deal, sister."

We shake on it.

"I'm sorry," I call out from behind one end of the stove in my new apartment. "Why are we feeding him again?"

Earlier today, Sakura and I had moved into our new place. We'd found a comfy, two-bedroom apartment right by the hospital after two weeks of apartment hunting. It has a landline, a device that allows one to speak to others far away—I'm still not sure how it works—an in-unit washer and dryer, and best of all: a bathtub big enough in which to fully immerse oneself. I'd moved all my own boxes—I had three—but Sakura had apparently needed help with hers, so Sasuke had pitched in.

Sakura, who's holding our sofa above her head, turns around. Sasuke ducks to avoid being beheaded. "He's helping us set up our apartment," she reminds me. "It's only polite."

Stirring the noodles, I retort, "He has one arm. He carried, like, four things."

"I have ears, Uzumaki," he snaps, plopping down on the couch Sakura had finally placed five feet from the kitchen island.

"Oh, do you really have ears, Sasuke," I respond sarcastically. "Like all human beings? We all have ears."

"Enough," Sakura cuts in. She places a thin-necked lamp on the wooden side table beside the couch. "Don't you have a meeting with Kakashi-sensei?"

I place the lid of the pot over the noodles and cross my arms. "No. That's at four."

She plugs the lamp into an outlet by the front door. "We need to tape this wire down so no one trips on it. Also, it's seven past four."

There's a silent moment in which the other two occupants of the room regard me with amused glances, but it ends as I snap into motion and dash through the door.

Two minutes later, I'm bursting through the doors of the Hokage's office. "I'm here, I'm here," I declare, out of breath.

"About time, Uzumaki-sama," someone snaps. I look up to see a face I'd wished I'd never see again: that of Utatane Koharu.

"Oh, fuck no," I breathe, eyes sliding to find Mitokado Homura, as well. "You assholes are still alive?"

Koharu tilts her ancient head to the side. "I see you're still rude," she remarks.

Nonplussed, I fire back, "I see you two are still Danzo's bitches, despite the old fart's well-deserved death." I bring a hand up to my chin, conveying mock contemplation. "Tell me; how is government corruption these days?"

"Let's get this over with, shall we," Kakashi interjects, tired eyes flitting from me to the elders.

"Let's," Koharu agrees, sliding a document out of a folder and handing it to me. "We're assigning you a kill order."

"Okay," I mumble, slightly skeptical. My eyes slide over the order's contents, not really absorbing anything. It's nothing I haven't read before. "Why the fancy meeting for a simple kill order?"

Homura chimes in. "Read the target."

One eyebrow raised, I zero in on the target's name: Uchiha Sasuke.

"What is the meaning of this," I sputter, throwing the kill order onto the desk in outrage. "Kaka-chan?" So unsettled by this horrifying turn of events, I unintentionally let slip my old nickname for him.

Kakashi is quick in his attempt to calm me. "I'm not happy about it either, Uzumaki-sama. However, Sasuke has caused his fair share of trouble in the past." I give him an incredulous look, and he goes on, "The elders have pulled rank, I'm afraid."

Koharu makes a dissatisfied sound, and I whirl on her. Sasuke may not be my favorite person—or my hundredth favorite person—but damn it if the guy isn't growing on me. "He's been cleared of all his past crimes. You have no right to—"

"It's not an active order," she says in an attempt to appease me, stepping forward and pointing out the section in which this is clear on the document. "If he behaves in a destructive manner deemed threatening to the safety of the village, the kill order will be triggered."

"Now, the question is," she continues, eyes narrowing just as I remember, "are you up to the task?"

It's perfectly clear to me that should I not accept this order, they'll pass it onto someone else. Someone that doesn't have Sasuke's best interests at heart. After all, the only other people close to him capable of killing him are Naruto and Sakura, and neither of them would ever take it. Koharu and Homura will likely pass it onto some ANBU that couldn't care less and would quite possibly slit his throat in his sleep. What's more, Koharu isn't doubting me due to my fondness for the last Uchiha. She's doubting my loyalty to Konoha. She knows I despise not only the elders and past Hokages for my misfortunes and the destruction of Uzushio, but the village as a whole, as well. If I don't take this order, I'll compromise my own legitimacy as a law-abiding citizen.

Cautiously, I take the kill order back into my grasp. "I killed my own parents," I remind her. "If the boy has to go, he'll go."

Sakura has been quiet today. A little too quiet. Of course, I haven't lived with her for very long, so who knows. Maybe she only talks outside of the home. It's when she opens her mouth to say something before changing her mind for the fifth time that I lose my patience.

"Oh, my gosh." I jump from the couch and follow her into her room. "What is wrong with you?"

Her room is much nicer than mine. Where mine is disorganized with clothes and weaponry strewn everywhere, hers in neat and practically color-coded. Natural light streams in through the window on the other side of the room, highlighting the pastel pinks and greens that match her hair and eyes.

"Nothing," she lies through her teeth, sitting on her bed and nervously scratching her head in a way that she only could've picked up from Naruto.

I lean on her desk. "Oh, really," I ask, unconvinced. "Because it seems like—What's this?" On the top of her desk lies a rather conspicuous document. A kill order to be exact. With my name on it.

"Sakura," I start, picking up the order. Her eyes are wide as she slowly stands from the bed. "What the fuck is this?"

She's careful to keep her distance. "I can explain."

"Oh." I slide a kunai from my holster. "You better do it quick." I don't want to have to slit her throat—I like Sakura, if I'm being honest; she's adorable—but I will if it comes to that.

"It's not an active order," she assures me, and I have a flashback to yesterday. "It's just for if you go nuts and kill someone."

"What," I snap. "Why would I just randomly—"

Wait.

Suspicious, I stride from the room and locate the kill order I'd received the day before. I come back and hand it to Sakura. "We have a problem."

Did anyone catch my The Office reference?

P.S. The next few chapters are heavy! Get ready!