For the second night in a row, I fell asleep with Elsa nestled by my side.
That's how I fell asleep, anyway. I awoke to an empty pillow and a patch of unsettled blankets that used to host Elsa. I waited in bed for her return, thinking that she probably excused herself and went for a bathroom break. I waited for a few minutes, but she simply never returned.
I rested in bed, irritated by her absence, wondering where the hell she was. Actually, I could hear something unusual originating from downstairs. It sounded completely alien, like a noise I had never even registered before. It was in the middle of the night, and it sounded like there was a party going on downstairs. Considering that we were completely alone when we fell asleep together, and that there was still a blizzard outside, it meant something was really off.
Upon opening the bedroom door, I could hear the faint whisper of music. It was completely abrasive, menacing music I wasn't used to. I was more into, you know, Lady Gaga, rather than the kind of ominous music I was only vaguely able to hear. It was coming from downstairs, and as I made my way down the steps, I still couldn't deduce exactly where it was coming from. I was getting closer, though, that much was certain. With every subsequent step I made, the abstract sounds became more understandable.
There was only one place the music could be coming from, and it was also the only place Elsa could possibly be. She must be in the basement. For some reason, in the middle of the night, she was down there listening to what sounded like the lumbering sirens of hell. Why she was doing it this late, during the wee hours of the morning, I couldn't quite understand, but I was about to find out. Did she usually hang out in her make-shift photography lab this late? I was cranky, and I wanted to know why the hell my cuddle buddy ran out on me during such a prosperous moment of comfort. Swinging the front door of the basement open, not bothering to knock, I called out her name. "Elsa, come back to bed," I ordered, to a seemingly empty cellar.
I looked down and the room was almost entirely absent of light, with the exception of some vague fluorescent red lights that illuminated the room with a menacing glow. "Anna honey," she calls out to me, even though I couldn't even recognize her in that seeping pit of blackness. Even with a few lights scattered around, it was still as dark as could be. The only thing casting visibility down there was the light from the opened door, so everything else was shrouded in an ocean of mysterious dimness. To make everything even more surreal, the music was still so loud I could barely even hear Elsa. Her voice blended right in with the screaming of the music. "Come down here," she beckons.
"Elsa, I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed, come on," I whine, completely frustrated with how strange the situation was. It's like, five in the morning and I'm trying to convince my best friend to stop developing pictures so she can come back to bed with me. This entire thing was like something out of a David Lynch movie. It was a surreal moment, even for us.
"So? I'm not stopping you. Go to bed if you want," she yells up, over the sound of her own music. To describe this music would be like describing what a paper shredder sounds like when it has something jammed in it. It's a completely indescribable, abstract form of music that sounded like a car crash. It was similar to the music I used to hear her listening to in English class. Although in class, I could only vaguely hear it, since the full extent of the music was masked by her ear buds. Now, the music was on full display, pummeling through my body like a hydraulic jackhammer, pulverizing my earlobes. God, I was getting a headache just listening to it during the last 30 seconds, I couldn't imagine how Elsa could actively enjoy being bludgeoned by this type of music.
"Yeah, but, Elsa," I cry out, annoyed that I was still talking to a darkened crater rather than my best friend. "Dammit, just come out so I can actually speak to you."
"Fine," I hear her cry, shuffling around in the blanket of the darkness. I can hear her approaching, stepping into the light that was flooding into the room from the door. Finally, I could see her, and actually speak to her, not a chasm of shadows. Though her speakers droned on in the background, cutting into our conversation. "What is it?"
"Elsa, look-" When she stepped into the light, my heart froze. And I do mean that literally, because it sincerely stopped beating in my chest. I was about to say something to her, but those words were lost to time forever. I was searching for something else to say in their place, but all conscious thought fled from my mind. My heart was doing cartwheels in my chest, jumping around like a small child on a sugar rush. I would have wiped the puddle of sweat forming on my forehead, if it wasn't for the equally dense layer on my palms. I did my best to say something though, even if it was purely reactionary to what I was seeing. "Elsa... y-you're, you're not wearing any clothing."
In my haste to figure out where she was, I forgot to heed Elsa's warnings about knocking first, before venturing downstairs. She wasn't lying, either, because it was boiling down there. It was the only time being around Elsa was anything but freezing. I was starting to sweat, but it had nothing to do with the room temperature.
To my utter surprise, I was greeted to the sight of Elsa virtually naked, clad only in her underwear. I thought she was joking about hanging out down there in only her undies, but as it turns out, she was dead serious. She gawked at me like she had no idea why I was reacting the way that I was, rolling her eyes at me and posing her arm on her hip, which did nothing but enhance her incredible figure even more. "Yeah, I told you Anna, it's hot down here. I'll be in bed fairly shortly, is that fine with you?"
"Yeah, that's um, fine," I mumble out, unable to form an actually coherent response. Seemingly, my brain has been surgically removed, preventing me from coming up with anything else to say. I was transfixed, staring at her body, which was glimmering warmly with sweat. She rolled her eyes again and turned around, walking back into the wall of darkness. Even though it was literally for only like, five seconds, when she turned around, my eyes were granted access to her entirely exposed backside. Unable to physically be in this basement anymore, I stumbled backwards, nearly tripping down the stairs, knocking something over in the process.
When the object I knocked over tumbled down onto the floor, flooding the room with even more noise, she calls out to me, concerned. "Are you alright, Anna?"
"No, I'm uh, fine, I'll just be going to bed now," I stutter out, making my way out of there faster than I presumed possible. My brain doesn't function at maximum capacity even at the best of times, but after seeing Elsa in her unmentionables, I was basically lobotomized. I slammed the basement door shut, making sure the contents of that cellar remained locked down there, never to surface again. I wanted to barricade myself away from the tantalizing features of that basement more than anything. If I had stared at Elsa's body like that for even one more second, I probably would have passed out.
Elsa had seen me naked before, yeah, but this was my first opportunity to see her undressed. And she was so freaking casual over the entire thing, like walking around in your underwear wasn't a big deal at all. She was behaving like this was perfectly normal conduct between two friends, like she did this all the time. It wasn't like she had any reason to be self-conscious about her body, trust me, she didn't, but the way she was so casually flaunting it around in front of me like it was the most natural thing in the world, it was unheard of. I expected Elsa to be a bit more prudish than this.
I had been dreaming of seeing her undressed for over a month now, and I never expected my first time seeing her with her clothes off would come up so unexpectedly. I assumed that if I ever was going to see her in that context, it would be built up and teased after a long time, not just out of the blue like it didn't matter at all. It wasn't fair! It was supposed to mean something, not just a thing that happened randomly because I was too dense to knock on a door. Now the cat was out of the bag, and there wasn't anything I could do to get it back in there.
Not that I was complaining about it, though. As you can guess, I was turned on beyond words. I don't think I had ever been so intensely aroused in my entire life. I was never getting those images out of my head, no matter how hard I tried to scrub them off. They were burned on the inner side of my retinas, scorched into my brain stem like a branding iron. Oh my sweet merciful lord, I was dizzy from arousal. I ran up those steps so fast and locked myself into the bathroom so quickly, I forgot to turn on the water faucets to mask the sounds I was about to make. Since Elsa was busy all the way down in the basement, I didn't think twice about it. I was pretty good at muffling my own sounds of pleasure. I was in such a furious state of ecstasy that I wasn't thinking straight.
My pants were around my ankles so quickly I nearly gave myself whiplash. I had never seen very much of Elsa's body, since she dressed so conservatively, not even showcasing her cleavage very often. Her entire body was this one big mystery to me, and the few glances I got at it, I savored. I saw her remove her shirt before bed, yes, but the room was so dim I barely got to see anything at all. As the night dragged on, I continued to see Elsa strip off more and more of her clothing, exposing even more of her pale skin as the seconds ticked by. I was consumed with my compulsive thoughts of her pale flesh. I would have stayed down there to possibly observe more, but I was already experiencing sensory-overload as it was. Anything more, probably would have put me in a coma.
Even so, I had seen almost the entire canvas of her body in one voyeuristic rush. Everything about her body was inconceivable, her legs were frail and lengthy, her stomach toned and well sculpted, her breasts ample and attentive. She was wearing this matching black underwear set, the fabric was mesh-like and transparent, her lacy bra heavily embroidered with vivid designs. I couldn't believe that she had been wearing that ensemble underneath her clothing the entire day, and that I was talking and socializing with her while she was secretly wearing something like that. Unfathomably, she was wearing that set underneath her clothing while we talked about her being a virgin.
A virgin had no business wearing, or even owning, lingerie that freaking sensual, like, why did she even possess something like that? Who the hell has seen her in that, if she's a virgin? Did she just wear it for her own wild amusement? Or was she teasing me, expecting me to stumble down there and catch her dressed like that? Was she auditioning for Victoria's Secret and wanted to test her figure out first, on me? And oh my lord, when she turned around, and I saw the thin black strips of fabric that represented her underwear, I nearly dropped dead on the spot. Her underwear, while sparse, framed her backside like a national exhibit. I saw so much of her body, that seeing her naked would hardly even make a difference. She already flaunted pretty much everything I wanted to see, anyway.
To think that she was just casually walking around down there alone, dressed in nicer lingerie than I have ever worn, even though she was certain no one was going to see her anyway. Is that seriously something she did on a regular basis, and that I only happened to be interloping on this particular incident? No, there's no way she is that goddamn sexy. I just couldn't accept that. No one is that sexy. What I could accept, however, was what Elsa's ass looked like, and it inflated every corner of my head, helping me climax so quickly my fingers barely even did anything. To think that I used to need the aid of my vibrator to cum. Being around Elsa allowed me to orgasm so quickly I hardly even had to touch myself. My body could orgasm internally, just by being near her.
After climaxing, I had to clean up my own essence that poured all over her bathroom floor, feeling almost ashamed that I was still deriving so much pleasure from someone I was getting to know so intimately. Sometimes the most pleasurable things in life are the things that make you feel a little compromised at the end, like you gave up a part of your soul just to feel it. Pleasuring myself to Elsa was a lot easier when I didn't know anything about her. Now that we were such good friends, and that I was getting to learn so much about her, my mind was uneasy getting off to her behind her back. But, uh, yeah I needed to get the hell to bed, before I fell asleep on the floor. I was on the thin fringe of collapsing.
Upon exiting the bathroom and heading back into Elsa's bedroom, I noticed that she was asleep in bed. I was disappointed I couldn't wish her goodnight again, like I was getting increasingly used to. Getting in bed next to her, I noticed she had put her shorts back on, though she was still otherwise scantily clad. I positioned myself next to her, cuddling her limp body like what was becoming tradition. Elsa shifted in her sleep, maneuvering herself closer to me, returning my embrace. "Night Anna," she wishes me, revealing that she wasn't nearly as passed out as I assumed she was.
"Night Elsa. Love you."
"I already said I loved you before, the first time we tried falling asleep together," she argues back, smiling.
"Well, say it again," I demanded. I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep until she simply said it, so it was her best option to just submit to me and tell me what I wanted to hear. Yes, I was needy, and yes, I was self-conscious and needed constant validation from her. She should know that, by now, and if she didn't, well she better get used to it. I needed to hear those three sacred words before I was capable of dozing off into oblivion.
"Ugghhh, I love you Anna," she scoffs, granting me my humble wish. It was so cute how she was trying to make this into a big charade, trying to act like it was bothering her. She wouldn't surrender so willingly, if it truly did trouble her. Smiling, because now I could finally get some sleep, I gave her a gentle hug, pulling myself even closer to her body. Yes, Elsa was freezing cold, but at this point it wasn't disturbing me any further. I had Elsa within an inch of my body, but that still wasn't close enough. I needed to be even closer towards her, side by side. I was glad Elsa didn't really have many friends, because otherwise I would have suspected her to start figuring out that no, this was not normal conduct between two friends, even with us both being the same gender.
Elsa didn't mind though, and also seemed to like how much closer I got to her. She neither snored, kicked, or even talked in her sleep, which meant the two of us were perfect sleeping companions. I had never slept so effortlessly than when I was next to Elsa. The two of us collaborated our sleeping patterns perfectly, spooning together like it was just common practice. We were better synchronized than most couples, and we weren't even a thing yet. Elsa shifted in her sleep, uneasy, like there was something on her mind. "Um, Anna?"
"Yes, Elsa? What is it?"
She didn't reply right away. It was like she was nervously searching her head for the best way to phrase what she was going to say next. This was something I was used to doing, not the usually fluent Elsa. Her unease made me nervous, since it was so out of character. "Were you, um, masturbating just a moment ago, in the bathroom?" When I didn't reply right away, because, well, I was mortified over her question, the intense burning in my face only masked by the darkness of the night, she continued. "It's fine if you were, I just wanted to know what those moans were about."
Unable to speak, I nodded instead. Replying would have been too degrading for me, so I just rested still. She spoke for me, since my voice was absent. "That's fine, hun. Sometimes I masturbate right before bed, too, no biggie." Our night closed on that point, because I was too humiliated to say anything further. I went limp and tried to pretend like I had fallen asleep, and eventually her breathing pattern slowed down enough to confirm she was asleep herself.
I could hear her heart beating, since my arms were wrapped around her torso. I begged that she had fallen asleep before hearing mine, because it was beating like a nuclear warhead went off. If I hadn't just had experienced the best orgasm of my life, I probably would have been in a desperate state of arousal again after her statement. Shit, I really need to stop getting so worked up over everything she does. It cannot be healthy being in this state of constant arousal all the time. Talk about walking on pins and needles.
I'd like to think that's why she was down in that basement so late at night. Not because of anything related to photography like she insisted, but because that was her little isolated corner where she could pleasure herself without the involvement of others. It would explain why she was half-naked, and also why she was so sweaty. But I knew that was just wishful thinking on my part. Still, a really nice image to fall asleep to.
For the second morning in a row, we awoke right next to each other, tethered together so intensely that all of my sweat poured onto her, so that we genuinely needed to peel our skin apart. She didn't mind, though. I was one of the most annoying, abrasive people in the world, and yet nothing I ever did seemed to bother Elsa. With me, she always found the power to be tolerant. She had an infinite level of understanding to expend on me. For the first time in my life, I had found someone who loved me unconditionally, dealing with all of my annoying traits like I was her golden child.
I had never felt so accepted in my life. All around me, I had surrounded myself with normal people. Normal people are so inconceivably intolerant and resentful. It was with weirdos like Elsa where I found peace. When you have a million eccentricities that you needed people to accept, somehow, it made you more nonjudgmental of others. Elsa was the strangest person I have ever met, even if my level of outlandishness towered over her own.
Elsa was so impossibly strange that she made me feel like a regular person for once. With Elsa, I was her friend, and there was nothing I could ever do to reverse that. As long as I accepted and loved her, she would do the same in return. It was the kind of patience and mutual understanding I pursued from Hans, but he was too selfish to think about anyone but himself. He was a psychopath, and as one, he was inherently incapable of empathy. Even in this casual setting, Elsa felt more like a significant other than he ever did.
Waking up next to Elsa, I brushed my chin into the course, lacy material of the back of her bra, breathing in her aroma. I woke up so overjoyed I wanted to stay that way forever. I could rub my face into Elsa's course negligee until it was bloody and raw. But, uh, I subsided from doing that, to avoid being too weird. We're still just friends, unfortunately.
Besides, she was getting up. Once again, she awoke first, leaving the glowing warmth of the bed, walking over to her wardrobe, where she stumbled through her clothing looking for something to change into. She inspected a band shirt for a moment, deciding if she was going to wear it. After pausing for a moment, she discarded it to the side, looking for something a little more fancy. Eventually, she settled on another casual corset-top combination, like she was accustomed to. I had no idea what inspired that tradition of hers, but Elsa was dedicated to maintaining it.
I looked at the shirt decorating the floor, trying to read the band name written on it. I couldn't make out the full name since the shirt was in a pile on the floor, but it either said "Wretched" or "The Wretched," or some other group with "Wretched" in the title. I couldn't make out the full title, but it was certainly either some punk or metal band, or something. I had never heard of them obviously, since I wasn't into that kind of music. But whatever kind of terrifying music Elsa was into, I really wanted to at least experience it. I was pretty open minded to most things, especially when I had a beautiful girl to persuade and ease me into the genre.
Looking at the discarded shirt, trying to ignore the fact that Elsa was wrestling her figure into another corset, I remembered the music she was listening to when I discovered her in the basement. I was still curious what the hell she was jamming to in the middle of the morning, while developing photos. What kind of playlist does a person listen to for something so unusual? "Elsa, um, do you remember last night? What were you listening to?"
With her corset firmly positioned around her rib-cage again, she turned to me, looking down at me while I was still spread out on her bed. "Um, I don't even remember, my iPod was on shuffle."
"Oh," I answered back, disappointed. I was surprised Elsa even owned an iPod, and that she would seriously just shuffle her music around when tracks that unnerving existed on it. But everything about Elsa was so unpredictable, and at times, bizarre. But even for Elsa, last night was a peculiar scene, and I was still curious about it. "Elsa, were you really just developing pictures down there last night? Seems kinda odd to do that so late."
Elsa shakes her head in disbelief, like it was sacrilege to suggest that she was doing anything else. "I have Photography class Anna, of course I'm actually developing photos, silly."
"Oh! So that's what your second period class was," I blurt out, without even thinking too hard about what I just muttered. I was about to dig myself into a pretty harsh corner, but I was still too oblivious at this point.
"What are you talking about?"
"See, when I was trying to find you during lunch on Monday, I couldn't figure out where you were. I knew all of your classes, except that one. Heh, well, I guess I know now."
Elsa looked at me like I just said something I wasn't supposed to say, and after thinking about it briefly, I realized that I had just said something really stupid. Without even realizing it, I did that thing where I let my mouth talk before my brain fully approved the message, which usually resulted in some truly jeopardizing moments. About 10 seconds after it exited my mouth, was when I realized how obsessive I must have just sounded. Elsa voiced the same concern she had about my statement, that I had. "Um, Anna I've just met you. How did you know what other classes I had?"
Because, like, I basically stalked you for a month before we met? I mean, I wasn't following her around or anything like that, I observed her purely from my own seat, and only figured out her other classes after knowing her for a while. But my statement was still really unintentionally creepy and bizarre. She was dead right, we had just met officially, just a mere few days ago. I could have lied and just said I figured out her schedule by noticing her around the school, or something sly like that, but my brain - both inflicted from grogginess from the morning, and anxiety from the situation - wasn't really working under regular capacity. I blurted out the only thing I could think of in such a drastic moment. "Um, you know... I just, like, have always paid close attention to you, is all."
That might sincerely have been the dumbest thing I possibly could have said. She looked at me wide-eyed and disgusted, like she just found my stash of vintage pornography. There's something about me, that wherever I go, I always bring the worst-case scenario out in everything. Regardless, even though I just made her noticeably cringe, she replied to me as composed as she could be. "Anna, hun, you are really weird, sometimes."
"I know," I choke out, blushing, absolutely murdered, like my heart wasn't intending to beat any more after this ordeal. Humiliation couldn't even begin to describe the sensation coursing through my body.
"You're lucky you're so cute," she snickers, batting her head away, like she was intending on leaving the room before I had the platform to say something even more asinine. While I was totally embarrassed over how moronic I just acted, somehow, everything worked out perfectly. Elsa called me cute. Sweet merciful crap, Elsa called me cute!
I mean, it wasn't like she described me as sexy or ravishing or anything like that, it wasn't like she thought I was gorgeous like how I would always describe her. Cute is almost condescending compared to the adjectives I would use to detail my appreciation of her, but still, she complimented my looks. I never predicted that someone as amazing as Elsa would compliment me like that, even if it was such a minor word to illustrate me. Even so, I was so damn flattered. I've called her attractive before, but now, the feeling was mutual. Actually, I've called her attractive several times, already. Far too many times.
The fact that Elsa found me aesthetically pleasing in any way, shape, or form, was like hearing I just picked out a winning lottery number. I was so worried over what Elsa felt about my looks, even if I wasn't someone who usually was concerned with such things. Sure I was prone to bouts of crushing depression and self-esteem issues, but I still had the fortune to recognize myself as a rather pretty girl. I mean, compared to Elsa, I was like someone you merely glanced at, but still, I was no stranger to compliments. Usually, they went in one ear, and then out the other. Hearing Elsa give me such an accolade, was the first time in forever where I felt really good about myself.
If Elsa thought I was cute, then I was cute, objectively and officially forever. Her word was the final gospel on every topic I could think of. And the fact that she referred to me as cute, in the context of me just saying something totally strange, meant her words were even more sincere. A long time ago, when I first met her, I theorized that people generally didn't find people creepy if they thought they were attractive. Thanks to Elsa's latest statement, I was certain my theory was confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt. Even if I was a bit on the abnormal side, Elsa wasn't going to judge me. Turns out, Elsa really did love me unconditionally, even if we were both complete outcasts. I had no reason to be paranoid about her abandoning me.
Speaking of sustained paranoia, uh, when I got up, discovering the revelation that it was still snowing outside, I got sort of panicked. Elsa, in comparison, was as calm as could be. She was treating this entire thing like it was a mild inconvenience, like it was only vaguely upsetting to her. It could be judgment day, with the four horseman of the apocalypse prowling the streets, picking off the final, unfortunate souls not saved by the rapture, and she would greet this entire ordeal with a disinterested "meh." It was like the possibility of the end of the world didn't matter to her. Things escalated very quickly, but she remained apathetic.
During the first few days, our TV dinners, Netflix binge watching, and cuddle sessions filled me with the optimism I needed to continue. By the fifth consecutive day, I was starting to grow more and more fevered and panicked by the state of the storm. The snow piled up outside was literally fifteen feet deep, nearly reaching the upstairs window, burying the entire house and everyone in it like something that was to be forgotten. I continued calling my mom, amazed that the power was still on, and she grew more hysterical by the day. Whatever force was producing the storm, didn't want the power cut off, seemingly.
Looking out the window revealed the situation was more nightmarish than initially presumed. My city is dying. Arendelle has never a been a vivid place to live, but even so, the last few ounces of its vitality have been stripped away by the storm. The storm has strangled all the remaining life from my home city. The streets are barren, deserted wastelands flooded with white death, and the sky is a perpetual blanket of shadows. I haven't even seen the sun in days, and the promise of a bright tomorrow is unlikely. It's as if the sun itself decided to stop rising, too terrified by the blizzard. The only thing that is guaranteed anymore is more snow and nightfall.
I feel as if I am stuck here in purgatory. I feel as if this is some form of limbo, some endless cycle of monotony. It's just as repetitive as my life before Elsa, even if I have the benefit of having her around now. As long as the storm continued, nothing was ever going to actually change. Just honoring the same old routines until one of us eventually kicked the bucket. What kind of life is that? What kind of pitiful existence revolves around the same damn patterns every day? Elsa didn't seem bothered by it, no. She reveled in routines, she was so fastidious that doing the same thing every day was her version of heaven. It was my version of hell, and it was a hell I couldn't escape from. At first, I adored my time here with Elsa, getting to know her in every detail I could imagine. Now, I was begging for anything just to put me out of my misery.
The weather networks and the news anchors grew more desperate for answers by the day, and as things became more and more grim, they too, became more alarmed. The dread grew by the day, and the prospect of an ending seemed more impossible by every passing moment. It seemed like the snow simply wasn't ever going to stop flowing, that the blizzard was never subsiding. "It could keep snowing forever," prophesied one particularity terrified news station anchor. When a professional news broadcaster, specifically trained to stay calm under any emergency, is this scared, then you know the situation is pretty dire.
My optimism shrank every time I changed the channel, and Elsa watched it all with a bemused smile, like she found the concept of the apocalypse as quaint. "Aren't you scared?" I asked her, unable to take her smugness about the whole thing anymore.
"Why should we be scared? We have enough food in here to last us for months. We're fine," she gloated, sipping a drink from her cup of hot chocolate. While Elsa's confidence did a lot to ease me dismay over everything, I still couldn't help but think about the less fortunate. We were safe within the bunker we were living under, but not everyone had the luxury of such an abundance of food and preparations. What about families that didn't have the indulgence of being prepared for this storm, and what about people who didn't have five days worth of food around the place? What about people with medical issues, what about children, the elderly, people who didn't have shelter at all? It wasn't like there was something to forewarn us about the storm. It simply came out of nowhere, in the middle of a perfectly mild day.
I couldn't help but think of the people still in our school. If they haven't descended into cannibalism by now, they were probably dead from the cold. What about all the countless people now dead from the blizzard, their bodies never to be located within the ocean of snow that littered the streets? There could be corpses all along the road right this very moment, and you'd never even know any of it thanks to the mountain of snow. After the sixth day of consecutive snowfall, my anxiety grew so heinously that I couldn't even enjoy being around Elsa anymore. When I wasn't worried about the roof caving in from the stress of the snow, I was worried about all the innocent lives consumed by the blizzard.
"Anna, stop pacing, I can't hear the television." My trampling around across the room was disturbing Elsa, who remained as calm as ever. My nerves were getting so severe I couldn't even sit anymore, my legs were so desperate for some activity after six straight days of just sitting around doing nothing. I was becoming increasingly more stir crazy by the moment, but no matter how bad things became, Elsa never seemed bothered by any of it. Her indifference to the apocalypse was starting to unnerve me.
"How can you just sit there like that?"
"It's pretty simple. First, you put your butt on your couch like this," she explained, mockingly demonstrating how to sit. "Then you put your back like this, and stare at the television. Pretty simple." She tucked her arms behind her head, getting as comfortable as she could. She was treating the end of the world as indifferently as any person could, like she was looking forward to it. I was becoming more and more disturbed by her demeanor by the moment. After spending nearly a week isolated here with Elsa, I was getting pretty familiar with how relaxed she always was, but even for her, she was being stoic.
"How can you be so calm, Elsa? The world is ending, and you're just watching movies like you don't even care." I don't think Elsa quite understood my fear, even if I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't be able to understand the gravity of the situation. It wasn't like Elsa was trying to be condescending, it was genuinely like she couldn't understand why I was so worried. When I showed her that yeah, I seriously was scared shitless, she looked concerned herself. Not because she was plagued by any kind of fear personally, but because I was afraid. When she understood how horrified all of this was making me, she seemed apologetic over how she was acting.
The next thing you know, I'm crying on the sofa next to her, and she's cradling me, trying to comfort me. Not even Elsa could comfort me during a time like this. The sky is falling, and while Elsa was holding an umbrella, it wasn't going to make me feel any better, nor was a mere umbrella going to prevent us from being crushed. Life as I knew it was over, and I never even had the opportunity to enjoy it. The first few days together were delightful beyond words, but everything took such a tragic turn so unexpectedly.
It wasn't fair. Sure, I cuddled with Elsa, ate Kraft dinner with her, I've seen her wearing a thong and I even got to watch Escape from New York with her, and these were all experiences that normally would have made my entire life worth living, but I was still still petrified. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Elsa, but not like this. Not if I had to worry about the deaths of thousands of people while the two of us were watching John Carpenter movies together. It was a sick sense of irony that now I finally got to hang out with Elsa, and the world was over. Talk about raining on someone's parade.
All I wanted was to be loved. All I've ever wanted was for someone to care about me. I thought I was privileged to at least that meager right, but I guess I was wrong. Instead I only received indifferent tolerance, but very little actual adulation. And even upon receiving that faint warmth, it was taken away from me a few days later during the end of the world itself. I wasn't sure what I did to be so royally fucked over. Maybe it had nothing to do with deserving it. Maybe I was just an accessory to all of this, and my own plight amounted to nothing more than a raindrop in an ocean of suffering all around us. I wasn't the only one being harmed by this storm. At least if anything was going to happen to me, I wouldn't be missed. No one would be left to mourn for me.
Even within the relative safety of Elsa's house, it doesn't prevent me from being worried. Being around Elsa is an endless reminder of the definition of the word "cold," but even so, it's still absolutely freezing in here, and it feels like it's getting colder every minute. Even Elsa's house cannot prevent the creeping embrace of cold from invading. The cold oozes in through every nook and cranny. I'm indoors, but I'm still shivering, shaking violently from the endlessly frigid air. It's so goddamn cold in here, and no matter what I do to stay warm, nothing has any kind of effect. No matter how many layers I put on, no matter how many blankets I pile over me, no matter what I do, I can't stop myself from shivering. With every passing moment, the house grows more frosty and maddening.
That night Elsa was comforting me, telling me about how the storm was going to end soon, and that I had nothing to worry about. That night we cuddled more intimately than ever before. Though I cradled her out of fear, not lust. This time again Elsa initiated the embrace, folding her arms around me, so tight it was hard for me to breathe. I was so blessed to have her with me through this entire nightmare. I think without her, I wouldn't have even made it to this point.
Being handled by Elsa like this was wonderful, yeah, but it didn't help sooth my dismay over everything. She kept telling me over and over about how I had nothing to worry about, but it didn't subdue my distress very much. The look of ease and confidence on her face inspired some vague feelings of hope in me, but my optimism was still too drowned by bleakness to expect a fortunate outcome. The sound of her soft voice helped ease me into sleep though, which I was very thankful for. Elsa had never been such a motherly, comforting figure to me before. I never wanted her to let me go.
Eventually I dulled my mind enough to finally get to sleep. I was dreading sunrise. I would have preferred the option of just not waking up, rather than more snowfall. I had grown incredibly disinterested in the prospect of more snow and apocalyptic imagery. I felt like if I ever saw a snowflake again, I was going to get physically ill.
I wanted everything just to be normal again. Or, at least as normal as things ever got in my life. I mean, my life wasn't exactly average even when the world wasn't ending, but I still craved the daylight.
When I awoke, something unfathomable happened.