The Girl in the Tower 2: Seasons of Discontent Ch 11: The Art of Regret

Part Two: Be Here Now

The Girl in the Tower 2:

Seasons of Discontent

Chapter 11: The Art of Regret

bPart2: Be Here Now

Ch 11: The Art of Regret/b

c~/c

i'All you need is love' is a lie cause
We had a love but we still said goodbye
Now we're tired, battered fighters…

And it stings when it nobody's fault
Cause there's nothing to blame
At the drop of your name
It's only the air you took and the breath you left

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and
Wait on the porch 'til you come back home, all right
I can't find the fight
So I'll check the weather wherever you are
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight
It might be my only right

We share the sadness
Split screen sadness

Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way that I used to be
There's no substitute for time
Oh for the sadness
Split screen sadness/I

~ John Mayer – Split Screen Sadness

c ~/c

"Draco?"

No answer.

Sara threw back the blanket and went to the empty bed. There was a note atop the pillow and Sara sighed as she sat down to read it.

ISara,

I went home. I got the feeling that you did not want me here. I don't want to be a burden, I can be sick in my own home, and it's just as well.

I'm sorry I tried to push you. Please don't hate me for it. Anyway, I didn't want to wake you. Drop in or send an owl if you're in the mood for company. I'll help you move. You know where to find me.

Draco/I

Sara was dismayed to find that she was glad he was gone. It seemed that, lately, she'd spent every waking moment with Draco and had yet to allow the dissolution of her marriage sink in. She'd felt it last night, though, and was sorry she'd brought him here, to the house she'd shared with Harry. The look in Harry's eyes when he'd declared this her house, their house, haunted her memory and she found he was right. Sara looked around at all the things that reminded her of Harry and spoke her realization aloud. I"I will always be Mrs. Potter in this house." /I

It made her sad, the idea of leaving, closing the doors to this most beloved place and walking away from her life. Starting over. There was an ever-present spark of excitement that accompanied such a life-changing event, where personal freedom would be restored and new doors could open. As much as Sara looked forward to these things, making such a drastic decision was one of the most frightening things she'd ever done and Sara grieved for what she was leaving behind. Thoughts of Harry ran deep. It hurt to be cast away, to be the victim of his disinterest and animosity. He could never know how she still felt about him, or understand the damage he'd done to the part of her that felt trust.

A warm shower did nothing to lift the gloom, so Sara settled in the east lobby at the back of the house, ignoring her piano, looking out at the rain that fell on the terrace from a cold, listless sky. She knew she should dress and go to her shop, supposedly open for business. Instead, she sat alone on the end of the couch, wearing a pair of Harry's pajamas and his extra bathrobe, left at the foot of the bed by Draco. There was comfort in his clothes, but there was also a sense of loss so profound that it wasn't possible to feel happiness in anything. Harry had always been the light in her life when everything else was misery, but that dream was over now. It had been a long time since Harry had made her happy.

Of course, there was always a small voice in the back of her mind that wanted to forgive him, beg him to forsake all others and Icome home. /I That voice was usually drowned by anger, accompanied by righteousness and spite, but last night that voice had spoken to her loud and clear. Her every moral fiber objected to the thought of sharing her marriage bed with Draco, of seeing him Iwearing Harry's clothes. /I It was Iwrong, /Iletting him act in Harry's stead, be in Harry's room, put his things on Harry's bedside table, and sleep in Harry's place. However, the sum of these treacheries couldn't amount to the sin that was allowing it as Harry's wife.

Guilt and shame were cumbersome things, overpowering, resolute, and unmerciful. Crying without reserve seemed to be the only release from it and so Sara did it without modesty or reticence. It was simple, really. Sara missed her husband.

"I have to stop thinking about it," she told the empty room, "I don't want this anymore."

The house offered no reply and Sara settled back in the cushions, determined to brush aside the burden of such aching humility. Her thoughts turned to Draco, though Sara found little comfort in that subject, either. It was something she Ishould/I be thinking about, especially after the conversation she'd had with Nikolae. His words echoed through her mind as they had last night in her dreams and doubt crept under her skin. IHe will hurt you. /I

The low chime of the grandfather clock broke her concentration and Sara looked to the rain once more. Gray, like the mood of her thoughts, which now turned to fog vials. What was Draco doing with them? Why did he have such a large store of them and why had he gone Ijust yesterday/I to get more? Yates had said that the Slytherin types had been coming in every week for months, yet Draco had been collecting for more than a year! Could it really be tied to what Sylvia was involved in? Why would he submit to some half-baked Death Eater scheme? Out of boredom? It wasn't likely, though he'd never really lost his true Slytherin nature. He was still the same person he'd been when she'd met him, except maybe a little wiser, quieter, and in possession of the detachment exclusive to lost souls.

Yates had seen Draco talking with Sylvia in his shop, yet she had taken drastic measures to get what he had. Had he agreed to something and then later changed his mind? Why had he never mentioned her, even when Snape was meeting her for lunch last week and he'd had plenty of opportunity to say he'd been in touch? Draco had never offered an explanation as to why he had so many of these obscure devices with such dangerous potential, used mainly for making Ibombs, /I and made no mention of why he was still after them. Why would he need more if he'd excused himself from their evil plot? Especially after Sylvia had been exposed? Could this be the dark secret Nikolae claimed Draco was hiding?

Once again, the other item he'd dropped in the lounge at the Houndstooth lingered strong in her mind. The solid thud was a sound she'd heard a million times before, she couldn't put her finger on it, but she associated it with Hermione for some reason. The fabric in which it was wrapped was too familiar, Sara was certain she'd seen it somewhere, but the memory was elusive. The best thing to do was not to force it, to let it come to the surface on its own. Something, however, was driving her to get to the bottom of it. There was an urgency Sara didn't understand, and she Iwouldn't /I understand until she remembered what it was.

Then there was Draco himself. He didn't try to push her, not really, but it seemed he was forever maneuvering every situation into a moment ripe with romantic potential. It was hard to stay objective with him always so near, always so intense and affectionate. His gentle/aggressive nature brought her frozen heart to life and awoke in her feelings she'd forgotten. The kind of feelings that overthrow the senses and fill the soul with the rapture of pure emotion. To have him so close was nothing short of arresting, though Draco had Ialways /I been the ultimate temptation. In fact, he was the Ionly /I temptation.

The problem lay in his impatience. She'd asked him for time, but he'd yet to give it to her. She would have to take measures into her own hands before one of them made a mistake. One she didn't want to live with.

Sara sighed as the rain grew heavy and it was Nikolae who crossed her mind. She'd done something to him on the night they'd spend in her room, brought something to life that should have been left buried and dormant. Nikolae was not himself. He was jealous, needy, and possessive. He'd offered to make her a vampire and then cursed himself to hell for it. He'd rallied against Draco with passionate aversion and his former support for Harry was absent. What she'd been thinking that night was just a passing moment, but not for Nikolae it seemed. Last night she'd thanked him for his kind concern and moral actions and explained that it had been a mistake on her behalf. He was torn apart over it. He'd cried, talked at length of Antonya, ranted, and cried some more. Then he'd shouted at her for disturbing his peace of mind and stormed out, claiming he needed to leave her presence. He had not returned.

Everything, it seemed, was in chaos. Her marriage, herI friendship/I with Harry. She'd stirred something in a vampire and didn't want to suffer the consequences. Then there was Draco, who confused her now more than he ever had in their lives as friends. The difference wasn't so much in Draco himself, but in the way she felt about him. Sara knew she'd been honest when she'd said she loved him as more than that. She always had in a way, but the feelings she'd harbored in secret had only grown over the years as Harry's affection for her faded away. However, her heart was in agony and her mind was infected by bitterness. Rationality was sometimes fleeting, so how was she to know if Draco was what she really wanted for herself? True, she'd always wondered what it would have been like to venture a little farther with him, but letting him in would require no less than total commitment. Sara knew how it would affect him if she were to change her mind later. With Draco, it was all or nothing, so how, at a time like this, could she give him such assurance? Especially since there was so much doubt in her mind over the fog vials, his dishonesty over his association with Sylvia, the bold-faced warning Nikolae had given her, and his unwillingness to give her time. The knowledge mingled with her sometimes hard to suppress need for his close proximity, and it all led to one thing. Confusion.

Sara wiped her eyes and rose from the couch. Lounging around on a dreary day when one's existence is in ruins was no help when it came to keeping one's mind occupied, so Sara decided to prepare an early lunch, though she had little appetite for it.

* * *

Just as Sara was wondering whether or not to bother with dinner, the doorbell rang. She considered ignoring it, since she wasn't expecting anyone, and then pulled herself out of the couch and opened the door to a dismal night.

Seamus tried to smile on the step, soaked to the bone and with broom in hand. He looked her over and his smile faltered. "I was looking for Harry. I didn't know you were sick, or I'd have sent an owl first. Sorry I disturbed you."

"Come on in. I'm not sick, just a little lackluster."

"I guess I should tell you that I've got some bad news, so Harry might not be in the best of moods tonight."

Sara lowered onto a loveseat in the main lobby and motioned for Seamus to join her. "I've got some bad news as well. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Harry doesn't live here anymore. Seamus, we're getting a divorce."

Seamus sighed and slouched in his chair. "I'm sorry to hear it, and even Isorrier /I to say that it's no surprise. Look, I know Harry hasn't been himself these past few years, but he's a good chap." He glanced at the baggy, men's pajamas and bathrobe, then at her red-rimmed eyes. "Sara, if there's anything I can do…"

"I'll be alright. Thanks."

"Please don't take up with Malfoy, that's all I ask. I know you've always been friends and that he's better looking than the rest of us, but then we'd have to invite him to all of our parties."

Sara sat in silence for a moment, then covered her face with her hands and burst into tears.

Seamus nearly panicked and rushed to console her, taking a seat beside her on the couch, unsure over whether or not he should hug her or touch her in any way. Seamus was dismayed to find he was clueless when it came to comforting someone else's wife. "Geez, Sara! I didn't mean it! I was only kidding about that. Draco's not so bad, I guess. People look at him differently since he won the Medal of Heroism. He's still a bloody creep, but if you like him, well, then I guess he can't be Iall /I bad."

Sara burst into tears again, and this time Seamus laid a hand on her shoulder. "I'm saying everything wrong, aren't I?"

Sara sniffled and cried into her hands. "Yes! But it's not your fault. IEveryone/I hates Draco except Severus, and everyone hates ISeverus, /I too!"

"I'd definitely take Draco over Snape Iany day." /I

"What's Ithat /I got to do with anything?"

"Oh, nothing, really. To tell the truth, I've got no bloody idea why I said it! Sara, I'm sorry. You're upset and I can't sayI anything /I right." Knowing he'd caused her such distress; Seamus went against his conscience and pulled her against his shoulder. She laid her hand on his chest.

Sara could hear his heart thumping away, as if it was trying to break through the constraints of his sweater. He was edgy and his hand shook where it pressed against her hair. She pulled away and looked at him. "I'm sorry. I'm making you uncomfortable."

"It's not that, it's just, I can't really explain it, but Harry's one of my best mates and you're his… well, you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean. It seems you've stumbled upon an awkward situation."

"You needed a friend, didn't you? And I just happened to be the one who knocked on the door. It's karma or fate or something."

"I'm sorry, Seamus. I'm such an idiot, crying in front of company of all things!" Sara sniffled and thanked him for the handkerchief he offered. She wiped her eyes. "I mean, It's only nine o'clock and here I am, dressed in the same bedclothes I've been wearing all day. I haven't even combed my hair. I'm so wretched today, I'm sorry. I haven't even offered you tea."

"I'll tell you what. Why don't we go into the kitchen? I know a recipe for Irish coffee that can beat all. Besides, it's a right lot cozier in there. This room is far too big for a proper conversation.

Harry's pajamas swished as the makeshift cuffs dragged across the rugs and then made another noise altogether as she crossed onto the terra cotta tiles of the kitchen.

"Sit down, Sara."

Sara did as he asked, taking her usual seat at the table where she and Harry took their meals, watching Seamus work his magic.

With wand held aloft, Seamus made every cupboard open at once, and every drawer extended. Items began to fly through the air, a spoon, a measuring cup, whiskey, Irish cream, a whisk, a mixing bowl, and several things that Sara felt had no purpose in the making of Irish Ianything, /I like a corkscrew and a purple candle. Spices measured themselves and then drifted into the brewing coffee. It was a spectacular show of skill and Sara found that, even after all these years, she still found a way to be amazed by the smallest and most common of enchantments.

Seamus set a tall mug before her with a red and white, peppermint flavored straw sticking out of a great fluff of cream, sprinkled with cinnamon and ginger. Sara took a taste. "It's delicious! You'll have to give me this recipe of yours! I can barely taste the barrel of whiskey I saw you put in it."

I"That's/I the best part!"

Sara smiled and took another sip. "I could send Harry an owl if you want, let him know you need to see him."

"Sara, maybe you should give him more time? After all, he's certainly gotten a wake-up call I think. Wait until he gets his head together and then see how things are."

"I'm Itired /I of waiting for that very thing to happen. I've been waiting far too long already. I never threatened to leave him or even Itried /I to start an argument. I gave him as much space as I could. I left him alone when he wanted me to, which was most of the time. I didn't try to make him feel guilty or nag at him to do things with me. When he started leaving at night I only asked where he was going a few times and he never really told me. Of course, I Iknow/I where he was going now, but the thought had never crossed my mind until I saw him Isnogging/I Christina on the locator.

"He stopped talking to me altogether after awhile. We were just two ghosts in this house, trying to stay out of each other's way. When we were out, I would take his hand as I always have and he would hold it for a few seconds, and then drop it to brush his hair aside. Then he'd stick his hand in his pocket. I can't even describe how hurtful that single gesture could be. He was always so Idistant, /I Seamus, that when I tried to tell him about my day or engage him any sort of conversation, I often found that he'd tuned me out and hadn't heard half of what I said. He rarely replied, and when he did it was with blatant disinterest. Sometimes hostility. After the first year, I stopped trying. Now, I'm afraid it's too late."

"It's a bloody shame, that is. But you're not the only one he did it to. He seemed angry or distracted most of the time, but he tried to pretend he was cheerful. Once he let the vats run and didn't even notice that the line was out of bottles. I tell ya, we had a great bloody puddle of premium rum on the swillhouse floor! All the while, there he stood with his hand on the lever, staring off at the wall. It wasn't just you, Sara. He was like that with everyone."

"He never pretended to be cheerful for Ime! Everything/I was my fault. He would accuse me of idiotic things, like moving his hairbrush when I hadn't or sneaking up on him when I'd been in the room the whole time. You see, though? He'd forgotten I was there is all. And it was Harry who brought his hairbrush onto the veranda. He'd just forgotten that it was in his hand and was carrying it around. He blamed every single thing on me, great and small, and I rarely tried to defend myself, even when he accused me of ruining his life, painful though it was to hear him say it. I tried Iso hard /I to be understanding, to be patient with him, but I'm done with it now. I can't live like this anymore."

"I don't know what to say, Sara. I knew you were having a hard time, but I understand how you feel. I can't do anything right with Susan. All she does is yell at me all day and tell me how worthless I am as a husband. After awhile, you've been dragged down so far that you just want to get away from whatever's making you feel like the ugly end of a flubberworm. I've thought of walking away a few times, but I always find some reason to give it another go."

"And by doing so, you solved the problem?"

"Hardly! She's still all prickles and vinegar, but I don't want to leave her. I just want her to stop all the yelling and nagging."

"So tell her, Seamus. I know Susan well enough to know she'd listen to reason if she knew she might lose you if she didn't."

"Did you tell Harry that same thing?"

"Harry wouldn't listen to reason, no matter what I said, but no. I never threatened to leave him, even when I wanted to. IHe/I left Ime." /I

Seamus glanced at the clock on the wall. "Unfortunately,I I'll/I be leaving you, too. I still need to talk to Harry, it's right important, and Susan will kill me if I come home late again."

"And smelling of Irish whiskey at that!" Sara walked with him back to the lobby. "We don't want you getting into trouble. You'll find Harry above Toadbucket Tool. I'm sure he'll still be up."

Seamus gave Sara a friendly hug, kissed her cheek, and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Everything will work out for the best. Don't you worry, Sara. You know how to reach me if you care for another coffee."

Harry came through the door, hurrying to get out of the rain, and stopped dead when he saw them there. His wife, in the arms of his business partner, one of his best friends! Harry's expression turned furious and his accusatory gaze moved from one to the other.

Sara stepped forward. "Don't just Ibarge /I in here! YouI moved /I in case you forgot! I mean really!"

"Why can't I? It's my house, too. Or are you afraid I might catch you snogging all my friends?"

Seamus was shocked. "We weren't Isnogging!" /I

Sara, however, was irate and insulted. "Actually, had you come through the door just five minutes ago, you'd have caught us shagging right there on that couch!"

"Don't tell him Ithat! /I He'll believe you!"

"He'll believe what he wants, regardless of what I say."

"We were just saying goodbye, Harry!"

"Don't explain yourself to the likes of him, Seamus. He had no right to accuse you of anything. He's just acting like a COMPLETE IDIOT!"

Harry looked to Seamus.

"Your girl was Icrying, /I Harry. I couldn't just Ileave!" /I

Harry looked at Sara, who was a shambles. The fact that she was hurt and annoyed was clear.. "I'm sorry, Sara. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. You're right, I'm an idiot."

Sara turned away and went to the window, pulling the curtain aside to stare out at the rainy night. "Apologize to Seamus. I'm used to your nonsense."

Seamus came forward, twisting his hands in nervous anxiety. "Look, I've got some bad news, Harry, and you should probably both hear it. Sit down."

"He can stand. He'll be leaving soon."

Harry was ashamed when he realized she was crying. He thought of going to her, but knew she'd only push him away. Seamus continued before he could do or say anything to ease the hurt he'd caused.

"I'm closing the Swillhouse."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why! We're making a fortune!"

"My talent has left me. I can't make swill anymore. I've been trying all week and all I get is a vat of funny tasting water. I doubt we'll make much off that. I'm sorry, Harry. I hope you didn't borrow against it."

Harry stood a moment and then sighed his frustration. "I should have known better than to think things couldn't get any worse. I've lost my wife, my home, my pride, and now I have no income. It's Ibeautiful." /I

"I've called a press conference for tomorrow afternoon. We'll be having a staff meeting at nine to inform the workers. We'll need to give them severance, of course."

"I'll be there."

"I need to go home and tell Susan. She's really going to think I'm worthless, now that I'm unemployed. Besides, I think you and Sara need to talk." Seamus touched the back of her head, knowing better than to turn her from the window. "Cheer up, Sara. See you in the morning, Harry." With that, Seamus hurried through the door, into the dampness, and was gone.

Harry stared at her back, but she didn't turn. He waited, wondering if he should leave as it seemed she wanted him to do. After a long, awkward silence, he found his most gentle and apologetic voice and spoke. "You're wearing my pajamas."

"It was the first thing I found."

"I haven't worn that pair in months."

Sara grew angry, thinking he had a lot of nerve, trying to get her to admit to missing him. "They're comfortable."

"Sara I…"

"Don't bother to explain yourself. I really don't care."

"Well I'm going to. Mariah and I are just friends. I only met her the other day. I know how it looked, but you got the wrong idea."

"I may have the wrong idea about her, but I don't have the wrong idea about Iyou. /I The locator doesn't lie. It makes no difference anymore, Harry. You broke my heart and now it has closed to you."

"Sara, I'm SORRY!"

"You don't know how it was for me, to feel so betrayed. Christina can have you."

"I don't want Christina. I love Iyou, /I Sara. I know I've made mistakes. I know I haven't been the best husband, but I never realized how it was affecting you."

"How did you think it would Iaffect/I me to come home and find that you'd Imoved? /I To find that the cruel, emotionless husband I'd suffered for THREE YEARS had Ileft /I me?"

"Sara, please don't cry. I'm willing to move back in. I miss you. I'm sorry I did it."

"Well this is the decision you made, you Ibastard, /I and now you'll have to live with it."

Something awful and desperate inside of him snapped into a cloud of burning defense. "You just want to take up with Malfoy with a clear conscience! Don't be righteous with me, Sara! I'd move home this instant and try to work things out, but you won't hear of it? I'm not as naïve as you think!"

"Draco has nothing to do with you and me. I still love you, Harry, but I don't like you very much anymore. You are no longer the person I married."

"Is it true? You slept at his house? In his room no less? I've heard it from Lucius and even Draco admitted to it, but I want to hear it from you."

"I did sleep there. Nothing happened, of course. I'm not as loathsome as you. However, I'm sure you thought otherwise. I know how reluctant you are to trust me, even around your own friends."

"It's him I don't trust. It's always been HIM!"

I"Nothing happened, /I Harry, and nothing's happened since. Draco's been sick. I was going there to make sure he was all right, and also for a little company. Telling you how lonely I was is a waste of breath. It's been a long time since you've cared."

"Well I care now. I want to spend time with you."

"So there it is then. Now you know I I've felt all this time. In desperate need of your company, wanting to spend time with you, only to have you push me away with a few vicious words. I hate to say this, but I've put up with far too much. Consider my back turned."

"Don't do this! We can still save our marriage."

"And live the rest of my life like this? In the shadows, waiting for you to come around? Wondering every minute what sort of bad mood you're in? You always do this, you know. Wait until I'm ready to give up and then rush in to save yourself at the last second, only to go back to that bitter, sulking nonsense as soon as you think I'm content! I'm not falling for it anymore. All I ever wanted from you was love and affection. You refused me. You can't smooth things over this time, Harry. I can't take it anymore. It's over."

"I wasn't Ithat /I bad, was I?"

"Are you forgetting about Christina? How can I trust you now? And yes, you were that bad. You're selfish, indifferent, moody, insensitive, and cruel. I need to be happy again, and that means walking away from you."

"You're breaking my heart, you know."

"How's it feel?"

"I'll do whatever you ask, Sara."

Sara looked at him for a long moment, watching the sadness and desperation in his expression. "The comedy is over, Harry. Sign the papers. I want a divorce."

Harry dropped into the nearest couch and let his head fall into his hands.

Sara's tone was hushed and laced with compassion. "Why did you come here?"

"I was worried about you. You've been home all day, and then I saw you were drinking. Since I just saw Malfoy in Diagon Alley, I thought I'd drop in and make sure you were ok."

A little of the frost melted from her eyes. "I was just upset, I guess. It's so awful, what's become of us. When I think back to how we were before, the Imadness /I we felt for each other, all the plans we had. I couldn't breathe without you, Harry, but now I'm suffocating."

"I never meant for things to turn out this way. I don't want to lose you. Everything has gone wrong. We're jumping to conclusions, and I already miss you. I hate my flat. I want to come home. I was wrong. I don't want to be alone. Stay with me."

"I miss you as well, but I'm glad you left. Maybe someday things will be different between us, but right now, I have to walk away from this. I'm sorry. I hope you can understand." Sara sat down on the couch and took his hand. "Too much has happened. I let it go too far because of some silly promise I made in ignorance. I meant it, of course, but I never dreamed you'd treat me with such disdain. I was on the verge of hating you and now I need time to heal. We both do. Harry, if we stay together, it will all fall apart."

"You don't know that."

"I do know it."

"I thought you had no real divining sense when it comes to me?"

"I don't need a divining sense. Like I said, my heart has closed to you, even though it's not my will."

"I really screwed up, didn't I?"

Sara felt for him in this moment as the room resonated with his misery. She couldn't bring herself to tell him that, yes, he had screwed up. In fact, he had screwed up so badly and for so long that even a friendship might be too difficult. "There's nothing to be done now."

"Let me make us some dinner at least. I'm hungry and I can hear your stomach from here. Besides, I don't really want to talk about this anymore."

"Just as long as you know it doesn't mean anything."

Harry sighed and squeezed her hand. "I hope, at some point, you can forgive me."

"I still love you, Harry, but it will be a long time before that can happen."

"I understand. Just know that I'm sorry, Sara."

Sara laid a comforting hand on his arm. "I'll start the salad."

* * *

Draco stirred the two cauldrons, and then measured out ingredients for tomorrow's batch. Snape also had a large amount brewing, and he was more likely to get it right, but Draco was determined to replace what he'd lost. Most of his fog vials were gone. Broken when the bag had flown from his hands. Only three had remained whole and in possession of their contents. The rest had been empty, and only five of them remained. Not enough.

The potions shop in Diagon Alley had set him at ease. He'd received his allotment there, and at the shop in Hogsmeade as well, but that Slinky Iwhat's-his-name /I had refused him his long standing order. Funny, Snape claimed to have received a great deal of fog vials just this morning. The vials, and more important, a stable batch of potion, were crucial now more than ever and Draco sneered at the thought of the apothecary. Slinky, or whatever his name was, would live to regret the day he'd lied to Draco Malfoy.

The truth was, the culmination of all his plans was now on the brink of realization and nothing was ready. He needed every fog vial he could get, and he needed that potion. Thank Merlin Snape had taken pity on him, otherwise all would be lost and he would be in a very bad spot.

Draco covered tomorrow's ingredients with care, though his mind had wandered from the task at hand. Sara had not replied to his note. She hadn't even bothered to check on him, knowing how ill he'd been yesterday. It wasn't like her to neglect a sick friend and he was once again reminded of his mistake last night. The moment had seemed so right! She'd touched his arm with the gentle hand he'd always loved, and told him that she felt the way he'd hoped she felt, and yet the moment was wrong. Potter had been heavy on her mind, he'd stepped forward when he should have stepped back, and now she didn't want to see him. He'd gone too far, too fast, made the right move at the wrong time, and may have ruined his chances. Perhaps, he thought, he should just use one of his new fog vials to blow himself up.

Draco scuffed his feet as he dragged himself up the stairs, too depressed to put much energy into even the simplest of movements, and wandered into the kitchen, mopey, and with slumped shoulders. Draco sighed as he stood before the icebox, his tired eyes scanning the massive amount of food Sara had brought for him. He hadn't eaten all day, yet still had little appetite. Taking only a bottle of ginger ale, he carried it into the study, where he collapsed onto the couch.

"You aren't eating again?"

"Sure I am. I just ate before I came in."

"I do believe we've talked about this. Besides, no woman wants a scrawny, emaciated fellow."

"I'm not hungry."

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Now Draco, don't act like such a child. Your mother was always over-dramatic, too. I suppose that's where it comes from."

"I don't need your lectures. I'm having a bad day, as if it's any of your business, so if you can't be pleasant, go visit your harlot in Liverpool."

"That is a Imuch/I more interesting portrait, but my interests lie here at the moment. At least have a bit of nutrium potion."

"I will."

"How are things going with the muggle?"

"I went to the flat in Manchester this morning. It's all set up for when she gets out of the hospital, except it didn't look lived in. I messed it up a bit. Put dishes in the rack, ran the shower, threw clothes on the floor, and laid on the bed. It still didn't look right, so I ground some mud into the mat and spilled merlot on the carpet. There's this electronic muggle icebox, so Smidgeon got the idea to open the stuff the maid picked up at the store for us. He made a sandwich, ate half, then aged the other half and put the moldy thing in there. It looks convincing, I guess. As for the money, it went into her account yesterday. We had to charm the superintendent and her neighbors into thinking she'd lived there for months, but we don't foresee any problems."

"Excellent. So, onto more pressing issues, what of Miss Lemke? Why are you home tonight?"

"She hates me."

"Draco, you've always been a pathetic failure when it comes to this particular young lady. What have you done this time?"

"I'm not sure, really. She got upset when I insulted Potter and after that, no matter what I did, it seemed I was stepping on his toes. I asked her to kiss me and she pushed me away. She was angry and left the room. I left after she fell asleep."

"Wallowing in self-pity, is she? I thought you'd convinced her to move to your other house?"

"So did I."

"You Imust /I get her mind off Potter. Get her out of that house and keep her so busy she doesn't haveI time /I to think about him. What are you sitting around for? You should be over there, fixing your latest blunder."

"It doesn't seem proper, pushing her to spend time with me. She's lost her marriage, Father. She's grieving. I don't feel right going over there when I'm so blatantly uninvited."

"Nonsense."

"You don't know her very well, do you? Then again, I don't suppose you would."

"I know more about women than you ever will and I can tell you this: know one and you know then all."

Draco laughed. "All except Ithis/I one. That philosophy got you killed, in case you forgot. Forgive me if I decline your advice."

"Point taken. What do you plan to do then?"

"She says she loves me, so the only problem is Potter. Snape had a brilliant idea and I think it could work. As for Sara, she asks me for time. I see no alternative but to give it to her. I nearly blew it last night. I think I handled it well by leaving, but it's hard to just sit here and wait to hear from her."

"Then don't."

"I must /I show her respect or I'll lose her completely. I must be careful, Father. Sara will accept nothing less."

"Do what you need to do, Draco, but be aggressive. Time is of the essence. Perhaps you should develop a back-up plan?"

Draco stood and walked away. "No one else will do."

* * *

Harry took Sara's plate and his own and rinsed them in the sink. "I'm glad you decided to stay in the house."

"I'm not, actually. I was supposed to move yesterday, but Draco was sick. Today… I don't know. I guess I just didn't feel like doing anything at all."

"What difference does it make if he's sick? You weren't moving to Malfoy Manor, were you? Please tell me you aren't."

"Of course not! I was going to stay in his other house for a while, the one on the hill in London. Then again, I'm sure you're familiar with Ithat /I one."

"What, he just threw her out on the street?!"

"No, but she won't be coming back."

"What has he done to her? How does he know she's not coming back? It's where she lives, after all!"

"He didn't do anything except make a request. The minister approved it, so don't get all bent out of shape. She won't be coming back to the house because she won't remember living there. I'm sorry to tell you, but she won't remember knowing Iyou, /I either."

"Where is she?"

"In the Manchester hospital still. Smidgeon says she's doing better. Don't look so horrified, Harry. You act as if you didn't know your little girlfriend had an accident. It was all over the front page, after all."

Harry went pale. "What sort of accident! What has he done to her? I'll kill him if he hurt her!"

"A Icar/I accident! She was driving drunk and speeding. She did this to herself, Harry. Draco hasn't talked to her in months. He didn't even know she'd left until her saw her picture in the Daily Prophet."

"She had an accident, so he had her Imemory erased?" /I

"The ministry recognized that she'd left the wizarding world behind. She had no more ties here, except Iyou. /I Draco doesn't want her around after what she's done. She was a threat to us all."

Harry threw the plate across the room in a fury and Sara flinched as it shattered against the wall behind her. His voice bellowed in the small room and Sara shrank in fear of him. "She's done NOTHING! It was MY fault!"

"Don't look at Ime! /I I didn't know any of it! I only found out after the fact! Look, I can't say what they did was right, but the minister has to protect our world! She's a muggle! She put us all in danger! Who's to say she wouldn't have exposed all that she knew? She saw too much, they couldn't just let her walk away, all bitter and angry! She met the Dark Lord of all things!"

"You Iwould /I side with Malfoy!"

"I'm not siding with anyone! Forgive me for understanding the ministry's decision. You went along with the Order when they did something unthinkable to Draco once, you even had the final say, yet you fault me for seeing reason when I wasn't even involved? I can't say it bothers me. II am/I a little bitter toward her, after all!"

"This has nothing to do with the ministry!"

Sara stood, knocking her chair to the floor with a loud crash. "She put her hands on Imy husband! /I I'd curse her toI hell/I if she was in front of me!"

"Now you know how I feel about Malfoy!"

"Oh please! There's a bit more history there than we have with IChristina. /I He's my dearest friend, Harry. I love him and Iso do you!" /I

"HA!"

"Have you forgotten all that we've been through? What he's been through? Do you remember all that he risked for me? ForI us? /I He went back to Voldemort because Iyou /I asked him to. He didn't do it for me or for the order; he did it just to prove himself to YOU! I know you don't get on very well, but he'd do anything you asked of him!"

"Anything except Istay away from my wife! /I He's in love with you!"

"He's always been honest with you. He hides nothing. Harry, I Ido/Iunderstand why he upsets you, but your lack of trust is disheartening. I never would have cheated on you, no matter how tempting the offer."

"He scares the hell out of me, Sara! Just the thought of you Italking/I to him makes me so nervous I can't even stand it!"

"That's because you don't trust me! You treated me like dirt and I wasI still/I faithful to you! All the way up until the night you left."

"I thought you said nothing happened!"

"It wasn't Draco, and nothingI did/I happen. I was so wretched that night. All I ever wanted was your acceptance. I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the warmth of your kindness. I waited for it to return, hoping every day that you would wake up and be the old Harry again, that you'd realize I was still there and that I loved you as much as I ever had. That day never came. Instead, I came home to find youI gone." /I Tears coursed down her face as Sara struggled to steady her voice, breaking with emotion. "I stayed when anyone else would have given up on you, but I did it because I love you so much, Harry, I couldn't imagine my life without you. My heart began to leave you over the past year or so, but when I saw the locator…" Sara paused and took a deep breath, her eyes falling closed with the pain of memory.

The anger in his voice was replaced with sympathy and regret. "I'm sorry, Sara."

"It was the night you left that it happened. I had become so lonely, so starved for affection, just to feel like someone cared. He was there for me the way no one else could be, and my selfish heart wanted something more. Harry, I have done something so foolish and stupid and I regret it more than Ianything. /II awoke in the arms of my most trusted ally and now I have chased him away. He's gone, and I have broken his peace of mind, something that has remained steadfast for a millennium."

"Nikolae? You… are youI serious?" /I

Sara's chair righted itself and she dropped into it, crying into her hands. "I know, Harry! I'm such an Iidiot! /II can't stand the way it feels, knowing that I would have betrayed you, had he not put a stop to it. At least Nikolae has some sense, because I certainly don't! And I have hurt him, the most gentle of souls, and it's such a terrible feeling. I'm no better than you, Harry. No matter where you live, you're still my husband. This is far worse than Christina, and I couldn't keep it from you for another moment! I know you'll hate me and you have Ievery /Iright."

Harry knelt by her chair and pulled her against his shoulder. "Sara, I don't hate you. You came home to find your husband had abandoned you. You had a moment of weakness, that's all. I had one, too. Nikolae will come around. Don't worry about that."

"A moment of weakness for a lifetime of guilt."

"I know how that feels. Christina needed a friend is all. I went there that night because of some foolish idea of having excitement in my life. I enjoyed her company and so I went back. I only kissed her for a moment. I didn't plan to, and she was horrified. Yes, I was attracted to her, but I couldn't cheat on you, either, no matter how much I wanted to. And I Idid/I want to. She suggested we not be friends anymore, because of you, and that was the last time I saw her."

"You… are you telling me that nothing ever happened? Harry, I thought that… But Draco said…"

I"Of course/I nothing happened! Sara, why would you ever think…"

"It explained everything! You were always leaving in the night, you were cruel to me, and you wouldn't Itouch/I me! I thought that you despised me and when I saw the locator, it all made sense! I'm such a fool!"

Harry took her hand and kissed it. "I guess it Iwould/I look that way, wouldn't it? I was just driving around, trying to clear my head. Thinking and stuff like that. She sent me an owl the night of our anniversary. She was crying over our dear friend Malfoy and needed to talk to someone. She didn't have anyone else."

"Harry, I'm so Isorry!" /I

"It's not your fault. I should have told you where I was going. I kept my visits to her a secret from you and so I'm to blame if you misunderstood. I lied to you in a sense and you had every reason to distrust me."

"Then I lied to you, too. I never told you I was visiting Draco. I only went a few times, and I had a few thoughts of my own, but I should have told you. I can't blame you for jumping to conclusions. We'd excluded each other by then and this whole thing could have been avoided with a little conversation. I guess we should just start over and try to move forward. You were right. Our marriage can still be saved."

"No, Sara, Iyou/I were right. If we stay together, it will all fall apart. I should have seen the truth in that; only I was so busy trying to hold onto you that I'd forgotten why I left in the first place. I hate living apart. I want to come home, but you're right. We haven't solved anything. It would be the same after awhile and I can't live that way anymore. I can't mistreat you anymore." Harry kissed her and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry I was deceptive. I'm sorry I made you despise me. We need to go our separate ways before we hate each other. That's the last thing that I want."

"I don't despise you, I love you! I'm sorry I thought you were unfaithful. I should have trusted you as I always have."

"Sara, I told you once that I would forgive you anything."

"You were seventeen."

"I meant it." Harry pulled the divorce papers from his pocket and summoned a quill. "There. I've signed them." Topenga took the papers from Harry's outstretched hand and flew off.

Sara tried to run after her bird, but Harry caught her and put his arms around her.

"It's done, Sara. We're free. As of this moment we are no longer married."

I"No! /II thought you'd cheated on me when I sent them to you! Everything's different now, Harry, I don't want to lose you! I didn't remember how much I loved you until this very moment."

"Signing that paper was the hardest thing I've ever done, I want you to know that, but it has to be. I can't do this anymore. ItI kills /Ime to see you cry. I need to deal with my problems before I ruin everything that I love. You never know. Maybe someday the old Harry will come back to you."

"Don't leave. I'll never speak to Draco again!"

"That wouldn't solve anything. He isn't the problem. I am."

"Call Topenga back! Stop her, Harry!"

Harry released her and walked to the doorway, nothing more than the shell of a decent man. "Malfoy was right. I never deserved you. I'm sorry for all of this. I'm sorry I let you down. Sara, I love you too much to make you suffer. I'll be in touch."

"All I've ever wanted was you! It wasn't IDraco/I who brought me home from Romania when I was about to throw myself off a building! I couldn't live without you! Harry STOP!"

She was shocked by his eyes, ablaze with anger. The dishes flew from the cupboards and smashed hard against the walls, covering the floor with shards of broken china, flower pots exploded, and the table struck the ceiling, breaking in two. I"I'M A FAILURE! /IA STUPID, IGNORANT, SELFISH IFAILURE!" /I

Sara lost control as the sky erupted with thunder and assault the house with rain and hail. The wind stirred the shards on the floor and ripped the open doors from the cupboards. Sara threw her arms over her head and was pelted by shrapnel, sobbing her words as the storm inside the house raged with her misery. "Harry, don't go!I I WAS WRONG!" /I

Her words echoed, empty and hollow. Harry was gone.

* * *

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