Chapter Eleven

Running, down corridors through, automatic doors
Got to get to you, got to see this through
First night of your life, curled up on your own
Looking at you now, you would never know

I see it in your eyes, I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

Athlete – Wires

I pushed my key into the lock, feeling tired and dejected. I hated the idea of coming back to an empty apartment yet again. I'd almost taken Matt up on the offer of him keeping me company, yet I chided myself, I needed time alone to recuperate and gather my thoughts.

I pushed open the door, looking up, surprised to see the lights in the kitchen on and Flack standing over the stove cooking. He glanced at me over his shoulder, his eyes lingering on me for a second too long before reverting his attention back to the task at hand.

"You want dinner?" his voice was cold and distant.

"What are you making?" I asked quietly dropping my bag on to the couch, before leaning against the back of it, eyes on Flack's back.

He'd been home a while from what I could see. His silky dark hair was damp and he was clad in jeans and the navy NYPD t-shirt that fit him just right.

"Pasta." He stated. "I made enough for two, so if you want it later I can put it in the fridge."

We were two strangers occupying the same space; we didn't know how to talk to each other. The words that needed to be said settled in-between us, the growing awkwardness eating away at both of us.

"I'll eat now." I replied softly.

Dinner was a silent affair; we sat across from each other, each focusing on our meals, and determined not to let our gazes meet. I was afraid of what he'd see in mine if we did.

"I think we should talk about the divorce papers." Flack stated, I could tell by his tone he meant business, which automatically put me on the defensive.

I pushed the plate of food I'd been toying with away from me, and clasped my hands together, focusing on them.

"O.K."

"Is divorce really the answer?" he asked quietly.

I was staring at my wedding ring twisting it on my finger, thoughtfully.

"I don't know", I responded honestly.

"I get the fact I made you mad when I was late showing up here the other night…" Flack began.

I cut him off shaking my head.

"I was more hurt than mad, I think it shows that you're putting the job first and I don't think that's really fair. I can do the split shifts and the crime scenes, and the calls at three am in the morning but I can't do you not being there for me. I don't feel like I can rely on you any more because you're never there when I need you."

Flack sighed, I rose my gaze to see him turning his head away from me jaw clenching.

"You haven't seen Thomas in a while now, and he has been asking for you…"

"And you think if we get divorced I'm going to see him a lot more then?!" Flack snapped back, his eyes flashing electric blue.

"No I don't but I don't know what else to do. I've tried to snap you out of it, I've tried talking to you, I've tried to save our marriage but you seemed to be making things pretty clear when you didn't show up the other night, and then vanished for the weekend." I shot back trying to keep my temper.

"Which leads me to where you were the other night." Flack stated raising an eyebrow, the full weight of his gaze on me.

I returned his stare, feeling enraged by his stubbornness.

"I was driving, I picked up Thomas and then came back here and waited for you to come home. I left here at half ten and got back here at around eleven forty five." I lied smoothly, not even flinching under the suspicion he was casting my way.

Part of me felt he deserved this, he deserved to know what it felt like to wonder where your partner is at a time you know they should be home. The other part of me felt sickened by that thought.

"So you didn't swing by Matt's at any point, while he was working out?" Flack questioned, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

I frowned, shaking my head.

"You accusing me of something Flack?" I growled narrowing my eyes. "Because I think I should be asking you where you've just spent the weekend, or do I already know the answer to that question?"

"That has nothing to do with this." We were both on our feet now, yelling at each over the kitchen table.

"It has everything to do with this. You would rather have spent the weekend, hanging out with your partner than come home to be with your son and wife! If you're wondering about the divorce papers this is why!" My fists were clenched by my sides as I shouted at him. "You're putting your job and other people before your family and I am sick of it. I'm sick of being the only one trying to make this work, I'm sick of having to tell Thomas that I 'm sorry because his daddy isn't here to read him a bed time story and kiss him goodnight."

My eyes were glistening with tears now.

"I don't want to have to divorce you Don, but right now we're living two separate lives under the same roof and our son is starting to feel that something is wrong between mommy and daddy." I finished, sniffing and wiping the tears from my eyes angrily with my sleeve.

Flack's hands were clutching either side of the table now, his head bowed as he leaned over it.

"Scrap divorce, how about separation?" he said suddenly.

I blinked startled by his words. Flack tilted his head up towards me capturing me with his baby blue eyes.

"Divorce is too final…it's…it's not right. I gotta be honest with you, Princess, I don't think you know what you want, and I think you've tossed these divorce papers at me as a last resort to make me take note and listen."

I crossed my arms over my chest. I had to admit he had me there.

"I promise I'll try and make more of an effort to see the little guy. You still feel the same way in a few weeks time…" Flack shrugged. "You hand me the divorce papers and I'll sign them."

I closed my eyes momentarily, hating the fact he could be so dismissive about this. At the same time I knew he was right, I didn't know what I wanted maybe a separation would give me the time I needed to make a final decision. I also had to work out what I wanted from Matt.

"O.K. I can do separation." I told him nodding. "So how do we…"

I was interrupted by the sound of Flack's pager. I pursed my lips together and clenched my jaw as he studied it.

"I've got to go." Flack said simply, snatching his jacket off the top of the sofa and darting out the door.

As it slammed shut I realized he'd left me, yet again, all alone.

Thanks for the reviews!

Keep R&R, it makes us feel loved!

Forest Angel: -Maddy-One of the things I love about writing is being able to make all these alternate realities. Gus is very good at telling Flack what to do, now if only she could get her own self in order! :) –Aph – lol we're finding ourselves constantly surprised by our chars actions. I love the fact we found away to write this storyline, the Matt/Carmen thing has been bugging the hell outta me.

Bluehaven: -Maddy-Aw thanks. She cracks my ass up a lot as well. I think this is one of those true to life situations where everyone is so caught up in their own stuff that they can't see the forest through the trees. –Aph- lol it is a situation a lot of people end up in, who knows what the out come will be.

BrowneyedGirl: -Maddy-I have too much fun being evil. But I love exploring this. Speaking of exploring different sides of things, I am sending you an email. –Aph- lol high five for evil and angst ridden stories!

hardylover: -Maddy-I know there are many times I have sat back and gone "what if" so it is fun to play with that in a (mostly) consequence free way. Glad you are enjoying it and there is much more to come! –Aph- I'm glad you're enjoying this, we're putting a lot of hard work into it. It's been great fun playing with something that's been plaguing me like hell. Lol you'll have to wait and see what happens.