Well I'm back :) I'm trying to get this story finished as soon as possible :) tehe, well here's chapter 11!

Song for this chapter:

What Are You Looking For? by Charlie Mars

Whoa, I really don't know.

What is coming over me

But I want to find a plane, fly it high in the sky

Buy us two tickets and kist everybody here goodbye

Life after Lily was a blur. Life without her, for Snape, was absolutely unbearable. Most summers he spent wandering around the filthy streets around his house, looking for something, for someone to take away the severe pain in his heart. He began hanging out with a group of bad guys and girls following a certain Lord Voldemort. All he wanted was something to love, someone to love, but he found no one. So instead he immersed himself in what he could, which was the evil of the Death Eaters.

Soon, it was graduation time. Lily had begun dating James Potter, who took every moment to rub that in Snape's face. He strut around the castle with his arm around her bragging to anyone who would listen about how beautiful his girlfriend was. If he only knew.

Their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was complete. At the last exam of the last day, the entire year seven ran outside with huge smiles on their faces, finished at last.

That day seemed to go by in slow motion for Snape. Hogwarts had been hell, sure, but it had also been days spent with her. Now that they were leaving, he would very likely never see her again. A hardness had come over Severus's heart. That day solidified it. He would never love again, or feel anything again very likely. Every day was just a mess. Like, with Lily his whole life seemed wonderful and straight, but now it was just a jumbled disaster.

Snape sat alone, not wanting the company of any of his 'friends'. Underneath the old tree that used to house Lily and Snape's private times and private laughs, Severus held back tears of regret and sorrow.

"Sev?" He heard a familiar, beautiful, voice. At first he thought the beautiful redheaded girl standing behind him was another delusion, but she wasn't . She was actually there. Talking to him.

"Lil?" He whispered, standing up and walking over to her.

"Sev. Can we talk?" Her voice quivered a bit.

"Of course, Lil." He tried to smile at her, trying not to give himself any hope. He saw the way she looked at James.

She moved closer to him and sat down in her usual spot under the tree.

"Sev." She sighed, "Look Sev, this isn't easy for me either. You know? These past few years, well, they haven't been a piece of cake. I miss you so much, so, so much. But I have to say goodbye. For good." She paused as a few tears slipped out of her eyes.

"Sev." She began again, "I want you to know that I truly love you so much. But you're not good for me. Not anymore. I hope you find happiness, I really do. But I can't keep going on feeling guilty for something I didn't do. I have to let go. I'm sorry, so sorry Sev. Please don't hate me."

"I could never hate you Lil." Severus whispered, now crying too.

"I know. I know, Sev, I do."

"Just know," Sev said "I will never, ever stop being in love with you. You might as well know. I am totally in love with you, Lil. And I'll always be here. If that jerk Potter ever hurts you more than I did, I'm here, and I love you, and we might be good together. Maybe, I don't know, but I don't want you leaving thinking I don't love you, cause I do."

Lily just looked deep into his black eyes with her green ones.

"Goodbye, Sev." She said before walking away for the last time.