Title: Little Moments
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series. As have Mattie, Eli, and Henry.
Summary: This is a collection of stand-alone scenes from the past, present and future of the AU that has been established in the Interesting Dynamics series. Scenes are not chronological, nor is there an overarching plot. This collection of chapters is not likely to make much sense to readers who have not read the Interesting Dynamic series.
SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes, Aftermath, So It Goes, The Way From Here, Hereafter, Onward Thankfully and Spring Forward (the story From the Get should be considered separately from this collection and does not influence where the characters are). There will also be occasional spoilers from (and references to) things that have happened in episodes from all seasons for the series, including S06 when it starts.
Ethan looked up from getting his literal Cool But Rude latte (for the MFuckin' A) and breakfast all in place in front of him. Getting the exact, hundo-p, perfect amount of cinnamon on top of it all. Essential meal prep. But he could tell Erin had been staring at him the whole time. He couldn't tell if she was judging him or laughing at him. Likely kinda bit of both. And he squinted at her across the table.
"What?" he demanded.
And then she really did smile. Like he was some kinda of big joke. "When did you become the little coffee aficionado?" she basically completely teased him. But again – sounded kinda judge-y and laugh-y to him.
"Whatever," he mumbled at her moved to working at trying to get the milk poured into his Cinnamon Chex (perfect pairing with his perfect drink) without spilling it all over the place.
Fuck he was tremoring that day. And she was definitely gonna notice that and be just as judge-y and nosey about it too. And likely only like point-two seconds (if that, 'cuz - Erin) before she started telling him coffee and sugar were only going to make his tremor worse. And fuck that. 'Cuz she should try getting through his day and his life without ever ingesting some kinda upper.
"I'm not some little kid," he told her pointedly and completed the pour maneuver without looking. As an added point to maybe keep her off his case for like another point-two seconds.
"Mmm …," she hummed at him. All Dad-like. More and more like him every day. And like now on double-time since she was a mom. Seriously. He should tell her that – than she might take it down a fuckin' notch. Or twenty.
But she was still laughing at him. Picking up the fucking lame-ass black coffee she'd ordered that was a completely pointless thing to order in a place like this. And she'd ordered it just like that 'black coffee' – like she was above (or below) saying Americano and like she didn't trust them to put her crap-load of sugar in it for her (probably for the best cuz that would've just been insulting to the sanctity of the process and the art).
But seriously – black coffee. Like, that's not why he picked this place. And then she just goes and orders what she could've poured herself a full-on, watered-down, and somehow always charred drip in the kitchen that Dad had sitting there since like 5 a.m.. Done. Without coming out. Black coffee. Dumb.
Dumber. Especially when he'd basically picked this place so she could get the Koopa Troopa. Like he'd literally told her to get that. And she didn't fucking listen to him. She'd just gone all Half-Wit black on him. Cuz when did Erin like ever listen to him on that kinda stuff. Ever.
And she should've listened. Cuz Erin. And peanut butter. And coffee. And chocolate. It pretty much sounded like a mix that was made to exist just for her. The universe – via him picking this place – put it front of her that morning. For her. But no. Fucking black coffee. Fucking stupid.
She'd turtled out on this one. For fucking sure.
"I'm a soph," he argued at her, trying to get the Chex to stay on the spoon and get up to his mouth. Hoping it'd make her eat too. And shut up. "Everyone drinks coffee. It's necessary."
"Is that so?" she said.
"Like you didn't drink coffee in high school," he pressed.
She just shrugged at him and took a drink of hers.
Ethan knew she drank coffee in high school. Erin pretty much might as well have like a port installed to have it just dripped into her at this point.
She lived on coffee. Or she had. Maybe not so much when she wasn't supposed to be drinking it when she was pregnant or whatever and he guessed he didn't see her drink it as much anymore. But he also wasn't like seeing her in the morning a lot anymore. Like even on weekends. This was pretty much the first weekend in forever he was actually seeing her at this time of day. And definitely the first time period that she had actually left the house and the twins and spent time with him. Just him.
"You said you wanted breakfast," he told her and shoved the food into his mouth.
"This wasn't what I was envisioning," she said and looked down at her stuffed croissant thing that actually looked pretty good but also still hadn't been what he'd told her to get. And definitely wasn't her usual mountain of pancakes.
But like he wanted to watch her eat that. Wasn't fair. Didn't care if it was like her maybe first time she was eating out since she had the twins. She'd already gotten lots of catering to her and special privilege and everyone being patient and helpful about that. And fine. She was his sister. They were his niece and nephew. He'd do all that. But he didn't need to sit through Stax for her too. Not when she'd invited him – and said he could pick.
"I hate Stax, you hate Glenn's," Ethan put to her – with a full mouth that Dad would slap him up the side of the head about and than not speak to him for the rest of the meal period. He'd just grunt and go all Voldemort stare at him. He was great meal-time company. As long as you were a mute. "Compromise."
She made that Dad noise again but took a bite out of her croissant. He could tell from her face it wasn't as awful as she thought it'd be. And she ate for a second without bugging him. Though she stared at him eating while she did.
"I'm not entirely convinced this is food you're supposed to be eating," she said when she swallowed.
Ethan pointed at his latte. "Honey, coconut milk," he said.
She pointed at the donut he had waiting for him. "And that?"
He gestured at it too – and all the trail mix coated on top of it. Breakfast Stan – breakfast at its finest. "It's super healthy."
"Yea. Donuts are super healthy," she shook her head.
"It's vegan," he defended.
"Ah …," she said. And shook her head and gave him a short glare.
"And non-gluten-ous."
And her cocked eyebrow that was all warning like. But whatever. He'd pretty much determined that sugar or gluten or dairy wasn't going to be what killed him – so have at it. Though usually when Dad or Erin weren't in sight-line. And in moderation – cuz even he wasn't that stupid. He knew what he'd pay for and what he wouldn't. It was all 'bout thresholds. One donut – that wasn't going to send the cup overflowing into flare-tactor bad-dom. Now if he'd gotten the Fruity Pebbles Sprinkled Donut – that might've. Sunflower seeds and dried cranberries – not so much.
And – full disclosure – he completely intended to go back up to the counter and get Dad a fritter because: 1) then he'd get transparency too and it'd keep him from getting up his ass about where'd they'd been and what he ate; 2) Dad had subjected himself to eating there with him too even though he thought the décor and atmosphere was ridiculous and a lot of the patrons were jagoffs but he'd still relented in conceding that some coffee and donuts weren't gonna kill him any faster than the dog cops who ate them every day of their lives (they'd likely give some of them heart attacks and Type-2 diabetes a whole lot faster than him too – FACT); 3) Dad had admitted that the baked goods and pastries here were the real deal and brought in from businesses that represented the real Chicago; so, 4) Eating here was A-OK, and; 5) Doing something like that would make Dad feel like thought of and cheer him up, so; 6) AGAIN – it'd keep him from getting all up his ass.
"Your dad must love this place," Erin said and gazed off behind him. He knew she was looking at the complete replica Deloran that was suspended from the ceiling against the back wall. And she was pretty much laughing at him.
And Ethan just kinda shrugged at her. Truth was he pretty much had been wanting to come here with Jay. Like if the Koopa Troopa was Erin's drink, he was pretty sure that this place was Jay's place. Like it was pretty much an explosion of '80's and '90's culture. And expulsion of awesomeness. Like Ghostbusters and Back to the Future and Star Wars and music and videogames and all this rando pop culture stuff from all kinda movies they'd watched together. And Ethan knew that Jay would be all like 'this is a place for jagoffs' too. And it kinda was. It was all like hipster, UIC types who were trying to be like ironic while gonna to a place that had almost definitely completely come into existence just to let them be all ironic and fan-boy about how retro they were about liking Stranger Things. But at the same time he sort of thought Jay'd think it was cool too. At least to like try to claim that ancient TV and the Nintendo table and play some Duck Hunter or something.
"Jay'd like it," he muttered.
Erin gave him a small smile for that one. One that wasn't laughing at him.
"But he hasn't really had time for this kinda stuff," he added.
She nodded a little and twisted at her coffee cup. "He – we're – both working at getting better about that, Eth. It's just hard to find time for everything with the twins right now."
He gave her a glance at that. Yeah. That'd been kinda how he'd been regulated with her. Something she needed to find time for. It sorta sucked.
Like he got it. He knew the twins technically needed her more than him right now. And he knew that her being home was better than her being in New York and like a hundred billion times better than her being U.C. with the FBI or whatever. Even with the twins and her being a mom and her not having as much time for him and her having to 'make time' for him. And he knew he still saw her a lot. Like he went there a lot after school. But that was a lot less them hanging out than it was like him sorta helping with the twins a bit and her sorta being up his ass about homework even though Erin truly sucked at homework in nearly every subject. And he knew he saw her most Sundays if Dad was off and cooking dinner. But she was still pretty focused on the babies even then and she never stayed very long and she usually kinda stuck with talking to Dad. Or collecting all the food Dad shoved at them like Erin didn't know how to cook or something.
But it just wasn't the same. Even though he got it. It just kinda sucked. It was like he had her back – in the city and in his life. But he also kinda didn't. It was just different. She was different.
And even though Dad talked to him a lot about them needing to let Erin have her own life and live her own life it still was sorta hard to adjust to the change. He sorta thought maybe it should be easier. Cuz he wasn't a little kid. But it also sorta wasn't. Not when she'd been away for so long and then come home pregnant and then a mom. It was like he'd still kinda lost his sister in it all. Like it wasn't really Erin that came back. Cuz she had to be different with the babies and being a mom. Even though she wasn't different. Like she was still Erin. But it was like Dad said – she had her own life now. And even though that's what she was supposed to do and what they were supposed to want for her with being her family – it still … sucked in a lot of ways.
"I was kinda surprised you wanted to do something when he's all R.D.O.," Ethan said.
And she shrugged again – but was all staring at him – and took another drink of that lame coffee she'd ordered. "I get too stare at the twins lots," she said. "He can have his turn."
"Yea, I just kinda thought you prolly would've wanted to spend your big morning out with like Kim or something."
"What do I have to talk to Kim about?" she muttered at him and he kinda looked at her a bit harder and tried to get what she meant by that. But he musta kinda looked like he was processing too hard cuz she had to be all, "Like I'd want mark this momentous occasion with anyone but my favorite guy."
And he did his own eyebrow raise at that – cuz she'd taught him well. And cuz that was pretty much B.S.
"Pretty sure I'm 'bout number four on that list," he said. And she raised the eyebrow right back. "Jay," he put bluntly. "EJ. Dad."
And it got her looking at him more directly. "Don't be like that." And there was some big-time warning in her voice. Like she did think he was acting like a sulky little kid. But it wasn't that. It was just this was complicated and hard. Just.
He didn't know how to try to talk to her about it. Or Dad about it. He even felt like a complete jagoff saying anything to the stupid, jagoff therapist about it. Cuz it did make him feel like he was being a jagoff. Like it could be worse. But even though there was good and happy stuff in all this – there was a whole lot of worse stuff. Even if he was glad Erin was home. And even though EJ and Tillly were really growing on him. A lot. And even though he was early, super glad that Erin and EJ and Tilly were OK. But it didn't change that Erin was different now. And Dad was different. And bad stuff had happened. Again. And he had his own stuff going on. But sometimes if he said too much Dad told him not to get all angst-y on him. But sometimes shit just really sucked. Even the good stuff had shitty stuff attached to it. Always.
But maybe it was kinda the same for Erin. She had good stuff happening for her. But it came with the bad. Like she knew getting cut open and the babies being kinda sick and preemies definitely ticked off Column B on that list. And like Uncle Al – and when the twins had been born and all that was definitely Column B too. So she likely had other Column B stuff too. Maybe like she was dealing with Column B stuff if basically she'd decided she needed to go out on a day Jay was off and she pretty much picked him out of everyone to hang out with. Like as much as Ethan thought that was good for him and maybe kind of a compliment or at least like her trying to make time for him and for things to maybe kinda half-assed be like before – maybe it also meant she was dealing with some of her own Column B stuff too. Because life seemed like a whole lot of an item off Column A and an item off Column B always.
So maybe he needed to like – man-up there. And be there for her. Like brother-like. Like she did sister stuff for him too.
And he really was trying. But sometimes it was hard to know how he was supposed to do that. When she was the older sister and he was just the kid brother. And life was so fucking complicated. And fragile. And he shouldn't fucking know that because a whole lot of people at school didn't seem to having a fucking clue about that. But he really fucking knew that.
It was like all this now stuff and life stuff was the same as living in some wormhole. Waiting for it to fucking collapse all around you. Day after day – cuz despite all its promise you never really seemed to travel through it and pop out on the other side fast enough. It was like it really was just all theoretical. That it didn't get you through time nor space nor nuttin. It didn't make any journey fucking easier. It was like it might as well not even exist. It wasn't reality. At least not theirs.
AUTHOR NOTE:
Decided to split it. Next chapter will be a continuation.
Thanks for reading. Reviews and feedback are appreciated.