What I Want
Chapter Ten

)O(

The silence in the medical ward was damn near tangible. It felt thick and harsh, like unkempt wool scratching against Robin's skin. Raven's small hands moved over the bite mark she had given him, and she attempted to try and bandage her mistake and her flaws. Robin noticed that she hadn't made eye-contact with him since the training room. Not that he blamed her, he could barely look at her himself. In spite of yesterday's valiant words about trying to help her and not caring that she was a demon or bad, the truth was that she frightened him.

Scratch that, she scared the living shit out of him.

Seeing what she had done in the training course... he winced and looked away from her, trying to block the images from his mind. The way she tore into those human analogs like they were cheaply made toys, it shook him deep into his bones. What would have happened if they had been real people? Is this what he was up against? He knew that she was half-demon, but he clearly didn't know what that entailed.

"Sorry... I'm not very good at this."

Raven's soft voice startled him from his thoughts and he looked down at her handiwork on his body. Messy, loose bandages wrapped around his arm and fought the urge to roll his eyes. Great. He was going to have to have Cyborg fix it later.

"It's okay. If it's any consolation, I'm not that good at field dressings either." He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but knew it fell flat. How could he focus on anything other than that scene? Really, there was nothing in the world that could make him forget what happened. He swallowed and tried to wipe the image of her glowing eyes from his mind, the raspy voice that sounded... demonic, the prophecy that spilled from her lips. He winced again and sighed, watching her fingers finish his dressings.

"Are we going to talk about this?"

"About what?" Raven wrapped the gauze around his arm and secured it with medical tape. She gave a half-hearted shrug, feigning apathy about their situation. "About what you saw? What is there to talk about? You saw who I am. You saw what I am to become. You saw exactly what you needed to see, Robin. You saw the truth. What is there to talk about other than the fact that you saw proof of my heritage?"

"Is that all?" His voice trembled slightly. "Is that all there is to you?"

Pain flashed across her face for a split second before disappearing into the shadows. "Are you asking me if I am just a demon? That this is all there is to me?"

"No." She shifted uncomfortably under her stare. What was he trying to ask? "I am asking if there is more to you than what I saw. Are there more secrets that you're keeping from me?" That sounded harsh, even to his own ears. He knew that this wasn't her fault, that was why she had come to them in the first place, but she was so adept at keeping things from him that he wasn't sure if he trusted her entirely just yet.

"That's all there is to me." She slammed the lid of the first aid kit closed, her lips pursed as if she were fighting something inside her. "I am not hiding anything more from you. You saw what you needed to."

He reached out for her, trying to explain himself. "I didn't mean to-"

"Well, you did." She cut him off and glared, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "You're right, Robin. I am just a demon, here to take over the world. I am not a person or even part human. Just a demon."

"That's not what I…" He trailed off and looked up at her hovering above him as he sat on the edge of the exam table. She was human. He had to remember that. Behind her monotone voice and dark eyes, he saw true fear flickering inside her, like a candle on its last dregs of paraffin. It hissed and sputtered as it tried to extinguish itself, but it wouldn't go out. She was scared, and seeing it inside her was a reminder to Robin that whatever was happening to her frightened her as much as it frightened him.

But most of all, it reminded him that she wasn't a monster.

It reminded him that she was still human.

His fingers wrapped around her wrist, stilling her body. He felt the rapid thump of her pulse under his touch, and felt his own heart try to keep time with hers. "You don't have anything to be ashamed of, Raven."

She raised an eyebrow and pulled her hand out of his grasp. "I beg to differ." She moved to the other side of the room, putting the first aid kit back on the shelf where she found it. Her eyes still refused to meet his, and he could feel the guilt and shame radiating off of her as if it were smoke to a fire. "You saw the side of me that I don't even show to those that are closest to me. You saw a part of me that I am ashamed of. The part of me that I cannot control, the part of me that is dark and primordial." There was long pause before she finally looked at him. "The part of me that is a demon."

"But you're not solely a demon."

"You just asked if I was." Her eyes flashed. "You asked if that was all there was to me."

Robin winced. She was right. He hadn't meant it that way, or maybe he had. He wasn't sure. He felt like his entire perfectly organized world was caught in a tailspin, and he had no idea how to pull himself out of it. She had openly told his entire team what she was and what was going to happen, but he hadn't really thought about the severity of it until now. He hadn't fully addressed the situation until this exact moment, and he realized that he had no idea how to handle the fact that Raven was a demon, and she was going to destroy the world. But he knew that blaming her for her heritage was not the way to deal with anything.

Robin watched her move around the room, his eyes following the blue streaks of paint sliding down her body that she hadn't bothered to clean up yet. His heart twisted strangely inside his chest. She looked utterly dejected, as if showing her true self to him suddenly changed his devotion in saving her. And, as her hands moved to wipe blue paint from her face, he had the sudden realization that it didn't. His mind flashed back to all the terrible things she had done, all the heists she had pulled, the demon living inside her, and came to the conclusion that no matter what, he would save her.

And, God help him, he felt like an idiot admitting that to himself.

"I'm sorry."

She looked up at him, eyes wide. "What?"

"I'm sorry, for what I said. I didn't mean to insult you, and I don't want you to think that this changes anything I promised." He met her eyes. "Raven, you came to us to help you with this. You came to us to try and protect you. To try and stop this, and that is what we -what I- intend on doing. It doesn't matter who or what you are, the fact of the matter is that I gave you my word that I would do whatever it took to stop this and to protect you."

Her expression turned somewhat critical of him. "You sound so much like you've gotten this figured out."

"I don't." He shrugged, standing up off the examination table and reaching for his shirt behind him. "Not in the slightest. I won't lie, you scare the shit out of me. You're dark and unknown, and you are, without a doubt, an x-factor. I don't know how you're going to react in any situation, and I certainly don't know what will happen between you and me and the team, but you are still a human. You are still good, and that deserves my help more than any other silly spiel you can spout off."

Raven crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. "So, now what? We just continue going through these motions until I actually break? Until something in your tower destroys itself? Or until Trigon actually uses me as a portal?"

"No." He stared down at his shirt, still in his hands, and shrugged. "Now, you go borrow a change of clothes from Starfire and we go out and have coffee and maybe some lunch." He waited a moment before adding, "We've known of each other for a few weeks now. I think it's time we actually tried to get to know each other."

The tension was tangible in the room. "You can't be serious."

"I am."

"Going out and having lunch isn't going to change anything." She backed up slightly, her eyes roaming his face. "It's not going to change what I am, it's not going to wipe away the sins I committed, and it's certainly not going to change what happened on the training course. There is no point in it."

"You're right, it's not going to change anything. But there is a point to it, you and I know absolutely nothing about each other." He forced a small laugh and approached her slowly, like he would a frightened animal. "We haven't exactly been in the position to try and get to know each other anyway. If we're going to work together and if you want me to trust you fully, I think it's necessary for us to get to know who we are as people and as teammates." He paused for a moment before continuing. "And, contrary to what my teammates tell you, I'm actually not always a super serious twat."

He watched color flood her face and she looked away, embarrassed. "I am sorry for what I said… I didn't mean it."

"I know." He chuckled. "I'm also not exactly the best person to work for either, so I don't blame you for what you said. You should hear the things Cyborg and Beast Boy call me, and I'm sure Starfire is no different, but I don't speak Tameranian, so I pretend not to hear them. Names are nothing new to me..." He rubbed the back of his head and looked away, feeling sheepish. "But I won't lie… it kind of hurt to hear those things from you."

"Oh." Raven glanced around her, as if looking for an escape route from his sudden proximity. "Look, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I don't think that going out and socializing is really what we need right now. I think what we really need to consider is-"

"Humor me." He cut her off, staring at her until her mouth shut in defeat. "Star should be back by now." He pulled his shirt on over his head and tried to smile at her, but knew that she probably didn't buy his reserved kindness. He wasn't even sure if he bought his reserved kindness, but this was something they both needed right now, even if they didn't admit to it. "Why don't you get cleaned up and then we can go and grab lunch?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. There was a long pause as she muttered curses under her breath and tapped her foot, as if she was trying to keep her anger under control. "You're not going to let me go unless I agree to this stupid idea, are you?"

He smiled. "Nope."

"Fine." She stepped up to him and poked a finger into his chest, standing on her tip toes to look into his eyes. "But I will not enjoy a single second of it."

"I never expected you to."

)O(

Raven felt silly standing in her underwear in Starfire's room as the overzealous alien attempted to find something that would fit her. Raven't wet hair clung to her cheeks and neck as she glanced around the disgustingly pink room, looking at pictures of boy bands and photographs of team outings. The team was always smiling, always laughing, and they looked so tight-knit and close, that Raven wondered if she would ever be able to fit into their group. Or if there was even a point in trying.

Ugh. Why did she agree to this? She should have punched him in the face and walked out the front door, heading back home. She could have ordered take-out and sat on the sofa as Jason tried to desperately figure out how to put together an Ikea entertainment stand. That would most certainly be entertainment for an entire afternoon.

Thinking about Jason made her stomach twist just a little.

She picked at some lint on Starfire's very pink comforter, letting her mind wander as she considered what she was doing. Her roommate usually didn't question her when she left, and he almost never asked where she was, so Raven never had to worry about him being suspicious. But the guilt still ate at her like acid, and she began to wonder how she would ever manage to look at him and not feel like she was betraying him. This was everything he hated about the Titans, and she was just going along with it.

"Ah! Here!" Starfire's chipper voice pulled Raven from her thoughts.

"I know I must have had some suitable clothing, however I did not realize that it was so hard to find." She pulled out a skirt and a top and dropped them on the bed, next to Raven. "I apologize greatly, Raven, but you are much shorter than I am and I do not have any jeans that would be suitable to your height. However, I did manage to find a skirt and t-shirt that would be most becoming on you."

Without waiting for an invitation, Starfire yanked the black t-shirt over Raven's head and pulled on the jean skirt over her legs. She stepped back to admire her handiwork with a grin. "Ah! Most agreeable! You have donned the appropriate wear for an outing..." Her eyes brightened suddenly and she jumped on the bed next to her new friend, eyes wide with excitement. "Is this, perhaps, a… date?"

Raven pulled back, surprised that Starfire had even ventured there. "Excuse me?"

"Well…" Starfire reeled in her emotions and folded her hands in her lap, but Raven could see her body twitching as if she was about to explode in a shower of emotion. "Robin is not exactly known for venturing outside of the tower unless there is a battle or we - as Cyborg puts it - drag his ass out of his office to eat." She fidgeted for a moment before looking back at Raven. "Robin is somewhat reclusive, and spends most of his free time training or investigating Slade. To have him request a solitary outing with anyone is quite rare, to have him request a solitary outing with someone of the opposite sex is simply nonexistent."

Color filled Raven's cheeks and she pulled back even more, so that she had almost fallen off the bed. "I certainly hope this isn't a date. I just wanted lunch. That's it. End of story." She paused. "In fact, I don't even want lunch, he's making me go out to fulfill… whatever it is that he had knocking around in his head."

Starfire's lips squished together as if she was trying to keep from smiling, and she nodded. "Ah. I see. Well, perhaps I am mistaken, however I do hope you and Robin enjoy your outing just the same."

Raven fought against the urge to roll her eyes and moved toward the door, seeking an escape route before Starfire decided that more bonding was in order. "It's just lunch, nothing worth scoffing at. So, please don't turn this into something it's not."

"Mm." Starfire sat on the bed and watched her move, her smile starting to peek through. "I see. I will not think of this as a date anymore."

Raven threw open the door, only to be greeted with Robin's face. His hand was raised as if he was going to knock on Starfire's door. Raven stared up at him, a blush spreading across her cheeks as she stepped back. This wasn't a date. This was just Robin being as annoying as humanly possible.

He looked down and her and gave a low whistle. "Wow. You clean up pretty good."

She glared and pushed past him into the hallway. "Not funny." Ignoring the musical chuckle from Starfire, she moved toward the exit at the far end of the hall, feeling him follow her. "Let's just get this over with so we can go back to doing something more productive with our time, like training or researching Slade, rather than eating sandwiches and drinking coffee."

"I don't know," he teased as he chased her down the hall. "I think this seems like a productive use of our time. At least we managed to get out of the tower and go have fun…" He paused at that thought, and there was a long, slow silence that flowed between them.

Raven glanced over her shoulder at Robin and examined his thoughtful expression. "What?"

"Do you even have fun?" He laughed as she stopped in the hallway and continued to at him. He nudged her gently, obviously falling back into his normal routine of invading her personal space. "Awe, come one, Rae. I was only teasing."

Color filled her face and she stepped back, trying to keep shock from showing on her face. "Rae?"

His own cheeks turned red as he realized what he had said, and he looked away rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Sorry."

Raven stepped up to him and poked a finger into his chest. "My name is Raven, Robin. I don't have a nickname, and I certainly don't appreciate being teased. Just try to remember that, or next time I will actually inflict harm." She turned back around and headed for the exit again, trying to ignore the strange jump in her heart. "Now, let's get this over with."

He walked down the hall behind her, and Raven could feel the push of his emotions. The tiny bit of regret he felt at teasing her, the surprise that she hadn't attempted to remove his head from his shoulders, but most of all, Raven felt the overwhelming sensation of excitement and nervousness at being around her. His insides were jumpy and confused, and sometimes his emotions were so violent that it pulled at Raven's powers, which confused her to no extent. Why in the world was he so excited? What would have made him pull at her emotions like this when he hadn't had this dynamic on an effect on her in the past.

And then the realization hit her like a truck filled with explosives: this was a date.

Whether it was explicitly expressed between the two of them or not didn't seem to be the issue. Robin had all the telltale markers that this was a date: civilian clothes, sunglasses instead of a mask, and (why, god, why) cologne. Raven felt panic rise into her throat as she fidgeted with the hem of the skirt Starfire had lent her, trying to pull it down farther.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression."

He looked down at her, an eyebrow peeking over his sunglasses. "About what?"

"This isn't a… a… date, right?"

"This?" He snorted. "No." He continued to stare at her, confusion lining his eyes. "Like I said, Raven, you and I haven't exactly been in a place where we could actually learn about each other. All we're doing is trying to figure each other out. That's it. I can invite the rest of the team if you want, but they've been up since before dawn doing some legwork...I just thought I might give them some time off."

"Okay." Raven breathed a sigh of relief and let herself relax. She should handle that explanation. She could handle a lot of things, pulling a heist, saving innocent citizens from a fire, taking a thirty-foot fall off a yacht… but certainly not thinking she was on a date. Dates didn't happen, and she was fine with that.

"So, where did you want to go?"

Raven jerked back in surprise. "I don't want to go anywhere, you're dragging me."

He laughed as they stepped into the garage. "Okay, okay. You have a point. I'll pick." He handed her a helmet off his bike and smiled. "Hop on."

She stared at him, her face blank.

He couldn't be serious.

He could not be serious.

"I am not getting on that death machine."

"This is a bike. It's perfectly safe."

Raven took a step back and shook her head, holding her hands out in front of her as if they were some kind of defensive barrier. "Nope. No way. I've seen the news footage of you driving through town. It's like a mixture of Evel Knievel and drag racing. I'd rather walk and be safe, than ride with you and offer my life as forfeit."

"Trust me."

"No."

"Too bad."

He grabbed her wrist and tugged on her body, pulling her over to the bike. Raven cursed up a storm, fighting him every step of the way until he pushed the helmet on her head and grinned. He was going to die after all this was over. Raven wasn't sure how or when, but he was going to die.

Robin sat on the bike and pulled her along with him, and without warning, took off into the early afternoon sun.

)O(

I know this wasn't a particularly amazing or excited update, but I promise that there will be considerably more action and drama in the next chapter.
Also, it will be longer.

Anyway, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!