A/N: This is going to be my second attempt for an OT5 but this will be on a different plane compared to Simple Joys. You may have notice (and surprisingly, me too) that I seem to have an affinity to angst. This story is full of angst…I'll fill it to the brim. Kidding. But I do love making my readers cry. Haha! But kidding aside, I kinda like the feeling that I move people's emotions with my words. I hope I would be able to do the same with this story.
Disclaimer: I don't own POT or the Korean show where I got the idea and the songs…if by heaven's grace it will turn out to be a song fic.
Parings: OT5, implied FujiRyoga (past) and a whole lot more
PS: "" for dialogs, '' for thoughts, italics for flashback, () for text messages.
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The week passed by and Ohtori watched in despair as his best friend slowly regresses from life. Yes, Ryoma might still be breathing, walking, moving, creating music beautifully as he always do but in split seconds that the world misses, Ryoma became void of everything.
The smiles were all fake or if not, forced. The chuckles, the joust were all done half-heartedly and the man can't help but blame himself for what happened.
"Stop that Choutarou." Niou's eyes narrowed as he studied his boyfriend. Drowned in guilt, the hazel-eyed man seemed to have lost his glow. "Ryoma had told you, and I have been telling you all week, it's not your fault."
Ohtori sighed as he prodded his food. Niou took him out tonight to cheer him up a little. "I know but I was the one who--"
Niou forcefully dropped his fork. "Stop this nonsense right now." His stern expression softened at the sight of the flinching man. "You must keep in mind that by being like this, you are denying Ryoma the opportunity of spending probably the last minutes of his life with you as his best friend."
Ohtori took in his lover's words slowly, feeling the weight of it as realization finally came to him.
"I know that for some reason, Ryoma finally realizes that he's probably acting as a burden to the people around him, which he is not, that's why he's starting to pull away." Niou bit his lower lip at the unexpectedly harsh words that came out form his mouth.
"This is the moment that we need to pool our efforts together and give him happy memories just in case he decides to let go despite of our ordeals to hold on to him longer."
'Yes...' Ohtori told his self. 'I have been too caught up in my misery that I forgot I'm supposed to be the one by his side. I've been a fool. Oh god...Haru is right.' He finally found the courage to smile at his lover.
"You're right Haru-san. It's awful that I have been behaving like a child these days." He reached out a grasped Niou hand firmly. "But I do have to correct you on your last statement." He beamed at his lover.
"I will give him happy memories that will last him a lifetime, not because of his impending death." There was a flash of determination in his eyes. "I will not let go, definitely until the last breath he breathes and the last beat of his heart."
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Ryoma tried to act as normal as he possibly could. In fact, he promised his self that every second of his life will be lived to its fullest. What he couldn't help, however, was the idea of death that kept haunting him every second that ticked off his clock. For he knew that he's racing against time.
"Ryuzaki-kun?"
He turned around and saw the perverted, but amicable face of Echizen Nanjiroh standing behind him with that smile. Despite how he tried to work out some anger over the years, all his efforts seemed to vanish every time he's with the man. On how he could put up a front with his mother and his brother, he can only wonder.
Ryoma realized that he wasn't able to put up an act when he's with his father. It seemed like being with him seemed so natural to him.
"Ahh Echizen-san." Ryoma smiled timidly at the man who chose that opportunity to seat next to him by the counter. Backlash has just finished rehearsing for their performance that night and the rest of the band members were languidly lounging in the bar.
Nanjiroh smiled at him. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? You are free to call ne Nanjiroh-san or Jiroh-san."
Ryoma's smile broadened at the aura that the man was radiating. "Ahhh...old habits die hard Jiroh-san."
Nanjiroh snatched a bottle of beer from the counter and handed it to him. "You're young Ryuzaki-kun. There's still ample lot of time to change those habits."
Ryoma chuckled a little as he accepted the bottle from the man. "Indeed." He took a sip, savoring the sweet taste of the cold beer in his mouth. He caught glance of the man in his peripheral vision and noticed how the expression on his face became serious for a while. "Is there anything bothering you, Jiroh-san?" The name rolled in his lips naturally.
'What more if I get to call him Dad for real?' A question popped in his head that Ryoma immediately dismissed. 'Nostalgia is not an option right now.' He told his self sternly.
Nanjiroh chugged half of his bottle before answering. "It's just that my son is sick again and it's turning my whole family upside-down." He muttered.
'Ahh so that woman stuck to the agreement.' Ryoma vaguely remembered telling Rinko not to disclose their deal with her husband.
"I mean," The former tennis pro continued. " yes I want my son to live longer. It is very painful to have lost one already but seeing how much it pains Ryoga to accept the fact that someone else is going to die in order for him to live pains me as well."
Ryoma closed his eyes. 'I'm not having this conversation. Shit! Why now?!' He bit his lip hard to suppress any unwanted emotion to resurface.
"Sometimes I can't help but think that God somehow planned this out for us and we can't just simply stop it." Nanjiroh sighed and the rest of the beer disappeared into his mouth. "But I couldn't stop Rinko from behaving that way too. She's acting on a primitive instinct to protect her son. She already lost one and that nearly drove her to insanity."
Ryoma gazed deep into his father's eyes and saw the evidence of years of pain and sadness he had to endure. If he wasn't so into his plan, he would've blurted out that he's his dead son already.
"C-can you tell me about this dead son of yours?" Ryoma dared to ask. 'This might be the only chance I will give them to tell me their side of the story.' He added silently.
Nanjiroh snatched another bottle and opened it. "My baby boy was just three weeks old. Ryoga's about seven then when I took my family back to Kyoto for the baby's baptism. Rinko insisted that we go back to my hometown to make it symbolical. Another Echizen was born to conquer the world." He smiled bitterly as he recounted the events of their tragic past.
"There were a lot of people in the hotel and we have been so busy with the preparations and all. The event was about to start when someone grabbed his from Rinko's arms. Chaos broke after that then an explosion." Nanjiroh massaged his neck as he continued. "The last thing I could recall was the place was on fire. The first thing I did was grab Rinko and Ryoga and hurried outside." He leaned on the counter, sadness overflowing from his chest. He didn't care if tears were trailing down his cheeks. He just continued.
"A lot of people died...if not burned to ashes, suffocated to death. With a hysterical wife and a traumatized son, I don't know what to do first. Hours after that, the rescue team declared the rescue operation off. They found the criminal who died of suffocation. I searched the burnt hell on my own; hoping against hope that somewhere buried under the rubbles was my son, alive like a miracle of God."
Ryoma couldn't help but feel great affinity towards the man as he reached out and placed a comforting arm on his shoulders. 'Stop it...I don't want to hear anymore. Please...'
"But all I found was a slightly brunt mitten that belonged to him. I recognized it since his mother painstakingly made it while waiting for him to come out into the world. It was then I realized that my son died...and I-I wasn't even able to give him a name."
"It's ok Jiroh-san." Ryoma did his best to fight off the tears that started to well up his eyes. His throat hurt as he tried to quell the sobs that wanted to come out. "Wherever your son is now, I think he's happy seeing that you are well."
To his surprise, those words were spoken out of sincerity...something that he vowed never to give them as long as he still has a breath to spare.
Nanjiroh hastily wiped his tears off and smiled at him. "Thank you, Ryoma-kun for lending me your precious time, listening to an old man's whines."
Ryoma smiled back. "It's always fun and interesting...listening to old men whine, Jiroh-san." It sounded more like compliment than an insult.
Nanjiroh's genuine laughter echoed inside the bar and ringing inside Ryoma's eyes sweetly like the welcoming bells of a church's ensemble.
"You better give me a good game someday, Ryoma-kun." Nanjiroh said after recovering from his outburst. "I've been hearing stories about your prowess in tennis."
Ryoma chugged down his beer before smiling at the man. "Soon my old man." Then a gloomy thought flashed in his mind. 'Very soon.'
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Monday...it was the most talked about event of the year that woke Ryoma earlier than usual. Today was the launch of Atobe's newest product HiWyrd. The young business magnate, together with his three lovers, had organized a sort of rave party in his mansion for the investors, business associates, celebrities and other important personalities.
He shouldn't be bothered by any of it but apparently, Ohtori and Nanjiroh agreed to sign Backlash as the main band for the event, much to Atobe's licking.
"I'm starting to hate this idea." Ryoma groaned as he peered past into the grand dance hall of the Atobe Mansion which turned into a bar for the night. He looked down and saw his outfit, which Ohtori personally picked.
"Great." He groaned. He just had to be the leather-clad, Goth rocker who has too much skin to show. He turned around and glared at his best friend who was busy prepping up their band mates, wearing a similar leather outfit but considerable more decent that his. He desperately pulled the silver-haired man aside and snarled into his ear.
"Choutarou, this is definitely out of our league!" Instead of succumbing to his ominous and, hazel eyes gazed into his playfully.
"Come on!" Ohtori patted his back. "After turning down more than ten record deals in three years, I think they already know what we're capable of and they're just lucky enough to be here tonight and witness it."
Ryoma continued to glare at him until he let out a sigh of defeat. "If we screw up big time, it's your ass I'll personally chop off..." He turned around and walked away.
"Then what will Haru-san play with if you do that?!"
He was thankful that the place was dark or else everyone would've seen how he flushed like a tomato.
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"Atobe."
The diva turned around and saw Oshitari approached with Oishi in tow.
"I'm glad you could make it." Atobe smiled at them. Oshitari was kinda enough to smirk back while Oishi maintained his iron will and just stared back stoically.
"Congratulations on your new venture." The young lawyer told him. "It seems like you're unstoppable now."
Atobe smiled sadly, his gaze lingering on Oishi. "Not entirely."
"Oh we're not going into that topic again, Atobe-kun." Oishi rolled his eyes, making Atobe smirk.
"Pardon me. Please enjoy the party." He left the couple and went upstage, signaling the start of the festivities.
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Fuji went back to his usual anti-social lovers who stood not very far from the visitors, preferring solitude as their company.
"Mitsu, Gen, what are you doing there?" Fuji frowned when he came to their table. "This is Kei's big night. The least that you could do is get up your asses and show him your utmost support."
Tezuka eyed Sanada. "Fine. I guess I can mingle but just for tonight." He stood up and smooth out his shirt. "This is Keigo's big night after all."
Sanada sighed and stood up as well. "I wonder what surprise Keigo was rambling about earlier." He smiled at his lovers as he took their hands and lead them into the crowd. It was then that Atobe took the stage for a while, stopped the crazed dancing to deliver his speech.
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Ryoma sat inside the dressing room, rocking his brains out when Ryoga stumbled inside, looking like he drank a bit than what he could actually handle.
"Oi!" The man saw him and slumped before him. "Bastard. What are you doing here?"
Ryoma looked up to study his intoxicated brother and smirked. "Can't hold up your tequila, Ryoga?"
Ryoga glared at him. "Shut up you...you home wrecker. You took Syusuke away from me!" Clearly, he's not himself at all. Ryoma sighed and brushed his spiced-up comment off. He stood up and paused before the drunker model. "And you're cocky!"
"Damn I hate you."
Ryoma smirked. "Oh really? The feeling's mutual, moron."
Ryoga took deep breaths, wiping the sweat off his face. "He just can't forget about you. He played me for two years, imagining you while he's with me." He barely noticed that he was already crying. "I don't even know if there was a time that he truly loved me for who I really was. Damn I want to die right now."
Ryoma studied his brother at his semi-hysterical drunken state. "Ahh..." It was all the he could say. 'So that's what happened huh?' He shrugged off the fluttering in his stomach."That couldn't be helped."
"Differences aside, I think you're one lucky guy Echizen Ryoga." The younger Echizen allowed a few tamed emotions to escape, knowing that the man will eventually forget it in the morning.
"Your parents love you so much." He shook his head in disbelief. "So much and yet your wasting your life away. How I wished to be in your position right now." With this, he walked out of the room, leaving his older brother gaping after him.
He could hear the crowd grew still when they went up the stage. He smirked at the stillness of the night. 'Ahhh...mada mada dane.'
"Good evening." Ryoma's husky voice echoed inside the hall. "We're Backlash." He closed his eyes as Narumi started on the beginning notes on the song in his electric guitar.
"Here we go."
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The night went from lukewarm to boiling hot and it was all because of Ryoma's band. It was nirvana for the golden-eyed man for playing music, like tennis made him forget and gave him a different kind of hype.
However like a song...everything must eventually come to its end. It may have ridden out until the wee hours of the mourning but eventually the party broke up.
"Where's Ryuzaki-senpai?" Narumi asked Ohtori after they stashed their instruments inside the van.
Ohtori looked around and saw no sign of the golden-eyed man. "He probably headed home already. You know how grumpy he gets after a gig." He told his kohai who was already stifling a yawn.
"Ok! It's a wrap everybody! Good job!" The door of the van slid shut and away they drove.
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"Great, that should be the last of it." Fuji collapsed on the sofa the moment they finished seeing off the guests.
Tezuka glanced at his watch. It was already 2:30 am. "Remind me next time to disagree at any plans of another rave party in the future." He turned to the man of the night who was surprisingly nodding off beside Sanada.
"Oh odd...Keigo usually can stand all-nighters." Sanada muttered as he shifted to accommodate the frame of his lover.
"Well if he hadn't had that much fun like a teenager before Gen." Fuji pointed out. "I'm glad we're able to bag Ryo-chan's band tonight. It certainly helped a lot of people relax and unwind."
Tezuka groaned. "Remind me that when I'm in a meeting this Wednesday."
"Guys...c'mon...break it up." They heard Atobe mumbled against Sanada's chest.
"Let's take him upstairs so we can have a proper rest." Sanada said and carried the diva in his arms. Fuji and Tezuka followed him closely as they made for the stairs.
Tezuka blinked a few times to waive off sleep when he happened to look out into the gardens and saw a view that made his heart skip a bit.
"Mitsu, anything wrong?" Fuji touched his arm. He followed Tezuka's line of vision and gasped. Indeed, standing in the garden was Ryoma, holding a bottle of wine...basking underneath the moonlight.
Sanada noticed that he could no longer hear footsteps after him so he turned around only to see Tezuka and Fuji dashing down the stairs. "Ei what's up?!"
"Ryoma's still here!!!" Fuji's faint reply came to his ears and sleep soon left forgotten.
"Keigo, wake up." He gently shook the man in his arms.
"What is it?" Atobe stirred.
"Open your eyes and there's your surprise waiting in the garden." Sanada gently help the diva into his feet, allowed him a few seconds to process the situation before he grabbed the man and rushed to follow the two.
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The moment they stepped off the stage, Ryoma drifted away form the crowd with a bottle of tequila. He soon found his self standing in the garden which he so admired when he was still living in this mansion five years ago.
If he could still remember everything correctly now as he drank is way into half the bottle. Memories...nothing but nostalgic, bittersweet memories of his past flashed before his eyes like a fast-tracked movie as he stood at the very same spot where he used to five years ago.
'I used to come to this place after Keigo and I quarreled so much that I just needed a tiny bit of space to breathe.' Ryoma mused as he brought the bottle to his lips once more. 'I used to love this place.'
"But all I found was a slightly brunt mitten that belonged to him. I recognized it since his mother painstakingly made it while waiting for him to come out into the world. It was then I realized that my son died...and I-I wasn't even able to give him a name."
Ryoma couldn't help but frown at the flashback of his conversation two days ago with his father. 'It's not far from what Sumire-baa-chan told me. She said that she was in a vacation when the kitchen of the hotel blew up. There was supposed to be a party held for a very famous tennis player.' he swallowed more of the intoxicating fluid as he continued recalling. 'She said she saw me crying at one corner, brawling at the top of my lungs and took me. Then I started living my life as a Ryuzaki after that.'
He smiled bitterly as an image of his beloved grandmother flashed in his head. 'Should it really come to this, Baa-chan?'
"Ryoma?"
He closed his eyes. He need not to turn around to identify who spoke for he knew that voice so well that the familiarity almost made his heart ache.
"It's been five years since I last spent time on this spot." He muttered, feeling the effects of alcohols in his system staring to command his body. "Standing here now gives me a melancholic feeling."
Footsteps came closer but he didn't move an inch. He couldn't. He wouldn't.
"Yes, it has been quite a long time ne, Ryoma?" Tezuka stood behind him, savoring the ethereal beauty before him which the moon highlighted. Under its faint rays, Ryoma's skin looked like porcelain, his hair like dark emeralds, his eyes like the sun itself.
"Six years together then five years apart..." Ryoma muttered. He felt a warm hand on his arm. He's supposed to flinch but he didn't. It seemed too normal to be touched that way.
"We could end that five years now Ryoma." Came Fuji's voice floating in the air. He touched Ryoma's arm in the same fashion, gazing up to Tezuka apprehensively.
"End? Ahhh I know the meaning and weight of that word." Ryoma muttered as another pair of arms circled his waist from behind. "I understand it more than anyone could."
Atobe buried his face into Ryoma's nape, inhaling the scent that is Ryoma's alone, savoring the strength of those muscles underneath the sexy leather outfit. "Please don't make it sound like you're dying or something." He pleaded.
"We could start all over Ryoma."
Ryoma, who had his eyes closed, sighed. 'It shouldn't be like this. My heart aches so much. The more I tried to ignore your presence, the more the longing intensified.' He then felt a very light pressure on his lips that sent tingles to the tips of his fingers. He slowly opened his eyes, only to drown in the feverish gaze from hazel orbs that belonged to Sanada.
He let out a small gasped when he realized that the man was too close. Sanada took that opportunity to kiss him again, longer...softer...passionately this time like he's ending a five-year drought by tasting the first drop of rain.
The sound of a bottle hitting the carpeted ground triggered the insatiable thirst in his chest as Ryoma finally gave in to the hunger that sprang into life when their lips met. The possibility of having an episode forgotten, the painful memories of their abandonment vanished as he let his body be crushed and molten by the searing heat from his former lovers...or is it still former?
All questions died down from his brain. All protests melted as he shared in another fiery kiss with Tezuka. All he could actually do it let go and allow himself a taste of life...just before he took one final plunge into death.
'I deserve this...' Ryoma thought as he was lowered on a familiar king-sized bed, still being ravished by the four. 'From all the sufferings I went through and sacrifices I made...'
'I deserve to be happy just before everything that I am ends.'
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A/N: ahhh...yes. But don't get too ecstatic about this new development. Remember how his relationship with Akaya ended? You'll know next chapter.
If your want more...
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