Chapter 11 – Acceptance of the Truth

AN: Thank you so much for all the nice reviews. I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but it's encouraging to know the people are reading and enjoying this story!

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The moment Jenny had mentioned that particular movie, Tony immediately caught the reference. "Batman Returns is the movie in which we meet The Penguin," He explained, "but more importantly it's also in that movie that we are introduced to Catwoman. Man, Michelle Pfeiffer rocked that latex-suit; really there was no man back then who…" The head-slap cut off the rest of the sentence. "Right, boss. You dreamed that you were Catwoman, right?" Tony directed the question at Jenny.

Obviously surprised by this, Jenny could do nothing but nod.

"Was there by any chance a boy with you?"

Finally Jenny regained the power of speech, "how do you know this?" she asked incredulously.

"If you tell us about the rest of your dream, I'll tell you about a story I once heard".

Staring strangely at Tony, Jenny agreed. "I think I was in some sort of basement. In front of me – tied to a chair – was this boy. I'd put his age somewhere around 15. I was wearing this costume" Jenny stressed out, still looking bizarrely at DiNozzo, wondering how the hell he knew she was dressed as Catwoman – though of course the actual costume wasn't made of either latex or leather, just black cloth. "Also I was on the phone, and once again I was talking to this René Benoit. I told him, loved one for loved one."She looked around; the confusing was clear in her eyes. "I have no idea what that means, but I think it was serious, because I was holding a knife, gently running it over the back of the boy's hand."

Jenny looked shocked. She had thought that this part was nothing but an odd dream, but now she feared it might have happened in real life.

Gently Tony interrupted her before she could beat up herself about the knife's part in the story. "Jeanne once told me this story." He revealed. "We were talking about the significance of one's dream, and she shared that with me."

"My little brother Pierre had the most realistic dream I've ever heard about." Jeanne declared. "The actual dream wasn't very believable, but he was just so sure that it had happened." She smiled remembering her brother's many attempts to convince her that it had been real. "He was 17 back then. According to him, he was on his way back from school, when he got kidnapped."

"Sounds like a bad dream"

"It was more like one of those action movies you love so much. To make it even more unbelievable he claimed that he had been kidnapped by no other than Catwoman."

"The whole thing was kind of silly, but he tried very hard to convince us that we were wrong. He could remember everything so vividly and very detailed. On the way back home his bodyguard – my dad was a little over-protective when we were younger ", Jeanne explained with a shy smile. "Anyway Pierre dreamt that his bodyguard was stunned with a stun-gun and then he himself had been dragged into a car. The next thing he remembered from the dream was that he was blindfolded and tied to a chair. He tried to explain to my dad that the kidnapper wanted something from my father, and that was why he had been taken – as some sort of ransom."

The young woman shook her head, recalling the entire incident. "The weirdest thing was that my brother couldn't remember coming home that day. He told us this story the next morning, but he couldn't recall what he had been doing the day before that was why he was so convinced that the kidnap had happened in real life."

"Still sounds like a very bad dream to me." Tony injected.

"It was, but eventual he accepted that it had all happened inside his head. First of the bodyguard in his dream told him that it had never happened, and second Dad told him that he had returned home as usual and that they had been out shooting. Pierre had complained about a headache, so early evening dad had given him some medicine to help him sleep or something like that, and dad thought maybe the dose had been too high since Pierre couldn't recall it."

"It does seem a little suspicious, and if he likes conspiracy theories as much as you…"

"For the last time 'The Da Vinci Code" is a lot better as a book then as a film. The books are always better than the movie-version. You really should try and read one someday", she teased.

Tony continued completely ignoring the playful jab, "then it's no wonder he thought it was real".

Smilingly Jeanne concluded, "In the end though, he accepted that it was nothing but a vivid dream".

"He didn't seem to suffer from it." Tony offered, noticing Jenny's disbelieving and panic-striking look. "From what I could tell, he still thinks it was just a dream".

"That…" Jenny didn't even know where to start, "it seems so unrealistic… But somehow, it makes sense. Loved one for loved one – Gibbs for Pierre, it fits."

A profound silence settled upon the room – everybody was trying to think of anything to say to break it, but nobody could come up with something without it sounding like a cliché ice-breaker.

Gibbs voice broke it, "go home, Jenny".

"No it's okay, I'm fine…" Jenny began, but she was cut off.

"Wasn't an offer".

Giving a short nod, Jenny accepted. Quickly stuffing her things in her bag, she was out of the building before anybody could string a decent goodbye together.

Jenny returned home after a quick stop a Starbucks to retrieve her favorite cup of coffee. Carrying the flamingo cup filled with hot liquid in her hands, she made her way into her living room. Though the fireplace was empty and cold, she still seated herself in the big chair in front of it, drawing up her knees so the cup and her hands could rest on top of them.

A lot of thoughts from different corners of her mind had been swirling around ever since she left the head quarter, and she didn't know where to begin the process of sorting all the new information. First of she had kidnapped someone, a boy at the age of 17 no less. She had held a knife to his skin for goodness sake, probably scaring the kid for the lifetime, and while Tony said that it didn't seem to be the case, he couldn't know for sure – nobody really could except for Pierre.

She had a flashback of buying the Catwoman mask in a costume shop. Apparently the choices had been limited, besides Catwoman there was a Tyrol girl-costume, a French maid-outfit, devil horns and tail and a lot of other useless outfits that wouldn't hide her face. So she had gone with the Catwoman-mask, concealing herself behind dark make-up and a black wig. Then she had proceeded to kidnap the boy after she'd stunned the bodyguard.

And for what had she done it? For a certain Leroy Jethro Gibbs to make sure that he didn't die in prison. Okay perhaps he wouldn't exactly die there, but still she had done what she had to do to release him from his false imprisonment.

Before Jenny had met Gibbs, she had made a five-point plan for her life. On it were 5 goals that she wanted to achieve, and being the Director of NCIS had most certainly been on that list. But then she met him, and as cliché as it sounded her priority had changed. He had been the first man she'd ever told that she loved – the first man where she'd had actually spoken those three words to him. Jenny cringed at the memory of how that had gone down.

She wondered if that was why she'd left him. During the past days the memories she had regained seemed to suggest that she left him to pursue a career, and while that might be the truth it looked as if there was more to it than that. It looked as if she had left out of her love for him as if maybe René Benoit's not so subtle threat had pushed her to leave him. He had gotten Gibbs arrested and that had scared her, because if he could do that by a flick of his finger what couldn't he do? Maybe just maybe she had left Gibbs to make sure he would stay safe while she pursued La Grenouille and dream of becoming the Director of NCIS.

She remembered the good doctor from the hospital Todd Gelfand, who had told her that she'd called if off because of a certain mission. La Grenouille had been that mission of that she was sure. She had broken up with him because she was going to go after the man, who had killed her dad, and once again she couldn't have anyone too close to her, because then Benoit could use them against her – like he had done with Gibbs so many years ago.

She felt a little better as she kept musing over her theory. Yes, she had never been good at or liked being in a romantic-relationship for that matter, but Gibbs had been different – and she liked to think that maybe she hadn't left him only to pursue a career; maybe she had also left him because she loved him.

Thursday was another slow day. Gibbs had lend McGee to another agent's case, and he was currently working with Abby on recreating the crime scene and by processing the data find the most realistic way of carrying out the murder, and after going through a Mt. Everest size of reports Tony and Ziva had volunteered to go locate some lunch, which left Jenny and Gibbs alone in the squad room, or as alone as one could be in a public room.

Dragging his chair behind him, Gibbs planted it firmly in front of Jenny's desk and unceremoniously dropped down into it.

She looked up from her papers and waited for him to say something.

After studying her for couple of moments, he asked, "Are you okay?"

"I…", she wanted to tell him that she was fine. Yesterday's revelations hadn't had an effect on her, and that after going home she just taken a long bath, watched a TV-program and then gone to bed and slept peacefully. The truth however was nothing like that, yes she had taken a long bath, yes she had watch television, but her sleep had been far from peaceful and yesterday's news had been tormenting her ever since everything had been tied together. Besides she knew he could tell if she tried to lie, so she settled on telling the truth and in general just say as little as possible.

"No… no I'm not okay".

"Want to talk about it?" He offered looking as surprised by his own offer as she did of hearing it.

"It's nothing".

"If the way you've been biting your nails for the past hour is anything to go by, I'd say it was something".

It wasn't until then Jenny realized just how obvious she was in her distress.

Breaking the gaze, she decided to focus on her hands as she confessed what was on her mind. There was no big fanfare or increasing music to indicate she was about to say something important, the only sound was her weak, tired whisper.

"I… I killed him".

There was no reason to elaborate, he understood.

Jenny found it easier to look down as she continued her admission.

"Suddenly I remembered it last night." She began in a low, shaky voice. "I was at the marina on his yacht, we talked…." She paused, her eyes focused on something only she could see. "I remembered looking into his eyes as I squeezed the trigger. Right here." She gestured to a spot on her forehead. "One single bullet, right through his head. Done in cold blood… I didn't think I was capable of that." She whispered, once again watching her hands nervously fidget with a pen.

"I don't want to remember anymore". Her admission was heartfelt and sounded almost child-like in its simplicity.

"Jenny…" Gibbs started and the trail off. He had no idea of what to say to her.

"I can understand why you went to Mexico", she blurted out. "Sometimes I think I'd preferred to remember all this while alone. I know the environment has contributed to speed up the regaining of my memories, but… It's very difficult to be here when everybody's perception of you is different from your own, and now I can see where they are coming from. As much as I remember I still can't understand my obsession with La Grenouille. Yes he killed my father, and yes he threatened the people close to me, but still…" She trailed off lost in her own little world.

"I'm scared", Jenny confessed in whisper. "The woman I've become…", she shuddered at the memories, "I don't know her."

For the first time she looked up to catch his eyes. "I killed somebody in cold blood, Jethro". The reality of it seemed to have dawned on her just now. She, who had always hated taking people's lives and though it came with the job had never really grown to accept it, had murdered someone. "A man with a loving family, and I chose to end his life… I don't understand it. I just… don't."

A silence followed Jenny despaired statement. It wasn't broken until Gibbs spoke, "when they died,"

He didn't have to explain who 'them' were either, she understood perfectly.

"I started my own quest of revenge – some would say I was obsessed", he said quietly.

This time it was his turn to look at his hands, while Jenny tried to search for his eyes.

"Of course you did that is very understandable", she reasoned.

"I went to Mexico in search of the drug lord", Gibbs continued. "And I found him… But killing him didn't make me feel any better. It couldn't bring them back", he admitted.

Jenny's hand reached out and placed itself upon his entwined ones before she even comprehended the action. It was the first time she heard him speak of his family, and she wanted him to know that she appreciated it, and that he could trust her with it. She hated seeing her former partner in any kind of pain, even one that was as old as this. She was happily surprised when he didn't push her away, but just let her small hand rest on his larger ones. Feeling brave Jenny let her other hand slide over to his, and boldly she separated them, grasping one hand in each of her own so that she was holding his hands across the table.

"Are we crazy, Jethro?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Feeling isn't crazy, Jen". His eyes were still averted towards the table, though now they rested on their entwined hands.

"I'm not sure I felt anything when I pulled the trigger".

The sincere conversation was put to an immediate end when Tony and Ziva stepped out of the elevator, carrying two bags filled with bagels.

Reluctantly Jenny loosened her grip on Gibb's hands and folded her arms as they rested in front of her. She immediately missed the feel of his rougher fingers under her more smooth ones. Trying to appear as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened while they were gone, Jenny put on a big smile when she noticed the bags and leaped out of her chair to retrieve her chicken-filled bagel.

"Thank you", she said as Ziva handed over the wrapped bread.

"We got a problem Boss. We just met Agent Langer in the elevator, and he reminded us of the big ball tomorrow evening."

Tony directed his head towards Jenny and sent her an apologizing look. "With everything that has been going on we completely forgot to mention to you that there is a big black and white-ball tomorrow and as the Director you're expected to show up, and that we – as one of your A-teams – are required to join you".

Jenny stared bewildered from Tony to Ziva before her eyes landed on Gibbs. "Do I have to attend a ball tomorrow evening?" she asked very slowly.

"Yes", he offered nothing more and nothing less than that lone word.

"Great!" Her replied was heavy with sarcasm, "isn't that just fantastic. I can hardly wait".

Gibbs accusing eyes made the steam in her lose its pressure. "I'm just not up for a big formal social gathering", she said, the fatigue obvious on her face. "Even though I've regained most of my memory, I'm not sure I can remember everyone".

"You can cancel you know", Gibbs injected.

Shaking her head she answered, "It'll be okay, I can always use it as a test to see exactly how much I do remember"

"I can't believe we completely forgot about it", Tony said obviously beating himself up about his forgetfulness.

"It's fine Tony. I could just think of more enjoyable ways to spend my Friday evening that's all".

"I cannot believe we all forgot about it", Ziva mused out loud.

"Well it has been a trying week…" Jenny said trying to convert the message that there were absolutely no hard feelings. It had been a difficult and tiring week so it was perfectly understandable that it had slipped their minds. Normally finding cloth was the most difficult part of attending a party, but she was certain her filled closet held something she could use, so really there was no big problem. It wasn't like she had Friday night-plans anyway.

"So black and white you say?"

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AN: And that's it for now people, I hope you enjoyed it. If you made it this far, leaving a review would be very welcomed ;)

Next time: How much of her memory has Jenny regained? Did she really leave Gibbs in an attempt to save him? And how exactly will the Black and White-ball unfold?

Read next time to find out!