I woke up. I was too sore to move. I could see stitching all over my body. The chart on the wall said I'd only been admitted last night. A full day after the fiasco.
My arms were badly bruised...wait? I don't remember hitting myself there...And then I saw the teeth marks and realized what had happened. They had had to use a crowbar to ply my arms from around Sam. That explained why my neck hurt so fiercely.
I couldn't open my mouth. My tongue would instantly begin to bleed in response to any movement whatsoever. Then I saw the IV. I summoned all my strength, but I could not rip it out. I could not move at all.
Then I saw why...My sign said that I was a volatile patient whom was temporarily tranquilized. Smart bastards...I hate them all. They should have let me die.
I saw the clock on the wall; it was about noon. I had been situated in a normal hospital room...My neighbor was Sam. Sam...I didn't mean to hurt you...I just needed to be with you...I needed contact...I needed love!
The curtain was back; she was sleeping. She had bruises around her face and neck. My lungs had been in hell through it, and I had ignored it. But she had obviously panicked and worsened her oxygen depravation.
There were some cracks in her bones, but apparently she was already done up and just resting now. I saw that she had been admitted the night of the...occurrence. Aparently, they had waited and messed with the idea of leaving me for dead...I hated them for doing so as well as for their decision. But at least Sam was safe.
I looked again at my body...it was mangled. Black, blue, red, and purple...there was barely any pale skin, especially since I'd done sufficient damage to my legs from all the running. I hated them all. They deserved to be here.
I wallowed in these notions for forever. And, as always, they passed, whether I wanted them to or not. I was now, finally, bereft of all emotion. I was numb. Completely numb. This was what I wanted. Right? Sadly, the numbness ebbed whenever I saw Sam. Why must my heart insist on putting itself in such danger?
I tried to focus on other things. I couldn't. If I could have moved, I would have killed myself.
A nurse came in, checked on us and left, ignoring my awakening. It left me even more empty. I wanted to hug myself, but I couldn't. For once in my life, I wanted pity, and I wanted it from Sam.
There was a knock at the door. It was Carly. Somehow, she had lost her light and gained more all at the same time! No, now I was sure, the light had gotten stronger. My eyes weaker.
Her hair followed her, bending, weaving, and dancing with each step. Perfume filled the room. I was drunk.
She saw my open eyes and looked to Sam. She cried. She cried. She cried. Millenia passed, deluges destroying each in rapid fire succession. Her tears melted through anything that was left, leaving the cold, harsh reality of now. This nowness...I hated it too.
She began to speak. Something about my mother snapping and committing suicide after she saw what I had done to myself. To Sam. She had used a noose apparently. I wanted that noose.
My bills were being paid off with the life insurance, as well as my debt. Apparently Sam's were as well. They declined to press charges. The police passed the report off as temporary insanity under extremely stressful conditions. A single occasion that would never repeat itself. The fines were being paid for too. I would be left with no money, and they would clear out my home and repossess the rooms.
Lucky me. Lucky me. This is what my luck brings me. This is Fate's cruelty extending on into absurdity on limbs gaunt and words dour. Maybe the bitter taste of the air would go away if I stopped breathing...My lungs hurt too much to stop.
I struggled out an apology, blood cascading down my face and onto my hospital gown. This made her cry even more.
I wanted her to stop, but in her pain I revelled in shortlived victory, in joy! My paralysis was beginning to wear off on my jaw, so I began to speak in random rivulets of speech. Talking about things that I had left out, trying to make her understand. To understand and forgive. And after a while, she accepted my apology.
Sam did as well. I looked to her in surprise, but she looked away. Pain. She ignored everything I did and said afterwards. I deserved it. But still. Pain.
Carly had begun to converse with Sam, hearing about how the kiss was one of the most painful things she'd ever felt. About how chaotic and fear-ridden the experience had been. Physical pain.
I began to cry and fell asleep. Someone was hugging me. I couldn't see the person, but I could smell perfume. My universe now contained more than myself and a sun in this sea of nothingness. It had captured a moon in tow. And I was not about to let it go. There are some things you have to fight for.
We can always expect to lose radio, radio contact
Radio transmission
Let our fair moon; let our fair moon
Lay her body between us
I need her now that you're breaking up
We can always expect to lose radio, radio contact
Radio transmission (Let our fair moon; let our fair moon)
Lay her body between us
I need her now that you're breaking up
Soon she'll become my new sun
Soon she'll become…
Soon she'll become my new sun
Soon she'll become my new sun
She's stealing her light from the old one
New Sun - As Cities Burn