I do not own Kingdom Hearts, and all characters belong to their respective owners.

Falling Stars, a Trip to the Harem, and Cooking with Timon

Riku turned towards the meercat and warthog. He could hear their voices quite easily, and jumped into the trees. From there he jumped from branch to branch until he was right behind them. He landed just behind them, and poked Pumba's fat ass with his keyblade.

"Hey dinner."

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tim on screamed, "Don't eat us, O great ape!"

Timon proceeded to bow incessantly, and after a little nudging, Pumba followed. "We are here to serve. Just don't roast, bake, boil, braise, grill, steam, broil, or fry us."

Riku thought for a moment, "I wonder if...yes, yes that will work splendidly, I hope."

Riku then turned his keyblade teeth up and whacked Pumba on the top of the head. The warthog fell unconscious immediately. Riku hoisted the pig over his shoulder, and started walking to Simba.

"Where are you going with him? What are you doing?"

"You know how to cook. I figured as much seeing as how you know all those cooking techniques. Meet me at Pride Rock in the next month. Otherwise I'm going to sear Pumba. Alive." He then picked up Simba, and sunk through a portal in the ground.

"Fuck shit shit damn damn damn. WHERE THE FUCKING HELL IS PRIDE ROCK? Fucking apes. Gaaaaaah!" He said, throwing his hands in the air.

Riku reappeared at the base of Rafiki's tree.

"Intra-planetary travel. Didn't think it would work. But like hell I was going to drag a lion across the desert on a few water bottles. He cast curaga spell on Simba, and finding his magic reserves completely gone, drank the mega ether. He jumped into the tree and pulled down a few vines, and then tied them together. He jumped to the lowest branch and tied one end to it. He then attached the other end to Pumba, and dumped the water bottles on both lion and warthog, waking both. He then gave a piercing whistle, and pointed his keyblade at Simba's waking form. Rafiki appeared quickly, trying to determine what had made such a high pitched noise.

"Ahhh, the keyblade master has returned. And with Simba no less. Good good. The keyhole is at the very top of Pride Rock. I would like you to accompany Simba to reclaim Pride Rock...Strange, why are there falling lights?"

The stars seemed to have fallen. Indeed a huge spectacle of shooting stars covered the sky, then disappeared beyond the horizon, in the direction of Pride Rock

"Shit. OK, I'm going with you Simba, what are we doing again monkey?"

"You are going to overthrow Scar."

"Done. Simba, there are creatures. You will not recognize them. They are black with glowing eyes. Kill them, the lionesses will not be able to kill them all, now hurry."

"Nala is in danger." Simba replied with fear, and sped off in the direction of Pride Rock.

Riku shook his head.

"In a month or so, a meercat will come to pick up his friend," Riku jabbed his thumb at the waking warthog. "Tell him I want a recipe book before he can have his friend back. I will not be back for some time."

Riku then stepped through a portal that materialized behind him.

At Pride Rock

Riku stepped through the portal to find that there were no heartless. However, he had appeared in the lionesses' cave, and they were sleeping quietly. All except one, who was staring right at him. She growled, and all the other cats were now staring at Riku.

"Shit." Riku thought, though what he said was, "Um... good afternoon ladies?"

"Scar wanted food right? I think this ape qualifies."

"Fuck." Riku thought, which translated into words as, "Wait, Scar won't be King for much longer. Simba is coming back. I am here to...uh, announce his arrival."

"Really?" an inquisitive voice asked, "Simba is coming back? He's alive? Then that monkey was right!" Nala said, twirling around.

"Hmmmm." Sarabi said, "I don't want to trust you, but you have Nala's approval, so it'll let you live. However, stay stealthy, I don't know how you got in here, but keep it up and you should live past the Hyenas."

"Thank you, and good luck to you in the coming fight."

Riku left the cave and climbed the top of the mountain to find the keyhole, barely a faint outline on the small flat peak. Riku surveyed the landscape, and from the north he saw the dust cloud that he assumed was Simba, running at a breakneck speed. At the base of the rock, he could see hundreds of Hyenas sleeping. Riku's stomach rumbled, portal making is a hungry business. So, he climbed down the mountain, killed and skinned a hyena, (being careful to dispose of the corpse downwind), and went back to his perch on the peak and though (while eating), "I wonder why the heartless are here. Wait a minute. The heartless aren't here. Only the barrier fell. Though why would it do that unless the heartless attacked the barrier?"

The sounds of the battle below finally catching his ear, Riku looked down. The twisted bodies of the Hyenas were strewn everywhere.

"I killed Mufasa!" Scar screamed.

Riku yawned, the death screams were fewer and longer apart now. He head the distinct clicking of claws on rock and turned to face Sarabi, Simba's mother.

"My son has returned ape, and for that and your honesty I thank you, however, he mentioned a strange creature with glowing..." a lone shadow had formed in the lionesses own, and had struck her heart.

#Took you long enough# Riku said, and stretched out his hand and held the shadow in the air.

#Stay.# Riku replaced his stuck out right hand for his left, and summoned the keyblade..

#Where's the rest of your kind?#

#Just me.# The shadow proudly stated. #I detected portal opening on this world, so I attacked, and planned to destroy all life on this world, and absorb it into myself, becoming a great one.#

Even heartless have egos apparently.

#But the keyhole is locked. Why would you come?#

#I cannot have the great heart, but I can have all the little hearts, thats how we work now.#

#What would happen to any heartless on this world if the keyhole was unlocked?#

#This rock would turn black. Every heartless would come very quickly, and more form the great space, but slower.#

#But it is just you for now right?#

#Yes.#

Riku extended the keyblade so that it pointed right at the torso of the heartless, and slowly brought it closer and closer, finally impaling it on Betrayal. But Riku continued dragging the heartless up the length of the blade, until he was face to face with its squirming mass. "Thera." Riku didn't wait until all the light was removed, only a little was needed. "Sampta." Riku said with malice, as the small burst of light disintegrated the heartless. Riku then climbed down the mountain to see Simba and tell him his plan. He almost wished he hadn't, as Simba had just finished killing Scar's cubs, and was about to start "servicing" his pride, starting with Nala.

"Ahem. Simba, that will have to wait until later. You need to lave pride Rock now. Those dark creatures, called Heartless, will be coming, and I'm going to draw them to me and away from the herds. Now go, before I have to do a repeat performance, this time with a metal blade. Come back in 11 months. GO!"

Simba roared, and as one the lionesses moved south.

"Help me, someone he..e..e..elp me. Sob" A high pitched, hoarse voice cried. Riku sighed and followed the voice to a cave. There was Zazu, shaking his cage and crying into his wing.

"Whats up bird beak?"

"Oh, its you, human. Please, get me out of here."

"One condition. You are to tell every bird that you know to be on the lookout for one of these."

Riku, using the darkness, conjured an image of a shadow and rotated it around so Zazu could see.

"If you, or whoever, finds one, they are to come back to me at Pride Rock with the utmost speed. Have them call out for the...Deathlord, yes Deathlord."

"Done. NOW GET ME OUT!"

Riku lifted up the cage and Zazu sped out of the cave at full speed. Riku was about to explore the mountain when a loud "GAAAAAAAH!" caught his attention.

"My chef is here early."

Riku walked down the rock till he came across the meercat, who had a huge backpack full of something fragrant.

"Strangely, none of these kills are mine. However, I would like to make the most of their...contribution." Riku said, gesturing to the dead Hyenas.

"You sure they are all dead?"

"Nope." Riku smiled, "Don't worry though, stick close to me and you shouldn't fear any of them."

"Right um. Well. I think curing and smoking would be a good idea. Lots of meat needs to be preserved. You should gather all those corpses into a pile, skin and gut them, and I'll go get salt and wood."

They both went to their tasks, Riku throwing the skins into a big pile. "Probably make a good bed and blanket out of them." He threw the guts in another pile, downwind, far away from the other two piles. After he finished, Timon wandered up with a bag of salt, and pointed to a large pile of wood.

"Timon how did you find all that stuff and carry it all. How did you even get here so fast?"

"Trade Secret. But enough of that. The meat has to be coated with the salt," He reached into his spice bag and pulled out a large bag of powder, "Put a pinch of this on each animal. Its a mix of garlic and ginger and pepper. Get to work, AND DONT FORGET TO DEBONE THE MEAT."

Riku refrained form laughing at their switched positions, and started curing the meat.

Riku rubbed his hands in the stream, trying to get the salty blood off.

"Riku! Get over here and start this fire."

Riku trudged over and pointed his palm at the wood "Fira." The pile burst into flame.

"Not that hot!"

Riku sighed and cast weakened blizzard spells until Timon told him to stop.

"Now, see how the wood is just smoking? Thats what we want. Now put the meat on a rack over the smoke...You wouldn't happen to have a rack would you?"

"No, but you want them over the fire right?"

"Yes. Hey, also, if you could make it so that the smoke and the meat are in a sort of box, that would be great."

Riku ran through the list of elements. He could use blizzaga to make an ice box, but that wouldn't help cook the meat, and it would probably douse the fire. He could levitate the meat with aero or gravity, but that would take a lot of magic. All that was left was earth, and he hadn't even cast one of these types of spells before, as they were not useful in battle. First time for everything. "Earth." Stones started piling on top of stones, until a square of stones surrounded the fire. Riku cast it again and created four long stone poles, which he placed over the top of the smoker. Riku then used Aero to lift a third of the carcasses and laid them out evenly on the rack.

"Good, now there are two more batches. Get to work."

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What a long chapter, sorry. And furthermore, i do not take any rsponsibility for the deaths that may occur for those who should repeat this recipe. Do so at your own risk. (And email me how it went.)