A/N: Sorry the updates slowed down! School has started up for me again and so the updates will unfortunately take a hit.
Alvor and Hadvar stared at her with matching expressions for the first few seconds, both appearing utterly stunned by her appearance. They stood by the cooking pit, each standing on one side as if they'd been facing off in a fiery battle. Given the argument she'd just interrupted, that wasn't far from the case. She inhaled deeply, fortifying herself against them both as each face became colored with the owner's true feelings. Hadvar began to smile hesitantly, blue eyes darting nervously from his uncle to her face for a few seconds before they rested on her. She met his stare for a second, allowing her lips to quirk slightly in greeting before she turned back to Alvor.
The smith's expression had begun to turn stormy, his displeasure at her interruption obvious. He turned to face her fully, bringing one hand away from where is gripped the mantle to point at her when she cut him off.
"Nice to see you again, Alvor," Aneira said calmly, if not a little coldly. Alvor's mouth snapped shut with a clap, his eyes narrowed on her. She shifted subtly, reining in her surging emotions. "It's been too long. If you don't mind though, Hadvar and I need to speak. In private," she added, the smith's face reddening in angry disbelief. She heard Sigrid make a small sound just behind her, likely the beginning of a protest, when the soldier beat her to reply.
"Of course," Hadvar said quickly, taking the few steps around the dining table to her side and laying a hand on her arm. "We have much to talk about." The Legionnaire turned to his uncle. "We'll be back later, Uncle Alvor." He didn't wait for either of his relatives to reply, subtly easing Aneira out the door. She complied, turning to go back out the opening without another word to Hadvar's aunt and uncle, certain her veneer would crack if they forced her to speak again. "Lead the way, sweet priestess," Hadvar whispered once they were down the steps, and her bravado almost collapsed then and there.
Hadvar didn't question her as she led him over the bridge, reaching out again to rest a hand against her back as they ambled over the rocks and shoreline. "You're quiet," he said as she took his hand to help him slide over a slick plane of stone. "I'm so sorry if you heard that. My uncle," Hadvar paused, struggling with the words as she gazed at him impassively, "he just gets stubborn. He doesn't mean to-"
"It's fine," Aneira reassured him, reaching up to cup his cheek. She kissed him gently, giving his fingers a squeeze before she pulled away. His eyes were still uncertain when they met hers, so she smiled at him and tugged forward, leaving their hands joined for the remainder of the walk. "I'm not mad about it." The fault lay with him and her, not the smith for being the one to point it out.
"Where did you go since you left? That's another new set of armor," Hadvar prompted, tugging on her hand until they walked side by side.
"I found it on a bandit in Valtheim Towers. Lydia and I went by them on the way to High Hrothgar." Aneira thrummed her free fingers against the overlapping leather scales. "It was already heavily enchanted to improve my health. Lydia said it was quite the find, really."
"Aye," Hadvar replied appreciatively. "Scaled armor doesn't come cheap. Although," he flicked her wrist before letting his eyes drift pointedly down to her feet. "You weren't lucky enough to find the whole set, it would seem."
Aneira pouted her lower lip slightly. "No, that bandit hadn't managed to get more than the body armor and helmet. But I'm getting pretty good at smithing," she nudged her shoulder against his. "Maybe your uncle will be impressed with that."
She saw Hadvar stare at her for a few moments, reading her face for how she meant him to take that comment. She smirked teasingly, stroking her thumb along his knuckles, and he eased. "Aye, I'm certain he will be. Perhaps you could show him your skills at his forge."
Aneira felt her smile widen, eyes shining as she felt another wave of tears build up. She brought him back up the river, the same as she had done the last time they'd been together. It had been the place where she'd first expected everything to fall apart, and maybe if it had happened then, if she'd been smart enough to make him leave for Solitude alone then, some damage would have been mitigated. As it was, she'd simply lain with him and begged him without words to stay with her instead of returning to his duty like a good soldier should. As her parents would have done. She grew flushed with shame now at the memory, pursing her lips when they reached the flat area where they had taken their long bath. Aneira allowed them to come to a slow halt, feeling Hadvar approach her left side. His chest brushed against her arm, his fingers still clasped around hers as she undid her helmet and lifted it away with her right hand.
"Where have you been?" Hadvar broke the silence softly, his eyes dropping from her own to gaze down her body.
"So many places," Aneira breathed, turning to face him. He brought their joined hands upward, pressing them between their bodies while he reached out with his left hand to graze her cheek. "If you could've seen the things I have," Aneira trailed off, the reason why he hadn't seen them too prevalent in her mind.
"I missed you," he admitted, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head. "It feels like ages since you left." He sighed sadly, letting his forehead roll against her temple.
"It does," she agreed, reaching up with her right hand to wrap her arm around his neck. He accommodated her, lowering his hand from her cheek to encircle her waist. "Every time I come back it seems everything has changed again. I will tell you all about it, Hadvar, but you-"
Hadvar cut her off with a firm kiss, pressing their lips together for one heartbeat and pulling away in the next. "Gods, tell me you will wait," he begged, his breath fanning over her lips as he pulled in once more. "We'll have plenty of time to talk later," Hadvar assured her, reaching up to press his hands against her shoulder blades. He cut his mouth across hers again, the ardor in his embrace taking her breath away, and she fairly swooned in his arms as her feet arched until she stood on her toes to kiss him back. The front locks of his hair tickled her cheeks, and she gasped into his mouth as he pressed them flush together.
Her soldier didn't leave them like that for long, setting her away from him with his hands at her waist. He reached for her left wrist, keeping his head ducked as he undid the clasps keeping her arm guard around her with a practiced flourish. Aneira bit her lip, her throat seizing as her head fought valiantly against her selfish heart and body. She felt the brace give way, falling in slow motion to the ground as Hadvar let it go before moving hesitantly to undo the other. Though her skin began to tingle, Aneira made no move to help him until he brought his hands to the straps at her shoulders.
So be it, she thought in defeat. Her fingers reached for the thin straps of his cotton shirt, undoing them swiftly and bringing her hands down to his waistline to grip the hemline. If I'm going to break our hearts, at least I shall be thorough.
She only prayed that he would forgive her for this last moment of hope and weakness.
He had her out of her armor in record time once the shyness faded away, though this time she had him undressed first. Once her decision had been made, she met his enthusiasm breathlessly, feeling his lips form into grins and smiles around hers as he lifted her in his arms. Aneira could not match his glee, despite her best efforts to put everything else out of her mind. Her kisses were desperate and her touches were firm, earning several surprised gasps and chuckles from the Nord. She felt almost deficient when he brought them to the hard ground with an open laugh, wishing she could give him the carefree lovemaking he seemed so happy to give her.
Aneira pressed her arms hard against his back as he hovered over her, fastening her lips to his neck. Hadvar groaned against her shoulder, swiping his tongue against her skin as he brought his hands down her body. He skimmed the fingers of his right hand over her breast, sending a shiver through her and making her stretch until he lowered his head against her body again. She folded her lips together as he gave her flesh his attention, sighing at the heat of his mouth upon her chest. Tangling her fingers in his thick red hair, she let him continue for a time before tugging him away and pulling his lips back to her own. Whatever she lacked here in lightheartedness, she would make up for with passion.
They were a tangle of limbs for so long that when they finally came together it nearly made her sob. Aneira preferred to keep her hands on his muscled back, letting her nails dig lightly into his shoulders when he made her toes curl. He panted in her ear as they moved together, kissing the shell and nipping it so lightly with his teeth he hardly touched it. She bent her knees to press them closer together, running one hand down the length of his spine and relishing the shudder that shot through him. He returned the favor, kissing her hard and holding her mouth with his until she gasped against him, a deep moan reverberating through her. The cry she made when they finally finished would have embarrassed her if Aneira was a bit more aware of herself, for hers echoed with Hadvar's through the mountains. As it was, all she could focus on was the weight that fell upon her when Hadvar collapsed, his hands sliding in the grass at her shoulders. She grunted at the impact, the air whooshing out of her in a gust even as she wrapped her arms around him as tightly as her wearied bones were able.
"Gods," Hadvar choked against her shoulder, his arms straining to lift himself back off her, "s-sorry. Didn't mean to-"
"You're fine," Aneira cut him off, a laugh finally finding its way past her melancholy at the embarrassment in his voice. "You're no burden to me." She said it without thinking, inadvertently recalling Alvor's harsh words when he was the last thing she wished to think of at the moment. She wriggled beneath him and stretched out her legs, rubbing the ball of her foot against his ankle. "This is wonderful."
Hadvar made a soft sound, his lingering chagrin still present when he turned toward her. He pressed a kiss against her cheek, caressing her smile with his lips. "You're wonderful." He sighed and centered himself, leaning down to kiss her mouth. "You can't imagine how much. I feel unstoppable when you're at my side."
"Oh," Aneira sighed, arching her back slightly and pressing against him. "You don't need me to be a force to be reckoned with. Who protected who when we were fleeing dragon fire?" Aneira felt him chuckle dismissively, and frowned as she pulled her hands up to cup his cheeks. "You are incredible," she swore before kissing him, feeling his body melt against hers.
Hadvar smiled good-naturedly, the same way anyone would brush away a compliment that they did not believe to be true. Aneira huffed lightly as he nuzzled against her cheek, clearly happy to leave the conversation be. For a time she let him, keeping their skin together as they reposed against the bank. Hadvar rolled onto his right side, keeping his left arm around her waist to brush his fingers from her breast to her hip.
"We could talk now, if you like," he murmured a bit sheepishly into her ear. "I- ah, I know I interrupted you earlier."
"Hmph," Aneira shrugged in his arms, turning her face from his body to meet his eyes. "That you did," she said, kissing him lightly. He pursed his lips against a grin, rubbing his nose against her. "I didn't really mind," she added, letting a hand trail up to cup his neck. He slid his right arm beneath her, bring the embrace full circle as he rested on his shoulder.
"Tell me about your adventures," he coaxed, letting the right side of his face lean against her forehead. "New armor, new weapons," he sighed against her, and she felt his entire body sink deeper into her. "What were you doing?"
"First I went back to Whiterun to go to Dustman's Cairn with Farkas." She settled in against him, thankful that the day hadn't begun to chill yet. She told him quietly about the word wall and the Silver Hand, conveniently leaving out that her new Shield Siblings were werewolves. Aneira pointed back to the sword she'd left in the dirt with her clothes. "It's forged with steel and silver. Did you know silver is useful against undead?" It felt good to just talk with him again, regaling him with the dragon she and Farkas had taken down together and the bandit camps that she and Lydia had destroyed for the Jarl. Hadvar choked when she told him of Meridia's Beacon, and laughed when she told him of Lydia's mothering. They disentangled themselves and pulled over her sack so she could show him the books she'd found on Restoration and Destruction magic, the Yellow Book of Riddles she wanted to give Dorthe, and the Daedra's luminous white orb. He put the broken piece of amulet that she'd found in Geirmund's Hall around his neck and marveled at his increased energy.
"Between fighting dragons and studying with the Greybeards you still found time to clear out two crypts?" Hadvar joked, handing the amulet back to her. "Where do you get the stamina?"
"My fierce desire to avoid poverty," Aneira quipped back, tucking the necklace back into her pack. "You'd be amazed at how much people will pay for the weapons and armor I find in those tombs and camps. And that doesn't even include the gems, gold, and anything else Lydia and I can carry."
"I still can't wrap my head around it," Hadvar added, sliding one finger across her shoulder to brush a lock of hair. "You're a Thane of Whiterun, a Companion, and the Dragonborn." His index finger lingered on her skin, wrapping the dark strands around it. "How did you accomplish so much in so little time?"
"It's almost impossible to comprehend," she admitted, laying down against him again. "Every time I wake up it seems that another new task is set before me. But lately I'm so eager to face them," she began tentatively, sliding the palm of her hand across his chest. "There's never a dull moment anymore, so every second seems important. Especially ones like this," she pressed her lips to his side and felt him shift. "I'm sorry we haven't had more of them."
"Aye, me too," Hadvar agreed, wrapping his right arm around her shoulders. "But there'll be time for that," he suggested, drawing her closer, "once we get to Solitude." Aneira stiffened, and she was certain the soldier felt it, for he went on in a hurry, "Officially clearing your name shouldn't take long. And I've been thinking," he went on, tilting himself against her so that her face was pressed against his collarbone, "the Legion could really use someone with your abilities. They're always recruiting more healers and battle mages. It gives us a leg up on the Stormcloaks. And that's not even including your ability to shout." She could hear his grin. "That would send the rebels running back to their towns." Aneira felt her throat clench uncomfortably, and she flexed it in an attempt to relax her entire body. "The Nords would stop fighting if their Dragonborn stood up with the Empire-"
"I can't, Hadvar," she interrupted quietly, sighing against him shakily. She'd known that this idea had to be coming. There was no other way for them to stay together. "Whatever lays before me as Dragonborn, there's no chance that I can join the Legion. Not now, maybe not ever."
The clench of his muscles felt like it reverberated through her. "Why?" Hadvar implored after a long moment of silence, remaining still beneath her.
"Because I have to go to Ustengrave, and then back to High Hrothgar, and then who knows where. My path isn't visible or firm for more than one mission at a time. I can't sign up with the Legion and commit myself to them when I have no idea what will be asked of me."
"Aneira, basic training wouldn't take so long. You're already too skilled to be placed with the new recruits-"
"That's not what I'm talking about, Hadvar," Aneira rose, feeling his hand slide from her right shoulder to the ground behind her back. "I know what the Legion would ask. Several weeks of training and assessment, patrols, long term and short term assignments in various locations. And," she tugged on her hair, pulling it back away from her face, "complete obedience to the chain of command. Taking orders without question and being a good soldier, even if you think there is a better way." She pulled her hair over her right shoulder, twisting it in her hands as she turned to face him. "There's no chance of that. Not now, and certainly not after Helgen. I-I can't just forget about what happened."
Hadvar looked ashen, his hands pressing into the ground in agitation. He shook his head, eyes full of pain. "You told me over and over that you forgave me-"
"I did," Aneira reassured him, fully rotating her body until they were nearly chest to chest. She spared no thought for their still nude bodies, desperate to have him understand. "I don't hold anything that happened against you. I'm talking about that Captain, and General Tullius," she added, fingers fisting in the grass. "I don't agree with the Stormcloaks, not by a long shot. But how can I support an army that is throwing away the rights of the citizens they are sworn to protect?" Hadvar's lips thinned, his beautiful blue eyes drifting from hers and clouding with shame. She exhaled in frustration, throwing her hair back over her shoulder. "I can't throw in with either side. Not when I'm just starting to find my way as the Dragonborn." Aneira started to reach out her left hand, seeking the fingers of his right. He twitched slightly at the contact, but she squeezed the digits for a moment as she softly said, "I'm sorry."
Hadvar inhaled deeply, his shoulders rising as he held his breath for a long moment. He looked like he wanted to argue, fighting something that was on the tip of his tongue before letting the air blow past his lips. He returned the light pressure on her fingers, stroking his thumb across the back of her hand as he looked down.
"We both just," Aneira paused, forcing the words out of her mouth like bile, "have duties we can't ignore." He turned to face her again, the frown on his face a blank stare. "I don't know what's coming down the road next, and we can't just- just wait around for each other to find time to come back." He brows arched, the pain returning to his eyes as his expression slowly morphed to dread. "It's not fair, what I've been doing," she went on, staring at their hands and watching his knuckles roll beneath his skin. "Asking you to sit here while I run around the plains on quests. You're a soldier in the Imperial Legion. I shouldn't have expected you to just-"
"This is about my uncle," Hadvar accused, leaning toward her and rolling to his knees. Their hands pressed into the dirt as he leaned on them, putting his face closer to hers.
Aneira didn't respond at first, swallowing thickly before nodding shortly. "Aye, what he said wasn't- wasn't wrong."
"But don't worry about him," Hadvar insisted, reaching up his left hand to cup her right cheek. "He doesn't understand." Aneira looked away, her gaze unfocused on his chest as he protested as she knew he would. Hadvar brought their still clasped hands to his chest, pressing hers against the urgent beat of his heart. "He doesn't understand how I feel about you, Aneira," Hadvar breathed, letting their foreheads come together. "When I'm with you I feel like I can breathe again."
"Hadvar," Aneira choked, feeling his exhalation wave past her cheek. "That's just it. I felt the same way before. The first few times I left Riverwood, all I could think about was how long it would be before I could come back to you again." She pushed against his chest, forcing his body and face away from her as that she could pull them both to their feet. Hadvar stared at her, mouth parted as he breathed heavily. "But now, I-" Aneira pulled away, shaking her head as she took several steps away from him. "I still missed you," she clarified quickly, running both her hands up her neck. She pressed her fingers against curve of her shoulder, tilting her eyes to the sky as she prayed for calm. "But I didn't feel like I would fall apart if I stayed away too long. When I killed that dragon with the soldiers in Whiterun, I felt like I was going out of my mind. If you weren't there, who was going to keep me alive?" Aneira lowered her head, gazing at him pleadingly. "But you weren't there, and that dragon died anyway. And then Farkas and I killed one together, and then I killed another one almost completely on my own." She turned out of habit to her pack, eyeing the gleaming sword that lay in the grass. "It's become a habit now, to keep an eye on the skies." She met his eyes again, hating the despair she saw there. "But it isn't driven by fear. Not anymore."
Hadvar's throat seized again, his fists clenching as he turned dejectedly to look out across the water. "Do you think me a coward, then? You think I'm hiding here, too."
Aneira briefly wondered how often and how badly her soldier and Alvor had swapped words about this, and rushed to reassure him. "No," she marched toward him again, cupping his neck and massaging the tension there. "You are without a doubt one of the bravest men I have ever known. You never stopped fighting in Helgen," she prodded, "and you risked your life to save that little boy." He didn't turn to look at her, sighing and letting his shoulders slouch. "But Hadvar, you haven't tried to live again since Helgen. And Alvor," Aneira cleared her throat, determined to say her piece before her tears started, "Alvor wants what is best for you. And I think-" her mouth dried again, her body fighting arduously to stop her from saying the rest, "that he's right about us. We aren't… aren't good for each other right now."
Hadvar's eyes fell close as she said that, his entire body flagging as if her words were a colossal weight. "You don't-" he started, lips folding over his teeth as he refused to turn away from the water. She wasn't certain what he wanted to say, looking down to notice the way his form shifted in distress.
"It isn't because I don't care about you," she whispered, squeezing her eyes tightly and moving her hand from his neck to his heart again. "I do. When I told you that I'd never felt this way about anyone before, that wasn't a lie!" Aneira opened her eyes again, feeling the water press against the lids. She was momentarily startled to see him looking at her, his eyes similarly clouded. "My feelings didn't change just because my fear faded." She hesitantly brought her left hand up, pressing both palms against the damp flesh of his neck again. "But if we don't go our separate ways, that doubt will always be in my head."
She'd said it. The words crashed against her ears as Hadvar watched her in silence for some time, lifting a single hand to brush away the tears that had leaked down her cheek. He leaned toward her again, hands coming up to grasp her shoulders as he stared at her with a desperate expression. "You don't want that. I know you don't."
Aneira gasped haltingly, pulling back to put her hands on his arms. "Of course I don't," she admitted readily, clenching her fingers across his forearms. "But that isn't what matters. And you can't tell me truthfully that what your Uncle said hasn't grated on you, too."
Hadvar grimaced, his hands clenching and unclenching spastically over her bones while he fought to discredit her claim. She saw it in his eyes, though, that she'd hit the mark. She brought her right hand to his cheek, smoothing her fingers across the flushed skin. Hadvar leaned against her warmth for several seconds before turning his lips into her palm. He pressed a kiss there, eyes shuttering closed as he slid his mouth across her life line.
Aneira let out another shaky breathe, the muscles in her arm just beginning to pull her hand away when Hadvar's hands flew from her shoulders to her face. A single sound of surprise escaped her mouth before he had his lips over hers, his left hand secured behind her head and his right moving across her back. Their nakedness flew back to the forefront of her mind as he pressed himself against her, his body hot and hard while he brought hers up to meet his temperature. The distinct feeling of guilt that she had felt the first time welled up inside of Aneira again, for there was nothing playful or giddy in his kiss this time. He cut his mouth across hers so fiercely she felt her neck tip back from the force, his tongue sliding past her lips before she could even process how to respond. Her hand hung suspended over his shoulder for several seconds before she brought it back to his neck, fingers sliding into his hair as his right hand found her left leg and lifted it, gripping her thigh and tugging her until his hands were all that kept her upright. Hadvar swallowed her pants until she snapped her head to the right, filling her lungs with air as his lips followed the line of her jaw.
She knew she should take that opportunity to tell him to stop, to say that they should both walk away now before things got even more out of hand. But his mouth was warm and insistent on her, his hands in her hair and on her waist fervent, and she couldn't imagine telling him that she didn't want him. After finally telling him the truth, there was no point in lying again.
His lips moved to her neck and she arched her back, pressing against him so that her chest was squashed against his. Hadvar's constant kisses were interrupted as he groaned, his left hand leaving her hair so it could move down the side of her, brushing her breast and working its way between their bodies. Before he could, Aneira tugged down on his neck with her right hand, wrapping her left around his shoulders until he got the message and began to lower them to the ground. He bent his legs until he landed on his knees, her left leg more secured around his as she straightened her spine to slide herself against him and earn another deep sound from him. She let go of him to run her hands down his chest, thumbing over his dark nipples while he buried his mouth against her neck. He paused his movements to simply hold her for a moment, breathing heavily into the slope of her shoulder while with one hand she explored his chest and abdomen and with the other dug her nails carefully down his back. He pressed his hips against her, brushing his hot flesh along the skin of her stomach. Hadvar lined his left arm up against her spine, his hand gripping her neck while he braced them both with his right, lowering them hurriedly to the soft grass. It did not take long for him to set himself against her properly, and she arched up to accept him inside of her with her hands low on his back.
Meeting his movements until she felt ready to combust, Aneira fastened her mouth against the corner of his lip as her body broke and shuddered against him, arms limp and boneless back around his shoulders. Hadvar's movements lost their rhythm as he faltered, the jerk of his body tossing her limbs off of him and to the ground at her head. The force of his body when he collapsed was lighter than before as his elbows dug into the ground near her ribs, keeping the majority of his upper body off her. His head dipped to hers, his pants rushing past her ear as they both caught their breath.
After her heart began to calm again, Hadvar's hands crawled forward, reaching for her fingers and holding them lightly while he laid down against her, turning his nose into the crook of her neck beneath her chin. They lay like that until their breathing was deep and even, chests rising and falling against each other until Aneira almost wanted to fall asleep beneath him. She curled her spine at that moment, and Hadvar lifted his head to gaze into her eyes.
Those blue orbs pierced her searchingly, probing her with a question she could not even understand as he stared down at her. His lids were heavy, his mouth set in a dull frown when she made no response. His lips tightened, and Hadvar released her left hand to brush his knuckles against her cheek. His expression changed to pleading, and her heart ached as she realized that he had been hoping she would change her mind.
Aneira answered with a gentle hand on his cheek, her eyes meeting his steadily with nothing but compassion for him. The slow fall of his eyes from her face told her clearly enough that he'd understood. Digging her elbows into the dirt she pushed herself forward, wrapping her hand around his head and pressing her lips against his cheek. I'm sorry, the kiss said against his skin. This is how it has to be.
Hadvar heard her plain as day, and loathed it just as much as she. Without warning he took his left palm away from the ground to catch her face again, smothering her mouth with his kiss until they both tumbled back to the ground. Aneira grunted at the renewed drive in his body, wrapping her legs around his hips without preamble and holding him tightly against her until her limbs were stiff from the pressure. The desperate, entreating sound that Hadvar made against her chest torn at her heart, but it did not break her resolve.
When they were finally spent and hardly able to move for the exhaustion, Aneira rolled herself to the water, rinsing her skin with Hadvar beside her. After, they stood close to help each other dress with limp fingers and hooded eyes, avoiding further conversation. Looking up, Aneira was momentarily surprised to see that the sun had only moved across a couple hours' worth of sky and that much of the afternoon was left to spend in each other's company. As they wandered slowly back toward the village with weighted hearts, she wasn't certain if that made her grateful or not.
A/N: …. I have never written scenes like that before so… sorry if they were trash. I really can't write the well done and detailed love scenes some writers of capable of doing, so you kind of got the most I can do without blushing too much. Sorry for the delayed update! College is the bane of recreational writing.
Please leave a review with your thoughts!