Title: Third Time is the Charm

Author: Miarae

Summary: It's his last year of high school and Stan thinks an exchange trip would be fun. How do you randomly encounter someone that used to be your best friend? Style.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N:My wrist is getting ultrasound-ed December 6th. I'll have a meeting with the surgeon on December 18th and hopefully I'll get another operation -crosses fingers-

"I need you"

Kyle felt like smacking himself when he'd entered the bus, and his hands were shaking as he reached for the I-pod in his bag. Fingers brushed his notebook and he thought of the letter he'd written to Stan. Why couldn't he have left it at that? Why did he have to add those words? They made the situation seem so much worse. Like he had a crush on his friend, and wanted something more than he could give. Friendship was already so out of reach. Still, he'd left him the letter last night, pressing a soft and desperate kiss to the paper before slipping it between the sheets of Stans bed. He wondered if the other teen would even read it, or if he'd rip the words – and with that, Kyle's heart – apart.

Things had stayed silent. One day, two. He had called the house one time, wanting to talk to Randy who had told him to keep in touch. Stan had picked up, and Kyle had felt that familiar tug on his heart. He had hung up, before screaming into his pillow. Why couldn't he just give up hoping? No doubt Stan had read the letter by now. Didn't the silence tell him all he needed to know? He had to let go of him...

But he couldn't.

Stan put down the letter, carefully folding it before putting it in his drawer. The paper was getting thin, the words at the edges fading where he'd held it. He knew the words by heart now, having read it over and over when he couldn't sleep at night. Was it stupid to feel lonely now that Kyle had left? He'd missed seeing him, knowing that he'd be there whenever he came home. Even when they didn't talk, Stan had seen and felt him look. Now that he wasn't there anymore, he knew exactly what he should have said...should have done. Was it really too late now? There was so much he wanted to say, especially when Kyle had called the house. Somehow he'd known that it was his friend, and that both scared and comforted him. He'd wanted to e-mail him, or send a letter, but every time he tried the words wouldn't come. He wanted to say he understood, that he needed him too, because it was true. He missed talking to him, sharing his thoughts and secrets. He missed having that special connection with someone, the knowledge that in the entire world there was always one person who understood.

No matter what happened.

Did that mean though, that Kyle would understand his silence? The internal struggle between what was good and what felt right? Would his friend forgive him for the harsh words before he could ask for it?

How to go from here? He had to adress it somehow. It was too much of a risk to pretend that nothing had happened. Why was it that now, more than ever, he realized that there was no Stan without Kyle?

Kyle,

I know that I'm probably not the person you want to hear from right now, but there is something that I need to ask. A favor, if you will. I've been jealous of you for a long time. And even now, when part of me pities you...I'm still jealous. Because you are all he thinks about. You are all he has thought about for a long time. Whenever we got drunk..it was always "I don't understand? Why didn't he want to be my friend anymore?" Do you have any idea how hard that was? To listen to your best friend, to the one person you'd give your life for...and to hear him talk about someone else that way? I never thought, not in a million years, that I'd become his best friend one day. And maybe I've never been his best friend, because...you've always been there, even after you moved away.

Somehow, by sheer chance, I made it in. For a messed up kid, from a family that never showed love, that meant the world to me. But I've always been disappointed, because Stan couldn't give me what he gave you. I gave everything I had to give, my love, friendship, devotion. I was there all the times he broke up with Wendy. I was there when he first got drunk. When he first slept with her. I was there all those times..and still I couldn't be enough. He'd never say anything, because he isn't like that. He's a good guy. Just a little stupid sometimes. He thinks I don't notice the way he talks about you. He thinks that I didn't see how much those past weeks hurt him. But I was a best friend once, and I did. Of course I did.


So that leaves me with no other choice. I have to send this letter, even though part of me wants to rip it into tiny little shreds and burn it. I have to, because even if I'm not Stans best friend, he is mine. I love him like a brother, and I know what makes him happy. You do. Take care of him, Kyle, the way you would have in the old days.

Your friend,

-Kenny