Giant thanks to my betas Paige and Caroline! Any mistakes are my own!
"And so it is just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is the colder water
The Blower's daughter
The pupil in denial.
I can't take my eyes off you.
I can't take my eyes off you.
I can't take my eyes…"
-Damien Rice-
BPOV:
As I explain the whole debacle to Emmett, I can't help but feel foolish and paranoid. While the whole story sounds almost invented, I can't ignore the feeling in my gut that screams at me something's not right. Emmett listens with a face void of judgement before he sits on the bed beside me, wraps his arms around my shoulder in a friendly gesture, and tries to console me.
"I can text Edward if you want," he quietly suggests as he pulls out his phone. "I know you two are close."
I glance at my phone, sitting face up on the mattress and reach to tap on the screen to see if I've received any messages or calls from Edward. Another feeling of dread overcomes me as I think about him. I can't help but fear he's beginning to move on from our arrangement. We never made any sort of promise to each other, and he has no ties to me, so I suppose he has every right to move on if he chooses. When we first got involved, I never knew it would feel this way to see him act so detached. Hell, I was originally thankful for his non-committal attitude, enjoying the freedom it gave me to focus on my career. Now it just feels lousy. I keep telling myself I don't want a relationship, but part of me is hoping he'll wise up and make a move because I know I'd say yes. Geez, I run just as hot and cold as he does. Perhaps that's why we would be so good together.
He hasn't tried to reach out to me at all. I frown and quickly look away from my phone, not wanting to dwell on it too long. We would be disastrous together. We're just too similar, I suppose. We're both so focused on ourselves that we don't seem to have room for another person in our lives. I understood that from the beginning, and I understand it all too well now.
Emmett is phoning Edward before I can stop him and tell him that it's no use. Even if Edward did answer, I'm not sure I'd want him coming over here at a time like this. Emmett frowns as the call goes to voicemail and sets his phone down with a sigh.
Edward won't answer him either… he must be busy. My stomach twists in an uncomfortable knot and my eyes fill with frustrated tears that I cannot help. Today has been a complete and utter disaster and I just want to crawl under the covers and sob.
Startled by a loud knock on my hotel door, I blink back tears before putting on a brave face. Emmett gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before going to answer it. Although I know what lies behind the door, my heart beats rapidly in my chest, my overactive imagination jumping to the worst possible scenario. One of the downsides about being a creative person is the artful nightmares my mind can create. My mind is filled with images from different scenarios, imagining that the knock is malicious and coming from the stranger who left me the eerie note. However, the logical side of me remembers that Emmett called for security as soon as he arrived and saw the look on my aghast face.
In a sleep-deprived and anxiety filled haze, I answer the hotel security's questions to the best of my ability. I show them the card and the gift, before insisting they check the security tapes and allow me to switch rooms. They're more than accommodating. I don't know if it's because they're being courteous after one of their guests was targeted, or if they're aware of my new Hollywood status and don't want the hotel's name to be smeared in the press. As if I would do that. The thought of me ever talking to the press out of my own free will is laughable.
"We'll keep an eye out, Miss," the older of the two security guards assures me before leaving the room to make arrangements for me to inconspicuously switch rooms.
"Are you sure you don't want to move to a different hotel?" Emmett asks incredulously as soon as the men leave.
I shake my head before rubbing the tense muscles of my weary face. "I'm too tired to do that tonight. Besides, we don't know how bad the situation truly is."
Just as I finish speaking, I feel my phone vibrate against my thigh and my heart palpitates in my chest as I wonder if Edward is finally reaching out to me. I flip my phone over so I can view the screen and see a message from the one man I can't get off my mind. The message is short, with multiple misspellings, as if it were typed frantically. All it asks is, 'Are you okay? I saw you called me a few times.'. His message is underwhelming to say the least.
"What is it?" Emmett asks, perhaps confused by the contemplative look on my face.
"Edward finally checked his phone," I say, my voice monotone as I stare at his words on the screen.
"I swear, I never understand why Edward bothers with a phone when he never freaking uses it," Emmett says with a light chuckle, trying to lighten the mood in the hotel room. "Want to get your stuff together, so we'll be ready when security comes back? There's still time to just switch hotels, you know? I'm sure everyone would be more than understanding."
"I don't want to deal with the hassle," I reiterate as I get my things together.
Emmett gives me an understanding nod and a friendly smile, allowing me to get my belongings together in a comfortable silence. I look up at him every now and then, and smile as I watch him admire himself in the hotel mirror. Despite everything going on, I can take time to appreciate the friend I have in Emmett. I'm an only child, but I always wanted a sibling. Emmett feels like the older brother I never had. He's kind, funny, and protective of me. He teases me the way many older brothers do. He also provides such a calming presence during any given situation. It's wonderful to have a loyal friend like him in this business.
My thoughts are geared back to the present as a loud banging on the door causes me to jolt off the ground in fear. Why on Earth would security think it wise to bang like that? Especially considering how delicate this situation is. Emmett seems to disapprove as well, as he rushes toward the door with a frown on his face. I stay back, not knowing what to expect, as I watch Emmett swing the hotel door open. I fear for the worst, but expect to see the two security guards from earlier. That's why I'm completely taken aback when I see Edward standing in front of the door. He tenses as he looks at Emmett, and shoots me a confused look before pushing his way into the room.
"What's the matter?" Edward asks as he comes to stand inches away from me. "You both called me at least a half dozen times."
Without saying anything to him, I retrieve the box of roses from the trash and grab the note, giving them both to Edward to mull over. His brows knit together in confusion, as he looks into the box, before reading the note. I can see exactly what line he's on in the fan letter based on the expression on his face. His attractive features go from confused, to startled, to livid in a matter of seconds as his eyes descend down the page.
He gives me a curious look, his eyes burning with anger and revulsion. "It was left in front of the door to my room," I quickly supply.
"That's fucked up," he says to himself in a gruff voice, before reading the letter once more. "Did you call the police?"
"No," I say with an awkward laugh, that comes out more like a weez. "I didn't know if it was truly malicious or not. Besides, what could the police really do? No crime has been committed. The letter was just… unsettling. We talked to security and I'm going to switch rooms."
"That's it?" Edward asks incredulously. "How do you know whoever left you this isn't going to know you're switching rooms? If he found out which room you were staying in before, how do you know he won't be able to find out again?"
I pause for a moment, because Edward's logic is making me anxious. He's right, but I just don't want to think about someone stalking me around the hotel. This whole gift could amount to nothing...but what if it's more than that. What if the giver did have malicious intent? The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Edward must sense my distress, because he stiffens by my side.
"I thought we should switch to a different hotel," Emmett explains to Edward, who is too busy staring at me to notice him.
"I don't think that's necessary," I say with a flush.
"Well, if you don't want to switch to a different hotel, you're going to stay with me," Edward states, not leaving the topic open for discussion.
"Edward, I'm not sure if that's necessary…" I trail off, not too eager to spend the night with him after he was out doing god knows what.
"It is necessary, Bella!" Edward spits out, before throwing the box back into the trash. "If some freak is somewhere in this hotel watching you, you'll be the safest with me. People like that don't normally mess with their target when there are other people around. They want you alone and vulnerable," Edward says with certainty.
I shrug noncommittally before looking to Emmett, to see if he shares Edward's opinion. Before my heart was involved, I would have jumped at the opportunity to spend the night with Edward, but now that my feelings are too hard to ignore, each second I'm around him gets more and more difficult.
"It's not a bad idea," Emmett finally says.
I'm sure Emmett must know what's been going on between Edward and I. I've never mentioned anything about it to him, because I wanted to keep things as professional as possible despite the affair. However, I know Emmett's a smart man, and I know he isn't blind to what's been going on under everyone's noses. I'm resigned by the time my eyes return to Edward. I suppose I can get through one more night with him, as long as I don't do something foolish like embarrassing myself by telling him everything I feel. It's so incredibly ironic because I've thrown scripts in the trash-during my more selective days of course-because the heroine acted just as foolishly when it came to admitting her feelings as I am acting now.
"I'll switch rooms just in case," Edward says decidedly. "We'll find out who's doing this-I promise."
As much as I want to believe Edward, my gut tells me that his promise is destined to become an empty one.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Edward insisted that I wait in his room while the hotel staff finds us better accommodations. Emmett returned to his room, after vehemently promising to keep his phone at his bedside with the sound and vibrations on, just in case there was an emergency. I thanked him profusely for comforting me when I needed him, and hoped that I wouldn't have to make a similar call anytime soon.
"Do you want a drink while we wait?" Edward asks, as he steps over the piles of his clothes thrown haphazardly on the ground.
"No, I'm good," I answer, afraid that I've had enough already. If there was some sort of emergency, I wouldn't want to be too impaired to defend myself.
Edward runs a hand through his unruly hair, before rubbing his chin as he stares at the contents of the minibar. "You like tea, right?"
I give him a small smile and nod, happy that he remembered such a small detail about me. He walks to the kitchen and begins to heat up some water, before grabbing two bags of complimentary tea. It's then that I take a look around, noticing how much grander his room is compared to mine. It's comparable to an apartment and isn't like any hotel room I've seen. Hell, this room might be bigger than my current apparent.
As soon as Edward begins to pour two cups of Earl Grey, there is a polite tapping on the door. I stand to get it, assuming that it's the hotel security and staff here to usher us to our new room, but Edward beats me to it and gestures for me to sit back down as he walks to answer the door.
Just as I suspected, there's a member of the hotel staff with two security guards waiting for us outside the door. I emit a sigh of relief, knowing that this means I'll be in a warm, safe bed soon. After the tumultuous day I've had, I just want some rest. Edward talks to them for a moment, before closing the door and quickly gathering his things.
Before I can stop myself, I tell him, "Thanks for doing this. That gift shook me up more than I cared to admit and I don't know how I would've done in a hotel room all by myself." The words fly out of my mouth before I really know what I'm saying.
Edward ceases packing for a moment to give me a small, comforting smile. "Of course. After seeing that creepy note, I wasn't about to let you spend the night all by yourself."
"Sorry I interrupted you earlier. I just didn't know who else to call."
"No, I'm glad you called. I would stop whatever I was doing if you needed me. I can't have my favorite starlet dealing with a creep, can I?"
Part of me warms to the idea of Edward leaving whatever he was doing behind to come to me. However, his usual heedless and teasing attitude brings me back to our reality together. I know he's just trying to lighten the dreary mood, but I wish he wouldn't feel the need to joke after an emotional declaration. Every time he says something that hints at him having feelings for me, he switches gears and becomes facetious, as if he was trying to hide behind a playful attitude to avoid exhibiting his feelings. As frustrating as it is, I suppose I can't complain, considering I'm hiding my feelings as well, hoping that he'll say something so I don't have to be the courageous one. Although, I know fear isn't the only thing that's kept my mouth shut on the subject. The truth is, I barely understand myself.
One moment, I want to be committed to him, and the next moment I want to be alone so I can focus on myself. I suppose I just want to know he feels the same way about me that I do about him, even though I'm not sure whether I want a relationship at this point. I wonder if he's having the same struggle. I suppose he is. I can see so many emotions cross his face when he speaks to me, and I can see the struggle behind his eyes as he tries desperately to keep them in check. I worry that if we express our feelings, we won't be able to just go on with our lives, we would have to be together. If they go unsaid, we can both pretend that they just aren't there. Perhaps this method is for the best. Our careers have finally taken off so why squander that by focusing on a relationship that might not work out?
As Edward finishes getting his things together and we follow the hotel staff to our new room on a different floor, I decide I'll make the most of my night with him. I can't afford a relationship right now and neither can he, so I just want to focus on something good, like the feeling of his naked body thrusting into mine. I've seen the way he looks at other women. I know how important his career is to him and I know that he doesn't want me for anything other than friendship at the moment. He's a brilliant man and more talented than he gives himself credit for. I don't want to hold him back in anyway. Besides, I would love more than anything to get the chance to work with him again. That being said, I want to make sure we part on good terms.
"You're quiet tonight," Edward comments as soon as we arrive safely at our new hotel suite.
I shrug my shoulders and smile, feeling more confident, all a sudden, than I have all week. "Now that this crazy promotional tour is over, the exhaustion is finally setting in."
"I know what you mean," Edward chuckles. "Now that the stress I've been feeling this entire time has been alleviated, I don't know what to do with myself."
"Well, I guess you can focus your energy on other endeavors," I say suggestively, before quickly adding, "I was thinking about taking a bath. I just need to relax after all that madness."
Edward's eyes rake leisurely over my body, as he says, "Why don't you run the bath and I'll make us something to drink?"
I smile at the idea and try to push any feelings of melancholy aside, as I decide that this is my last night with him. I can't have meaningless sex with him anymore. I can't pretend that my feelings aren't there for another day. Despite how I feel about him, I know the timing isn't right. Perhaps one day we'll be able to find each other again and everything will fall into place, but that time isn't now.
As Edward raids the mini bar, I go to the bathroom. Leaving the door wide open, I strip down to my birthday suit and start the bath. I can feel Edward's eyes on my naked body and I smile, knowing that I'll miss this. Tonight, I will pretend that he loves me, and that he's mine, and tomorrow I will wake up and move on with my life. As soon as the water is hot, I allow the tub to fill, slipping inside and smiling as I feel the warm water rise around me, soothing my aching muscles and calming my weary mind. Edward comes in buck naked with a drink in both hands. I grin as I see that he's already hard and sit forward in the tub to give him room to slide in behind me. He rests the drinks on the tub's edge, before sliding in behind me. I giggle as his throbbing cock almost hits me in the face in the process.
I sigh, as I lean back and rest my head on his chest, enjoying the feel of his erection poking my lower back. I reach for our vodka tonics, handing Edward his before taking a long sip from mine. I feel Edward's soft breath against my hair and close my eyes, enjoying the sensation for what might be the last time.
"So, what are your plans now that this movie is over?" I casually ask as I sip on my drink.
I feel Edward shrug against me. "I'm going to keep pushing myself. I feel like when you receive this kind of success so soon, you either live up to people's expectations or become a one hit wonder," Edward says with a soft chuckle.
I turn to look at him, enjoying the way his eyes brighten as he sees my soft smile. "You'll live up to everyone's expectations, Edward. I just know it."
He looks at me for a long time, before he smiles. He puts his drink down before doing the same with mine, and then he kisses me, long and passionately. He runs his fingers through my wet hair and pulls my body firmly against his. I want to make love to him all night, and I'll cherish the feeling forever. As I move forward with my life, this will give me something to keep in my heart forever.
Edward breaks the kiss to softly say, "You'll live up to everyone's expectations too. You're so talented, Bella. This is only the beginning for you."
I barely get a chance to smile before Edward brings his lips back to mine, kissing me until I forget everything else. He runs his hands over my body and kisses every inch of my skin he can reach. I gasp for air, never wanting this moment to end, as he positions me over his throbbing cock. I kiss him with all the passion that I can muster, wanting him to feel the words that I don't dare speak out loud. As I lower myself onto him, enjoying the delicious feeling of being stretched to the point that it's almost painful, I almost break and speak my mind. Thankfully, Edward kisses me with such passion that I forget my train of thought.
We make love all night, stopping only a few times to get another drink, too busy enjoying each other's bodies to do much else. There's this unspoken truth in the air that neither of us acknowledge. I commit every kiss, every thrust, every orgasm to memory. I keep my eyes on him all night, fearing that I would miss something in his gaze if I looked away. After he brings me to my fifth orgasm of the evening, we lay in each other's arms, listening to the sound of the rain outside, hitting the windows as we drift to sleep.
The next morning, I wake up wrapped in Edward's arms, covered in a sheen of sweat after being wrapped around him all night. Instead of feeling sad, I feel resigned, knowing that I'm doing what is best for both of us. I can't go on sleeping with him under these circumstances, and I know that this is the time for both of us to focus on ourselves and flourish. This is the time to be selfish, despite what my heart might say.
Neither of us says goodbye as we leave the hotel and go back to our everyday lives. We'll stay in touch in one way or another, I'm sure. Things will be different, but things need to change. On the way back home, I don't shed a tear, and instead focus my energy on what lies ahead. I have a whole future to look forward to, and so does Edward. I gaze outside the taxi's window at the familiar city I've only just begun to call home. LA is buzzing with people like usual, but instead of people watching, I keep my eyes on the various billboards we pass. My heart skips a beat as I see one which reads in huge, red letters They Come at Night. I stare at the picture of me as if it was a girl I'd never seen before. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that my face is on display for the whole city to see.
Tears fill my eyes and I laugh in disbelief. I made it!
A/N: Before anyone totally flames me, they were broken up at the beginning of the story… so it had to happen sometime. Bella's young and wants to focus on herself.
Song- "The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice.
**Fun Horror Fact- During the scene in The Evil Dead where Ash is about to cut up his girlfriend with a chainsaw, Bruce Campbell actually had to use a real chainsaw and hold it up to the actress's chest. You can see on the close-up of Linda's neck that her pulse is racing.**
Is anyone watching American Horror Story this season? The first episode was great! But perhaps I had low expectations for it after last season haha.