UNDYING PIE 2
Everybody's favourite disclaimer goes here.
Let's skiddoodle on.
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ArcBus sat in her room at the Rainbow Saucer, typing this very sentance up on her laptop.
She leaned over to the side, and cracked open a can of diet coke. With great difficulty, might she add.
It tasted inferior to Pepsi Max. But it was the only carbonated soft drink left in her mighty... Saucer.
Anyway, ArcBus began to wonder how to end the second Undying Pie, as she had a rather good idea for the third one. And so, after sipping what tasted like some kind of icky plain old crappy soda water with a HINT of sugary cola flavoured stuff, she ended up thickening her plot with ridiculous mishaps, making jolly good fun of society and the like using Mr. Nomura's characters!
CHAPTER ELEVEN - BUT I DYE GRASS...
"Welcome back!"
Axel and Roxas were assigned the task of looking after Aeris at the 7th Heaven, whilst the others went to see Reeve at his workplace to see to the progress of UltraFan's recofiguration. Yeah.
After Aeris woke up on the counter (which seemed to be where most of the people who woke up at the 7th Heaven woke up, ne?), she looked at the two of them quizically.
"Huh? I'm back at the 7th Heaven..." She said, before recognizing Roxas. "Hey, you're from the WalMart! Anonymous Blonde Boy!"
"...Roxas." He said.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Roxas."
"Excuse me?"
"Roxas."
"Pardon?"
"Roxas."
Aeris looked at Axel. She already knew his name. Hell, she already KNEW him! EVERYONE knows Axel. He's legendary. Lots of people - perhaps too many people - know and love Axel. Probably because he's so much like Reno. But still! Booyah.
"Axel. That's a funny word he's saying."
Axel laughed, and started squeezing Roxas like he was a plushie. (cough)sexplushie(cough).
"That's his name! This is Roxas!"
"Ah! Roxas! Roku! As in, AkuRoku, right!?"
"Yeah!"
Roxas mumbled something about 'those Goddamn yaoi fans' under his breath, before Axel put him down.
"So, Aeris, we've got some time to kill until the others come back from whatever they're doing. Which probably isn't what they're supposed to be. They're probably off on a random adventure running errands for someone who might have vital information on how to obtain their objective. Like in every RPG EVER... Anyway... What do you want to do?" Axel asked promptly.
Aeris thought for a little while.
"Hmmm... I'm not sure..." She said, putting her finger to her chin thoughtfully.
"Axel." Roxas said, nudging him in the arm. "You need to return to the Castle... To, you know..."
"I know what?" Axel asked, not quite catching on.
"Get your 'special medicine'." He replied, highlighting the 'special medicine' part with his fingers in an inverted comma movement. You know what I mean.
"Ohhhhh..."
There was a long pause as he caught on, before Axel opened up a random swirly black portal and disappeared.
"I'll be back soon!"
Roxas glanced up at Aeris. Once again, he was stood with a woman over the age of twenty that he was of an inappropriate height to be stood next to. His eye level was, indeed, right at her rack!
"Umm... So, Aeris." He said, trying to ignore the aformentioned irritation, and trying to speak to her without the unease of it. However, he seemed to be met with a very, VERY odd smile from her.
And then...
...THEN...
Aeris let out the loudest 'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW' in the history of this fic!
To which Roxas backed off, slightly scared. Well, actually, pretty damn scared! Aeris began approaching him as he did so.
"You. Are. Soooo. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!" She squealed. "You look just like a little chibi Cloud!!!!!"
"I do?" He said, cocking an eyebrow and then looking in a random compact mirror that he just happened to carry around with him. "... ... ...I DO!!!!!"
"Awwww! Well now!!" Aeris said, in a swooning old lady manner. "Let's go out somewhere, and we can link arms, just like Cloud and I do all the time!"
And so, she pulled him in close, and paraded out with him at her side, his arm linked in hers, and his head... In an inappropriate position.
"Aaaaa!!" He pined quitely. "M-Memories... ... ...A-All flooding back! F-F-First meeting with Larxene!!!! Gaaaaah!!!!!!!"
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So, Aeris began on her trip around the accursed Midgar with little Roxas at her side. Soon, the two of them reached the Wall Market.
Yes, I realise at this stage it is difficult to know whether I've slipped up with a typing error and confused you. So. I mean the Wall Market in Midgar, in the slums, the CRAZY place with all the crazy pervy people. Not the obscure shopping outlet that Cloud owns in this story.
"OOOH! OOOOOH! Roxas!!" Aeris yelled, pulling him towards the nearby dress shop window. "You would look SO cute in this little dress!!!!"
"Ummm... Thanks, but no thanks." Roxas said. "Been there. Done that. Never going back."
"Oh, not just a cute little pair of doll shoes to match your cute little coat you're wearing?" She enquired hopefully.
He shook his head in negation. "We already tried doll shoes with our cloaks. They look awful."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh... Well, how about a little ribbon in your hair?"
"No! NO! NOOO! Not the ribbons! PLEASE NO!!"
Aeris paused.
"Well..." She said. "If I can't dress you up, what can we do?"
"Umm... Well... I like brooding music..." Roxas decided. "Let's go to that HMV over there!"
"Where?" Aeris asked, since she had never seen a HMV in Midgar before. Not even a little dog with his head in a something-o-phone!
But, sure enough, there was a small one on the Wall Market, just next to the Honeybee Inn. So, they went inside.
Inside there was loud music playing and very colourful lights in the darkness, and rows upon rows of CDs, DVDs and the like. It was just like a HMV!
...Which it actually happened to be. Yay!
If you've never been in a HMV before, it's basically like a rave, but you can buy CDs and DVDs there. And there's hardly ANYONE raving.
Roxas went straight for the CDs that were labled 'Rock', and scoured for his depressing music. Aeris followed.
Soon, he felt her tap on his shoulder.
"Roxas!!" Aeris said, just as he found the Evanescence section. "Look!!"
He looked in the direction she had referred him to.
And there, bopping along (or what you might want to call dancing BADLY) with a set of headphones that were attached to the music player on the wall on, was Axel.
As they walked up to him, they realised he was singing along to the music. Badly.
"THIS AIN'T A CITY - IT'S A GOLF DARE ARSE FACE! THIS AIN'T A SEA - IT'S A GOLF DARE ARSE FACE! THIS AIN'T A CITY - IT'S A GOLF DARE ARSE FACE! I'M NOT SURE I'LL FLY ON, BUT I DYE GRAASSSSS!!!!!"
Roxas looked over at Aeris, who had a massive sweatdrop.
"You think this is bad..." He said. "You should have seen his attempt at 'Numa Numa'."
"I'M THE LEADING MAAAAN..."
At that very second, the wall on the far side of the store EXPLODED, and from the rubble, out ran Balthier. Yes. That DASHING SKY PIRATE dude from FF12.
"WHO SAID THE'YRE THE LEADING MAN!?" He roared, flinging his gun about. "IIIII'M THE LEADING MAN!!!!!!!"
He was shortly followed by Fran, who whacked him over the head with a metal bar, and then dragged him out by the hole they had left in the wall.
"Please excuse us..." She said, before they were both out of sight, and out of their cameo time.
"AND I'M ALSO EVIL - ALSO INTO CAAATS! ALSO INTO CAAAAAAAAAAATS!!!" Axel continued to sing, before he spotted the other two. He took his headphones off. "Oh, hey guys! Fall Out Boy's new album! Isn't it AWESOME!!?"
"Did you get your 'special medicine'?" Roxas asked, doing the finger gestures again.
"Nope!" Axel replied. "This place distracted me!"
Roxas sighed. "I'll go get it for you."
And then, he disappeared in a random crazy swirling portal.
"Aeris!!!" Axel said perkily.
"Wow, for someone without a heart... I think..." Aeris said, having to check back a little on that. "...You're kinda happy."
"Well, I guess!" Axel giggled oddly, making Aeris wonder if this behaviour was what his 'special medicine' was to prevent. "Hey, so, what do you want to do?"
"Roxas asked me that. And I wanted to dress him up, but he wouldn't let me." She replied. "So, since I don't really want to do much, we should just head back to the 7th Heaven."
"Urrr... Okay..."
And with that pointless excercise out of the way, we return to...
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...The 7th Heaven!
No one else was back yet, so Axel and Aeris were just stood on the top of the 7th Heaven, near where the angel is in AC, since the world was kinda warped so the 7th Heaven was part of the way between the FFVII one and the AC one. Odd, I know.
They were eating Butterfingers, and awaiting Roxas's return.
"Hey! This Butterfinger! It's really buttery!" Axel said, ripping off his scene with Roxas in KH2FM.
"Yeaah..." Aeris said slowly.
And so, they waited, and they discussed random things like pie and baked goods. Because Aeris really hasn't brought that up lately.
Soon, Roxas appeared, and handed Axel a packet of some kind of medication.
"Hey, question!" He said. "Do Saïx's hips lie?"
"No." Axel replied promptly.
"HA!" Roxas said in a cocky manner, putting his hands on his hips victoriously. "Xigbar owes me 200 munny!! HA HA!!"
"Oh?" He enquired, wondering what had gone on back home at their Castle. "What's been happening?"
"I didn't catch up much. All I know is there's some kind of alcohol related karaoke going on, and Demyx is Fagalicious."
"Surely you mean 'Fergalious'?" Aeris asked.
"No. Fagalicious."
"...What do you mean by 'Fagalicious'?"
"You don't want to know." Roxas said, accompanied by a sharp nod of confirmation from Axel. "Trust me."
"Alright." Aeris said.
And then, THEN...
...The air went cold...
...The sky went darker than it was already (since the slums were kinda Edge now, and they could see the sky. DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT SCENERY COMPLICATIONS!!!!)...
...And the three of them froze.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
There were BOOMING noises.
Numerous dark shadows began to appear over the 7th Heaven.
And...
...As they turned around...
...They saw four huge fearsome nightmarish monsters towering over them. But, they hadn't seemed to have wrecked anything in their paths. Yes, that's the first oddity I must point out. Because... With insertion of drum roll here... The four monsters were made of DARKNESS - and NOTHING else - and therefore were GLOOMY and BROODY and MEAN (but looked really furry!). One was a giant furry (well, feathery) BIRD of DARKNESS. One was a giant furry WOLF of DARKNESS. One was a giant furry PANDA of DARKNESS, and the final and giant furry OCTOPUS of DARKNESS. Insert self-created scary noises here, if you wish.
They didn't roar. Nor did the three on the rooftop look at all scared of them.
Oddly enough.
"Urrrmm... Hey..." The wolf said in a very sad tone. "We're here to kill AVALANCHE, and bring someone named 'Aeris' to Cloud. He sent us."
"I'm Aeris." Aeris (well, who ELSE!?) said. "Does Cloud want me back? Ahhh..."
"NO! WAIT! You CAN'T take Aeris!" Roxas said, remembering his clear orders from Tifa and Sephiroth to make sure Aeris was safe.
"It's not like we have a choice!" The bird whined.
"You all look so sad!" Aeris said in a worried tone.
"We are! We're really sad fragments of darkness!" The panda said.
"How can fragments of darkness be sad?" Roxas asked, kinda being able to answer his own question there since he was a Nobody and all. But, his question went ignored...
Axel thought for a little while on this subject, before snapping his fingers.
"Hey, if we cheer you up, will you not take Aeris?"
"No..." The octopus said, scratching the back of his head with a TENTACLE of DARKNESS. "We kinda REALLY need to take her..."
"Awww, hey, c'mon!!" He said happily, before jumping around to the tune of 'Shiny Happy People' that suddenly started playing in the background, and then singing along. "FURRY HAPPY MONSTERS LAUGHIN--"
"AXEL!!!!" Roxas snapped, cutting off Axel's singing and the music. "THIS ISN'T A MUSICAL!!!! Take your medicine and STOP BEING JUMPY!!!!!!"
"Okay..." Axel said shyly. "Oh, I'd do ANYTHING for YOU, Roxas!!"
Roxas rolled his eyes, and turned back to Aeris.
"It's okay. I need to go to Cloud anyway." Aeris said, walking towards the MONSTERS of DARKNESS.
And so, the MONSTERS of DARKNESS (capitals are for effect, EFFECT DAMMIT!!!) took Aeris off.
Axel and Roxas remained silent, as everything went slightly brighter, and the sky cleared up slightly, after they had left. They then exchanged glances.
"We screwed up." Axel said.
"Big time." Roxas added.
"We screwed up big time."
"That we did."
And then, there was a long, LONG pause.
"... ... ..."
"... ... ..."
"...So, now we're alone and all..." Axel began.
"NO."
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Now, Cloud, a few chapters ago, said he would kill himself when he felt emo enough.
The only thing stopping him when he actually DID feel emo enough was that he was already dead! He was just a spirit body! Like an Unsent!
So, now he was even more depressed!
"Awww..." He whined, whilst sitting in his big chair in a big room of his mansion, holding his big sword at his side (yes people, he IS compensating). "My plan is RUINED! I'm a terrible bad guy! It's all Square's fault for making me good in the first place!!! Argh... The only thing that could make me happy now is... Aeris!"
And then, just like that, through the magic of the depressed FRAGMENTS of DARKNESS known as the MONSTERS of DARKNESS, Aeris popped through the ceiling.
"AERIS!" Cloud squealed with excitement.
"Oh, Cloud! Hello there!" She said, waving.
"AERIS! AERIS! AERIS!!!!" He cried, almost hyperventalating.
"...CLOUD! CLOUD! CLOUD!!!!" She immitated.
And then, Cloud began to walk in dramatic slow motion towards her, as wonderful music began to swell in the background, and...
BASS IT!
Yeah, the big scary monsters were supposed to have more of a random plot there... Axel was supposed to sing ALL of the Furry-Happy-Monsters song. YAY MUPPETS!
ANYHOO! Question time! And I've gotten LOTS of questions!
The Third Demi-God:
1. Shouldn't Vexen be in the League of Extraordinary Scientists?
ArcBus: Well, that will be explained in UP3 (yes, there's really going to be a third!!!). It's not like, you know, he's not gonna be in the fic... Because, you know, I'm, uuhhh... I'm not holding him captive as my man-bitch at the Rainbow Saucer or anything! (shifty eyes) ...Or, you know, forcing him to make constant yaoi with Demyx... Because, you know, I'm not a pervy yaoi fan or anything...
2. And doesn't Hojo try to get a tan in his labcoat? A Hojo in speedos is even scarier than a regular Hojo.
ArcBus: Of course it's scarier. UP is designed to twist and frighten in a humourous way. So Hojo wears speedos. YEAH-YEAH! xD
3. Can I get directions to the Bishounen Store?
ArcBus: Find Silent Street in Edge. Go down; on the first fork turn right. It's down there. But hurry, because it won't be there for very long!
1wngdngl:
1. First, where is Odine from? I /know/ I've heard of him before...
ArcBus: Odine is the scientist that lives in Esthar in Final Fantasy 8.
2. Second, was it you who originally came up with Hoj-o's?
ArcBus: For the record and disclaimer, no, I didn't. But I really, really, REALLY wish I had some Hoj-Os... Or some Ichig-Os... Preferably the latter!
Soultail Omega-Light:
ArcBus: To answer both questions (How do you get the Lilo and Stitch scientist; How do you make Hojo an emo?)... SIMPLE! The power of IMAGINATION, of course! xD
Tishannia: Why do you like questions so much?
ArcBus: Because I like giving answers!
PhoenixHelix: (I've already said, yes, you are soon to be in the next chapter! xD)
CRAPTASTIC AVENGER (How the HECK did you come up with that name!?):
1. Why did you choose Wal-Mart. Are you aware that Wal-Mart is controlled by aliens?
ArcBus: (points accusingly at 1wngdngl)
2. Which freak from Half-Life?
ArcBus: ...Is that the wrong game!? NOES!!!
3. And who in the world is Professor Weetos?
ArcBus: Professor Weetos is the guy who makes Weetos. Like Coco Monkey makes Coco Pops, Tony the Tiger makes Frosties, and Gay Bird makes Gay Cheerios, better known as Froot Loops.
SO, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, GAAIIIZZZ!
I luffles you all, keep reviewing, and prepare for the final chapter of UP2!
ARCY OUT!!